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Episode Transcript: Mustard O' Mine

2026-04-17T17:26:15Z

68.10.108.57: /* Dialogue */

{{Transcript|Mustard O' Mine|Ink Lemonade|Shopping List}}

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Walter Haddock]]
*[[Fred]] (blue, olive green)
*[[Harry]]
*[[John]]
*[[Tom]]
*[[Nancy Suzy Fish]]
*[[Tina]]
*[[Sheila Squid]]
*[[Evelyn]]
*[[Frank (Muscular Goldfish)]]
*[[Don the Whale]]
*[[Scooter]]
*[[Harold]]
*[[Nat Peterson]]
*[[Frank (Cameo Character)|Frank]]
*[[Shubie]]
*[[R. A. PennyPincher]] (cameo)

==Dialogue==
(episode begins at the Krusty Krab. A mother and a baby passes by and is greeted by a polite gentleman. A raspberry noise is heard. The mother turns and gives the gentleman an angry look, thinking it was him who made the noise. The noise is heard again. They turn and see a long line standing in the Krusty Krab; it’s "Mustard Day" and SpongeBob is giving away mustard to the customers)

'''SpongeBob:''' Mustard, mustard, step right up for your mustard! (flips the mustard container) Some mustard for you. Eh, eh, eh. (sprays mustard on a little boy’s Krabby Patty. The mustard forms into a T. rex and it roars mustard in the boy’s face)

'''Boy:''' (his face is covered in mustard) Cool!

'''SpongeBob:''' (flips the mustard container) A bit of the yellow for you. Doy. (sprays mustard on Frankie Billy’s Krabby Patty. The mustard forms into a sailboat. It whistles and rings its foghorn before it melts onto the patty. Frankie Billy laughs and skips away. Nancy Suzy Fish comes up and whispers something in SpongeBob’s ear) Oh, okay. (winks at Nancy Suzy Fish) Eh. (hops and spins the mustard container before spraying the mustard into a handsome man) And a Mr. Mustard for you.

'''Nancy Suzy Fish:''' (purrs as walks with her Mr. Mustard while licking him) Mmm, yummy.

'''SpongeBob:''' Hyah! (attempts to give mustard to Frank, but the mustard container is all out and it coughs out a small drop of mustard)

'''Customers:''' (disappointed) Aw...

'''SpongeBob:''' Hang on, folks, I’ll be right back with more mustard. (hops on the mustard container and drives on it like a car) Whoo! (drives to the kitchen and goes to the condiment cabinet) Let’s see. Ketchup. (slides ketchup door to mayonnaise door) Mayonnaise. (rolls up mayonnaise door to mustard door) Oh, mustard. (opens doors mustard door to find Mr. Krabs in it)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Did you use up all me mustard?

'''SpongeBob:''' (stammering nervously) What?

'''Squidward:''' (filing his tentacle) Oh, who gives a flying fish about mustard?

'''SpongeBob:''' (gasps) But Squidward, without mustard, I wouldn’t be able to make a--

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Krabby Patty! That’s right, you’re both hereby ordered to go down into the mustard mines! And bring me back more mustard!

'''Squidward:''' Mustard mines?

'''Patrick:''' (comes out of the condiment cabinet and is covered with mustard) Mmm, mustard. (takes a container off his head and grabs a packet of mustard) Uh... Ah. (squirts mustard in his mouth, eats it and burps)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (wipes mustard off his face) And you are going down to the mustard mines too.

'''Walter Haddock:''' (offscreen) I wouldn’t do that if I was you. (creepily comes in and spits on the grill. SpongeBob wipes the grill clean) That old mustard mine is cursed.

'''SpongeBob:''' (hugs Mr. Krabs in fear) Cursed?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (pushes SpongeBob away) What kind of curse?

'''Walter:''' It’s, uh, er, one of those-- The Mummy’s Curse.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (snickers) There’s no such thing as mummies.

'''Walter:''' (holds up a creepy picture of his mother) We've all got mummies. Eh? (giggles) Mm-hmm. I've been in that mine. No one that enters gets out alive. (makes a creepy smile as a shrieking noise is heard. A spider crawls into his mouth and thunder claps)

'''SpongeBob:''' You got out and you’re alive.

'''Walter:''' Ah, but am I?

'''Patrick:''' Yeah, you’re standing right there.

'''Walter:''' But am I? (walks away in a creepy fashion)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Yeah, you’re right-- (notices that he’s gone, but sees his foot) Hmm...

'''Squidward:''' I see your foot.

'''Walter:''' (slides his foot back) No, you don’t.

'''SpongeBob:''' Ah, his foot’s gone! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward at the entrance to the mustard mines)

'''Squidward:''' (looks at the map) This map doesn’t show us where the mustard vein is located. Well, let’s just start picking.

'''Patrick:''' (picking his nose) Way ahead of you, pal.

'''Squidward:''' Ugh. (turns and looks at the map again)

'''Patrick:''' (reaches into his nostril and picks out his brain) Ooh. (smears his brain on Squidward’s shirt. Squidward turns and grunts in disgust. Patrick gets scared and runs over to SpongeBob. Squidward picks up his pickaxe and heads into the mustard mines. SpongeBob and Patrick gasp and skip into the mines)

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Oh, a-mining we will go! The mustard, it will flow!

(they bounce up and down really hard)

With pick and axe without the facts! There’s nothing that we know! Ta-da!

(SpongeBob and Patrick’s violent bouncing causes a landslide and falling rocks seals off the entrance, much to their horror)

'''Squidward:''' (shocked and angry) Huh?! You nitwits! How will we get out now?!

(SpongeBob and Patrick realize their mistake as Patrick gets worried)

'''Patrick:''' Ah, we’re trapped in a mine! We’ll never get out! (goes into a frantic panic and runs up and down the mine walls. Curls in a fetal position and acts crazy. Punches his chest and passes out)

'''Squidward:''' (sighs and goes to check on Patrick) Krabby Patty, stat. (SpongeBob takes out the ingredients and makes a perfect Krabby Patty. He gives it to Squidward. Feeds Patrick the patty. Patrick swallows the patty and slowly wakes up) He’s coming 'round.

'''Patrick:''' (weakly) Squidward. I-I need--

'''Squidward:''' What can I get for you?

'''Patrick:''' (pulls out the Krabby Patty from his mouth; stupidly) I need a little mustard for the Krabby Patty.

'''Squidward:''' (drops Patrick down in disgust at his idiocy) Why do I even bother? Maybe there’s a back door.

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Hey, wait for us! (they run over to Squidward)

'''SpongeBob:''' Whoa. (they stop at a long, deep shaft)

'''Squidward:''' I wonder how deep it is.

'''SpongeBob:''' I’ll check. (picks up a pebble, goes over the edge and falls into the shaft) Wahhh! (appears next to Squidward and Patrick) Don’t bother jumping. That shaft has no bottom. Let’s take the escalator.

'''Squidward:''' (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick aside) All right, spread out! (goes on a supposedly random escalator. SpongeBob and Patrick follow and go on the escalator with Squidward. They see coal miners go up the escalator)

'''SpongeBob:''' Coal miners. (they see sulfur miners go up the escalator. The awful smell from the sulfur makes SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward cover their noses) Ew.

'''Patrick:''' Sulfur miners.

'''SpongeBob:''' Phew. (they see a group of kids go up the escalator) Unaccompanied minors. (drum sting. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward walk off the escalator)

'''Squidward:''' All right, let’s get to work, chowderheads. (they go in separate directions while bumping into each other for a little bit. SpongeBob digs up a yellow rock with his pickaxe)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hey, I found something yellow. (pulls the yellow rock out of the wall; initially looking happy, he turns sad when he realizes the rock is a gold nugget) Never mind, it’s just gold. (throws it away)

'''Patrick:''' All I’m getting is dumb old diamonds. (throws and kicks several diamonds)

'''SpongeBob:''' (carrying a handful of gold nuggets) This must be the Mummy’s Curse that old guy was talking about. (throws the gold nuggets in the stalagmite)

Squidward: Gold and diamonds? (digs up sand from the wall] Gold dust! No, no, it’s just sand. (above the surface, Ryan is minding his own business playing in the sandbox. Suddenly, the sand begins to form a whirlpool and sucks Ryan down underneath)

'''Ryan:''' Whoa! (screams repeatedly. Comes out from the hole Squidward dug up and runs around in panic)

'''Squidward:''' (upon seeing Ryan) Ah. (Ryan continues to run and scream in panic until he goes up the escalator, whereupon he calms down) Uh, what was that?

