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Episode Transcript: SpongeBob Meets the Strangler

2015-08-20T04:26:23Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

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Episode Article: [[SpongeBob Meets the Strangler]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[TattleTale Strangler]]
*[[Police]]
*Tough Guys
*[[Larry the Lobster]]
*Party Guests

==Dialogue==

(first scene at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is waiting to punch his card in)

[[SpongeBob]]: Wait for it... (the clock hand almost ticks to 8:00, but stops, then goes again. When it strikes 8:00, SpongeBob punches in then jumps in the air. The scene pauses him in mid-air) 

''Voice: On Time Percentage: 100%.'' (the scene starts again. Squidward walks up to the time clock) 

Squidward: Another day, another migraine. Heh, heh, mi-- (scene pauses again) 

''Voice: On Time Percentage: 12%.'' (the screen un-pauses) 

Squidward: --graine. Heh, heh, heh. 

SpongeBob: Ahh, isn't it great working at the Krusty Krab, Squidward? Huh? Isn't it? Working here? 

Squidward: Yeah, great. 

SpongeBob: Yeah. 

Squidward: Yeah. 

SpongeBob: Aww, yeah. 

Squidward: (getting annoyed) Yes... 

SpongeBob: Hold that thought, Squidward. I'm doing the parking lot for early morning litter patrol. May Neptune shine
brightly on my harvest. (laughs. SpongeBob walks out with a bunch of trash stuff with him) Litter. (picks up trash) Looks
like someone missed the trash basket, huh, Mr. Candy wrapper? (laughs) Kids these days. (another piece of trash falls to
the ground) I've never seen such an epidemic! Well, at least it's all over now. (more trash falls to the ground and
SpongeBob picks them up in a hurry. After he finishes, one more parachutes to the ground, infuriating him) '''WHERE IS ALL THIS LITTER COMING FROM?!''' (SpongeBob notices someone tossing trash out
of a car) Not on my watch. (walks up to the car) Sir, I will have you know it's against the law to litter. 

[[TattleTale Strangler]]: Heh, what're you gonna do, call the [[police]]? (police arrive) 

SpongeBob: Yes. (police begin to handcuff the Strangler. They walk past him in single-file and continue cuffing him) 

Squidward: How's it going, Lieutenant? 

SpongeBob: Well, let's just say I hope our litterbug there saved room for his just desserts. (laughs) Yeah, just
desserts. 

[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]: Whatever. Huh? (notices the Strangler in the police car) SpongeBob, don't you know who that is?

SpongeBob: Who? 

Squidward: That's the Tattletale Strangler. 

SpongeBob: Who? 

Squidward: The Tattletale Strangler! (shows SpongeBob a 'WANTED' poster of the Strangler) He's promised to strangle
anyone who turns him in.

(STRANGLER ROARING)

SpongeBob: He seems kind of angry with us, eh, Squidward? (SpongeBob notices Squidward is gone) Squidward? Squidward? 

[[police|Officer Malley]]: You're gonna do time, Strangler. Hard time. (SpongeBob walks up to the police) 

SpongeBob: Hi, officers. So, he's going to jail, right? 

[[Officer Nancy]]: Who, Strangler? 

SpongeBob: Yeah, Strangler. 

Officer Nancy: Oh, yeah, he's going to jail for a long time. (Strangler draws SpongeBob on the backseat) 

SpongeBob: Hey, that looks like me! (Strangler begins hitting on the headrest then laughs. SpongeBob screams) 

Officer Nancy: Don't worry, SpongeBob. He won't be able to strangle you. 

Officer Malley: Yeah. We got him chained up real good. He'll never get away. 

Officer Nancy: Oops, not again! (Strangler is missing) 

Officer Malley: Yep, he got away. (SpongeBob shrieks then walks up to the police) 

SpongeBob: You nice officers will protect me, right? 

Officer Nancy: We ain't bodyguards, kid. 

Officer Malley: Yeah, give us a call if you see him again...tattletale. (they drive off) 

SpongeBob: Those officers are right. I need a bodyguard! (runs into the Krusty Krab) Mr. Krabs! There's a maniac after me!
I need a bodyguard. 

Mr. Krabs: (laughs) I wasn't five-time ''Golden Claws'' in the navy for nothin'! When he sees me moves, he'll be running
scared. So, where is this little bully? Down at the park? The sodey shop? What does he look like, eh, boy? 

SpongeBob: This would be him, [[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]. (takes out a wanted poster) 

Mr. Krabs: Aaaaaaaaah! The Tattletale Strangler? (his eyes go into his body) Go away, SpongeBob! Take your death cloud with
you! (scene cuts to SpongeBob showing the wanted poster to people. Shows it to Larry, who turns into a real lobster on a
plate. Then a construction worker, and some guys at the [[Tough Tavern]])

SpongeBob: (at the bus stop) Ugh, that's it. I gotta get out of town 'til I can find a bodyguard. (Strangler is on the
bench reading a newspaper) 

Strangler: ''Bodyguard'', huh? I might be able to help you out. (SpongeBob walks over) 

SpongeBob: You don't understand, mister. I need protection from the scariest guy in town. Here's his picture. (holds up
the wanted poster. The Strangler reveals himself wearing a Fake Mustache) 

Strangler: Heh heh, he doesn't look so tough. 

SpongeBob: I tattled on him, and now he wants to strangle me with his diabolical hands! I hope they're not dirty.
(Strangler holds up his filthy hands and laughs. Before the Strangler starts to strangle SpongeBob, a bus of people drive up to the bus stop then leave) 

Strangler: Huh? Uh-oh. Uhh, there's too many witnesses around here. (walks up to SpongeBob) Listen, kid. I could be your
bodyguard. Here's my card. 

SpongeBob: Hmm, looks good to me. You're hired! I feel safer already. What's next? (a five cent sticker is hanging from
the Strangler's fake mustache) 

Strangler: Well, the maniac could be anywhere, wearing a disguise. He could be that old man. (he points to an old guy
with a walker) Or that baby. (points to a baby in a stroller) 

SpongeBob: Or that pebble. Or that stick. Or that receipt for the '''Phony Baloney Mustache Emporium'''! 

Strangler: Huh? Uhh, that's mine. (picks it up and puts it in his pocket) 

SpongeBob: Oh, bodyguard, my body is in your guarding hands. What do we do first? 

Strangler: Well, I suggest we go to a nice, quiet, secluded location, uh, like behind an old dumpster or a dark alley... 

SpongeBob: We could go to my house and turn off all the lights! 

Strangler: Perfect. That way no one can hear you being strangled...err, I mean, uhh, protected. (laughs as the lights
grow dim) Perfect. (SpongeBob laughs diabolically until he turns the lights on again) 

SpongeBob: Ah, but first I gotta do a few errands. 

Strangler: Uhh, okay, but let's make it quick. 

SpongeBob: Quick is my middle name! (scene cuts to the grocery store) Let's see...paper towels. This one says 'best paper
towel around' this one says 'best paper towel in town'. Hmm...in town...around...in town...around...what do you think,
bodyguard? 

Strangler: Whatever gets us to your house quicker. 

SpongeBob: I'll take both! (scene cuts to 'Dry Cleaning While-U-Wait') 

[[Inhabitants of Bikini Bottom|Dry Cleaner]]: Here you go, [[SpongeBob SquarePants|Mr. SquarePants]]. (he hands him his clothes) 

SpongeBob: Hmmm. 

Dry Cleaner: Is there something wrong? 

SpongeBob: I'm not sure if these are my pants. (scene cuts to the perfume store where SpongeBob sprays some perfume on
his wrist and holds it up to the Strangler) How about this one, bodyguard? Too overbearing? 

Strangler: Can we just go to [[SpongeBob's House|your house]]?! (scene cuts to SpongeBob’s house) 

SpongeBob: Here we are, SquarePants Manor! Bodyguard, let me just take this opportunity to say you're the best bodyguard
a fella could hope to have. 

Strangler: All right, enough of the sappy talk! Open the door so I can strangle you... I mean, uhh, choke you... I mean,
uhh, crush your windpipe...gah, I mean... 

SpongeBob: Protect me? 

Strangler: Thanks. 

SpongeBob: Don't mention it, Strangler. (gasps) I mean, bodyguard. Now where'd I put my key? 

[[Narrator]]: Twenty minutes later... (SpongeBob is still searching for his key) 

SpongeBob: Well, I can't find 'em. You wanna take a look? 

Strangler: Forget the key, let's climb through this window. (struggles reaching for the window) I can't reach it. Do you think you could hop up on my shoulders, kid?

(SpongeBob is wearing cleats) 

SpongeBob: Sure! With these spiky cleats, anything is possible! (jumps onto the Strangler) Ya! 

Strangler: Cleats? (SpongeBob's feet land in the Stranglers eyes. The Strangler screams) Get your feet out of my eye
sockets! (SpongeBob starts tugging at his legs) 

SpongeBob: I'm trying, but my cleats are stuck in your corneas! (Strangler runs around in pain) 

Narrator: Six hours later... (Strangler is still running around until he pulls SpongeBob’s feet out of his eyes. Scene
cuts to the Strangler with bandages on his eyes) 

SpongeBob: Don't be mad, bodyguard. Let me just grab the key I keep under the mat and we can get inside. (Strangler has
an explosion come out of his head because he is so mad) There you are, you little rascal. Now, to put the key in the
lock, which should activate the tumblers, thus opening the door. (Strangler sneaks up behind SpongeBob ready to strangle
him. SpongeBob opens the door and walks in) Step inside... 

Strangler: Close the door... 

SpongeBob: (closes door) Well, here we are! 

Strangler: I've finally got you all alone! (laugh evilly) 

SpongeBob: I know, Isn't it great? (laughs. Strangler picks up SpongeBob) Ooh. 

Strangler: Now you're gonna get yours...tattletale! (lights turn on) 

All: Surprise! (all of SpongeBob's friends are in his house cheering. They drop a sign that says 'Congratulations,
SpongeBob! 100% On Time!') 

SpongeBob: A surprise party to celebrate my perfect on-time percentage at work? Oh, how'd you guys know? 

[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]: It's on the invitations you sent us. (holds an invitation up) Let's boogie! (everyone parties. The Strangler
sits down in SpongeBob's chair. Scene cuts to the end of the party) 

SpongeBob: Bye, everybody, thanks for coming! Bye Mr. Krabs, bye [[Sheldon J. Plankton|Plankton]], bye [[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]], bye [[Larry]], bye [[Pearl]], bye [[Mrs. Puff]], bye Squidward, bye all the rest (everyone else leaves walks back into the house and laughs) Ahh, alone at last. (the Strangler wakes up) 

Strangler: What? Huh? Huh? What? Huh? (SpongeBob closes the door) So, we're all alone now? 

SpongeBob: Just you, me, and the floorboards. (Strangler and SpongeBob begin laughing again) Yeah. (there's a knock on
the door. SpongeBob opens it) 

All: Happy birthday, SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: How did you guys know today is my birthday? 

Patrick: We just do what the invitations say. Let's boogie some more! (everyone parties again. Scene cuts to end of party)
 

SpongeBob: Thanks for coming! (closes the door) Whoo! (laughs) Alone again. 

Strangler: Is it true? Everybody's gone? 

SpongeBob: Uh-huh. 

Strangler: No more parties today? You got everything you need now? Everybody's left? We're completely alone? 

SpongeBob: Oh yeah. 

Strangler: In that case... (laughs diabolically until Patrick appears out of nowhere) 

Patrick: Great parties, huh? 

Strangler: Oh...sorry, [[Patrick|Tubby]], you've gotta go. 

SpongeBob: Wait! We can trust Patrick. He's my best friend. 

Strangler: Well, I can't take any chances. For all we know, he could be the Strangler. 

Patrick: I'm the Strangler? Oh, I should've known! I gotta turn myself in! (runs through the wall) 

SpongeBob: So, Patrick's the Strangler. Gee, you think you know a guy. 

[[Episode Transcript: Shell of a Man|Strangler: ''''HE'S NOT THE STRANGLER!!!'''' 

SpongeBob: He's not? 

Strangler: (rips off his mustache) '''I AM'''!! 

SpongeBob: Hey, how'd you do that without shaving cream? 

Strangler: Oh, it's a fake, you idiot! I bought it at the party store! (everyone comes back) 

Squidward: Did someone say 'party'? (Strangler screams and runs out through the wall) 

Strangler: '''''AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'''''

Strangler: I can't take it! 

SpongeBob: (runs after him) Wait, bodyguard, I need protection! (Strangler gets into a taxi) 

Strangler: Step on it! I'm being chased by a maniac! (SpongeBob chases after the taxi) 

SpongeBob: I'm not safe! Come back! (taxi goes to the [[Bikini Bottom|Airport]] and drives onto a plane) 

Strangler: Finally, away from that guy. 

SpongeBob: Good idea, bodyguard. He'll never find us up here. (Strangler screams then jumps out of the plane. He pulls
his parachute cord then notices it is actually SpongeBob) Good thinking, bodyguard. The Strangler could have been on that
plane. (Strangler takes out a pair of scissors and cuts the strings off the parachute and plummets right into the [[Bikini
Bottom Police Station Jail]]. SpongeBob comes running up to him) Bodyguard, bodyguard! 

Strangler: Look, kid. I'm not your bodyguard. (cries) I'm the Strangler. See? (points to the 'WANTED' poster on the wall)
 

SpongeBob: (gasps) The Strangler! (police officers walk up) 

Officer Nancy: Good work, SpongeBob. You put the Strangler behind bars. 

Strangler: At least I'm safe from that ''yellow idiot''. (Patrick is in the same cell as the Strangler) 

Patrick: Hey, Mac, what're you in for?

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]

Episode Transcript: Krabby Land

2015-08-20T04:13:56Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

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Episode Article: [[Krabby Land (Episode)|Krabby Land]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary the Snail|Gary]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]

==Dialogue==

SpongeBob: (reads the newspaper while sipping some coffee) Ah, I don't know how you do it, Gere Bear, but that's the best cup of French toast I've ever had. 

Gary: (sits at the counter) Meow. 

SpongeBob: Well, time to punch that clock. (puts his hat on and walks into the living room) But not before checking my motivational Quote-a-Day calendar. (calendar reads 'June 21') You are a winner. (hugs himself then looks back at the calendar and gasps) And today's the first day of summer! (cut to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is at the register, bored. SpongeBob walks through the doors
with a pink flower around his head. He tosses flower buts into the air) Happy first day of summer,

Squidward! (walks over to Squidward) Care to join me for solstice caroling? (sings in a high voice) Walking in the grass, it's so fine, don't need shoes in the summertime! (tosses flower buds at Squidward) 

Squidward: I'm not much of a summer person, SpongeBob. 

Mr. Krabs: Davy Jones on the jib! Do my ears deceive me? Is it really the first day of summer? Is it? 

SpongeBob: (chuckles) Yeah. 

Mr. Krabs: (does a few back flips in the air) Whee-hoo! (runs over to the window) 

SpongeBob: (walks up to him) Gee Mr. K., you sure have a scorching case of summer fever! (turns around) What is it about summertime that makes us so happy? The firefly-lit nights, the intoxicating aroma of a charcoal briquette, the hypnotic sound of a lawnmower running over a flip-flop? 

Mr. Krabs: The money! 

SpongeBob: The money? 

Mr. Krabs: Er, uh... I mean, uh... the children! 

SpongeBob: Oh. 

Mr. Krabs: You see, boy, during the summer, the children are excused from their classes, a recess commonly referred to as summer break. (sits down on a barrel and SpongeBob sits on his lap) 
SpongeBob: Tell me more about summer break. (a school bell rings and all the kids run out of the school) 

Mr. Krabs: Well, during this summer break, the children wander Bikini Bottom unsupervised, their pockets lined with allowance. (a child runs by with a full pocket of coins) Free to spend their money without any parental guidance whatsoever. (pulls down a menu) I guess that's what I like best. (puts a sticker labeled '4.99' next to the Kiddie Meal) Sure, I suppose some would try and take advantage of this situation by selling them toys or candy, but I sleep well at night with the knowledge that I'm providing them with something they need: a nutritious meal. (goes over to the front window) Come here, you little piggies! 

SpongeBob: I've been taught the true meaning of summer. 

Narrator: Later... (Mr. Krabs is still standing at the window with the same expression on his face) 

SpongeBob: (walks up) Almost closing time, Mr. K. 

Mr. Krabs: What? But that's impossible. (sobs) What about the money? I mean uh... uh... what about the children? (SpongeBob shrugs as Mr. Krabs sighs) I guess summer isn't coming this year. 
SpongeBob: Hey, maybe they're all at that new playground over there. (points at a playground where kids are playing) 

Mr. Krabs: Playground? Luring away me young customers. Warm up the boat, SpongeBob. (cut to the playground. SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs pull up in their boat. They peek out using a pair of binoculars) 

SpongeBob: See anything, Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: Oh, they're here, all right. Just look at them, SpongeBob. (two kids are swinging) So weak and malnourished. (one of the kids is eating a lollipop) With nobody trying to sell 'em nothing. (a kid slides down a slide) Breaks me heart. (cries) No! I've got nothing to live for,
SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: The way you drove the boat while lying on the ground was kind of cool. 