'''SpongeBob:''' (sighs) The greatest treasure of all, a child. (he, Patrick, and Squidward resume their task. All of a sudden, SpongeBob begins to sniff out something. Sniffs the wall and punctures a hole on it with the pickaxe. The hole s revealed to have a payphone underneath the wall. The phone rings. Answers it) Hello?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (with angry customers yelling in the background) SpongeBob, where’s me mustard?

'''Jennifer Millie:''' I want some mus-- (Mr. Krabs pushes her away with his foot)

'''SpongeBob:''' On the way, sir, as soon was we find it. (hangs up but answers again) Love you. (hangs up again)

'''Squidward:''' Oh, we’ll never find that mustard vein. (pokes the wall with the pickaxe and the wall crumbles into a hole, leading him to the Bikini Bottom Subway) Oh, what is this? (wanders around the subway)

'''Subway PA:''' ''Local train approaching station.'' (deep in the tunnel, a train emerges and stops in front of Squidward. The train opens its doors, revealing SpongeBob and Patrick already on board. Squidward stares at them in shock, wondering how they managed to get on so quick and afford a train ride)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hurry up, Squidward, before the doors close!

'''Patrick:''' It’s the last train of the night!

'''SpongeBob:''' Do you have a metro card? (Squidward frantically searches for a metro card until he finds one under his shirt)

'''Squidward:''' Ah! I got it! (tries to scan his card, but the tumblers keep beeping red)

'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Squidward! (Squidward tries all his might to scan his card as he watches the train doors slowly close in horror)

'''Subway PA:''' ''Watch the closing doors.'' (Squidward buffs up his arm and the tumbler finally turns green, approving access to it. Squidward runs through the tumblers and frantically heads to the train)

'''SpongeBob:''' Faster, Squidward, faster! (Squidward makes it, but the doors close on his neck, leaving his body being dragged outside of the moving train)

'''Patrick:''' Hey, Squidward, you really should watch the closing doors. (Squidward growls and hisses at Patrick in complete anger and frustration. Backs away)

'''Subway PA:''' ''This is a local mining train making all stops between Coal and Limestone. Next stop, Condiments.''

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, that’s our stop. (the train stops at the condiments vein. The doors open. Steps over a battened Squidward and heads to the condiments vein. Patrick runs out and steps on Squidward, but grabs him by the feet)

'''Patrick:''' Come on, Squidward! (he and SpongeBob scurry into the condiments vein while Squidward, being carried by Patrick, hits his head on the sign. Sets Squidward down. Squidward walks around in a dizzy fashion, but pulls himself together. Squidward knocks on the wall and punctures a hole with his pickaxe. Mayonnaise comes out of the wall and sprays into Squidward’s face)

'''Squidward:''' Hmm... (sticks out his tongue) Ah la hmm... (licks the mayo) Ah! I've struck mayo! (SpongeBob punctures a hole on a different wall and a drop of hot sauce flies onto his tongue. He tastes the dropping and his body flares up, burning himself to a crisp)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hot sauce! (his body crumbles into ashes. Patrick goes to puncture a wall with his pickaxe, but flips over and falls to the ground; his pickaxe punctures a hole on the wall and ketchup spews out)

'''Patrick:''' I struck blood! (grabs some of the ketchup and tastes it) Oh, no, it’s ketchup. (slurps some more)

'''SpongeBob:''' We’re getting close. (punctures a hole on the ground and mustard comes out. Takes a sample of mustard) Oh. (licks the mustard) Mustard. Ahhh! I struck mustard!

'''Squidward:''' Mustard?!

'''Patrick:''' Mustard?! (all three begin dancing around in circles while twisting SpongeBob’s body

'''SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward:''' Look at all the mustard flow!
Look at all the mustard flow!
That golden yellow fatty acid treat!

(SpongeBob unravels himself, sending Squidward and Patrick flying to another wall. SpongeBob warms himself up and goes to crack open the ground again. The ground is so thick, unfortunately, that it disintegrates his pickaxe)

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh no, what are we gonna do now?

'''Squidward:''' I think we better use our heads.

'''Patrick:''' Let’s use my head! (pulls his tongue and his pointy head revs up like a power drill. SpongeBob and Squidward go to use Patrick’s drilling head to drill a hole in the ground. All of a sudden, they hear a moaning sound. Smoke fumes around the tunnels and a shadowy creature appears)

'''SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward:''' The mummy! (the smoke clears and the shadowy figure reveals himself to be none other than the crazy old prospector, Walter Haddock)

'''Walter:''' Stop! (leaps in front of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, pulls a cork out from his mouth and plugs up the hole in the ground)

'''SpongeBob:''' (gasps) It’s the Mummy’s Curse guy!

'''Walter:''' There ain’t no curse! I just tried to discourage you chuckleheads from mining this mustard!

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I get it, 'cause the mummy wants the mustard. Mystery solved.

'''SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward:''' Hurrah!

'''Walter Haddock:''' (twitches his eye) 'Tain’t no mummy! This mustard is sitting on top of 20 million pounds of pressure! If you open her up, she’s gonna blow sky high!

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, no curse. No mummy. And no mustard. (sniffs) And I’ll have to find another job. (Lori gasps as Lynn Sr. cries his eyes out and uses a piece of toast to blow his nose)

'''Lori:''' Uh, Dad?

'''Lynn Sr.:''' Sorry kids, I just got the e-mail that every adult dreads.

'''Loud Siblings:''' (gasp)

'''Lori:''' What happened?!

'''Lucy:''' When is the funeral?

'''Lynn Sr.''' Camp Mastodon, my old family camp... is closing!

'''Squidward:''' (pulls his nose back) Stop. Don’t you see? This old coot wants all the mustard for himself! Now uncork that mustard!

'''Walter:''' Hmm? (growls)

'''Squidward:''' Oh, put your fists down, old man. I’m not gonna hurt you.

'''Walter Haddock:''' Hyah! (punches Squidward in the face. Squidward falls over)

'''SpongeBob:''' You were right, Squidward, you’re not gonna hurt him.

Squidward: (gets up and is really angry) Why you-- (gets punched in the face again) Ow! (gets punched again) I’m gonna-- (gets punched and his head spins. Gets punched yet again)

'''SpongeBob:''' Go, Squidward, you’re winning! You’re not hurting him at all!

'''Patrick:''' (buffs up) Let me try not hurting him. (grabs Squidward and throws him aside) Come on, old-timer! You know you want a piece of me! (Walter punches him on the head and sends him flying and crashing onto the hole in the ground) Oh.

'''Walter:''' (in pain) Ow, that hurt!

'''Patrick:''' (getting up) I hurt him! (stupidly and disappointed) That means I lose. (the ground underneath suddenly begins to shake due to the force of Patrick’s fall. Cracks begins to form and Walter dodges the incoming stalagmites from the ground. The mustard from underground begins to build up pressure and is about to erupt)

'''SpongeBob:''' No no no no no no no! (tries to hold down the pressure, but the mustard begins to fill up inside his body) Whoa....!

'''Walter:''' Adiós, muchachos! (laughs manically and bounces around until he goes up the escalator, calming down as he heads back up to the surface. Cracks form underneath Squidward and the crack uncovers a payphone next to him)

'''Squidward:''' Hmm. (phone rings. Answers it) I’ll get it. Hello.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (on a mast above the angry customers) Where’s me mustard?!

'''Squidward:''' Um... (pressure builds up as SpongeBob’s body grows bigger and bigger from the upcoming mustard. Patrick tries his best by corking up the holes. At the Krusty Krab, the customers continue to riot against Mr. Krabs. One customer is chopping the mast down with his axe. Camera zooms out to reveal volcanic pocket of mustard underneath the Krusty Krab) Your mustard is coming right up.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (as the mast falls) When?!

'''Squidward:''' Now? (by this point, SpongeBob can’t hold the pressure much longer; his eyes fill up with mustard. The ground under the Krusty Krab rumbles and erupts a geyser of mustard through the roof. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward bounce up and down on top of the geyser)

'''SpongeBob:''' Wow! Yee-ha! Yeah! (the mustard fills up the Krusty Krab inside. The customers are now satisfied and go to swim around in the mustard as well as eat their patties with mustard. Among them stands a mummy, who is unimpressed)

'''Mummy:''' What? No relish? (episode ends)

{{Transcripts/Season 11}}

Episode Transcript: Mustard O' Mine

2026-04-17T17:21:41Z

68.10.108.57: /* Dialogue */

{{Transcript|Mustard O' Mine|Ink Lemonade|Shopping List}}

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Walter Haddock]]
*[[Fred]] (blue, olive green)
*[[Harry]]
*[[John]]
*[[Tom]]
*[[Nancy Suzy Fish]]
*[[Tina]]
*[[Sheila Squid]]
*[[Evelyn]]
*[[Frank (Muscular Goldfish)]]
*[[Don the Whale]]
*[[Scooter]]
*[[Harold]]
*[[Nat Peterson]]
*[[Frank (Cameo Character)|Frank]]
*[[Shubie]]
*[[R. A. PennyPincher]] (cameo)

==Dialogue==
(episode begins at the Krusty Krab. A mother and a baby passes by and is greeted by a polite gentleman. A raspberry noise is heard. The mother turns and gives the gentleman an angry look, thinking it was him who made the noise. The noise is heard again. They turn and see a long line standing in the Krusty Krab; it’s "Mustard Day" and SpongeBob is giving away mustard to the customers)

'''SpongeBob:''' Mustard, mustard, step right up for your mustard! (flips the mustard container) Some mustard for you. Eh, eh, eh. (sprays mustard on a little boy’s Krabby Patty. The mustard forms into a T. rex and it roars mustard in the boy’s face)

'''Boy:''' (his face is covered in mustard) Cool!

'''SpongeBob:''' (flips the mustard container) A bit of the yellow for you. Doy. (sprays mustard on Frankie Billy’s Krabby Patty. The mustard forms into a sailboat. It whistles and rings its foghorn before it melts onto the patty. Frankie Billy laughs and skips away. Nancy Suzy Fish comes up and whispers something in SpongeBob’s ear) Oh, okay. (winks at Nancy Suzy Fish) Eh. (hops and spins the mustard container before spraying the mustard into a handsome man) And a Mr. Mustard for you.

'''Nancy Suzy Fish:''' (purrs as walks with her Mr. Mustard while licking him) Mmm, yummy.

'''SpongeBob:''' Hyah! (attempts to give mustard to Frank, but the mustard container is all out and it coughs out a small drop of mustard)

'''Customers:''' (disappointed) Aw...

'''SpongeBob:''' Hang on, folks, I’ll be right back with more mustard. (hops on the mustard container and drives on it like a car) Whoo! (drives to the kitchen and goes to the condiment cabinet) Let’s see. Ketchup. (slides ketchup door to mayonnaise door) Mayonnaise. (rolls up mayonnaise door to mustard door) Oh, mustard. (opens doors mustard door to find Mr. Krabs in it)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Did you use up all me mustard?

'''SpongeBob:''' (stammering nervously) What?

'''Squidward:''' (filing his tentacle) Oh, who gives a flying fish about mustard?

'''SpongeBob:''' (gasps) But Squidward, without mustard, I wouldn’t be able to make a--

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Krabby Patty! That’s right, you’re both hereby ordered to go down into the mustard mines! And bring me back more mustard!

'''Squidward:''' Mustard mines?

'''Patrick:''' (comes out of the condiment cabinet and is covered with mustard) Mmm, mustard. (takes a container off his head and grabs a packet of mustard) Uh... Ah. (squirts mustard in his mouth, eats it and burps)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (wipes mustard off his face) And you are going down to the mustard mines too.

'''Walter Haddock:''' (offscreen) I wouldn’t do that if I was you. (creepily comes in and spits on the grill. SpongeBob wipes the grill clean) That old mustard mine is cursed.

'''SpongeBob:''' (hugs Mr. Krabs in fear) Cursed?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (pushes SpongeBob away) What kind of curse?

'''Walter:''' It’s, uh, er, one of those-- The Mummy’s Curse.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (snickers) There’s no such thing as mummies.

'''Walter:''' (holds up a creepy picture of his mother) We've all got mummies. Eh? (giggles) Mm-hmm. I've been in that mine. No one that enters gets out alive. (makes a creepy smile as a shrieking noise is heard. A spider crawls into his mouth and thunder claps)

'''SpongeBob:''' You got out and you’re alive.

'''Walter:''' Ah, but am I?

'''Patrick:''' Yeah, you’re standing right there.

'''Walter:''' But am I? (walks away in a creepy fashion)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Yeah, you’re right-- (notices that he’s gone, but sees his foot) Hmm...

'''Squidward:''' I see your foot.

'''Walter:''' (slides his foot back) No, you don’t.

'''SpongeBob:''' Ah, his foot’s gone! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward at the entrance to the mustard mines)

'''Squidward:''' (looks at the map) This map doesn’t show us where the mustard vein is located. Well, let’s just start picking.

'''Patrick:''' (picking his nose) Way ahead of you, pal.

'''Squidward:''' Ugh. (turns and looks at the map again)

'''Patrick:''' (reaches into his nostril and picks out his brain) Ooh. (smears his brain on Squidward’s shirt. Squidward turns and grunts in disgust. Patrick gets scared and runs over to SpongeBob. Squidward picks up his pickaxe and heads into the mustard mines. SpongeBob and Patrick gasp and skip into the mines)

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Oh, a-mining we will go! The mustard, it will flow!

(they bounce up and down really hard)

With pick and axe without the facts! There’s nothing that we know! Ta-da!

(SpongeBob and Patrick’s violent bouncing causes a landslide and falling rocks seals off the entrance, much to their horror)

'''Squidward:''' (shocked and angry) Huh?! You nitwits! How will we get out now?!

(SpongeBob and Patrick realize their mistake as Patrick gets worried)

'''Patrick:''' Ah, we’re trapped in a mine! We’ll never get out! (goes into a frantic panic and runs up and down the mine walls. Curls in a fetal position and acts crazy. Punches his chest and passes out)

'''Squidward:''' (sighs and goes to check on Patrick) Krabby Patty, stat. (SpongeBob takes out the ingredients and makes a perfect Krabby Patty. He gives it to Squidward. Feeds Patrick the patty. Patrick swallows the patty and slowly wakes up) He’s coming 'round.

'''Patrick:''' (weakly) Squidward. I-I need--

'''Squidward:''' What can I get for you?

'''Patrick:''' (pulls out the Krabby Patty from his mouth; stupidly) I need a little mustard for the Krabby Patty.

'''Squidward:''' (drops Patrick down in disgust at his idiocy) Why do I even bother? Maybe there’s a back door.

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Hey, wait for us! (they run over to Squidward)

'''SpongeBob:''' Whoa. (they stop at a long, deep shaft)

'''Squidward:''' I wonder how deep it is.

'''SpongeBob:''' I’ll check. (picks up a pebble, goes over the edge and falls into the shaft) Wahhh! (appears next to Squidward and Patrick) Don’t bother jumping. That shaft has no bottom. Let’s take the escalator.

'''Squidward:''' (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick aside) All right, spread out! (goes on a supposedly random escalator. SpongeBob and Patrick follow and go on the escalator with Squidward. They see coal miners go up the escalator)

'''SpongeBob:''' Coal miners. (they see sulfur miners go up the escalator. The awful smell from the sulfur makes SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward cover their noses) Ew.