Mr. Krabs: True. But that's not gonna get these munchkins away from this playground. Unless... hmmm... see you tomorrow, boy. Got a lot of work to do. (drives off) 

SpongeBob: You got it, Mr. Krabs... hey! (cut to SpongeBob walking to the Krusty Krab) Another day, another dollar. Gee, I wonder what Mr. Krabs has been up to since I saw him last and then went home to do nothing of particular interest 'til this very moment. (stares at something in the distance) Huh? (a group of kids are lined up at the Krusty Krab where a sign reads "Krabby Land" is hanging. A giant sheet is covering some sort of area. SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs) 

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! (sticks the hammer in his belt) You're just in time for the grand unveiling of Krabby Land. 

SpongeBob: Krabby Land, sir? 

Mr. Krabs: Yes, Krabby Land. (holds up a sign) Where a kid can have fun for the right price. (laughs) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, young man. What's your name? 

Kid: Monroe. 

Mr. Krabs: Nice to meet you, Monroe. (picks him up and laughs) 

Monroe: Whee! 

Mr. Krabs: (shakes Monroe and hears change in his pocket) Mmm... a-ha! (gets dollar signs in his eyes) Okay, money. I mean, err... children. It's time for the grand unveiling of... money. I mean, Krabby Land! (the kids cheer) Okay, kids, now promise Uncle Krabs that if you get hungry while you're playing, you'll come inside for some delicious, nutritious Krabby Patties. 

Kids: We promise. 

Mr. Krabs: All right, here we go! I give you... Krabby Land! (pulls off the sheet that covered the play area) 

Kids: Yeah! (kids' cheers soon turn into speechless disappointed frowns; Krabby Land is a cheap, junky, trashy makeshift playground with several equipment such as: a junky shelter reading "Fort Adventure", a pipe connected to a cheap crane like equipment called "Rocket-ship Fantasia" (which breaks apart by weight issues), two toasters connected to springs for kiddy rides called "Toaster Rodeo", "Hose World" which contains rusty filthy hoses instead of real water fountains, among other dangerous stuff) 

Kid: (Climbs up a slide which breaks apart upon being used; he screams, falls onto the ground extremely injured) Whoa! Ooh, where am I? 

Mr. Krabs: Eh... that reminds me. I forgot to give you these coloring books/liability wavers! (holds up paper) Everyone who hands theirs back gets to meet the one and only Krabby the Clown! 

Kids: Yay!

Mr. Krabs: Have fun and don't forget to eat plenty of vitamin-enriched Krabby Patties. (holds up a Krabby Patty) Krabby the Clown's favorite meal. 

Kids: We want Krabby! We want Krabby! 

SpongeBob: Where is Krabby, Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: He'll be here after I count their money. Just stall 'em. 

SpongeBob: Stall 'em? How do I do that? 

Mr. Krabs: I don't know. Be entertaining. (leaves) 

SpongeBob: (turns around and laughs at the kids) Hey, kids! (waves but the kids are angry) 

Monroe: You're not Krabby the Clown. 

SpongeBob: No, I'm not. I'm, uh... (puts on a mask) I'm Krabby's beloved sidekick, the Krabby

Patty..Umm... Burglar! 

Kid: Lame. 

SpongeBob: Krabby will be here soon. He, uh, had to take the bus. But in the meantime, let's have some fun! You kids like bubbles? (picks up a bubble wand) 

Monroe: No. 

SpongeBob: Well, you've never seen my bubbles. (blows a jellyfish bubble) Voila! A bubble shaped like a jellyfish. How 'bout that? 

Kid: Still lame. (bubble pops) 

SpongeBob: (dips wand again) Okay, prepare to be blown back on your tailfins. (blows a unicorn bubble) Ta-da! (kid pops the bubble) Uh... huh. 

Kids: You stink, bring on the clown! 

SpongeBob: Okay, uh... and now for a finale! (starts blowing a bubble) 

Kids: Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! 

SpongeBob: (the bubble pops in his eye making it red. He screams) Aaaaaaaaah! My eyes! Aaaaah! (trips over a barrel) Whoa! (crashes into The Pit of Doom which is actually a dumpster then swings over a tire. Lands in a pool of bowling balls then the tire lands on him. Kids start to laugh) They seem to respond to me being in pain. They enjoy other people's misery. Hey kids, check this out. (picks up his bubble wand and dips it in the bubble soap then throws the wand away. Pours all the bubble soap in his eyes) AAAAAAAAAH!!! 

Kids: Woo-hoo! 

SpongeBob: I got 'em right where I want 'em. (SpongeBob puts a piece of tape on his face and rips it off, revealing a portion of his face is missing) 

SpongeBob: Aaaaahhh! 

Kids: Woo-hoo! Yeah! 

SpongeBob: (lies on the ground with his tongue sticking out. A truck runs over his tongue over and
over) Aaaaah! Aaaaaah!! Aaaaaaah!!! 

Kids: Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha! (SpongeBob walks up to a muscular guy and hands him some money. The muscular guy hits him with a big hammer. SpongeBob gives the thumbs up) Yeah, hoo! (muscular guy smashes SpongeBob with a wrecking ball) Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha! 

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob gives a thumbs-up. Later, SpongeBob is tied to two poles with a muscular guy holding a can of lima beans) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (muscular guy shoves a spoonful of lima beans in SpongeBob’s mouth. All the kids cheer) 

Kids: Ha-ha, ha-ha! 

SpongeBob: (being used as a ball in the two muscular guys' ping pong game) Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. 

Kids: Yay! (SpongeBob’s arms are getting stretched by two muscular guys) Yeah! (SpongeBob is in two pieces but gives two thumbs up. Cut to Mr. Krabs' office where he is counting the money he has received from the kids. SpongeBob enters his office in pieces) 

SpongeBob: Ugh, Mr. Krabs? I can't take any more of this stalling stuff. 

Mr. Krabs: (Glares) Always thinking about yourself. Get out there and stall! What happened to your arms and legs, boy? 

SpongeBob: The kids are using them as... boomerangs. (one of SpongeBob’s legs flies in and out) 

Mr. Krabs: Boomerangs? Oh no! They might break my windows! 

SpongeBob: What are we gonna do? 

Mr. Krabs: Well, now that all their money's counted, tell them Krabby has just arrived! 

SpongeBob: (hops on top of the table) Really? He's here? (bounces up and down) Oh, boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy! 

Mr. Krabs: Get out there and tell 'em! 

SpongeBob: (walks outside) Listen everybody. Krabby the Clown is in the building! 

Kids: Yay! 

SpongeBob: Who do you want? 

Kids: Krabby! 

SpongeBob: When do you want him? 

Kids: Now! Krabby, krabby, krabby! (all running up to Mr. Krabs) Krabby! Hooray! 

Mr. Krabs: Hey kids! Are you ready to meet Krabby the Clown?

Kids and SpongeBob: Yay! 

Mr. Krabs: All right, here you go! (turns around with a blue nose and tie on) Hey kids! Uh... thank you all for coming! Thank you. Eat plenty of Krabby Patties! (laughs and walks back toward his office leaving back a shocked, disappointed, unhappy crowd of children) Ah, Krabs, you've done it again! 

SpongeBob: I'll say you have. 

Mr. Krabs: (turns around) SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: (frowning) How could you, Mr. Krabs? You promised these children Krabby the Clown, but all I saw out there was... Cheapy the Cheapskate! 

Mr. Krabs: Hey, I ain't cheap! (takes off his fake nose and rubs the blue paint off it) Now take this tomato back to the kitchen before it spoils. 

SpongeBob: But what about the true meaning of summer? What about the children? 

Mr. Krabs: (walks to the window) The children? Oh I don't care about the children. (starts to climb out the window) I just care about their parents' money. Ah, the fact that their feeble minds are easily manipulated by cheap playgrounds and talentless clowns is no skin off my nose. (climbs out) Survival of the fittest, SpongeBob! Survival of the fittest. (laughs) 

Kid: Ahem. 

Mr. Krabs: Huh? (children are standing behind him glaring at him; having overheard Krabs' confession) Oh, hey kids. (smiles) Uh... Uncle Krabs has to go to the bank now. Heh. 

Monroe: Get him! (all the kids run after him) 

SpongeBob: (inside, sounds of Mr. Krabs getting beat up by the kids is heard) Aw, I suppose I'll never know the true meaning of summer. I thought I knew it once, but that was a long, long time ago. 

Squidward: You mean this morning? 

SpongeBob: Yeah. (a noise is heard outside) 

Monroe: Come on outside, Mr. SquarePants. It's a summer miracle! 

Kids: (money is falling from the sky) Yay! Hooray! 

SpongeBob: Wow, thousands of dollars fluttering in the breeze. I guess that's the true meaning of summer. 

Kids: Hooray! (a kid on top of the Krusty Krab is throwing money down) 

SpongeBob: Where's Mr. Krabs? He's missing out on all the summer fun. 

Mr. Krabs: (is tied to poles like SpongeBob was earlier) Let me go! I gotta get some of that green stuff! (a muscular guy places a spoon of lima beans in front of him) No, not that green stuff! (a lima bean truck backs up) No!, Oh NOOOOOO!!!!!

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]
[[Category:Transcript]]

Episode Transcript: I Had an Accident

2015-08-20T04:11:41Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
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|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Born Again Krabs|Born Again Krabs]]
|[[Episode Transcript: Krabby Land|Krabby Land]]
|}

Episode Article: [[I Had an Accident (Episode)|I Had an Accident]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Chip]]
*[[Penny]]
*[[Used Napkin]]
*[[Dr. Gill Gilliam]]
*[[Tom]]
*[[Harold]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Gorilla]]
*[[George the Zebra]]

==Dialogue==

'''Video Game Patrick''': (screaming, bashes body on mountain) 

'''Patrick''': (playing a video game with his character while sliding at [[Sand Mountain]]). Aw, I got dead again. This game stinks. (screams and bashes body on mountain) 

Sandy: See, that's why you must always pay attention to the mountain. 

SpongeBob: I'm listening to you, mountain! Don't eat the yellow sand, Patrick! 

'''Patrick''': Oh yeah, I forgot. (eats yellow sand on a plate) 

SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, watch me do the "Grouchy Squidward"! 

Squidward: Stop naming moves after me. 

SpongeBob: (imitating Squidward) Everybody's an idiot except for me. 

Squidward: Well, it's true. 

SpongeBob: (laughs like Squidward) 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': (laughing) 

Sandy: (stops laughing and sees a tree. She gasps.) SpongeBob! Look out for that tree! 

SpongeBob: (stops laughing) Huh? (skips tree) Don't worry guys. Everything's under control. Cause I'm an (goes off mountain) EXPERT!!! 

SpongeBob: That's funny. Someone turned the mountain upside down. (camera reveals that SpongeBob is upside down and not the mountain. He starts to fall.) AAAAAAHHHH!!!!! 

Sandy: SpongeBob! Land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall! 

SpongeBob: (turns around to feet first then takes off his pants) Like this? 

'''Patrick''': No, your other bottom! 

Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else? 

'''Patrick''': Not until four. 

SpongeBob: (crashes, and his butt falls apart. Patrick and Sandy are covered in splinters) 

Sandy: Oh! That's gotta hurt. 

'''Patrick''': Do it again! I wasn't looking! (Sandy glares at him) 

(scene cuts to the hospital) 

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Well, it looks like your gluteus maximus has made a full recovery. 

SpongeBob: My what has a what now? 

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Your butt's all better. It's really quite amazing. It took us 20 hours to put it all back together. We actually ran out of staples and had to use a glue stick. Yep, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky luck boy. But, from now on, I would like you to be more careful. You get one more injury like that, and you will wind up like that poor creature there. In the [[Iron Butt]]. 

Tom: (in the Iron Butt) Aw, man. It itches. 

SpongeBob: (outside hospital) You heard the doctor, SpongeBob. One more injury like that, and it's the iron butt. I've been too careless back there. From now on, I am on around the clock butt patrol! (To fish) Hep! Step away from the backside, I'm warning you! 

Harold: What's your problem? (walks away) 

SpongeBob: Aah. That was close! 

(whistle blows in the background) 

Football player: Hey, SpongeBob, wanna join us? We need an extra player. (another football player catches a football) Nice catch, Percy! (slaps Percy's butt) 

SpongeBob: (gasps) 

Fish: Hey, SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! 

Fish: You gotta try this, dude! Ha! We finally got enough people for a seven mile spanking machine! Ha! (goes under, people start spanking his butt) Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! 

Fish #2: Next. 

SpongeBob: No! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (running to his house) 

(Squidward walks up) 

Squidward: Is this where the line starts? 

SpongeBob: My butt is not safe out here! (goes inside his house and looks out the window) No part of me is safe! (closes curtain) 

(cut to outside the front of SpongeBob's house, where Sandy and Patrick are still sand boarding) 

'''Patrick''': Whoo-hoo! 

Sandy Yeah! Ride em' cowboy! (Patrick starts laughing) 

(they go inside SpongeBob's house and get off the board) 

Sandy: (laughs) Hey, SpongeBob! 

'''Patrick''': (is still laughing, and Sandy looks angrily at him. Stops laughing and clears throat.) That was fun. 

Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob, you ready to go sand boardin' again? SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: Hello, friends. Enjoying the outside world? 

Sandy: What'cha all doing sittin' in the middle of the floor like that? 

SpongeBob: Oh, living out the remainder of my life... in safety. If you guys were smart, you would join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor. And so I've simply decided I am never leaving my house again. 

Sandy: That's crazy talk! 

'''Patrick''': That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk! (talks very weird acting stupid, and Sandy punches his head into his torso.) Sorry. 

SpongeBob: No, Patrick's right, Sandy. You saw what happened to me. And next time it won't just be my butt. It'll be my armpit or my forehead. 

'''Patrick''': Or your other armpit! 

SpongeBob: I was wrong to go against nature. I'm a sponge! What was I thinking? Walking. My people are sedentary. 

Sandy: Just sittin' in your house? Ain't you going to get lonesome? 

SpongeBob: I won't be lonesome. I've got all the friends I want right here. This is Penny... and Chip... and say hello to Used Napkin. 

Sandy: Well, how are you going to keep your job at the [[Krusty Krab]]? 

SpongeBob: No problem! A really long spatula. 

Sandy: What about eatin'? 

SpongeBob: I'm a sponge! I'll just filter feed. (breathes in a different way) 

Sandy: SpongeBob, sooner or later you're going to have to go outside! 

SpongeBob: Listen, I already told you that I am not leaving my house again. 

'''Patrick''': Never ever? 

SpongeBob: Never ever ever! 

'''Patrick''': Never never ever ever for never ever?! 

SpongeBob: Never ever never never ever ever never!! 

'''Patrick''': Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?! (SpongeBob sighs) 

SpongeBob and '''Patrick''': Never ever never never ever never ever never..... 

SpongeBob: D'alright Patrick, that is enough!!! Chip, will you escort these two to the door? (throws Chip to the door) 

'''Patrick''': Thank you, Chip. (outside) I guess I'll have to find a new best friend. Hey, Squidward! 

Squidward: No! 

'''Patrick''': Okay. 

Sandy: Don't worry, Patrick. We'll get SpongeBob to come outside, and then he'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. 

'''Patrick''': And that's when I punch him, right? (Sandy gives a serious look) 

Sandy: Look at all the jellyfish out here! Too bad SpongeBob's missing out on all the fun! 

'''Patrick''': I caught one! I caught one! (puts head in net) huh? 

SpongeBob: (Patrick screaming in background) Look at those fools. Risking their lives, jellyfishing. My new hobby is much more safer, isn't it Chip. Dust collecting! (brings out a tiny net and waves it in the air) I think I caught one! 

Sandy: We gotta try somethin' else. 

(cut to Sandy and Patrick in SpongeBob's front yard with a birthday cake with candles lit on it) 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': Three cheers on your birthday, SpongeBob! Three cheers for you! 

Sandy: Now you have to blow out the candles and make a wish. 

SpongeBob: I don't want a wish, Penny. All I ever wanted is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the magic of being indoors. 

Music: "[[Indoors (Song)|Indoors]]"
I know of a place
Where you never get harmed
A magical place
With magical charms
Indoors
Indoors
Indoors...

SpongeBob: Take it away, Penny! 

'''Patrick''': That penny has the most beautiful voice. 

Sandy: That is it, Spongebob SquarePants! We're going to find something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside! 

(cut to outside SpongeBob's house) 

Sandy: Trampoline! 

'''Patrick''': Ice cream! 

Sandy: Underwater surfing! 

'''Patrick''': Two ice creams! 

Sandy: Ferris wheel! 

'''Patrick''': (The two ice creams are melting) Still two ice creams! 

Sandy: Clam wrestling! 

'''Patrick''': Washing an old person! 

Sandy: Patrick, that's not fun! 

Old man: It is for me! 

SpongeBob: (breathing differently as before) 

Sandy: Nothing's working, Patrick! 

'''Patrick''': What do we do? 

Old man: I say we take a bath! 

Sandy: What the? Will you get outta here? 

Sandy: Now, remember. Don't jump out 'until I give the signal. 

'''Patrick''': Right. (Zips the gorilla suit) 

Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob. You win. Stay inside forever. Yours is truly the iron will. Now, Pat! 