'''Patrick:''' Sulfur miners.

'''SpongeBob:''' Phew. (they see a group of kids go up the escalator) Unaccompanied minors. (drum sting. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward walk off the escalator)

'''Squidward:''' All right, let’s get to work, chowderheads. (they go in separate directions while bumping into each other for a little bit. SpongeBob digs up a yellow rock with his pickaxe)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hey, I found something yellow. (pulls the yellow rock out of the wall; initially looking happy, he turns sad when he realizes the rock is a gold nugget) Never mind, it’s just gold. (throws it away)

'''Patrick:''' All I’m getting is dumb old diamonds. (throws and kicks several diamonds)

'''SpongeBob:''' (carrying a handful of gold nuggets) This must be the Mummy’s Curse that old guy was talking about. (throws the gold nuggets in the stalagmite)

Squidward: Gold and diamonds? (digs up sand from the wall] Gold dust! No, no, it’s just sand. (above the surface, Ryan is minding his own business playing in the sandbox. Suddenly, the sand begins to form a whirlpool and sucks Ryan down underneath)

'''Ryan:''' Whoa! (screams repeatedly. Comes out from the hole Squidward dug up and runs around in panic)

'''Squidward:''' (upon seeing Ryan) Ah. (Ryan continues to run and scream in panic until he goes up the escalator, whereupon he calms down) Uh, what was that?

'''SpongeBob:''' (sighs) The greatest treasure of all, a child. (he, Patrick, and Squidward resume their task. All of a sudden, SpongeBob begins to sniff out something. Sniffs the wall and punctures a hole on it with the pickaxe. The hole s revealed to have a payphone underneath the wall. The phone rings. Answers it) Hello?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (with angry customers yelling in the background) SpongeBob, where’s me mustard?

'''Jennifer Millie:''' I want some mus-- (Mr. Krabs pushes her away with his foot)

'''SpongeBob:''' On the way, sir, as soon was we find it. (hangs up but answers again) Love you. (hangs up again)

'''Squidward:''' Oh, we’ll never find that mustard vein. (pokes the wall with the pickaxe and the wall crumbles into a hole, leading him to the Bikini Bottom Subway) Oh, what is this? (wanders around the subway)

'''Subway PA:''' ''Local train approaching station.'' (deep in the tunnel, a train emerges and stops in front of Squidward. The train opens its doors, revealing SpongeBob and Patrick already on board. Squidward stares at them in shock, wondering how they managed to get on so quick and afford a train ride)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hurry up, Squidward, before the doors close!

'''Patrick:''' It’s the last train of the night!

'''SpongeBob:''' Do you have a metro card? (Squidward frantically searches for a metro card until he finds one under his shirt)

'''Squidward:''' Ah! I got it! (tries to scan his card, but the tumblers keep beeping red)

'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Squidward! (Squidward tries all his might to scan his card as he watches the train doors slowly close in horror)

'''Subway PA:''' ''Watch the closing doors.'' (Squidward buffs up his arm and the tumbler finally turns green, approving access to it. Squidward runs through the tumblers and frantically heads to the train)

'''SpongeBob:''' Faster, Squidward, faster! (Squidward makes it, but the doors close on his neck, leaving his body being dragged outside of the moving train)

'''Patrick:''' Hey, Squidward, you really should watch the closing doors. (Squidward growls and hisses at Patrick in complete anger and frustration. Backs away)

'''Subway PA:''' ''This is a local mining train making all stops between Coal and Limestone. Next stop, Condiments.''

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, that’s our stop. (the train stops at the condiments vein. The doors open. Steps over a battened Squidward and heads to the condiments vein. Patrick runs out and steps on Squidward, but grabs him by the feet)

'''Patrick:''' Come on, Squidward! (he and SpongeBob scurry into the condiments vein while Squidward, being carried by Patrick, hits his head on the sign. Sets Squidward down. Squidward walks around in a dizzy fashion, but pulls himself together. Squidward knocks on the wall and punctures a hole with his pickaxe. Mayonnaise comes out of the wall and sprays into Squidward’s face)

'''Squidward:''' Hmm... (sticks out his tongue) Ah la hmm... (licks the mayo) Ah! I've struck mayo! (SpongeBob punctures a hole on a different wall and a drop of hot sauce flies onto his tongue. He tastes the dropping and his body flares up, burning himself to a crisp)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hot sauce! (his body crumbles into ashes. Patrick goes to puncture a wall with his pickaxe, but flips over and falls to the ground; his pickaxe punctures a hole on the wall and ketchup spews out)

'''Patrick:''' I struck blood! (grabs some of the ketchup and tastes it) Oh, no, it’s ketchup. (slurps some more)

'''SpongeBob:''' We’re getting close. (punctures a hole on the ground and mustard comes out. Takes a sample of mustard) Oh. (licks the mustard) Mustard. Ahhh! I struck mustard!

'''Squidward:''' Mustard?!

'''Patrick:''' Mustard?! (all three begin dancing around in circles while twisting SpongeBob’s body

'''SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward:''' Look at all the mustard flow!
Look at all the mustard flow!
That golden yellow fatty acid treat!

(SpongeBob unravels himself, sending Squidward and Patrick flying to another wall. SpongeBob warms himself up and goes to crack open the ground again. The ground is so thick, unfortunately, that it disintegrates his pickaxe)

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh no, what are we gonna do now?

'''Squidward:''' I think we better use our heads.

'''Patrick:''' Let’s use my head! (pulls his tongue and his pointy head revs up like a power drill. SpongeBob and Squidward go to use Patrick’s drilling head to drill a hole in the ground. All of a sudden, they hear a moaning sound. Smoke fumes around the tunnels and a shadowy creature appears)

'''SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward:''' The mummy! (the smoke clears and the shadowy figure reveals himself to be none other than the crazy old prospector, Walter Haddock)

'''Walter:''' Stop! (leaps in front of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, pulls a cork out from his mouth and plugs up the hole in the ground)

'''SpongeBob:''' (gasps) It’s the Mummy’s Curse guy!

'''Walter:''' There ain’t no curse! I just tried to discourage you chuckleheads from mining this mustard!

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I get it, 'cause the mummy wants the mustard. Mystery solved.

'''SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward:''' Hurrah!

'''Walter Haddock:''' (twitches his eye) 'Tain’t no mummy! This mustard is sitting on top of 20 million pounds of pressure! If you open her up, she’s gonna blow sky high!

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, no curse. No mummy. And no mustard. (sniffs) And I’ll have to find another job. (Lori gasps as Lynn Sr. cries his eyes out and uses a piece of toast to blow his nose)

'''Squidward:''' (pulls his nose back) Stop. Don’t you see? This old coot wants all the mustard for himself! Now uncork that mustard!

'''Walter:''' Hmm? (growls)

'''Squidward:''' Oh, put your fists down, old man. I’m not gonna hurt you.

'''Walter Haddock:''' Hyah! (punches Squidward in the face. Squidward falls over)

'''SpongeBob:''' You were right, Squidward, you’re not gonna hurt him.

Squidward: (gets up and is really angry) Why you-- (gets punched in the face again) Ow! (gets punched again) I’m gonna-- (gets punched and his head spins. Gets punched yet again)

'''SpongeBob:''' Go, Squidward, you’re winning! You’re not hurting him at all!

'''Patrick:''' (buffs up) Let me try not hurting him. (grabs Squidward and throws him aside) Come on, old-timer! You know you want a piece of me! (Walter punches him on the head and sends him flying and crashing onto the hole in the ground) Oh.

'''Walter:''' (in pain) Ow, that hurt!

'''Patrick:''' (getting up) I hurt him! (stupidly and disappointed) That means I lose. (the ground underneath suddenly begins to shake due to the force of Patrick’s fall. Cracks begins to form and Walter dodges the incoming stalagmites from the ground. The mustard from underground begins to build up pressure and is about to erupt)

'''SpongeBob:''' No no no no no no no! (tries to hold down the pressure, but the mustard begins to fill up inside his body) Whoa....!

'''Walter:''' Adiós, muchachos! (laughs manically and bounces around until he goes up the escalator, calming down as he heads back up to the surface. Cracks form underneath Squidward and the crack uncovers a payphone next to him)

'''Squidward:''' Hmm. (phone rings. Answers it) I’ll get it. Hello.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (on a mast above the angry customers) Where’s me mustard?!

'''Squidward:''' Um... (pressure builds up as SpongeBob’s body grows bigger and bigger from the upcoming mustard. Patrick tries his best by corking up the holes. At the Krusty Krab, the customers continue to riot against Mr. Krabs. One customer is chopping the mast down with his axe. Camera zooms out to reveal volcanic pocket of mustard underneath the Krusty Krab) Your mustard is coming right up.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (as the mast falls) When?!

'''Squidward:''' Now? (by this point, SpongeBob can’t hold the pressure much longer; his eyes fill up with mustard. The ground under the Krusty Krab rumbles and erupts a geyser of mustard through the roof. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward bounce up and down on top of the geyser)

'''SpongeBob:''' Wow! Yee-ha! Yeah! (the mustard fills up the Krusty Krab inside. The customers are now satisfied and go to swim around in the mustard as well as eat their patties with mustard. Among them stands a mummy, who is unimpressed)

'''Mummy:''' What? No relish? (episode ends)

{{Transcripts/Season 11}}

Episode Transcript: Mustard O' Mine

2025-05-25T23:15:35Z

68.10.108.57: Created page with "[The episode begins at the Krusty Krab. A mother and a baby passes by and is greeted by a polite gentleman. A raspberry noise is heard. The mother turns and gives the gentlema..."