'''Patrick''': (comes out in a gorilla suit and acts like a gorilla) 

Sandy: Eek! A gorilla! Save me, SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: Okay, you guys, really. This is your saddest attempt yet. Even though Chip knows that's Patrick in the same costume that he wore for Halloween last year. 

Sandy: No, really! You gotta come save me! 

(another Patrick walks up) 

Patrick #2: Hey, Sandy. Who's your friend? 

SpongeBob: (gives a startled look) 

Sandy: But you're supposed to be in the gorilla suit. 

Patrick #1: (unzips the gorilla suit) I am in the gorilla suit. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. 

Sandy: But if you're Patrick, well then who's that? 

Patrick #2: (unzips Patrick suit, turns out to be a real gorilla) 

Sandy: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! A real gorilla! 

SpongeBob: Huh? 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Gorilla: (bags Sandy and Patrick and repeatedly hurts them) 

SpongeBob: No! 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! 

SpongeBob: Oh, my gosh! 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': AAAAAHHH!!! 

SpongeBob: This can't be happening! 

SpongeBob: This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about! Well, they were asking for it. It's not like I didn't warn them about the danger of outside. Yes, Chip, I know they're my two dearest friends in the world, but I told them, I wasn't going outside no matter what. We can do it without the name calling, thank you very much, Used Napkin. I know, Chip. If it wasn't me out there, bagged by an ape, Patrick and Sandy would risk anything to save me. And I've got to do the same for them. If I don't come back, Chip, take care of Gary. 

Gary: (eats Chip, killing him) Meow. 

SpongeBob: Well, here I go. Taking my first step. So far so good. I think I can do this! (a paper flies onto his face) Aah! Oh, Neptune, forgive me! Save me, Chip! Save me! (removes the paper off his face) I'm still alive! I, SpongeBob SquarePants, have survived the outdoors. Nothing can stop me now! Nothing! 

(Gorilla grabs SpongeBob) 

SpongeBob: Is it too late to go back inside yet? 

(Gorilla rips SpongeBob in half) 

SpongeBob: Yep, it's too late. Sandy, Patrick? 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': (still bagged) Yes, SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: I'm not afraid to go outside anymore. But I'm terrified of gorillas now. 

Sandy: It's okay, SpongeBob. Us too. 

First half of SpongeBob: You know what I don't understand, though? 

Second half of SpongeBob: What? 

First half of SpongeBob: What's a gorilla doing underwater anyway? 

Gorilla: Uh, well it's funny you should... I mean you could see that uh... George, they're onto us! 

(Gorilla runs away to George, an appaloosa horse.)

George: Let's get out of here! 

Sandy, Patrick and SpongeBob: (watch the gorilla ride the horse into the sunset) 

(TV zooms out to reveal a family watching this, the father gives a disgusted look and smartly turns off the TV with a remote.)

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]

Episode Transcript: The Great Snail Race

2015-08-20T03:56:51Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transcript
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|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Ugh|Ugh]]
|[[Episode Transcript: Mid-Life Crustacean|Mid-Life Crustacean]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Great Snail Race (Episode)|The Great Snail Race]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Snellie]]
*[[Rocky]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy (Cameo Character)]]

==Dialogue==

SpongeBob: Good morning, pineapple! (plays the bugle to wake Gary up) Good morning, Gary! (pats Gary's shell)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: (opens his front door) Good morning, world! I'm ready! World? (scene pans over to Squidward's front door, where a delivery man with a pet cage walks over and knocks on his door)

Squidward: Talk to me.

Delivery Man: (waves hat) Package, sir.

Squidward: A-ha! (Squidward signs a clipboard) I can't believe it's finally here! (delivery man hands him the cage)

Delivery Man: Here ya go!

Squidward: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. (hands him the clipboard)

Delivery Man: Thank you, Mr...mmmm... Tennis Balls.

Squidward: (Squidward winces, then scowls) That's Tentacles! (takes pet cage and slams the door shut)

SpongeBob: Squidward's last name is Tentacles?

Patrick: Poor guy. (Squidward walks out with a new snail with a bow on her shell) Hey, check out Squidward's new snail.

SpongeBob: (whistles as Squidward frowns) Fancy. So that's what came in the mail. Looks like Gary has a new little playmate.

Squidward: Pfft, dream on, SpongeBob. (holding his snail smugly) I wouldn't let Snellie here play with that mongrel mutt. She’s a purebred.

Patrick: Wow, a snail made out of bread.

Squidward: No! Purebred means she's of the highest pedigree. See? (holds up a certificate) She even has her own papers. So if you'll excuse us, Snellie has to start her training.

SpongeBob: Training?

Squidward: For Bikini Bottom's snail race. Snellie will be winning this Sunday.

Patrick: Sunday?

SpongeBob: Well, I guess I can't enter Gary in that. Sunday's laundry day!

Squidward: No, SpongeBob. You can't enter Gary because Gary's a mutt. (Gary is shown looking like a hillbilly with a chimney in his shell)

SpongeBob: Boy, you got that right. Gary’s no...(scowls) hey! What makes you so sure Gary couldn't win that race? (Squidward shows the certificate again)

Squidward: Papers. (Patrick walks up and reads it)

Patrick: Hmmm, 'Property of Squidward Tentpoles'.

Squidward: That's Tennisballs...de-derr, Tentacles! Come on, Snellie. (walks off)

SpongeBob: You know what? I'm starting to get the idea that Squidward thinks his snail is better than mine.

Patrick: No!

SpongeBob: Patrick, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Patrick: Yeah, I should get a snail and enter it in that race and beat Squidward! (Patrick runs off)

SpongeBob: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? (Gary imagines himself watching TV) No, no, no! I'm thinking about entering you in that race and beating Squidward's snail! (SpongeBob runs off. He then returns, wearing a coach's outfit) Looks like we're going to start our training now, ladies! (laughs) I call you a lady to humiliate and demean you. It's a motivational tool we coaches use. (scene cuts to Sandy walking down the street)

Sandy: Hmm... I don't know why, but I think I'll kick SpongeBob's butt tomorrow. (scene cuts to SpongeBob opening a can)

SpongeBob: Kelp powder for muscle mass. (drops the food in a blender as Gary looks on with disgust) Raw eggs, 'cause they're cliché. (drops the eggs in the blender) And nails for toughness. (drops the nails in the blender. Turns on the blender)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Of course, I expect you to eat this. (SpongeBob pours some of the blended food into a glass) It's scientifically designed to help you win tomorrow. Gary? (Gary is already out of the room through his snail door. SpongeBob stops his stopwatch) Wow, pretty good time.

Patrick: (holding a rock) Hey SpongeBob, check out my new snail.

SpongeBob: Patrick, your snail is a rock.

Patrick: Yeah, thanks, I know. He's got nerves of steel. See you at the big race. (walks off)

SpongeBob: Boy, the competition's getting tough. (walks over to Gary watching TV) That's it, Gary. (takes out a leash) We are going to start some serious training right now.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: (puts the leash on Gary. Gary tries to stretch his eyes to watching the TV as long as he can before he's pulled out of the room) Alright Gary, let’s start with some sprints. (holds up a stopwatch) On your mark. Get set. Go! Go Gary, go! Come on, go, Gary! It's all yours, Gary! (SpongeBob notices Gary is not there) Gary? (SpongeBob walks up to Gary, who is watching more TV) Come on Gary, the big race is tomorrow. You got to start training if you want to win.

Squidward: (pops his head in SpongeBob's lower window) Don’t waste your breath, SpongeBob. That mongrel of yours doesn't have a chance against Snellie.

Patrick: (pops his head in SpongeBob's upper window) Excuse me, but you two seem to be forgetting who the real winner will be...my snail. (shows his rock)

Squidward: Patrick, that’s a rock.

Patrick: Yeah, thanks. I know. He's got nerves of steel.

Squidward: Hey, what are you standing on, anyway? (scene shows Patrick standing on Squidward's shoulders) Like I said, don't even bother showing up tomorrow. (Squidward walks off as Patrick pops his head back in one of the windows)

Patrick: My snail's really got Squidward scared, huh, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Sorry Patrick, Gary and I have got some serious work to do. (picks up Gary and walks off)

Patrick: You can run, but you can’t hide, SquarePants! (scene cuts to SpongeBob and Gary outside)

SpongeBob: Alright Gary, no more fooling around. Time to get serious. (scene cuts to SpongeBob blowing on a whistle) Come on, Gary, move it! (scene cuts to Gary crawling up and down a wall) Up, up, up, up! Down, down, down, down! (scene cuts to Gary punching a punching bag with his eyes) Faster, faster, faster! Go, go, go! (scene cuts to SpongeBob following Gary on his bike) Come on, push it, Gary, push it! (scene cuts to Gary on the toilet) Move that shell! (scene cuts to Gary in the bathtub with SpongeBob looking through the curtains) Come on, Gary, move it! (scene cuts to Gary eating) Let's go, let's go, let's go! Faster! (scene cuts to nighttime. Gary is on an exercise wheel while SpongeBob is sleeping but giving orders at the same time) Let's go, let's go! Speed it up, speed it up, speed it up! Move it, Gary! Move it, move it, move it, move it... (scene cuts to morning, where Gary is tired, out of breath, and on a leash) Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke. (Gary is pulling SpongeBob in a wagon) Come on, Gary, we're gonna be late for the big race! (scene cuts to an announcer)

Nat: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our live coverage of this year's annual spring classic, the 102nd Running of the Snail. And what a beautiful day for this sport of kings, of which I am a huge fan. Seriously, I'm just a fan. I was on my way to my seat, the door was open.

Announcer: Hey, what are you doing? (fish runs away as the announcer comes and sits down) Heh, sorry about that, folks. Let's go down to the field to join the mayor for the pre-game ceremony. (scene cuts to a large fish standing by a microphone)

Mayor: And now, for the lighting of the Torch of Good Sportsmanship, please join me in welcoming snail racing's first-ever champion, Lightning Larry Luciano! (crowd cheers as the band plays. Larry comes crawling out every so slowly with a flame attached on his back)

Announcer: Would you look at that, folks? Lightning Larry Luciano, a living legend, slowly making his way center stage. And what a proud moment for this sport. The crowd is going absolutely nuts... (crowd is cheering) ...for Larry. (Larry is still crawling to the torch) He’s almost there. Uhh, yes, any minute now.

Narrator: Two hours later. (band is not playing as loud)

Announcer: He’s almost a quarter of the way there. (Larry is still crawling up to the torch. The mayor checks his watch, then runs over, grabs Larry and lights the torch)

Mayor: The torch is lit! Let the race begin! (the crowd cheers. Cut to the playing field, where SpongeBob and Squidward are standing at the starting line. The snails have markers: Snellie is #6, and a very worn out Gary is #7)

Squidward: Well SpongeBob, I must admit, I didn't think that mongrel mutt of yours would even find the starting line. Congratulations. (laughs)

SpongeBob: Save it for the loser's circle, Squidward. Gary happens to be in the best shape of his life. (Gary is coughing)

Squidward: I'll alert the paramedics.

Patrick: (laughs) Good one, Squidward.

Official: (walks up to the contestants) You guys ready?

Patrick: Aaaaah! A burglar!

SpongeBob: No, Patrick, that's the official.

Official: We're ready to start here, folks.

Squidward: Okay, Snellie, let's show these common, garden-variety snails what superior breeding is all about.

Snellie: Meow.

SpongeBob: Alright Gary, listen up, the competition is going to be fierce. You're the undersnail. Everybody's already counting you out. Now get out there and win, so we can rub Squidward's big fat nose in it.

Gary: Meow.

Patrick: This is what you've been training for, Rocky. This is why we’re here. (official raises the flag)

Official: On your mark. Get set. (lowers the flag) Slither! (Snellie runs out first)

Announcer: And they're off! Number six, Snellie, rockets out of the starting blocks, leaving the other two competitors in the dust!

SpongeBob: What! (runs over to Gary)

Squidward: Go, Snellie, you got it, baby!

SpongeBob: What are you doing, Gary? The race has started! You let Snellie take the lead! Let's go, Gary. Start moving! You're blowing everything we trained for! Blowing it!

Patrick: It’s okay, Rocky. You go when you feel like it.

SpongeBob: Gary, are you listening to me?! Get the anchors out of your pants right now! (Gary is trying to move fast) Don’t give me that look! I said now, mister! Get going, Gary! (SpongeBob jumps up and down while Gary is moving slowly) Go, go, go, go, go!

Announcer: And there goes number 7 out of the starting gate. Oh, hang on, folks. He doesn’t look so good.

SpongeBob: Not good enough, Gary, not good enough! Faster! (Gary tries to go faster)

Announcer: I do not like the look of this.

SpongeBob: Come on, Gary, it's a race! A race! Have you heard of 'em? (Gary eyes are now really small)

Announcer: That couch is pushing that snail too hard.

SpongeBob: Faster, Gary, faster, faster, faster, faster! (Gary’s left eye explodes) Huh? (crowd gasps)

Announcer: Oh, looks like number 7 has a blowout! (Gary’s other eye explodes) Oops, make that 2, folks.

SpongeBob: Uhh, Gary? (Gary’s shell breaks, showing a machine inside)

Announcer: Plus, a blown head gasket! Oh, and the poor creature’s still going for it.

SpongeBob: (getting worried) Umm, Gary, you can stop now. (Gary is leaving skid marks on the track)

Announcer: And he’s losing control! (Gary is running into walls and making a bunch of sparks)

SpongeBob: You can take a breath now if you want to, Gary. (Gary is spinning on the track)

Announcer: He’s spinning out of control! (crowd gasps) He’s heading straight for the wall! (Gary runs into a wall of tires and explodes. The crowd gasps again, then they cheer)

SpongeBob: Noooooooooooooo! (two firemen come up and extinguish the smoke. Squidward laughs) Hold on, Gary, I’m coming! (runs onto the track)

Announcer: Whoa. One of the coaches seems to have raced onto the track. That is an automatic disqualification. Looks like number six has this race all wrapped up, ladies and gentlemen. (Snellie is coming up on the finish line)

Squidward: Come on, Snellie, it's all you, baby!

SpongeBob: (runs up to Gary, crying) Oh, Gary, I'm sorry! Why didn't you just say I was pushing it too hard?

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: You did? (cries more) Oh, Gary, why didn't you tell me I wasn't listening?

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: You did? (cries some more) Oh, Gary! Oh, Gary! (Snellie turns around and heads straight to Gary to help him)

Squidward: What? (Gary notices Snellie racing towards him and he is back to normal now)

SpongeBob: Gary? (Gary and Snellie start purring at each other) Oh!

Crowd: Aww!

Announcer: (laughs) My, oh, my. Folks, I have never seen anything quite like this. It seems Snellie, the leader, just went back to comfort Gary. (Squidward walks up to where the snails are at)

SpongeBob: Looks like you and I are in-laws, eh, Squidward?

Squidward: But that’s impossible. If Snellie didn’t win, then... (Rocky is at the finish line)

Announcer: And the winner is Rocky! (crowd cheers. Gary and Snellie crawl away)

Squidward: I can't believe it. My purebred, which cost me $1700, lost to a rock. (Patrick walks over with the trophy he won)

Patrick: Don’t worry, Squidward, I know how much you wanted to win, so I had the trophy engraved to you.

Squidward: Gosh, Patrick, thanks. (reads the engraving) 'The 1st Place Snail Racing Cup Presented to Squidward...Tortellini'?! Will I ever win? (everyone laughs. Sandy comes on-screen and kicks SpongeBob in the air)

Sandy: That’s for yesterday, SquarePants!

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]

Episode Transcript: Krab Borg

2015-08-20T03:52:24Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transcript
!Next Episode Transcript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Squilliam Returns|Squilliam Returns]]
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Rock-A-Bye Bivalve|Rock-A-Bye Bivalve]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Krab Borg]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Sherm SquarePants]] (first metioned)

==Dialogue==

TV: We now return to tonight's Creepy Time Theater presentation of "Night of the Robot." (TV shows a guy running from a bot)

Man: AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH, AHH, AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

(SpongeBob is watching the movie while eating popcorn) 

SpongeBob: Hurry, Gary, the scary robot movie's on. 

Gary: Meow. 

SpongeBob: What do you mean I shouldn't watch this? Scary movies don't always freak me out. (scene cuts to SpongeBob lying in his bed, whimpering and shivering) What if Mom is a robot? What if Uncle Sherm is a robot? What if Gary is a robot? Gary? (Gary is sleeping) Psst, Gary? Gere-Bear? (pokes Gary's eye, causing him to wake up) 

Gary: Meow. 

SpongeBob: Gary, if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right? 

Gary: Meow. 

SpongeBob: Oh, I've got nothing to worry about. And now to get a good night's sleep. (goes to sleep. Dreams about running from the robot from the movie earlier. Scene cuts to the next day at the Krusty Krab, with SpongeBob in the kitchen, panting) Robot! Oh my gosh! (robot turns out to be a sack of potatoes, a dust pan and broom, and a bucket) Huh? (chuckles nervously) 

Mr. Krabs: How about a little music to count me money to? (turns on the radio that is next to him) 

Radio DJ: And now for the #1 song in Bikini Bottom: "Electric Zoo." (techno beat is heard) 

Mr. Krabs: Hey, that's pretty catchy. Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep. Yeah, that's not bad. I love this young people's music. (scene cuts to kitchen. A buzzer goes off) I surrender! Oh. 

Squidward: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Aaaaaaaaahhhhh! (His hat flies onto Squidward's nose) 

SpongeBob: Squidward, why are you wearing my hat on your nose? 

Squidward: (takes off the hat and puts it back on SpongeBob’s head) I'm not wearing your hat on my nose, I'm waiting for #17's order! 

SpongeBob: #17 -- (holds up a tray with food) Krabby Patty and a medium beverage. Course. Sorry, Squidward, I'm not really feeling myself today. I guess I'm a little bit jumpy. I keep thinking robots are taking over the world, probably on account of this movie I watched last night where robots take over the world. I even asked Gary if he was a robot! Pretty funny, huh? 

Squidward: (sarcastically) Hilarious. Just deliver the food. 

SpongeBob: (delivers the food to the customer) There you go! Enjoy your... Say, you're not a robot, are you? 

Customer: No, I'm not. 

SpongeBob: Well, keep your eyes peeled. They're everywhere. Back to work! (walks by Mr. Krabs' office) 

Mr. Krabs: I feel completely recharged! 

SpongeBob: That sounds like Mr. Krabs. (peeks in the window) 

Mr. Krabs: Come on, little buddy, play it again. (shakes his radio) Please? One more time, for me. 

SpongeBob: That was strange. Mr. Krabs was talking to his radio, and he said he feels "recharged". (laughs) If I didn't know better, I'd say he was... (scene zooms in on SpongeBob) ...a robot. Nah. 

Mr. Krabs: (calls the radio station) Yes, hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again. 

Radio DJ: Hmmm, which one, man? 

Mr. Krabs: The one that goes "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep."

Radio DJ: No, man. You're thinking of "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop." 

Mr. Krabs: Bee-boo-boo, boo-boo-bop? Bee-boo-boo-bop? Boo-boo-bee-bop? Not "bee-boo-boo-beep"? Bop-beep-boo-boo-bop?(SpongeBob screams) 

SpongeBob: Oh my gosh. Why was Mr. Krabs making all those beeping sounds? Could it be that he's... (scene zooms in on him) ...a robot? Nah. (peeks into the window again and sees Mr. Krabs dancing on his desk. He jumps onto Squidward's arms) Oh, Squidward, it's terrible! Mr. Krabs...talking to radio...beeping sounds...strange dancing... robot! 

Squidward: (picks up SpongeBob off his arms) That's great, SpongeBob. Why don't you work on this problem back in the kitchen? (throws him in the kitchen but SpongeBob reappears beside him. Squidward is confused and looks around for how he did it) 

SpongeBob: I'm serious, Squidward! Mr. Krabs is a robot. And I can prove it, too. 

Squidward: How did you...? 

SpongeBob: Let's see, in the movie the robot's didn't have a sense of humor! They couldn't laugh. Hey, Mr. Krabs! 

Mr. Krabs: (runs up to the counter) What is it, boy? 

SpongeBob: Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it. 

Mr. Krabs: Is it true, Squidward? Is it hilarious? 

Squidward: Umm...yeah, sure. 

Mr. Krabs: Well, let's hear it, lad. 

SpongeBob: Okay, here it goes! Uhh, how'd it go Squidward? 

Squidward: (chuckles nervously) Uhh, it went, umm, uhh, let's see, uhh...why couldn't the eleven-year-old get into the pirate movie? 

Mr. Krabs: Why? 

Squidward: It was rated "Arr!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Arr! Because it's...about...pirates. 

Mr. Krabs: I'm not paying you to do stand up, Mr. Squidward! Now get back to work! 

SpongeBob: (gasps) Not even a chuckle. See, Squidward? He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's... (scene zooms in on him) ...a robot. 

Squidward: There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, SpongeBob. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think Krabs is a robot is because you watched that stupid movie. Now why don't you... 

SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs! 

Mr. Krabs: (runs up to the counter again) What? What is it, boy?

SpongeBob: Squidward's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad? (cries) 

Mr. Krabs: Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Squidward can hug himself during his break! Now get back to work! 

SpongeBob: Just like the robot in the movie. He couldn't cry either. 

Squidward: SpongeBob, this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much! 

SpongeBob: That's the final test, Squidward -- the love test. Robots can't love. 

Squidward: No, wait, SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs! 

Mr. Krabs: (runs up to the counter again) What is it, SpongeBob?! 

SpongeBob: I just wanted to tell you that Squidward loves you! 

Mr. Krabs: Get back to work, Mr. Squidward. 

SpongeBob: (gulps) Squidward? (Mr. Krabs is at his desk writing something when the radio stops working) 

Mr. Krabs: Aw, me radio died! (takes out the batteries and looks at them) Hmmm, these batteries still have a little juice in 'em. I know! I'll give 'em to Pearl for Christmas. (puts the batteries in his back pocket. A bell rings sending Mr. Krabs to a pot of boiling water) Me hard-boiled egg is ready! (picks up a pair of tongs) I can already taste it. Come to Papa. (takes the egg out of the water with his tongs) Gotcha! And what good is a hard-boiled egg without a little salt? (sprinkles a little salt on it) 

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! 

Mr. Krabs: (accidentally breaks the eggs and spills salt in his eyes) AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! AH, MY EYES!!!! AHHH!!!!! 

SpongeBob: Mr... (Squidward puts his hand over SpongeBob’s mouth) 

Squidward: Will you be quiet? Now listen, what did these robots in the movie look like? 

SpongeBob: Well, they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries. 

Squidward: Ok, so tell me, does Mr. Krabs look anything like that? (Mr. Krabs opens the office door)

Mr. Krabs: AHH!!, AHH!!!, AHH!!!!, [his eyes are piercing red, his pair of the tongs snip, then it shows the batteries in his pocket] AHH!!!!!, LAH, LAH, LAH, LAH!!!!!!!!

Squidward: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Mr. Krabs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Squidward: I'll evacuate the customers, you call the navy! 

SpongeBob: (runs over to the phone) Hello, Operator? Get me the navy! 

Operator: Hello, you've reached the navy's automated phone service. 

SpongeBob: Squidward, the robots are running the navy! 

Squidward: Not the navy! (over loudspeaker) Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Robots have taken over the world!
(everyone is silent) Our world! (all the customers run out screaming) What do we do now? 

SpongeBob: I don't know. Hey, a nickel! 

Squidward: SpongeBob. 

SpongeBob: Sorry. 

Mr. Krabs: (walks out of the bathroom, calmly) Ah, that's better. (walks back to his office) Bee-boo-boo-boo-bee-bop, boo-
boo-bop.

Squidward: We need to find out what that robot did with the real Mr. Krabs, but how? 

SpongeBob: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot. 

Squidward: They poop on the robot? 

SpongeBob: Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information. 

Squidward: I never thought I'd say this, but SpongeBob, let's get that poop! (grabs the book 'How To Torture' and reads
it with SpongeBob. SpongeBob grabs some rope while Squidward grabs a hammer and saw. SpongeBob grabs some old comedy
records. Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs' office, where an angry SpongeBob & Squidward enter) 

Mr. Krabs: Oh, hello boys. What can I do for you? (SpongeBob & Squidward angrily lock the door) Heh, why did you lock the door?
Why do you have that rope? Who's watching the cash register?! (shot of outside the Krusty Krab where loud crashing and
everyone screaming can be heard) SpongeBob! Squidward! What's the meaning of this?! Untie me this instant! 

Squidward: Shut up! (angrily slaps Mr. Krabs) 

Mr. Krabs: Sweet [[Davy Jones]]! What the heck is going on?! 

Squidward: I said shut up, you bucket of bolts! (angrily slaps him again) 

SpongeBob: I can't take it! (runs off, crying) 

Squidward: SpongeBob, are you okay? 

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch! 

Squidward: No, that's not Mr. Krabs. That's Robot Krabs. (Mr. Krabs is trying to get out of his chair) 

SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. 

Squidward: And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know. 

SpongeBob: Right. (angrily slaps Mr. Krabs) 

Squidward: SpongeBob, you gotta ask him a question first. 

SpongeBob: Oh yeah. What color is my underwear? (angrily slaps him again)

Squidward: SpongeBob, let me handle this. (turns a light on Mr. Krabs) Where's Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: What are you talking about? I'm Mr. Krabs. (Squid angrily slaps him again) 

Squidward: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs. 

SpongeBob: Where's Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs. 

Squidward: Where's Mr. Krabs? 

Mr. Krabs: I am Mr. Krabs! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! 

SpongeBob: This is one stubborn robot. 

Mr. Krabs: (Angrily yells) '''''WHAT?!?!''''' (his yelling knocks over the light) '''''YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!?!?!''''' 

Squidward: We don't think; we know. 

Mr. Krabs: That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I am Mr. Krabs! 

Squidward: (walks over to SpongeBob) He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way. 

SpongeBob: I got an idea. (pokes Squidward's nose) Keep an eye on him, Squidward. Don't fall for any of his robo-tricks.
(runs out and returns later) If Robot Krabs won't tell us where Mr. Krabs is, maybe one of his little robot friends will.
(holds up a blender) 

Squidward: SpongeBob, uhh, that's a blender. 

SpongeBob: Yeah, but I saw Mr. Krabs talking with his radio before. He called it his "little buddy." 

Squidward: Oh, really? Put it on the table, SpongeBob. 

Mr. Krabs: You're gonna interrogate my blender? You're crazy. 

Squidward: We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows. (SpongeBob sets the blender on Mr. Krabs' desk. Squidward
holds up a bat) 

Mr. Krabs: No, wait! What are you gonna do to me blender?! That cost me money. 

Squidward: Where's Mr. Krabs? (shot of the blender) Not talking, eh? (breaks the blender with the bat) 

Mr. Krabs: No! That cost me $24.95! 

SpongeBob: I guess it didn't know anything. 

Squidward: Go get the toaster. (SpongeBob gets the toaster then puts it on Mr. Krabs' desk) 

Mr. Krabs: No, not me toaster. That cost me $32.50! (Squidward breaks the toaster. Then SpongeBob sets another blender on
the desk) $62.67! (Squidward breaks it with the bat smashes it. SpongeBob picks up a coffee maker) Four...well, actually,
that one was a gift. (Squidward breaks it) '''NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!''' (SpongeBob puts the cash register on the desk) 

SpongeBob: This is the last robot, Squidward. 

Mr. Krabs: No, not my cash register! I raised it myself. I got it when it was just a little calculator. (cries) No-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-hoo!!! 

Squidward: I thought you said robots can't cry. 

SpongeBob: I also said they couldn't love. 

Mr. Krabs: I loved it like it was me own. 

SpongeBob: Uh, at least he's not laughing. 

Mr. Krabs: Oh, I remember the laughs we used to share! 

Squidward: SpongeBob, uhh, how did that movie of yours end? 

SpongeBob: The movie? Oh, yeah! The ending was great! Turns out there weren't any robots after all. It was just
their...imagination. (chuckles nervously then checks his watch) Hey, it's time to feed Gary. (runs out while Squidward
smiles at Mr. Krabs and sweeps) 

Mr. Krabs: '''''GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, SQUIDWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!!!!''''' (The credits starts)

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]

Episode Transcript: Nasty Patty

2015-08-20T03:44:31Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

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Episode Article: [[Nasty Patty]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*Officers
*Inspector

==Dialogue==

'''Narrator:''' (It's dark & rainy above water) Oh, a dark and stormy night... (thunderclap) It's nights like these that remind me of the time Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob thought they killed the health inspector. (laughs evilly and a thunderclap. Stormy night becomes calm day) It was a bright and sunny morning... (scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where a fish drives up and stops in front of the restaurant. The scene zooms into his badge that reads 'Health Inspector') 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (taking a bath in money) Ah... (sniffs) That smells like (gasps) the health inspector! (Mr. Krabs runs up to SpongeBob in a yellow towel) Wash your hands, clean the floors, change your underwear! The health inspector's here! (both are peeking out the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is writing on a clipboard) If he finds one health violation, he'll close us down for good. We've got to do everything in our power to make sure he passes the Krusty Krab. 

'''SpongeBob:''' But Mr. Krabs, there's no reason to worry. (eyes widen) The Krusty Krab is the most perfect place in the universe. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son? (pushes SpongeBob out the door) Just go out there and give him what he needs. Pour on the charm. Sweet talk him. (SpongeBob walks up to the health inspector, who is still writing on his clipboard at the table) 

'''SpongeBob:''' What can I get for you...handsome? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (slaps forehead) We're doomed. 

'''Health Inspector:''' I'm going to need you to bring me one of everything on the menu. 

'''SpongeBob:''' (walking backwards back into the kitchen) Excellent choice, my darling. Coming right up! (SpongeBob enters the kitchen, where Krabs waits) He wants one of everything. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Then we'll give him a smorgasbord! (holds up a tray of a patty, a drink, some fries, and coral bits) The future of the Krusty Krab is at stake. (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs run up to the health inspector) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Try the Krusty Kelp Dog, sir. (stuffs it in the inspectors mouth) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' The Buttered Barnacles are a touch of heaven. (stuffs it in the inspectors mouth) 

'''SpongeBob:''' The Powdered Driftwood is exquisite. (stuffs it in the inspectors mouth) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Fresh Sludge Pudding? (stuffs it in the inspectors mouth) 

'''SpongeBob:''' More Diet Red Tide? (stuffs it in the inspectors mouth) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Some Fried Flotsam... (stuffs it in the inspectors mouth)

'''Health Inspector:''' (pushes both of them away) Please, gentlemen! (swallows all the food in his mouth) Leave me to finish my work in peace. (clicks his pen, which is actually a fork that comes out. Later, the health inspector has eaten everything on the table) 

'''SpongeBob:''' And did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?

'''Health Inspector:''' (writes on his clipboard) So far, so good. I just need to try a plain Krabby Patty and my inspection will be finished. 

'''SpongeBob:''' (open kitchen door) He says if he gets one more Krabby Patty, he'll pass us for the inspection! 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (picks up SpongeBob) Do you know what this means, dear boy? We're in the clear! (both dance off then leapfrog over each other, across the screen then do the can-can in dresses until a news report comes on TV) 

'''A. Realistic Fish Head:''' We interrupt this can-can for a special news bulletin. Be on the lookout for a man who's been passing himself off as a health inspector in order to obtain free food. That's all for now. (Mr Krabs gets angry)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' FREE FOOD!?!? 

'''SpongeBob:''' Maybe we oughta tell our guy about the phony imposter. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' You loony loofah! He is the imposter! We've been duped!

'''SpongeBob:''' Duped! 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Bamboozled! 

'''SpongeBob:''' We've been smeckledorfed! 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' That's not even a word, and I agree with ya! (both look through the kitchen window at the health inspector, who is wiping his mouth off, finishing his drink, and cleaning his teeth with a toothpick) Look at him. I bet he never changes his underpants. 

'''SpongeBob:''' I bet he bites whale bubbles. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' I bet his mom bought him that hat. (holds up a krabby patty) If that imposter wants a Krabby Patty, then by Neptune, we'll give him one. (flicks the top bun off and puts a some volcano sauce on the patty) You're dancin' with the crab man now! Join me, boy, or you're fired. 

'''SpongeBob:''' It doesn't seem right... (holds up a bottle of seahorse radish) ...but it feels so good! (dumps a spoonful on the patty) Seahorse radish, (Horse Whinnies) the gnarliest stuff in the ocean! 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Ohh, hold on! I've got a jar of toenail clippings in my office. (runs off as SpongeBob drops the patty in the toilet) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Oops, I dropped it in the toilet! (Mr. Krabs runs in with a smelly sock) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, fish it out, and I'll dry it with me gym socks! (scene cuts to showing a disgusting krabby patty) Why that's the most diabolical Krabby Patty ever spawned. (both are wearing clothespins on their noses) 

'''SpongeBob:''' I call it... the Nasty Patty. (both laugh) 

'''Health Inspector:''' Hey! Hurry up with that patty. (SpongeBob runs in with the patty) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Here you are, sir. Enjoy. (runs back into the kitchen) 

'''Health Inspector:''' Ah, hello, delicious. Come to papa. (Opens his mouth to eat the patty, only for a fly to get into his throat. He starts to choke) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (listening from the kitchen) Listen! He ate it! (both look out from the kitchen window) Oh, look at him choke!
(both laugh) Look at him suffer! (both keep laughing. Health inspector slips on some packets of condiments and bangs his
head on the table) Did you see that boy? Aw, man, the look on his face! (continue laughing. Another TV bulletin comes on) 

'''A. Realistic Fish Head:''' We interrupt your laughter at other people's expense to bring you this news flash! The fake inspector has been captured. Here is his picture. (picture is shown on the TV) If a health inspector comes to your
restaurant and he's not this guy...he's real. 

'''SpongeBob:''' Phew! That's a relief, eh, Mr. Krabs? I'm sure our guy will understand if we just explain the situation. Then we can all have a good laugh about it. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (gasps) I don't think he'll be laughin', boy. 

'''SpongeBob:''' Why, sir? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Because that patty killed him! (both scream, check the inspector again, then scream some more) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs, what are we gonna do? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' What's this "we" stuff? You fed him the tainted patty. Looks like it's the stony lonesome for you! 