[The episode begins at the Krusty Krab. A mother and a baby passes by and is greeted by a polite gentleman. A raspberry noise is heard. The mother turns and gives the gentleman an angry look, thinking it was him who made the noise. The noise is heard again. They turn and see a long line standing in the Krusty Krab. It turns out to be Mustard Day and SpongeBob is giving away mustard to the customers.]
SpongeBob: Mustard, mustard, step right up for your mustard! [flips the mustard container] Some mustard for you. Eh, eh, eh. [sprays mustard on a little boy's Krabby Patty]
[The mustard forms into a t-rex and it roars mustard in the boy's face.]
Boy: [his face is covered in mustard] Cool!
SpongeBob: [flips the mustard container] A bit of the yellow for you. Doy. [sprays mustard on Frankie Billy's Krabby Patty]
[The mustard forms into a sailboat. It whistles and rings its foghorn before it melts onto the patty. Frankie Billy laughs and skips away. Nancy Suzy Fish comes up and whispers something in SpongeBob's ear.]
SpongeBob: Oh, okay. [winks at Nancy Suzy Fish] Eh. [hops and spins the mustard container before spraying the mustard into a handsome man] And a Mr. Mustard for you.
Nancy Suzy Fish: [purrs as walks with her Mr. Mustard while licking him] Mmm, yummy.
SpongeBob: Hyah! [attempts to give mustard to Frank, but the mustard container is all out and it cough out a small drop of mustard]
Customers: Aw.
SpongeBob: Hang on, folks, I'll be right back with more mustard. [hops on the mustard container and drives on it like a car] Whoo! [drives to the kitchen and goes to the condiment cabinet] Let's see. Ketchup. [slides ketchup door to mayonnaise door] Mayonnaise. [rolls up mayonnaise door to mustard door] Oh, mustard. [opens doors mustard door to find Mr. Krabs in it]
Mr. Krabs: Did you use up all me mustard?
SpongeBob: [stammering nervously] What?
Squidward: [filing his tentacle] Oh, who gives a flying fish about mustard?
SpongeBob: [gasps] But Squidward, without mustard I wouldn't be able to make a—
Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patty! That's right, you're both hereby ordered to go down into the mustard mines! And bring me back more mustard!
Squidward: Mustard mines?
Patrick: [comes out of the condiment cabinet and is covered with mustard] Mmm, mustard. [takes a container off his head and grabs a packet of mustard] Uh... Ah. [squirts mustard in his mouth, eats it and burps]
Mr. Krabs: [wipes mustard off his face] And you are going down to the mustard mines too.
Walter Haddock: [offscreen] I wouldn't do that if I was you. [creepily comes in and spits on the grill]
[SpongeBob wipes the grill clean.]
Walter Haddock: That old mustard mine is cursed.
SpongeBob: [hugs Mr. Krabs in fear] Cursed?
Mr. Krabs: [pushes SpongeBob away] What kind of curse?
Walter Haddock: It's, uh, er, one of those—The Mummy's Curse.
Mr. Krabs: [snickers] There's no such thing as mummies.
Walter Haddock: [holds up a creepy picture of his mother] We've all got mummies. Eh? [giggles] Mm-hmm. I've been in that mine. No one that enters gets out alive. [makes a creepy smile as a shrieking noise is heard; a spider crawls into his mouth and thunder claps]
SpongeBob: You got out and you're alive.
Walter Haddock: Ah, but am I?
Patrick: Yeah, you're standing right there.
Walter Haddock: But am I? [walks away in a creepy fashion]
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, you're right—[notices that he's gone, but he sees his foot] Hmm.
Squidward: I see your foot.
Walter Haddock: [slides his foot back] No, you don't.
SpongeBob: Ah, his foot's gone!
[The scene changes to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward at the entrance to the mustard mines.]
Squidward: [looks at the map] This map doesn't show us where the mustard vein is located. Well, let's just start picking.
Patrick: [picking his nose] Way ahead of you, pal.
Squidward: Ugh. [turns and looks at the map again]
[Patrick reaches into his nostril and picks out his brain.]
Patrick: Ooh. [smears his brain on Squidward's shirt]
[Squidward turns and grunts in disgust. Patrick gets scared and runs over to SpongeBob. Squidward picks up his pickaxe and heads into the mustard mines.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: [gasp and skip into the mines] ♪ Oh, a-mining we will go! The mustard, it will flow! ♪ [bounce up and down really hard] ♪ With pick and axe without the facts! There's nothing that we know! Ta-da! ♪
[SpongeBob and Patrick's violent bouncing causes a landslide and falling rocks seals off the entrance, much to their horror.]
Squidward: [Shocked and angry] Huh?! You nitwits! How will we get out now?!
[SpongeBob and Patrick's realize their mistake as Patrick gets worried.]
Patrick: Ah, we're trapped in a mine! We'll never get out!
[Patrick goes into frantic panic and runs up and down the mine walls. He curls in a fetal position and acts crazy. He punches his chest and passes out.]
Squidward: [sighs and goes to check on Patrick] Krabby Patty, stat.
[SpongeBob takes out the ingredients and makes a perfect Krabby Patty. He gives it to Squidward and he feeds Patrick the patty. Patrick swallows the patty and slowly wakes up.]
Squidward: He's coming 'round.
Patrick: [weakly] Squidward. I—I need—
Squidward: What can I get for you?
Patrick: [pulls out the Krabby Patty from his mouth and stupidly] I need a little mustard for the Krabby Patty.
Squidward: [drops Patrick down in disgust at his idiocy] Why do I even bother? Maybe there's a back door.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hey, wait for us!
[SpongeBob and Patrick run over to Squidward.]
SpongeBob: Whoa.
[They stop at a long, deep shaft.]
Squidward: I wonder how deep it is.
SpongeBob: I'll check. [picks up a pebble, goes over the edge and falls into the shaft] Wahhh! [appears next to Squidward and Patrick] Don't bother jumping. That shaft has no bottom. Let's take the escalator.
Squidward: [pushes SpongeBob and Patrick aside] All right, spread out! [goes on the escalator]
[SpongeBob and Patrick follow and go on the escalator with Squidward. They see coal miners go up the escalator.]
SpongeBob: Coal miners.
[They see sulfur miners go up the escalator. The awful smell from the sulfur makes SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward cover their noses.]
SpongeBob: Ew.
Patrick: Sulfur miners.
SpongeBob: Phew.
[They see a group of kids go up the escalator.]
SpongeBob: Unaccompanied minors. [drum sting]
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward walk off the escalator.]
Squidward: All right, let's get to work, chowderheads.
[They go in separate directions while bumping into each other for a little bit. SpongeBob digs up a yellow rock with his pickaxe.]
SpongeBob: Hey, I found something yellow. [pulls the yellow rock out of the wall; he was happy at first, but turned sad] Never mind, it's just gold. [throws it away]
Patrick: All I'm getting is dumb old diamonds. [throws and kicks several diamonds]
SpongeBob: [carrying a handful of gold nuggets] This must be the Mummy's Curse that old guy was talking about. [throws the gold nuggets in the stalagmite]
Squidward: Gold and diamonds? [digs up sand from the wall] Gold dust! No, no, it's just sand.
[Up above the surface, Ryan is minding his own business playing in the sandbox. Suddenly, the sand begins to form a whirlpool and sucks Ryan down underneath.]
Ryan: Whoa! [screaming]
[Ryan comes out from the hole Squidward dug up and he runs around in panic.]
Squidward: [upon seeing Ryan] Ah.
[Ryan continues to run and scream in panic until he calms down when he goes up the escalator.]
Squidward: Uh, what was that?
SpongeBob: [sighs] The greatest treasure of all, a child.
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward resume their task. All of a sudden, SpongeBob begins to sniff out something. He sniffs the wall and punctures a hole on it with the pickaxe. It turns out that he dug up a payphone underneath the wall. The phone rings and SpongeBob answers it.]
SpongeBob: Hello?
Mr. Krabs: [with angry customers yelling in the background] SpongeBob, where's me mustard?
Jennifer Millie: I want some mus—[Mr. Krabs pushes her away with his foot]
SpongeBob: On the way, sir, as soon was we find it. [hangs up but answers again] Love you. [hangs up again]
Squidward: Oh, we'll never find that mustard vein. [pokes the wall with the pickaxe and the wall crumbles into a hole, leading him to the subway] Oh, what is this? [wonders around the subway]
Subway PA: Local train approaching station.
[Deep in the tunnel, a train emerges and stops in front of Squidward. The train opens its doors, revealing SpongeBob and Patrick already on board. Squidward stares at them in shock, wondering how they managed to get on so quick and afford a train ride.]
SpongeBob: Hurry up, Squidward, before the doors close!
Patrick: It's the last train of the night!
SpongeBob: Do you have a metro card?
[Squidward frantically searches for a metro card until he finds one under his shirt.]
Squidward: Ah! I got it! [tries to scan his card, but the tumblers keep beeping red]
SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward!
[Squidward tries all his might to scan his card as he watches the train doors slowly close in horror.]
Subway PA: Watch the closing doors.
[Squidward buffs up his arm and the tumbler finally turns green, approving access to it. Squidward runs through the tumblers and frantically heads to the train.]
SpongeBob: Faster, Squidward, faster!
[Squidward makes it, but the doors close on his neck, leaving his body being dragged outside of the moving train.]
Patrick: Hey, Squidward, you really should watch the closing doors.
[Squidward growls and hisses at Patrick in complete anger and frustration, as Patrick backs away.]
Subway PA: This is a local mining train making all stops between Coal and Limestone. Next stop, Condiments.
SpongeBob: Oh, that's our stop.
[The train stops at the condiments vein. The doors open. SpongeBob steps over a battened Squidward and heads to the condiments vein. Patrick runs out and steps on Squidward, but grabs him by the feet.]
Patrick: Come on, Squidward!
[SpongeBob and Patrick scurry into the condiments vein while Squidward, being carried by Patrick, hits his head on the sign. Patrick sets Squidward down. Squidward walks around in a dizzy fashion, but pulls himself together. Squidward knocks on the wall and punctures a hole with his pickaxe. Mayonnaise comes out of the wall and sprays into Squidward's face.]
Squidward: Hmm... [sticks out his tongue] Ah la hmm... [licks the mayo] Ah! I've struck mayo!
[SpongeBob punctures a hole on a different wall and a drop of hot sauce flies onto his tongue. He tastes the dropping and his body flares up, burning himself to a crisp.]
SpongeBob: Hot sauce! [his body crumbles into ashes]
[Patrick goes to puncture a wall with his pickaxe, but flips over and falls to the ground; his pickaxe punctures a hole on the wall and ketchup spews out.]
Patrick: I struck blood! [grabs some of the ketchup and tastes it] Oh, no, it's ketchup. [slurps some more]
SpongeBob: We're getting close. [punctures a hole on the ground and mustard comes out; he takes a sample of mustard] Oh. [licks the mustard] Mustard. Ahhh! I struck mustard!
Squidward: Mustard?!
Patrick: Mustard?!
SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward: [dancing around in circles while twisting SpongeBob's body] ♪Look at all the mustard flow! Look at all the mustard flow! That golden yellow fatty acid treat!♪
[SpongeBob unravels himself, sending Squidward and Patrick flying to another wall. SpongeBob warms himself up and goes to crack open the ground again. But the ground was so thick that is disintegrates his pickaxe.]
SpongeBob: Oh no, what are we gonna do now?
Squidward: I think we better use our heads.
Patrick: Let's use my head! [pulls his tongue and his pointy head revs up like a power drill]
[SpongeBob and Squidward go to use Patrick's drilling head to drill a hole in the ground. When all of a sudden, they hear a moaning sound. Smoke fumes around the tunnels and a shadowy creature appears.]
SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward: The mummy!
[The smoke clears and the shadowy figure reveals himself to be none other than the crazy old prospector, Walter Haddock.]
Walter Haddock: Stop!
[Walter Haddock leaps in front of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, pulls a cork out from his mouth and plugs up the hole in the ground.]
SpongeBob: [gasps] It's the Mummy's Curse guy!
Walter Haddock: There ain't no curse! I just tried to discourage you chuckleheads from mining this mustard!
SpongeBob: Oh, I get it, 'cause the mummy wants the mustard. Mystery solved.
SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward: Hurrah!
Walter Haddock: [twitches his eye] 'Tain't no mummy! This mustard is sitting on top of 20 million pounds of pressure! If you open her up, she's gonna blow sky high!
SpongeBob: Oh, no curse. No mummy. And no mustard. [sniffs] And I'll have to find another job. [cries and uses Squidward's nose to blow his nose]
Squidward: [pulls his nose back] Stop. Don't you see? This old coot wants all the mustard for himself! Now uncork that mustard!
Walter Haddock: Hmm? [growls]
Squidward: Oh, put your fists down, old man. I'm not gonna hurt you.
Walter Haddock: Hyah! [punches Squidward in the face]
[Squidward falls over.]
SpongeBob: You were right, Squidward, you're not gonna hurt him.
Squidward: [gets up and is really angry] Why you— [gets punched in the face again] Ow! [gets punched again] I'm gonna— [gets punched and his head spins; then he gets punched again]
SpongeBob: Go, Squidward, you're winning! You're not hurting him at all!
Patrick: [buffs up] Let me try not hurting him. [grabs Squidward and throws him aside] Come on, old-timer! You know you want a piece of me! [Walter Haddock punches Patrick on the head and sends him flying and crashing onto the hole in the ground] Oh.
Walter Haddock: [in pain] Ow, that hurt!
Patrick: [Getting up] I hurt him! [Stupidly and disappointed] That means I lose.
[Suddenly, the ground underneath begins the shake, due to the force of Patrick's fall. Cracks begins to form and Walter Haddock dodges the incoming stalagmites from the ground. The mustard from underground begins to build up pressure and is about to erupt.]
SpongeBob: No no no no no no no! [tries to hold down the pressure, but the mustard begins to fill up inside his body] Whoa....!
Walter Haddock: Adiós, muchachos!
[Walter Haddock laughs manically and bounces around until he calms down when he goes up the escalator. Cracks form underneath Squidward and the crack uncovers a payphone next to him.]
Squidward: Hmm. [phone rings and he answers it] I'll get it. Hello.
Mr. Krabs: [on a mast above the angry customers] Where's me mustard?!
Squidward: Um...
[Pressure builds up as SpongeBob's body grows bigger and bigger from the upcoming mustard. Patrick tries his best by corking up the holes. At the Krusty Krab, the customers continue to riot against Mr. Krabs. One customer is chopping the mast down with his axe. The screen zooms out to reveal volcanic pocket of mustard underneath the Krusty Krab.]
Squidward: Your mustard is coming right up.
Mr. Krabs: [as the mast falls] When?!
Squidward: Now?
[SpongeBob can't hold the pressure much longer as his eyes fill up with mustard. The ground under the Krusty Krab rumbles and erupts a geyser of mustard through the roof. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward bounce up and down on top of the geyser.]
SpongeBob: Wow! Yee-ha! Yeah!
[The mustard fills up the Krusty Krab inside. The customers are now satisfied and go to swim around in the mustard as well as eat their patties with mustard. Among them stands a mummy, who is unimpressed.]
Mummy: What? No relish?