'''SpongeBob:''' But you told me to give it to him. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, you could've talked me out of it! 

'''SpongeBob:''' You're right, Mr. Krabs...I'm guilty. I'll never survive in prison, they'll mop up the floor with me! (Mr. Krabs grabs him) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Get a hold of yourself, boy. We've got to get rid of this body before anyone sees it. We've got to take it out and bury it. (scene cuts to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs walking up a muddy hill)

'''SpongeBob:''' (dragging the body) Ew, gross, germs, it's all icky and corpsey! (sprays himself with disinfectant and stammers. He then grabs a tissue and drags the body with it)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (at the top of the hill) This should be far enough. Now get diggin'! (hands SpongeBob a shovel) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Yes, sir. (while digging a big hole, his shovel hits something) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' What's the holdup down there? 

'''SpongeBob:''' There's a big rock in the way! 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well toss it out and get back to diggin'! 

'''SpongeBob:''' (salutes) Aye, aye, sir! (tosses the huge rock behind him) 

'''Health Inspector:''' Uhh, where am I? (rock hits him in the head knocking him out again) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Somethin' ain't quite right.

'''SpongeBob:''' What do you mean, Mr. Krabs? (health inspectors head is out of the ground) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' His head's stickin' out! (SpongeBob covers his head with more sand) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I thought he might need some air. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' They don't need air where he's going. 

'''SpongeBob:''' Shouldn't we say a few words on his behalf? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Uhh...he was a credit to health inspectors everywhere. And, uhh... 

'''SpongeBob:''' (Wails loudly) What a brave man, going in the line of duty like that! Why?! Why?! Why-ah-y-ah-y-ah-y?! (Mr. Krabs grabs SpongeBob) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Listen here, ya little barnacle. No one, and I mean no one, can ever know about this. It'll be the end of you, it'll be the end of me, and worst of all, it'll be the end of me. 

'''Officer Malley:''' (shines a flashlight on them) Stop right where you are! I'm afraid we're going to have to arrest the two of you. (SpongeBob hangs on Mr. Krabs) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs! I'm too young to go to jail! (Mr. Krabs covers his mouth) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' And what would be the charges? 

'''Officer Malley:''' (puts away flashlight) For not being at the Krusty Krab to whip us up a couple of dee-licious Krabby Patties. (both police officers laugh. Mr. Krabs laughs nervously) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Laugh, boy. (SpongeBob laughs hysterically while it starts raining again. The rain exposes the health inspector's body and he slides down the hill towards SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs) 

'''Officer Nancy:''' Put that muddy shovel in the trunk and we'll give you a ride back. (SpongeBob is still laughing until Mr. Krabs hits him. Mr. Krabs walks over to the trunk and opens it. SpongeBob puts the shovel in it) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' SpongeBob, listen carefully. We're just getting a lift back to the Krusty Krab. I need you to stay calm and don't lose your cool. Understand? (SpongeBob looks down) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Can I lose my cool now?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Why? (SpongeBob points to the health inspector, who is now down the hill. Both scream and Mr. Krabs grabs the body and gives it to SpongeBob) Put it in the trunk, boy! I'll keep them cops busy. 

'''Officer Malley:''' What's the holdup back there? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Uhh, the boy's havin' a little trouble... (continues taking)

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, Neptune, get away! (throws the inspector in the trunk then sprays himself with disinfectant. Slams the trunk on the health inspector, who was waking up then knocked out for the third time) Ahem. Ok! All set back here... Nothing unusual about a muddy shovel in the trunk. (laughs nervously) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' All set. (SpongeBob slides in) 

'''Officer Nancy:''' You ok there, little fella? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Oh, he gets carsick real easy. 

'''Officer Malley:''' Well buckle up and we'll drive real smooth-like. (drives off) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Now listen, SpongeBob, when we get to the Krusty Krab...I want you to take that (winks) ''shovel'' and bring it around to the back entrance and stuff...err...I mean, ''stow'' it in the freezer. Understand...? 

'''SpongeBob:''' I understand, Mr. Krabs. But what do you want me to do with the bo... 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (grabs SpongeBob’s lips) ...ttles of soda! Bottles of soda...same thing, put 'em in the freezer. (Nancy stares at them funny. Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob laugh. Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where SpongeBob is bringing the body to the back)
 

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, man. This is so gross. (tries the handle on the door but there is a lock) The back door is locked! What am I gonna do? (scene cuts to inside the Krusty Krab, where the cops were laughing with Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob enters with a big hat where the health inspector is in it) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Ahoy there, SpongeBob, I thought you were out back taking care of that SHOVEL. (twitches & winks his eyes) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Well, the back door was locked, so I came around here. (his hat sags over, and SpongeBob puts it back in position) So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put my hat in the freezer now. (walks to the kitchen very carefully) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Okey dokey, SpongeBob! 

'''Officer Malley:''' Is that kid ok? 

'''Officer Nancy:''' He's acting a little funny. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Funny? Oh, yeah! (laughs) He's a real cutup, that one. He knows how to keep the growing stages! Good one, boy! Always on, that one, there's no "off" on his funny switch. (laughs) Oh, your killing me! (continues laughing until SpongeBob is trying to get through a door but his hat is too big, so it fell on the floor, Mr. Krabs quickly hits the cash register.) Oh, look, I almost forgot, it's 'Open Cash Register' night! First two customers get all the money in the cash register! (hands out the money. SpongeBob gets his hat inside the kitchen)

'''Policeman:''' (listens to his walkie-talkie) Eighty-six those patties, Krabs. We just got a call about two ghouls burying a stiff over by Shallow Grave Road. 

'''Officer Nancy:''' I want a soda. (Mr. Krabs gives her one) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Here's your soda. Always a pleasure to serve the folks in blue. Well, goodbye now. 

'''Officer Nancy:''' Hey, there's no ice. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (nervous) Ice? Ice? You want ice? Is...that...what...you...want? You want ice? Is that what you want? (SpongeBob slides on screen) 

'''SpongeBob:''' The dark deed you requested is done, sir.

'''Officer Nancy:''' (walks to the kitchen) I'll get it myself. Ice is in the freezer, right? (Mr. Krabs runs to block the freezer door) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' There is no ice! There's never been any ice. Ice is just a myth! 

'''Officer Nancy:''' Step aside. You people act like you've committed a murder. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Ok! I confess! SpongeBob killed him! 

'''SpongeBob:''' What? You can't pin this whole rap on me! 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' He was insane! Out of control! He would've killed me too if you hadn't come along! 

'''SpongeBob:''' It was all Mr. Krabs' idea! 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Put him down now! He's a mad dog! 

'''SpongeBob:''' He wears curlers to bed!! 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Wait! It's not what you think! 

'''Officer Nancy:''' What are you two talking about?(SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs hang onto Officer Nancy from the bottom) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' We killed the health inspector, buried him and then stuffed his body in the freezer! 

'''Officer Nancy:''' You mean in here? (opens the freezer but it's empty) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' It's empty? 

'''Officer Nancy:''' Is this some kind of a joke? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Yeah...a joke! (SpongeBob giggles) 

'''Officer Nancy:''' Say, maybe he turned into a zombie and walked out. (everyone laughs. Just then a creature walks up moaning) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Aaaaaaaaahhhhh! It's the zombie! (the inspector turns the lights on) 

'''Health Inspector:''' You guys should... 

'''Officer Malley:''' (hits the inspector with an anchor) Take that, you zombie! (inspector now has a huge bump on his head) 

'''Officer Nancy:''' I'll take it from here. (hits the inspector with a barrel) Die, zombie! 

'''Officer Malley:''' Good police work, Officer Nancy. Hey, this guy's not a zombie. He's just an ordinary health inspector! 

'''Health Inspector:''' Yes, and at the risk of being hit again, I'd like to present you with this. (gives Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob a note with the word 'pass' on it checked) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Hey, Mr. Krabs, look. We passed the inspection. 

'''Everyone:''' Hooray! (everyone walks out of the kitchen) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Come on, everybody. Krabby Patties at half price! Well, not really. 

'''Health Inspector:''' (inspector tries to crawl out) Oh boy, I'd like a Krabby Patty. (door slams in his face. Scene cuts to above water where its stormy again) 

'''Narrator:''' Well, that's the story. Yes, they are all idiots, aren't they?

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]

Episode Transcript: My Pretty Seahorse

2015-08-20T03:41:13Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transcript
!Next Episode Transcript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Club SpongeBob|Club SpongeBob]]
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Just One Bite|Just One Bite]]
|}

Episode Article: [[My Pretty Seahorse (Episode)|My Pretty Seahorse]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Mystery]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Old Man Jenkins]]
*[[Fred]]
*[[Tom]]
*[[Scooter]]

==Dialogue==
'''Narrator:''' Ah, springtime in Bikini Bottom. All sea creatures have an innate sense of the seasonal changes... (Patrick jumps out of his rock with a purple sweater on) ...like the starfish. A quick survey of his environment... (scratches his back) ...and he knows that... 

'''Patrick''': It's spring! 

'''Narrator:''' The starfish then sheds his winter coat... (takes his sweater off) ...and stores it away safe for winter. (buries the
sweater in the sand) 

'''SpongeBob:''' (walks outside and smells the air) I'd better call the doctor, 'cause I've got spring fever! Good morning,
little flowers. (sniffs them into his nose so hard, they go straight into three of his porous holes, smiles in sighs in delight) Hello Squidward, isn't it a lovely day? 

'''Squidward:''' Huh? 

'''SpongeBob:''' Have you said hello to the flowers yet? 

'''Squidward:''' (sighs) Good morning, flowers. (flowers hiss at him like snakes. Squidward runs inside) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Gosh, I didn't know Squidward had hay fever. I'll do him the kindness and plant him some hypoallergenic flowers.
(SpongeBob digs a hole and puts the flower in it) You're on your way. I bet you're thirsty. (turns around and grabs his
container. When he turns back around, the flower is half eaten. Plants a new flower. Turns around and grabs the container
of water, he sees the flower is eaten again) Huh? (plants a new one) I'm not taking my eyes off you. (eyes stretch out
staring at the flower) 

'''Narrator''': Three days later... 

(SpongeBob is still staring but his eyes have shriveled up so he uses the water to make his eyes normal) 

'''Patrick''': (running by) Hey, SpongeBob! 

'''SpongeBob''': (turns around) Hi Patrick! (When SpongeBob turns around, the flower is eaten again) How does this keep
happening? (notices a seahorse eating the flower next to him) Hi. (horse whinnies then gallops onto a rock) She's beautiful!
(SpongeBob imagines himself riding the seahorse with a head full of auburn wavy hair) What a magnificent seahorse. I shall tame her. Who
knows what we can accomplish? (scene cuts to seahorse eating some flowers and SpongeBob looking at her from a distance
writing in a book) Because of her mysterious behavior, I have decided to name her Mystery. Hmmm, now that I think of it,
she is very graceful and majestic. Perhaps I should name her Grace, or Majesty. Or Debbie. (seahorse nickers) She must have
spotted my floral bookmark! (using a flower bookmark in his book. The seahorse gallops over slowly) She's coming this way.
That's it girl. Don't be afraid. I'm just a talking sponge, is all. (sniffs the bookmark then eats it. Scene cuts to
SpongeBob riding with Mystery, blowing a bubble heart, posting for Mystery, making stamp books, and walking out of a store
laughing. Scene cuts to nighttime in SpongeBob’s bed where SpongeBob is sleeping on the floor and Mystery is in SpongeBob’s
bed) Gosh, Mystery, that was the greatest day of my life. Do you think we'll be friends forever? (Mystery is asleep) I'll
take that as a yes! 

'''Squidward''': (It's now morning as Squidward rides his bike. Then SpongeBob and Mystery gallop by him) What the...? 

'''SpongeBob''': Hey Squidward! Still riding a machine to work, I see! 

'''Squidward''': Don't say anything Squidward, remember your karma. (Squidward's bike trips on something and he falls off a cliff
then explodes. He groans. SpongeBob arrives at the Krusty Krab and ties Mystery to a bike rack) 

'''SpongeBob''': Whoa, girl. Now you wait out here until I'm done with work. See you at the end of my shift. (walks in as Scooter
and a friend walk by) 

'''Scooter''': Hey look, Mr Krabs put in a kiddy ride! 

'''Friend''': Why don't you try it out? (Scooter gets out a quarter) 

'''Scooter''': I can't find the coin slot. Here it is! (But it's actually Mystery's behind. Mystery kicks Scooter into the background
and he explodes) 

'''Surfer''': (runs off) Help! Kiddy ride on the loose! 

'''Mr. Krabs''': (walks out) What's with all the ruckus? (gasps) A monster scaring away me customers! 

'''SpongeBob''': That's not a monster Mr. Krabs, it's a horse. She's my friend. Her name is Mystery. 

'''Mr. Krabs''': You're a mystery, SpongeBob. (SpongeBob laughs) Get rid of it. 

'''SpongeBob''': Huh? Please, Mr. Krabs, let her stay! She won't hurt nobody nohow! 

'''Mr. Krabs''': It's either you or Mystery. 

'''SpongeBob''': I knew I should've named her Debbie. (scene cuts to SpongeBob, sad, grilling up some patties) 

'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob, thanks for finally getting rid of that horse! 

'''SpongeBob''': (in a sad voice) You're welcome, Mr. Krabs. 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Now, if we could only get rid of Squidward. (laughs then walks out) 

'''SpongeBob''': Good one, sir. (takes his pair of sad eyes off) Ha, it worked, girl! (opens the cabinet with Mystery inside it)
We'll just keep you here until Patrick finishes that stable I asked him to build. (scene cuts to Patrick with a board on
his forehead) Only eight more hours. (closes cupboard) 

'''Narrator''': Twelve seconds later... (Mystery peeks out of the cupboard) 

'''SpongeBob''': No, Mystery, you can't come out yet. If old man Krabs sees you, I'll lose my job. (SpongeBob gives her a tray
with a patty on it) I bet you're hungry. How about some lunch? (Mystery eats the patty and whinnies) Shhh! Girl, you got to
be quiet or...

'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob! (SpongeBob closes the cabinet quickly as Mr. Krabs comes bursting in) What was that? Is that horse in
here?

'''SpongeBob''': No, Mr. Krabs. I was just practicing my imitation of Mystery. (weakly nickers) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, keep working on it! That was terrible! (walks out) 

'''SpongeBob:''' That was close. (gets a tray with three patties) From now on, no more hijinks. Order up! (puts the tray on the
window. Mystery eats it. Squidward walks up to the window) 

'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob, where's my order? 

'''SpongeBob:''' Did you look under the tray? 

'''Squidward''': No I didn't, sorry. (looks under the tray then sighs) SpongeBob, could you just get my order? 

'''SpongeBob''': They vanished. Squidward, do you think the Krusty Krab is haunted? What if they come for me next? I gotta get out of here! (runs to the door) 

'''Squidward''': SpongeBob, there's no ghosts! 

'''SpongeBob''': Oh. 

'''Squidward:''' In case you've forgotten, here's how things work. I order the food, you cook the food, the customer gets the
food.(SpongeBob’s eyes move to the side of his face and he notices Mystery eating a customer's food. Squidward is still talking) We do that for forty years and then we die. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me, what do you say? 

'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you Squidward. I'll be right back. (grabs Mystery and shoves her under a cupboard) 

'''Squidward''': What's that? 

'''SpongeBob''': Don't tell Mr. Krabs! I got it all under control! (closes the cupboard) Now then, you were saying? 

'''Squidward''': Just get my order. (walks out) 

'''SpongeBob''': You got it, Squidward! (chuckles) Ghosts. (Mystery eats SpongeBob’s hat) Mystery, you ate my hat! (Mystery burps
out a spatula) Mystery, you ate my spatula! You ate all the Krabby Patties! You ate the stove! You ate Old Man Jenkins! 

'''Old Man Jenkins:''' (from inside Mystery's belly) I don't want to be a burden. 

'''Squidward:''' (customers are angry) Folks, we have a minor situation going on in the kitchen. 

'''Customer #1:''' Where's our food? 

'''Fred:''' I'm so hungry! 

'''Customer #2:''' This is my only lunch hour! 

'''Tom:''' Where's Old Man Jenkins? 

'''Squidward:''' Take it easy, the food's no good here, anyway. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Squidward, what's going on in here? 

'''Squidward:''' Why don't you ask CowBob RanchPants and his faithful companion Sir Eats-A-Lot? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (runs into the kitchen) SpongeBob, what's the meaning of all these nicknames? (seeing him) Davey H. Jones! (SpongeBob is by
Mystery's side, who has eaten too much) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Mystery got a belly-ache from eating Krabby Patties, so I made her a bi-carbonated soda. (Mystery spits out Old
Man Jenkins) 

'''Old Man Jenkins:''' What did I miss? (Mr. Krabs rubs his eyes)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' So, my eyes are correct! You still gave that horse even when I ordered you to get rid of it! Well, now I'm going
to get rid of it once and for all! 

'''SpongeBob:''' No, Mr. Krabs! Don't make me give up Mystery! I know you think she's just a horse, but she's more than that, I
tell you. She listens to me. She understands everything I say and I understand her! She's my best friend! (Squidward cries
but because of a bowl of onions near him) 

'''Squidward:''' Hey, who left this bowl of onions here? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' SpongeBob, your story has touched me. Believe it or not, I know what it's like to give up a best friend. 

'''SpongeBob:''' You do? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' I was five years old and me father gave me a dollar. I loved that dollar. Loved it like a brother. Me and that
dollar went everywhere together. 

'''SpongeBob''': What happened to the dollar, Mr. Krabs? 

'''Mr. Krabs''': And one day at the beach, it was so hot and I was so thirsty! I spent it on a soda! (cries) My best friend!
(Squidward cries, but the tears are coming from from the bowl of onions again) 

'''Squidward''': What? Would you get out of here? 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' The point is, sometimes you have to set things free even though it's hard. (points to Mystery) Look at her. She
misses the great outdoors, the wide-open spaces, the rolling green pastures. The kitchen is no place for a live horse. (two
customers spit out their patties) 

'''SpongeBob:''' Alright, Mr. Krabs, I understand. 

'''Customer:''' (crying from the bowl of onions Squidward is holding under his nose) Hey! 

'''SpongeBob:''' OK, girl, you're free to go. (takes Mystery outside and takes Mystery's leash off) I can't keep you anymore.
(cries) I know it's hard for you to understand, but Mr. Krabs is right. You belong in the wild. (Mystery gallops away) Well,
what are you waiting for? Can't you see I don't want you anymore? (Patrick walks up with the board on his head) Just get
out of here, you stupid, dumb animal! (Patrick walks away as Mr. Krabs walks up to SpongeBob) Well, she's gone and I'll
never see her again. 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' It's ok, son. You did the proper thing. She's free now and we have no right to separate that wild animal from her
natural habitat. 

'''Squidward:''' Hey, Mr. Krabs, looks like old Mystery had an after-dinner salad! (vault of money opens to show dollar bills have been eaten and a bunch of money is missing) 

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Get that horse!! (they start calling out Mystery's name, and SpongeBob also does his imitation of a seahorse.)(Scene cuts to Patrick trying to enter a hat store, but the board on his head keeps knocking into the entrance.)
{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]

Episode Transcript: Frankendoodle

2015-08-20T03:27:19Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transcript
!Next Episode Transcript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Welcome to the Chum Bucket|Welcome to the Chum Bucket]]
|[[Episode Transcript: The Secret Box|The Secret Box]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Frankendoodle (Episode)|Frankendoodle]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[DoodleBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Artist At Sea]]
*[[French Narrator]]

==Dialogue==
(Scene opens as live-action shot of the man on a simple boat at sea with an easel and pencil)

'''French Narrator:''' Well, well, what is this? Ah, the artist at sea. Let us watch and see the fruits of his struggle. Ah, it seems that inspiration has struck.

'''Artist:''' Hmm...ah! (draws some strokes. he hums something. however, he drops his pencil into the sea) My pencil! What?

'''French Narrator:''' The artist has learned the first lesson of the sea: Always bring a spare pencil.

'''Artist:''' Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!! (cut to the pencil dropping into the water, then cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick playing "Rock-Paper-Scissors" with bubbles)

'''SpongeBob:''' Okay. Ready, Patrick?

'''SpongeBob:''' One...

'''Patrick:''' Two...

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Three! (blows the bubbles. SpongeBob's scissor shaped bubble cuts Patrick's paper shaped bubble in half)

'''SpongeBob:''' Scissors beats paper, Patrick! (laughs)

'''SpongeBob:''' One...

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' two...

'''SpongeBob:''' three! (They blow a tie in paper) Patrick, how come you always do paper? (suddenly, the pencil drops and bursts their balloons and pierces the ground. the two scream)

'''Patrick:''' What is that thing SpongeBob?

'''SpongeBob:''' It looks like a giant pencil.

'''Patrick:''' Go touch it.

'''SpongeBob:''' It is a giant pencil, Patrick! Let's draw some giant pictures with it.

'''Patrick:''' Whatcha drawin'?

'''SpongeBob:''' Stand back, Patrick! I can't draw with you breathing down my neck!

'''Patrick:''' Psh, artists.

'''SpongeBob:''' It's a jellyfish.

'''Patrick:''' Pretty good, SpongeBob! But it's lacking basic construction, and your perspective leaves a lot to be desired.

'''SpongeBob:''' Eh, everybody's a critic.

'''Patrick:''' SpongeBob, I think your drawing's coming to life!

'''SpongeBob:''' Now that's more like it, Mr. Critic!

'''Patrick:''' No, I mean look at it, it's swimming away!

'''SpongeBob:''' Do you know what this means, Patrick?

'''Patrick:''' Uh...your art can never hang in a museum?

'''SpongeBob:''' It means we found a magic pencil!

'''Patrick:''' Now all I need is a magic mustache and all my dreams will have come true.

'''SpongeBob:''' (laughs) Coming right up! (draws mustache on Patrick)

'''Patrick:''' Life is good! (the mustache floats away when coming to life) Easy come, easy go!

'''Squidward:''' Squidward, if you had some hair, you'd be the most gorgeous creature in the sea! You've got looks...talent...all you need is a full head of...(the moustache goes on his head and Squidward smiles) hair!

'''Patrick:''' My turn!

'''SpongeBob:''' Be careful, Patrick! Being an artist is a heavy responsibility. Each work of art is like a child and must be treated as such.

'''Patrick:''' Come on! I was just going to draw a cartoon.

'''SpongeBob:''' Okay! Why didn't you say so? (Patrick draws a jellyfish with a frown and waving fist) Hey, look! Another jellyfish!

'''Patrick:''' It's Squidward, silly! (The Squidward drawing comes to life and mumbles in anger)

'''SpongeBob:''' He looks kind of creepy looking when he moves.

'''Patrick:''' yeah you're right, SpongeBob.

'''SpongeBob:''' We can't let him go into town! (Patrick erases it as the Squidward drawing screams)

'''Patrick:''' Poor Squidward.

'''SpongeBob:''' Okay! My brain just hatched an idea. (They run to Squidward's house where they draw a dollar on Squidward's green mat, attached to a string) (laughing) This is gonna be classic!

'''Squidward:''' (dressed up with the mustach still on his head) I think I fancy a stroll around the park.

'''SpongeBob:''' (doorbell rings) Oh, Squidward!

'''Squidward:''' What do you want?! Hello, what's this? Someone left me money for a perm. Come to Hairy! (SpongeBob pulls the string and the dollar flies away with the string and pulls Squidward onto the ground as Patrick and SpongeBob laugh) Ow! SpongeBob! (The mustache has fallen of Squidward's head) Oh, my hair! (The mustach floats away in the air) '''SPONGEBOB!!!!'''

'''SpongeBob:''' Wait! I've got another idea! This'll be the ultimate prank. I'll draw me, and when Squidward answers the door...it won't be me! (Draws a picture resembling himself which comes to life) Aww, look at him. Ain't he a doll!? All he needs is a tie. (draws a tie on the drawing of himself) Ready for action! (Laughing as Doodlebob goes to Squidward's door.)

'''Patrick:''' He's going to the door.

'''SpongeBob:''' He's knocking on the door.(Squidward walks out scowling as he sees Doodlebob)

'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward's answering the door and... (Doodlebob grabs Squidward and attacks him as SpongeBob watches in dismay)

Squidward: Oh ow ow ow ow ow ow ohh oww ow ow ow ow ow ow ow owww!!!

'''Patrick:''' He's beating up Squidward! (laughs)

'''SpongeBob:''' DoodleBoy, stop! (he throws Squidward back in his house. DoodleBob then steals the magic pencil and runs off)

'''Patrick:''' He's got the pencil.

'''SpongeBob:''' What have I done? We've got to find him! (Later they are searching through bushs) Where could he possibly be?

Patrick: Maybe he's in that poorly drawn pineapple. (Points to a pineapple drawing resembling SpongeBob's pineapple)

'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, let's go! (Patrick hides in a bush)

'''Patrick:''' (fearfully) I'm not going in there. (SpongeBob also hides)

'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Patrick. I'm right behind you. Baby steps. (They walk towards the pineapple hiding in the bush) Almost there... (DoodleBob draws a hole in their path which comes to life. They fall into it.)

Both: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!! (They crash)

'''Patrick:''' What just happened?

'''DoodleBob:''' (gibberishly) You want that pencil? Then you better get up here!

'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Patrick. Give me a boost up!

'''Patrick:''' Can't we just stay down here where it's safe?

'''SpongeBob:''' No way. Listen, I created this ugly little monster and listen, I got to stop him. (a wrench falls and hits Patrick in his head) See what I mean, Patrick?

'''Patrick:''' (dopily smiles in pain) Where's the leak, ma'am? (They climb to the surface of the ground to see DoodleBob draw a bowling ball and roll it. It hits Patrick right in his cheek and turns into some pink bowling pins in reaction and a "strike" sign appears. Another then appears when Patrick falls to the ground and the bowling ball falls into the hole and unseenly smashes Patrick.)

'''SpongeBob:''' You okay down there, Patrick?

'''Patrick:''' (painly) FINLAND!!!!!

'''DoodleBob:''' (gibberishly) You'll never get me now! (Runs off in the distance. Later Pat and Sponge hide behind rocks when gibberish yelling is heard. They hide and watch the DoodleBob play with the pencil)

'''SpongeBob:''' There he is.

'''Patrick:''' He's hideous. He makes me sick, just looking at him. Those big bulgy eyes, that square body, those two buck teeth, and that stupid tie!

'''SpongeBob:''' Eh hem.

'''Patrick:''' Oh...but it looks good on you, SpongeBob! Heh heh.

'''DoodleBob:''' (gibberishly) Maybe I'll just sit down for a little while.

'''SpongeBob:''' He's putting down the pencil! This is our chance. On the count of three, we'll jump out and surprise him!

'''Patrick:''' Oh boy, a surprise Party!!!! Is it his birthday?"

'''DoodleBob:''' (bashes through the rock they're hiding behind and talks gibberishly) Did you say it's my birthday?! (picks SpongeBob up and attacks him)

'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick! Patrick! Do something! (DoodleBob throws SpongeBob into something hard)AAAAAHHH!!!!

'''Patrick:''' Happy birthday! (hands DoodleBob a rock with two pieces of seaweed and coral on it) Here's your present. (DoodleBob smashes it on his head as Patrick dopily smiles in pain) You're welcome.

'''DoodleBob''' (Sees SpongeBob aiming the pencil's eraser at him and reacts gibberish) Uh oh...

'''SpongeBob:''' Hold it right there, DoodleBob. I brought you into this world and now I'm gonna take you out. Any last words?

'''DoodleBob:''' (defeatingly gibberishly talks) OK, I'll be outta here!

'''SpongeBob:''' I'm sorry, what was that?

'''DoodleBob:''' (frowns and speaks gibberish again) I said "OK I'll be outta..." (SpongeBob erases his face and DoodleBob runs off blind and smashes into a rock)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hold still, Doodle. This is for your own good. (begins to erase DoodleBob to oblivion) Take that and this and this and that and this that this that... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!! I AM SPONGEBOB, DESTROYER OF EVIL!!!!!!

'''Patrick:''' Take it easy, it's just a drawing.

'''SpongeBob:''' Well, that takes care of that, eh, Patrick?

'''Patrick:''' Done and done

(DoodleBob's arm is still alive and inches like a caterpillar. Later at night SpongeBob is seen making several posh objects in his house with the pencil like a cookoo clock, a posh bed with a canipe, and a grandfather clock)

'''SpongeBob:''' Gee, Gary, you should have been there! It sure was exciting, but you know, I kind of miss the little doodle. He was like a son to me. But I'm sure glad things are back to normal. Well, goodnight, sweet prince.

'''Gary:''' (with a crown on) Meow.

'''SpongeBob:''' Goodnight, magic pencil. (Falls asleep)

(DoodleBob's arm comes in the pineapple, uses the restroom, breaks into the room and grabs the pencil and begins to redraw himself. SpongeBob hears the commotion and wakes up)

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh hey, Magic Pencil. What are you doing up? Drawing yourself a glass of water? Hahahahahahahahaha! (DoodleBob reveals himself with the pencil redrawn) Aah, DoodleBob! Uh...(chuckles nervously) No hard feelings, right? (DoodleBob draws an angry look in his face) What do you think you're doing, doodle?

'''DoodleBob:''' You doodle! Me SpongeBob! (they chase downstairs and DoodleBob follows him and erases any obstacle in his path from SpongeBob. SpongeBob hides in his kitchen and locks the door. DoodleBob erases the door...and the back of SpongeBob's pants, revealing his butt.) Huh? (Erases his butt before threatening him with the eraser)

'''SpongeBob:''' Ah! Be careful with that thing! Who knows what will happen? (DoodleBob erases his nose) My nose. (DoodleBob erases some parts of his face and body and chuckles evilly) Very funny, doodle. Now it's my turn. (they play tug of war with the pencil and the pencil breaks in half. SpongeBob has the lead and draws the rest of his face.) Well, doodle, it looks like this is a draw. (Points the point of his pencil at DoodleBob. DoodleBob sharpens the pencil so that he now has both sides.) You've made your point, no matter, I was voted most artistic in high school. (it falls out the window when he plays with it and hits Squidward.)

'''Squidward:''' (from outside) Ow! SpongeBob, you're gonna pay for that!!!!

'''SpongeBob:''' Or maybe it was most clumsy. (DoodleBob starts renewing his threat with the eraser as SpongeBob hides on a shelf, and knocks over some papers. As DoodleBob prepares to deliver the eraser to the trapped SpongeBob he then gets his foot stuck in a piece of paper on the floor which magically attaches to his foot. DoodleBob struggles desperately to get unstuck)

DoodleBob: (gibberishly) Huh?! I'm stuck. Somebody help me!!! I am stuck!!!

SpongeBob: Huh? Paper! Page for Mr. Doodle! (DoodleBob glares at him one last time before SpongeBob smashes him with a notebook. Screaming is heard as DoodleBob magically attaches to the paper and SpongeBob looks inside to see DoodleBob shrunk inside the notebook and as he is preserved as a drawing. he smiles)

(the next day spongebob hangs the drawing of DoodleBob on his wall as a sign of his triumph)

'''Patrick:''' Hey, SpongeBob, what's with all the ruckus?

'''SpongeBob:''' Take a look for yourself, Patrick.

'''Patrick:''' (gasps) It's the evil doodle!

'''SpongeBob:''' No, no, not evil. (Acts like a professor) He was just a two-dimensional creature lost in our three-dimensional aquatic world longing for a purpose.

'''Patrick:''' So...he's a drawing?

'''SpongeBob:''' Exactly! See how happy he is now?

'''Patrick:''' (Looks at the smiling DoodleBob) He still looks kind of creepy.

(Later SpongeBob is seen on a diving board with the casted pencil)

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, great magic pencil, your powers are too mighty for us ocean dwellers. So I will send you back to the magic kingdom from where you came. Are you ready, Patrick?

'''Patrick:''' Ready! (SpongeBob drops the pencil in Patrick's mouth and jumps on Patrick's belly, and the pencil is launched back to the surface)

(Cut to the surface where we see the artist lying in a fetal position in his boat.)

'''French Narrator: We rejoin the artist in a creative slump. (The pencil launches back into the boat)

'''Artist:''' Huh? What's this? My pencil! (he draws a line, but the pencil breaks and the artist begins sobbing)

'''French Narrator:''' The second most important rule for the artist at sea: Always bring a pencil sharpener.

'''Artist:''' Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

{{Transcripts/Season 2}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 2]]

Episode Transcript: The Smoking Peanut

2015-08-20T03:23:14Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

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|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Pressure|Pressure]]
|[[Episode Transcript: Shanghaied|Shanghaied]]
|}
Episode Article: [[The Smoking Peanut (Episode)|The Smoking Peanut]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Joe]]
*[[Clamu]]

==Dialogue==

(The episode starts at the Bikini Bottom Zoo.) 

Narrator: Ah... Bikini Bottom Zoo is having its annual free day. Free balloons... 

(Mr. Krabs, disguised in a mustache, steals a whole bunch of balloons from Jimmy.) 

Narrator: Free drinks... 

(Mr. Krabs comes by and fills up a huge barrel.) 

Narrator: Free light bulbs? 

(Mr. Krabs unscrews a light bulb from a lamp post and puts it into his pants just as the police arrive.) 

Mr. Krabs: Aha! Top of the mornin’, boys! (Laughs nervously) Whew! Next stop: gift shop. 

(As he runs into the gift shop, SpongeBob and Patrick walk by a lionfish exhibit and tiger shark exhibit while wearing zoo hats.) 

SpongeBob: There it is... Oyster Stadium. Not only do they have the largest oyster held in captivity, it also does tricks!

(Like an announcer) 

SpongeBob: He spits a giant pearl 100 feet in the air! Like a cannonball! 

(SpongeBob crumples up his hat and spits it into the air and into a little fish's ice cream.) 

Patrick: Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation? Let’s get over there! 

(The two run into the stadium.) 

Both: This is the greatest day of our lives! 

(Snoring and gurgling...) 

Patrick: This is the greatest day of our lives? Boring! 

SpongeBob: You’re right, Patrick. We came to see (Announcer voice) pearls 100 feet in the air, (normal voice) Right? I’ll try my oyster call. 