Episode Transcript: Snail Mail

2025-05-24T18:34:20Z

68.10.108.57: /* Dialogue */

{{Transcript|Snail Mail|Food Con Castaways|Pineapple Invasion}}

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Gary the Snail|Gary]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks]]
*[[French Narrator]]

==Dialogue==
(the episode begins outside of SpongeBob's house)

'''French Narrator:''' ''Ahh, a happy pineapple under the sea. Let's take a peek inside, shall we?'' (inside SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob is sitting on his chair, feeling bored) ''You will notice that the sponge is bored, because his best friend Patrick is away.'' (SpongeBob slides onto the floor)

'''SpongeBob:''' Ohh! (picks up Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy magazine) Hmm... what's this? (reading the pen pal article) All alone? No one to talk to? Why not write to a total stranger? Connect with other Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Pen Pals Today! Oh, I've never had a pen pal! (pulls out a paper and a pencil from his head. Sharpens his pencil with his teeth like a pencil sharpener. Lays on the floor and begins writing on the paper) Hmm... "Dear Pen Pal, my name is SpongeBob SquarePants..." Oh, that's great! "I work at a restaurant. I love frying and I'm very good at it. Sincerely, your new best friend!" Behold, the perfect letter! Now, for the envelope. (leaps over Gary and runs into the kitchen to get an envelope. However, when he comes back, Gary is slithering slime all over his letter) Gary, get off of that! You'll spot my masterpiece!

'''Gary:''' Meow, meow. (slithers away. SpongeBob picks up his letter, now covered in slime)

'''French Narrator:''' ''Uh-oh. It looks as if the domesticated snail has unintentionally deformed the word "Frying," making it look like the word "Flying." This is probably going to be a problem later on.''

'''SpongeBob:''' Nah, it's just a little slime. (puts the slimy letter in the envelope and seals it with his tongue) Ah, perfect! (time card appears)

'''French Narrator:''' ''4 to 6 days later...'' (the mailfish, Norton, comes to SpongeBob's house and opens the mailbox to deliver his letter. When he opens it, SpongeBob sticks out his tongue and Norton puts his letter in SpongeBob's mouth. Norton closes the mailbox and sighs as he walks off. SpongeBob bursts out of his mailbox and runs inside his house. SpongeBob opens the envelope and begins to read the letter that is inside)

'''SpongeBob:''' "Dear SpongeBob, Wow! You know how to fly?" Fly? What does he mean by... (gasps)

'''French Narrator:''' ''See? What did I tell you?''

'''SpongeBob:''' Gary, my pen pal thinks I can fly!

'''Gary:''' Meow?

'''SpongeBob:''' Ha! What a silly misunderstanding. "I can't believe I know a real life pilot. I wish I could watch you fly, because I am dying!" (gasps) Dying?! Not Pen Pal! I don't want to let him down and say that I can't fly. 'Cause then, his dying wish will never come true. (imagines his pen pal's funeral)

'''Priest:''' We're gathered here today to celebrate the life of Pen Pal. He died disappointed. (the four mailfish dump the carcass of Pen Pal into a mailbox and salutes him. The mailbox sinks into the ground as lightning flashes the sky. SpongeBob's imagination ends. SpongeBob comes up with an idea and jumps on his chair)

'''SpongeBob:''' Time to make Pen Pal's wish come true with a tiny white lie! (pulls out another piece of paper and a pencil and begins writing a letter) "Dearest Pen Pal, yes, I can fly! Boy, do I love flying! Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly!" (another time card appears)

'''French Narrator:''' ''4 to 6 more days later...'' (Norton comes to SpongeBob's house and opens the mail slot to deliver his letter. When he opens it, SpongeBob sticks out his tongue and Norton puts his letter in SpongeBob's mouth. Norton closes the mail slot and sighs as he walks off. SpongeBob opens the envelope with his nose and begins to read the letter)

'''SpongeBob:''' "Dear SpongeBob, I'll be at the Bikini Bottom Air Show tomorrow. Please meet me there so I can finally see you fly?!" (screams) Oh no! What have I done? What have I done? What have I done? I can't fly, Gary! I'm not a flyer! I'm a liar!
(freaks out and runs all over his house in panic. Gary throws water at SpongeBob to calm him down)

'''Gary:''' Meow.

'''SpongeBob:''' Good thinking, Gary. (wrings himself out) Sandy will know just what to do. (bubble-wipe to Sandy's Treedome. Inside, Sandy is working on one of her inventions)

'''Sandy:''' What can I do ya for, SquarePants?

'''SpongeBob:''' I did a bad thing, Sandy! I did a very bad thing! (Sandy gives SpongeBob a pair of underpants)

'''Sandy:''' Here. Take these. They're clean.

'''SpongeBob:''' No, no. It's not that. It's... it's... (hyperventilates himself and frantically takes off his water helmet) I lied! (puts his helmet back on and fills it up with his tears) I lied! I lied! I lied! I lied! I lied! (pulls his pants up in embarrassment)

'''Sandy:''' Relax, SpongeBob. You're twitchin' like a prairie dog on a cow-skin rug.

'''SpongeBob:''' Uh, what on a which?

'''Sandy:''' What's got your behind a-buzzin'?

'''SpongeBob:''' By who I've a where's in?

'''Sandy:''' (sighs) What did you lie about, SpongeBob? (SpongeBob feels hesitant about telling Sandy about his lie. But he eventually gives in. He takes a deep breath and as he talks to her, bubbles foam around his helmet)

'''SpongeBob:''' Well, there was this big misunderstanding and now my pen pal thinks I can fly! And I don't think I ever mean it, but now I have to! He doesn't see me fly and I don't know how! If I don't fly, he'll die disappointed! I made a horrible mistake, Sandy! Please help! (inhales the bubbles in his mouth and belches)

'''Sandy:''' Well, it ain't no lie if you actually learn how to fly. And I can help you with that!

'''SpongeBob:''' Really?

'''Sandy:''' Sure. (bubble-wipe to Sandy putting SpongeBob in a flight training machine)

'''SpongeBob:''' Seatbelt, check. Controls, check. (Sandy turns on her machine. On the screen is a video game version of an airplane getting ready to fly. As SpongeBob begins his flight training, the airplane on the screen starts flying)

'''Sandy:''' Proper take off, check. How are ya doing in there?

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I'm good. (continues his training until he sees his pineapple house) Oh, there's my house! (parachutes off and goes inside his house) Oops. I've forgot to feed Gary.

'''Gary:''' Meow.

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, hi Gary. (the airplane crash lands near SpongeBob's house and the screen shows "Game Over")

'''Sandy:''' (sighs) Failed. Alright, let's try that again! SpongeBob? Hmm? (Sandy turns and sees her flight training machine severely damaged and SpongeBob is nowhere in sight. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob in a wooden airplane tied up with a rope) Alright, SpongeBob. I tied ya up to a rope so you won't be able to go too far off course. (turns the propeller) Contact! (SpongeBob's wooden airplane lifts into the air and starts to fly)

'''SpongeBob:''' (laughs) I'm doing it! I'm actually doing it! Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! (as the wooden airplane flies around in a circle, the rope starts to ravel around the pole, getting the airplane tangled on it) Did I do it?