(SpongeBob makes a strange noise, but seeing no progress, gives up.) 

Patrick: Well, I’m outta here. Thanks for nothin’, SpongeBob.

(Patrick walks away.) 

SpongeBob: Come on, come on, wake up already! (He pulls out his bag of sea peanuts. He checks to see if there's anyone around and then throws one at the oyster. The oyster stirs.) I think it’s working! 

(Clamu moaning anxiously...) 

SpongeBob: Hey Patrick, it’s waking up! 

Patrick: Oh boy, did I miss it? 

SpongeBob: No, the show’s about to begin! 

(Clamu cries in alarm like a siren of ambulance towards SpongeBob and Patrick) 

Zoo Worker #1: What’s wrong with Clamu? 

Joe: Easy girl, it’s me, Joe! Remember? 

(Oyster growling. She picks up Joe and throws him in the air) 

Patrick: Now this is a show! 

P. A. System: (outside) Attention zoo patrons! Clamu the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles. (Crowd screams and runs around in circles.) Thanks for coming. 

(rampaging angrily) 

Zoo Worker #1: You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There’s nothing more dangerous than an emotionally disturbed oyster! 

(The worker points menacingly at SpongeBob.) 

Zoo Worker #1: You didn’t do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you? 

SpongeBob: Uh… 

Patrick: No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob? 

(SpongeBob hides the peanut bag.) 

SpongeBob: Right. 

(Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob leaving the zoo.) 

Patrick: Man, if I see the guy who upset Clamu, I’d have a few choice words for him, like “you”… and “are”… and… “a jerk!” 

(SpongeBob and Patrick have now gotten to Conch Street, where their houses are.) 

Patrick: Are you sure you didn’t see anything suspicious? 

SpongeBob: I already said I didn’t, Patrick! Sheesh! 

(Walks up his cobblestone path into his pineapple.) 

Patrick: Hey, let’s investigate this crime and catch the lowlife who’s responsible! 

SpongeBob: Give it a rest, Patrick! There’s no crime to investigate! Now go home! (Inside the pineapple.) Stupid Patrick, I didn’t do anything wrong. Ah, what am I getting so worked up about? I’m sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory! 

(He chuckles and turns on the TV.) 

Johnny: Our top story tonight: giant oyster has its feelings hurt! The only clue that could be found was this lone peanut! (They show the TV screen with Johnny with the crying giant oyster at the stadium) And (SpongeBob is clearly nervous) as you can hear, the oyster continues to emit its horrible cry. A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world! (We see live action footage of people running around screaming and holding their ears in Africa, Holland, and India. Then, we are shown the stadium again.) A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier, it breaks the hearts of our citizens! 

(We then see guilty SpongeBob onlooking in horror.) 

Johnny: What kind of cruel, careless, evil person would deliberately upset one of Neptune’s most gentle creatures? 

(Hans uses a tissue to wipe a tear off the fish head’s face. The TV turns off.) 

Gary: Meow? 

SpongeBob: Aaaaah! No Gary, how would I know anything about the oyster? 

Gary: Meow. 

SpongeBob: Defensive? I’m not being defensive! Barnacles! What is this, 20 questions or something? (He peers out the window at Oyster Stadium, where we hear Clamu’s burps.) This is getting a little out of hand. All I did was throw a peanut. I didn’t mean to make the oyster cry. I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts! Aw, everyone’s going to hate me! I, I need some advice! Now let’s see now, who could never hate me no matter what I do? (Cut to SpongeBob knocking on Squidward's door.) Squidward? Squidward! Oh, Squidward! 

Squidward: SpongeBob! Do you have to knock so loudly?! 

SpongeBob: Sorry, neighbor. 

Squidward: Oh… that overgrown clam is giving me a headache! I can’t even take my afternoon beauty nap! 

SpongeBob: (laughs nervously) Funny thing you should mention that old oyster, because I… uh… was kind of wondering, uh... Let’s say I know this guy who may have something to do with the oyster. 

Squidward: You mean you know the guy who did it!?! 

SpongeBob: (gulps) 

Squidward: Oh, this is great! You and I can go turn him in! And then I’ll get so much sleep, I’ll be gorgeous! 

SpongeBob: Uh, actually, I-I’m just talking hypothetically. 

Squidward: You mean you don’t know who did it? 

SpongeBob: Well, uh... I... uh... no. 

(Squidwars slams his door) 

SpongeBob: Squidward? 

(On his way home, he encounters Patrick in a Sherlock Holmes outfit.) 

Patrick: Gotcha! 

SpongeBob: Aaaaaahh! 

Patrick: Where were you on the day of today?!! Don’t play games with me, mister! 

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, what are you doing? 

Patrick: Oh, hi, SpongeBob. I’m just continuing my investigation of the great Clamu Caper! 

SpongeBob: Um, have you found out anything? (His eye twitches.) 

Patrick: Yes! No wait, uh… no. (Holds up sand.) But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious, and so does this rock! And I’ve got a few questions for this little piece of grass! Don’t worry, SpongeBob! Patrick’s on the case! The truth will be revealed! 

(SpongeBob runs away.) 

SpongeBob: I better go see Sandy! She’ll know what to do! 

(We see Sandy and SpongeBob in the treedome, and we can hear Clamu crying.) 

Sandy: Oh, I can’t stand it anymore! That poor, poor critter! What kind of inconsiderate person would upset such a gentle creature? 

SpongeBob: Uh, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about, Sandy. 

Sandy: Why, when I find out who caused that oyster so much pain, no more jiggery-pokery! 

(Holds up the Bikini Bottom Phone Book and rips it in half in front of SpongeBob.) 

Sandy: Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, SpongeBob? 

(SpongeBob tries to speak, but cannot, and his eyes begin to twitch.) 

Sandy: Hey SpongeBob, how come you’re all twitchy like that? 

SpongeBob: Twitchy? Twitchy? Who’s twitchy? I'm not twitchy! Sorry Sandy, I have to, uh... uh... uhhh... go get my hair cut! (He runs home.) 

Sandy: SpongeBob doesn’t have hair… or does he? 

(SpongeBob runs down the block panting. He runs to the house and tries to open the door. Patrick approaches him to talk.) 

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! 

(SpongeBob is startled and he falls apart. His limbs and facial features all reattach in different places.) 

Patrick: This is it! All of the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot and then, right where you’re standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! Oh, I’m so close to solving this crime, I can almost taste it. (Zoom in on Patrick’s mouth next to SpongeBob’s head, which he licks. Well, he’s actually licking a yellow ice cream pop that has ridges and green spots.) Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow popsicle hits the spot! 

SpongeBob: Okay, uh, good luck with all that Patrick, and, uh, I guess I’ll see you later! 

(He shuts the door, and whimpers.) 

Fish: Open up! This is the police! 

(SpongeBob’s eyes pop out of his head.) 

SpongeBob: Uh, I- just a second! 

(Two policefish enter.) 

Policefish #1: Are you SpongeBob SquarePants? 

SpongeBob: Y-y-ye-yes. 

Policefish #1: Put those eyeballs back in your head, son! We’ve got a few questions for you. 

Policefish #2: Were you at the zoo on the day of the oyster incident? 

SpongeBob: (stammers) Yes! 

(Hides in his pants.) 

Policefish #2: Did you, or did you not take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment? 

SpongeBob: Yes… 

(He sinks even lower into his pants) 

Policefish #2: And are you familiar with this peanut? 

(Holds up a zip-locked peanut with "Exhibit A" written on it.) 

SpongeBob: Yes! 

(His eyes peer out over the top of his pants. The bottom of his pants rip, and his body falls through.) 

Policefish #2: Just one more question… Is it true that you were at the oyster’s lair with a Mr. Patrick Star? 

(SpongeBob begins to cry.) 

SpongeBob: Yes! Yes! It’s true! It’s all true! The merriment, the peanut, the Patrick! 

Policefish #2: That’s all we need to know, son. Let’s book him! 

(We see stubby, pink hands being handcuffed.) 

Patrick: Wow, you guys are good. I’m the last person I would have suspected, but I was looking for me all the time! It’s the perfect crime! 

Policefish #2: Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, Pinky! 

SpongeBob: Oh, no! Patrick’s too sensitive for the big house! 

(SpongeBob follows the police boat to the zoo in the distance.) 

SpongeBob: Wait! Stop! I’m the one you want! I am the criminal! 

(crowd booing and yelling...as they stand around the stadium with Patrick handcuffed to a stand and the oyster calming down her crying but tearing up) 

Sandals: Hey everybody, let’s throw peanuts at him and see how he likes it! 

(crowd yelling) 

Patrick: I get what I deserve! (yelling continues as he gobbles up some peanuts thrown at him) Ouch. 

SpongeBob: Wait! Hold your peanuts! Patrick Star is innocent! I have come here to reveal the truth! They say that truth and honesty will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness… 

Patrick: Dum, dum, dum dum, de, dum... 

SpongeBob: I’m here to lay my cards on the table, to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life, to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face of truth! I… 

Sandals: Oh! Just get on with it! 

SpongeBob: I am the one who threw the peanut! I know now that what I have done is wrong. And so I say, I am sorry, giant performing oyster. I am sorry, Patrick. I am sorry, citizens of Bikini Bottom. 

Sandals: Hey! Let’s throw peanuts at both of them! 

(crowd yelling) 

Zoo Worker #1: Wait! Here’s the real criminal! (Pulls out a handcuffed Mr. Krabs with his stolen zoo supplies) 

Mr. Krabs: Uh, top of the mornin’!...? (Fake mustache falls off) 

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! 

(Crowd gasps in shock)

Patrick: I knew it! 

Zoo Worker #1: Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. Behold! 

(He rips off Krabs' clothes, to the crowd's disgust.) 

Zoo Worker #1: Wait a minute... Behold! The oyster’s pearl! (crowd gasps) Here you go, girl. 

(The oyster sniffs the pearl in delight. The crowd cheers, then the pearl starts to crack. The crowd gasps.)

Baby Oyster: Mama! Mama! 

SpongeBob: Mother of pearl! The oyster’s a mother! And that pearl’s no pearl, it’s an egg! 

(Baby Oyster jumps on top of Clamu and they happily grunt. A tiny heart appears.) 

All: Awww…(They smile at the scene before turning to glare at Mr. Krabs) 

Mr. Krabs: But it’s free day!!! 

(crowd yelling as they bury Mr. Krabs in a pile of peanuts)

{{Transcripts/Season 2}}

[[Category:Transcript]]

Episode Transcript: Squid’s Day Off

2015-08-20T03:09:28Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175: /* Dialogue */

{{tra|Squid's Day Off}}
[[de:Episodenmitschrift: Der Stellvertreter]]
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|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Your Shoe's Untied|Your Shoe's Untied]]
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Something Smells|Something Smells]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Squid's Day Off (Episode)|Squid's Day Off]]

== Characters ==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]

==Dialogue==

'''Narrator:''' Ah, beautiful springtime. A time for fun and frolic for most, but not for this poor slob.

'''Squidward:''' Ohh... what a beautiful day. And here I am, trapped in a prison of high cholesterol. (bell rings) No one ever comes in on Sunday. (bell rings again) Why can't Mr. Krabs just let us go home? (bell rings again. Squidward gets angry. Scene cuts to SpongeBob ringing a bell set on the order window. Squidward runs up to SpongeBob) SpongeBob, stop ringing this bell!

'''SpongeBob:''' I was just testing it.

'''Squidward:''' (leans through the order window, getting in SpongeBob's face) I will ring the bell when there is an order. But... (scene cuts to show restaurant empty) ...there's no customers!! There hasn't been one all day, and there isn't gonna be any! (picks up the cash register and slams it down, making a bell noise)

'''SpongeBob:''' One Krabby Patty coming up!

'''Squidward:''' No! (register drawer shoots open, knocking Squidward out of the way. A bunch of coins fall onto the floor. Scene cuts to Mr. Krabs' office, where Mr. Krabs hears the money dropping)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' That sounds like me money dropping. (he opens his office door to find Squidward picking up the coins) What's going on out here? My babies! (runs up to Squidward and shoves him away) Get away, you barbarian! What have you done? Nice, clean money...soiled! (scoops up the coins in his hands) I'll take care of ya. Let papa clean ya up. Clear the way! (he runs into the kitchen and starts washing them off in the sink) No, no, no, don’t cry, little ones.

'''SpongeBob:''' What’s wrong, Mr. Krabs? (Mr. Krabs gets scared and throws the dimes in the air)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Me dime! (a dime rolls into the sink, but does not go down the drain. Mr. Krabs gives a sigh of relief. Then the dime comes alive and goes down the drain with a wink) Noo! (grabs the dime in the drain) I got it, boy! (tries to take his hand out, but it's stuck in the drain) What the? It's stuck! You gotta help me, SpongeBob!

'''SpongeBob:''' You gotta let go of the dime.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' I can think of ten good reasons to never let go of a dime, boy. There’s got to be another way! Grab me captain's quarters, and heave! (SpongeBob pulls on Mr. Krabs from behind a couple times until Mr. Krabs gets thrown back without his arms) Me arms!

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh no, not again. (Mr. Krabs hits the wall, which makes the shelf slant and drop a pan, a glass, another pan, a mug, a chest, an anchor, a buoy, a turtle, and a scuba suit on Mr. Krabs' head. A giant bump rises up on Mr. Krabs head, and then a dime falls on it, causing Mr. Krabs to blacken out. Scene cuts to an ambulance outside the Krusty Krab. Two paramedics are carrying out Mr. Krabs on a stretcher)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Wait. Squidward, I'm putting you in charge of thing around here while I'm gone.

'''Squidward:''' (smiles) You can count on me, sir! (a third paramedic carries out Mr. Krabs' arms) Take care! Hurry back! Get well soon! You're in our thoughts! (ambulance drives off) Takes more muscles to frown than to smile! (shuts the door) Okay, SpongeBob, let's get down to business. My first official act as new manager is to give you a promotion. (SpongeBob's pupils form into stars)

'''SpongeBob:''' Ahh, really?

'''Squidward:''' You get to run the cash register.

'''SpongeBob:''' The cash register...wow! Squidward, who's gonna work the grill?

'''Squidward:''' You are! It's part of the promotion I mentioned earlier. You'll be wearing two hats now. You're gonna take the orders, then you're gonna make them! (puts his hat next to SpongeBob's hat)

'''SpongeBob:''' Ahh... This is the best day of my life!

'''Squidward:''' Me too.

'''SpongeBob:''' But wait, if I'm running the register and the grill, what are you gonna do?

'''Squidward:''' I’ve got some very important boss-like errands to run. See ya later. (he runs off)

'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward!

'''Squidward:''' What is it?

'''SpongeBob:''' You forgot to teach me how to use...the cash register.

'''Squidward:''' You push the button and put the money inside. Okay, you’re on your own. (walks off)

'''SpongeBob:''' (hugging the cash register) I can't believe this is really happening. (sits on the cash register box) Today, I start living! (scene cuts to Squidward walking outside)

'''Squidward:''' Well, Squidward, you've really outdone yourself this time. A beautiful day of relaxing and pampering, with pay. Hmmm, I guess I do kinda feel bad about poor little SpongeBob, all by his lonesome...ohh, ohh, it'll pass. He's probably just standing at the register with that stupid grin on his face. (scene cuts to Patrick and SpongeBob in the Krusty Krab with dopey looks on their faces)

'''Patrick:''' Hey, SpongeBob!

'''SpongeBob:''' Hi, Patrick!

'''Patrick:''' Hey, SpongeBob, could you give me change for a quarter?

'''SpongeBob:''' No problem! (bangs on the register and gives Patrick a lot of dollars) Here ya go!

'''Patrick:''' Thanks.

'''Squidward:''' (gasps) I forgot to tell him how to make change! (he runs back to the restaurant, banging the doors open) Sponge... (sees only SpongeBob in the Krusty Krab) ... Bob. (checks the cash register to see if everything is still there. Gives a sigh of relief)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hi, Squidward. All done with those errands?

'''Squidward:''' No, I am not. I just remembered... I needed change for this dollar.

'''SpongeBob:''' Do you want four quarters? (holds up four quarters) Or ten dimes? (shows ten dimes on his hand) Or twenty nickels? (shows ten nickels on each arm) Or one hundred pennies? (shows one hundred pennies on his back) Or one quarter, three dimes, seven nickels, and ten pennies? (shows the quarter on his nose, three dimes on his fingers, seven nickels on his thumb, and ten pennies, in the shape of the cent symbol, on his foot) Or, if you give me a five dollar bill, your options are...

'''Squidward:''' Alright! Goodbye. (walks off. Scene cuts to Squidward's house, where he comes out wearing sunglasses and has sunscreen on, carrying a lawn chair) This is great. My day off, no worries. Just relaxation. (sets his lawn chair down and puts sunscreen on himself) I'm the boss. I deserve this. Ah... (thinking) Everything will be fine. There won't be any customers today anyway. He’ll probably just stand there, bored. (chuckles as he imagines SpongeBob behind the counter just standing there) SpongeBob, bored. (chuckles)

'''SpongeBob:''' Ehh, gettin' kind of bored. (yawns and falls asleep. Krusty Krab catches on fire and Squidward tries to blow it out, but it's a thought bubble. Begins to run to the Krusty Krab, but stops)

'''Squidward:''' Oh, what am I doing? (he pulls out a watch) I am wasting valuable relaxing time here, that's what I'm doing! I mean, really. What are the odds? SpongeBob setting the Krusty Krab on fire? (he walks back down the road, laughing. Then a fire engine whizzes by. Squidward is startled and runs to the restaurant with a fire extinguisher. He sprays the galley with foam. As the foam subsides, Squidward, now with a foam beard, walks over to SpongeBob, who has a foam mustache)

'''SpongeBob:''' May I help you, sir?

'''Squidward:''' (wipes off his foamy beard) It’s me, you dunce!

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, hi, Squidward! (mustache falls off) How are those errands going?

'''Squidward:''' What's that supposed to mean? I'm very busy.

'''SpongeBob:''' I'm sure you are.

'''Squidward:''' I don't like your tone.

'''SpongeBob:''' (high-pitched voice) I'm sure you are. (normal voice again) How's that?

'''Squidward:''' Just do your jobs. (walks off)

'''SpongeBob:''' Aye-aye, Mr. Tentacles! (puts the spatula in his forehead) Boy, no wonder Mr. Krabs put him in charge. (scene cuts to Squidward's house)

'''Squidward:''' Must...rel... (breaks the chair) ...ax! (pulls out a mirror) Look at yourself. You're losing your bluish glow. Stop worrying so much! Now, repeat after me...you will not go back to the Krusty Krab. (his reflection turns into SpongeBob)

'''SpongeBob:''' I will destroy the Krusty Krab. (Squidward screams and throws the mirror at the wall. Runs to the Krusty Krab)

'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob!!

'''SpongeBob:''' Have you finished...

'''Squidward:''' No! (walks out) That's it. That's it. No matter what sick fantasies run through my mind, I will not go back to that restaurant! (walks into his house, then runs out towards the Krusty Krab)

'''SpongeBob:''' Have you finished those errands? (Squidward runs back to his house, then back to the Krusty Krab) Have you finished those errands? (Squidward runs back to his house) Have you finished those errands? (Squidward runs to the Krusty Krab) Have you finished those errands? (Squidward keeps running back and forth while SpongeBob is repeating 'have you finished those errands?' Finally, Squidward enters the Krusty Krab and stops) Have you finished those errands? Have you finished those errands? Have you finished those errands?

'''Squidward:''' No, I am not finished with those errands and I never will be! So quit checking up on me! (walks up to SpongeBob) I know what you're up to. Forcing me to come back here every time you mess up!

'''SpongeBob:''' But I haven't...

'''Squidward:''' Okay, maybe you haven't messed up yet, but you will. You WILL. (walks backwards) And when you do, I'll be there! I'll be there! (laughs)

'''SpongeBob:''' Gosh, Squidward sure is a hard worker. He makes me proud to wear these hats. (cut to Squidward's house. Squidward puts all sorts of door locks on his door so he can't get out)

'''Squidward:''' There! Now I'll have to stay here and enjoy myself! I'm not even gonna think about you know who at the you know what doing I don't care! (laughs) Just gonna relax... (turns on the water and puts on his bathing cap, sitting in his bathtub) Let Squid's day off...begin. (Squidward hears SpongeBob laughing outside) What was that? (SpongeBob's laughing is heard again) It's SpongeBob! He's spying on me, to see if I'm really doing errands. But, but he left his post, and I've finally caught him messing up! (peeks out the window) A-ha! I caught you, Sponge... (notices that it's only the wind blowing onto the coral) ...branch. (Squidward notices a SpongeBob look-alike behind his shower curtain) Heh, here's that rubber duck Mr. Krabs wanted me to get. (reveals what's behind the curtain) I've got you now! Wait'll Mr. Krabs finds out you’re a... toilet. You’re losin' it, Squidward, calm down. If I let this get to me again, I'll just end up running down to the Krusty Krab, bursting through the front door, up to that yellow headache SpongeBob, and he’ll say... (SpongeBob appears next to Squidward in the bathtub)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hi, Squidward. Are you finished with those errands yet? (goes under the water)

'''Squidward:''' A-ha! (goes under the water and appears as an actual octopus) I know you're in here. (gasps. SpongeBob is in the drain. He winks) He's heading back to the Krusty Krab! I'll beat him there! (slams through the locked door with nothing on but his shower cap and bubbles foaming around his waist) I've got you now, SpongeBob!

'''Citizen:''' (puts her hand over her son's eyes) Hey, put some clothes on!

'''Squidward:''' (runs past Patrick's rock) The truth will be revealed!

'''Patrick:''' (stands up) Whoo-hoo! Right on, Squidward! (scene cuts to the hospital, where the doctor and Mr. Krabs are walking out of it)

'''Dr. Gill Gilliam:''' Okay, Mr. Krabs, get plenty of rest, and if things don't seem right, come back. (walks inside)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Thanks, doc. (Squidward runs past him)

'''Squidward:''' You can't beat me! Ha! (Mr. Krabs' arms fall off, and he walks back into the hospital. Scene cuts to Squidward running into the Krusty Krab) A-ha! I caught you now. You didn't think I knew you were a stick outside my window. Ha! Or the toilet in my bathroom. And then, you were in my bathtub! And I... And-and you... And I... And you... swam down the drain and... beat me... to the Krusty Krab.

'''SpongeBob:''' Uhh, does that mean that you...?

'''Squidward:''' Yes, SpongeBob, I am finished with those errands. (hugs the register) I guess I want to take my place back at the cash register. I really do.

'''SpongeBob:''' (takes off his pants and hands them to Squidward) Then you might wanna put these on. (Squidward looks down and notices a bunch of bubbles. They all pop, so he puts SpongeBob's pants on) Hey, Squidward, you know what? Look! (walks back with a sign) We forgot to switch the 'Closed' sign to 'Open'. It's almost like we could've taken the whole day off! (He laughs. Squidward's nose falls off and he deflates)

{{Timeline}}
{{Transcripts/Season 2}}
[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 2]]

Episode Transcript: I Had an Accident

2015-08-15T01:12:16Z

2601:601:C400:A376:34E2:B1BB:4DDF:9175:

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Episode Article: [[I Had an Accident (Episode)|I Had an Accident]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Chip]]
*[[Penny]]
*[[Used Napkin]]
*[[Dr. Gill Gilliam]]
*[[Tom]]
*[[Harold]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Gorilla]]
*[[George the Zebra]]

==Dialogue==

'''Video Game Patrick''': (screaming, bashes body on mountain) 

'''Patrick''': (playing a video game with his character while sliding at [[Sand Mountain]]). Aw, I got dead again. This game stinks. (screams and bashes body on mountain) 

Sandy: See, that's why you must always pay attention to the mountain. 

SpongeBob: I'm listening to you, mountain! Don't eat the yellow sand, Patrick! 

'''Patrick''': Oh yeah, I forgot. (eats yellow sand on a plate) 

SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy, watch me do the "Grouchy Squidward"! 

Squidward: Stop naming moves after me. 

SpongeBob: (imitating Squidward) Everybody's an idiot except for me. 

Squidward: Well, it's true. 

SpongeBob: (laughs like Squidward) 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': (laughing) 

Sandy: (stops laughing and sees a tree. She gasps.) SpongeBob! Look out for that tree! 

SpongeBob: (stops laughing) Huh? (skips tree) Don't worry guys. Everything's under control. Cause I'm an (goes off mountain) EXPERT!!! 

SpongeBob: That's funny. Someone turned the mountain upside down. (camera reveals that SpongeBob is upside down and not the mountain. He starts to fall.) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Sandy: SpongeBob! Land on your bottom! It'll cushion the impact of the fall! 

SpongeBob: (turns around to feet first then takes off his pants) Like this? 

'''Patrick''': No, your other bottom! 

Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else? 

'''Patrick''': Not until four. 

SpongeBob: (crashes, and his butt falls apart. Patrick and Sandy are covered in splinters) 

Sandy: Oh! That's gotta hurt. 

'''Patrick''': Do it again! I wasn't looking! (Sandy glares at him) 

(scene cuts to the hospital) 

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Well, it looks like your gluteus maximus has made a full recovery. 

SpongeBob: My what has a what now? 

Dr. Gill Gilliam: Your butt's all better. It's really quite amazing. It took us 20 hours to put it all back together. We actually ran out of staples and had to use a glue stick. Yep, you're a lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky luck boy. But, from now on, I'd like you to be more careful. One more injury like that, and you could wind up like that poor creature there. In the [[Iron Butt]]. 

Tom: (in the Iron Butt) Aw, man. It itches. 

SpongeBob: (outside hospital) You heard the doctor, SpongeBob. One more injury like that, and it's the iron butt. I've been too careless back there. From now on, I am on around the clock butt patrol! (To fish) Hep! Step away from the backside, I'm warning you! 

Harold: What's your problem? (walks away) 

SpongeBob: Aah. That was close! 

(whistle blows in the background) 

Football player: Hey, SpongeBob, wanna join us? We need an extra player. (another football player catches a football) Nice catch, Percy! (slaps Percy's butt) 

SpongeBob: (gasps) 

Fish: Hey, SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fish: You gotta try this, dude! Ha! We finally got enough people for a seven mile spanking machine! Ha! (goes under, people start spanking his butt) Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! 

Fish #2: Next. 

SpongeBob: NO!. 

(SpongeBob screams, running to his house) 

SpongeBob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Squidward walks up) 

Squidward: Is this where the line starts? 

SpongeBob: My butt is not safe out here! (goes inside his house and looks out the window) No part of me is safe! (closes curtain) 

(cut to outside the front of SpongeBob's house, where Sandy and Patrick are still sand boarding) 

'''Patrick''': Whoo-hoo! 

Sandy Yeah! Ride em' cowboy! (Patrick starts laughing) 

(they go inside SpongeBob's house and get off the board) 

Sandy: (laughs) Hey, SpongeBob! 

'''Patrick''': (is still laughing, and Sandy looks angrily at him. Stops laughing and clears throat.) That was fun. 

Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob, you ready to go sand boardin' again? SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: Hello, friends. Enjoying the outside world? 

Sandy: What'cha all doing sittin' in the middle of the floor like that? 

SpongeBob: Oh, living out the remainder of my life... in safety. If you guys were smart, you would join me. That accident made me realize that it's dangerous out there. I was one of the lucky ones. I'm a survivor. And so I've simply decided I am never leaving my house again. 

Sandy: That's crazy talk! 

'''Patrick''': That's not crazy talk. This is crazy talk! (talks very weird acting stupid, and Sandy punches his head into his torso.) Sorry. 

SpongeBob: No, Patrick's right, Sandy. You saw what happened to me. And next time it won't just be my butt. It'll be my armpit or my forehead. 

'''Patrick''': Or your other armpit! 

SpongeBob: I was wrong to go against nature. I'm a sponge! What was I thinking? Walking. My people are sedentary. 

Sandy: Just sittin' in your house? Ain't you gonna get lonesome? 

SpongeBob: I won't be lonesome. I've got all the friends I need right here. This is Penny... and Chip... and say hello to Used Napkin. 

Sandy: Well, how are you gonna keep your job at the [[Krusty Krab]]? 

SpongeBob: No problem! A really long spatula. 

Sandy: What about eatin'? 

SpongeBob: I'm a sponge! I'll just filter feed. (breathes in a different way) 

Sandy: SpongeBob, sooner or later you're gonna have to go outside! 

SpongeBob: Listen, I told you that I'm never leaving my house again. 

'''Patrick''': Never ever? 

SpongeBob: Never ever ever! 

'''Patrick''': Never never ever ever for never ever?! 

SpongeBob: Never ever never never ever ever never!! 

'''Patrick''': Never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever?! (SpongeBob sighs) 

SpongeBob and '''Patrick''': Never ever never never ever never ever never..... 

SpongeBob: D'alright Patrick, that is enough!!! Chip, will you escort these two to the door? (throws Chip to the door) 

'''Patrick''': Thank you, Chip. (outside) I guess I'll have to find a new best friend. Hey, Squidward! 

Squidward: No! 

'''Patrick''': Okay. 

Sandy: Don't worry, Patrick. We'll get SpongeBob to come outside, and then he'll see there's nothing to be afraid of. 

'''Patrick''': And that's when I punch him, right? (Sandy gives a serious look) 

Sandy: Look at all the jellyfish out here! Too bad SpongeBob's missing out on all the fun! 

'''Patrick''': I caught one! I caught one! (puts head in net) huh? 

SpongeBob: (Patrick screaming in background) Look at those fools. Risking their lives, jellyfishing. My new hobby is much more safer, isn't it Chip. Dust collecting! (brings out a tiny net and waves it in the air) I think I caught one! 

Sandy: We gotta try somethin' else. 

(cut to Sandy and Patrick in SpongeBob's front yard with a birthday cake with candles lit on it) 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': Three cheers on your birthday, SpongeBob! Three cheers for you! 

Sandy: Now you have to blow out the candles and make a wish. 

SpongeBob: I don't need a wish, Penny. All I ever wanted is right here. In fact, let's sing our own song about the magic of being indoors. 

Music: "[[Indoors (Song)|Indoors]]"
I know of a place
Where you never get harmed
A magical place
With magical charms
Indoors
Indoors
Indoors...

SpongeBob: Take it away, Penny! 

'''Patrick''': That penny has the most beautiful voice. 

Sandy: That is it, SquarePants! We're gonna find something that's so dang fun that you'll have to come outside! 

(cut to outside SpongeBob's house) 

Sandy: Trampoline! 

'''Patrick''': Ice cream! 

Sandy: Underwater surfing! 

'''Patrick''': Two ice creams! 

Sandy: Ferris wheel! 

'''Patrick''': (The two ice creams are melting) Still two ice creams! 

Sandy: Clam wrestling! 

'''Patrick''': Washing an old person! 

Sandy: Patrick, that's not fun! 

Old man: It is for me! 

SpongeBob: (breathing differently as before) 

Sandy: Nothing's working, Patrick! 

'''Patrick''': What do we do? 

Old man: I say we take a bath! 

Sandy: What the? Will you get outta here? 

Sandy: Now, remember. Don't jump out 'til I give the signal. 

'''Patrick''': Right. (Zips the gorilla suit) 

Sandy: Okay, SpongeBob. You win. Stay inside forever. Yours is truly the iron will. Now, Pat! 

'''Patrick''': (comes out in a gorilla suit and acts like a gorilla) 

Sandy: Eek! A gorilla! Save me, SpongeBob! 

SpongeBob: Okay, guys, really. This is your saddest attempt yet. Even Chip knows that's Patrick in the same costume he wore for Halloween last year. 

Sandy: No, really! You gotta come save me! 

(another Patrick walks up) 

Patrick #2: Hey, Sandy. Who's your friend? 

SpongeBob: (gives a startled look) 

Sandy: But you're supposed to be in the gorilla suit. 

Patrick #1: (unzips the gorilla suit) I am in the gorilla suit. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. 

Sandy: If you're Patrick, then who's that? 

Patrick #2: (unzips Patrick suit, turns out to be a real gorilla) 

Sandy: AAAAAAH!!!!! A real gorilla! 

SpongeBob: Huh? 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! 

Gorilla: (bags Sandy and Patrick and repeatedly hurts them) 

SpongeBob: No! 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! 

SpongeBob: Oh, my gosh! 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! 

SpongeBob: This can't be happening! 

SpongeBob: This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about! Well, they were asking for it. It's not like I didn't warn them about the danger of outside. Yes, Chip, I know they're my two dearest friends in the world, but I told them, I wasn't going outside no matter what. We can do it without the name calling, thank you very much, Used Napkin. I know, Chip. If it wasn't me out there, bagged by an ape, Patrick and Sandy would risk anything to save me. And I've got to do the same for them. If I don't come back, Chip, take care of Gary. 

Gary: (eats Chip, killing him) Meow. 

SpongeBob: Well, here I go. Taking my first step. So far so good. I think I can do this! (a paper flies onto his face) Aah! Oh, Neptune, forgive me! Save me, Chip! Save me! (removes the paper off his face) I'm still alive! I, SpongeBob SquarePants, have survived the outdoors. Nothing can stop me now! Nothing! 

(Gorilla grabs SpongeBob) 

SpongeBob: Is it too late to go back inside yet? 

(Gorilla rips SpongeBob in half) 

SpongeBob: Yep, it's too late. Sandy, Patrick? 

Sandy and '''Patrick''': (still bagged) Yes, SpongeBob? 

SpongeBob: I'm not afraid to go outside anymore. But I'm terrified of gorillas now. 

Sandy: It's okay, SpongeBob. Us too. 

First half of SpongeBob: You know what I don't understand, though? 

Second half of SpongeBob: What? 

First half of SpongeBob: What's a gorilla doing underwater anyway? 

Gorilla: Uh, well it's funny you should... I mean you could see that uh... George, they're onto us! 

(Gorilla runs away to George, an appaloosa horse.)

George: Let's get out of here! 

Sandy, Patrick and SpongeBob: (watch the gorilla ride the horse into the sunset) 

(TV zooms out to reveal a family watching this, the father gives a disgusted look and smartly turns off the TV with a remote.)

{{Transcripts/Season 3}}

[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]