'''Sandy:''' Hmm. Good enough. (stamps the word "Ready" on her checklist. Bubble-wipe to the Bikini Bottom Air Show where pilots are preparing to entertain the audience with their planes. SpongeBob walks into the arena with a pilot suit on and is ready to perform in the show. He sees an old man on a wheel chair, coughing. SpongeBob rushes over to meet him)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hey, you must be Pen Pal! (the old fish coughs) What an honor it is to finally meet you! Oh, you pretty, pretty pen pal you.

'''Frail Fish:''' Hmm? (coughs)

'''SpongeBob:''' I just wanted to say that today... Today... (reads the writing on his hand) "Today is the first day of the rest of your life. I promise to fly to the best of my ability just for you." Oh, I will not let you down. (the frail fish coughs and then punches his chest. SpongeBob punches his chest as if he believes that he is putting his hand on his heart) My heart is full too, Pen Pal. (sniffs) My heart is full too. (runs back to the starting line. The frail fish coughs up a Krabby Patty that had been stuck in his throat)

'''Frail Fish:''' Whew! That was a close one! What was that guy talking about? (eats Krabby Patty)

'''Announcer:''' Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! Feast your eyes upon one daring, death-defying, the Polaris, the incredible, flying sponge! (the audience cheers)

'''SpongeBob:''' Take off. Don't die. Fly a few seconds lower to the ground. Don't die. Slam. Don't die. So simple. (something taps SpongeBob on his shoulder. Turns around and sees a strange figure that looks like the grim reaper. Shrieks)

'''Grim Reaper Fish:''' (uncovers his hood) Steve's the name and scythes on the game! You need a scythe? Steve's got ya covered! One scythe fits all!

'''Sandy:''' Get outta here, Steve!

'''Steve:''' (walks away) Oh, I got a say in it.

'''SpongeBob:''' Sandy, I'm nervous. (Sandy gives SpongeBob a pair of underpants) No, it's still not that.

'''Sandy:''' Don't worry, SpongeBob. You'll be, uh, just fine. Yeah. (backs away and walks over to a group of firefighters and paramedics) Get ready, boys! The bronco is loose! I repeat, the bronco is loose!

'''SpongeBob:''' (looks at the control panel in nervousness) Just fine. (presses several buttons and the plane begins to warm up) Pen Pal, this one's for you. (plane drives down the runway and slowly begins to take off. Pulls down the lever and the plane starts to fly. The audience cheers in astonishment) Whoo-hoo! I'm flying! Yee-haw! (suddenly, to SpongeBob's surprise, Patrick is running on the runway below him)

'''Patrick:''' Hey, SpongeBob! I can't believe you can actually fly like you said in your letter!

'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick? You're Pen Pal?

'''Patrick:''' (laughs) D'uh!

'''SpongeBob:''' But... but you said you were dying! You're not dying!

'''Patrick:''' Dying? Oh, oh! You didn't read the whole letter!

'''SpongeBob:''' (pulls out the letter) See? It says, "I wish I could watch you fly because I am dying!"

'''Patrick:''' (pulls out his second letter) And here's the second page! "To see you as a real pilot, SpongeBob. Here are some other things I like to see: candy rain, a firetruck full of clowns, and... a bunch of other stuff."

'''SpongeBob:''' It all makes sense now! (laughs) Oh, Patrick!

'''Patrick:''' (laughs along with SpongeBob as his letter slips off his hands) You thought I was dying! (as SpongeBob laughs, Patrick's second half of his letter flies into SpongeBob's face. SpongeBob screams in fear and he accidentally makes the plane fly out of control. The plane's wing scoops Patrick up and Patrick falls into the cockpit. The plane turns around and gets its' landing gear caught on a candy stand. SpongeBob continues to scream until Patrick takes the letter off SpongeBob's face) Watch out! (SpongeBob sees that his plane is flying straight towards Sandy, the firefighters and the paramedics. SpongeBob desperately tries to control the plane and makes it fly upwards. The plane is now flying upside down and begins to rain candy from the candy stand as the firefighters give chase) Candy rain, check! (the plane then flies towards a food vendor with two children. The kids and the vendor run away and the plane flies upwards. The candy stand hits the ice cream stand and splatters ice cream all over Sandy and the firefighters, making them appear with clown faces) Firetruck clowns, check! (the plane then flies into a flower-shaped cloud and bounces back and forth. The plane then spirals out of control and flies directly into a first class airplane)

'''SpongeBob:''' Excuse me, pardon me, pardon me, excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, pardon me, excuse me! (plane comes out of the first class airplane. The airplane splits into two halves)

'''Passengers and Crew:''' Heave-ho! (the passengers and crew pull the airplane back in place)

'''Patrick:''' Fly first class, check! (SpongeBob's plane turns around. SpongeBob and Patrick gasp in horror when they see the plane's left wing is falling apart)

'''SpongeBob:''' Ah, something's wrong with the plane! Here, take the controls! (jumps out of the cockpit and goes to fix the wing)

'''Patrick:''' Take what now? (grabs on the handle. SpongeBob fixes the wing and the plane continues to fly out of control. The plane then scoops up Abigail Marge, who is playing tennis with Sadie, and Perry, who is acting as referee. The firetruck with Sandy and the firefighters continues chasing after SpongeBob's plane. SpongeBob and Abigail play tennis as the plane continues to fly. SpongeBob hits the tennis ball and accidentally breaks Abigail's racket)

'''Perry:''' Match point, SpongeBob.

'''Patrick:''' Whoo-hoo! Check and check!

'''SpongeBob:''' (laughs) Hey, Patrick. Who's flying the plane?!

'''Patrick:''' I am! (SpongeBob runs back into the cockpit) No, wait. (SpongeBob and Patrick both hop in the cockpit. The plane begins to break down and shakes Abigail and Perry off. Sandy and the firefighters catch Perry and Abigail with a safety net. The plane flies around and is now driven off course)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hold on! We're going down! (plane breaks down and descends downward. SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror. Just as the plane is about to hit the ground, it stops in midair. SpongeBob and Patrick stop screaming. Sees that the plane's gasoline tank is completely empty) Whew! We ran out of gas.

'''Patrick:''' Uh, don't worry! I've got this! (fills SpongeBob's plane with gas) Yep! (SpongeBob's plane starts up again and smashes into the ground. Sandy and the firefighters arrive and try to put out the fire caused by the plane crash. SpongeBob and Patrick exit the plane unharmed) Thanks for helping me finish my list, SpongeBob. (Sandy gives SpongeBob a pair of underpants. This time, SpongeBob takes it)

'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick, it was my pleasure.

'''Patrick:''' Really? Well, if you don't mind, I have a couple of other things I'd like to see. (pulls out his list)

'''SpongeBob:''' Let's hear 'em.

'''Patrick:''' (reads list) "An edible balloon, a skateboarding snail, a tower of loose meat that tastes like ice cream, some ghosts..." (as SpongeBob and Patrick walk off into the sunset, Sandy and the firefighters struggle to put out the fire while two planes and a blimp fly around in the sky and people run around in panic)

{{Transcripts/Season 9}}
[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 9]]

Episode Transcript: Scavenger Pants

2025-05-24T15:47:49Z

68.10.108.57: /* Dialogue */

{{Transcript|Scavenger Pants|Squid Noir|Cuddle E. Hugs}}

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mama Tentacles]]
*[[Sand Witch]]
*[[Sandwich Monster]]
*[[Loch Ness Monster]]
*[[French Narrator]]
*[[Gary the Snail]]

==Dialogue==
(episode begins at Squidward's house. Squidward is dancing along with the music from "The Nutcracker Suite." Squidward continues to dance and show off some of his moves. Just then, SpongeBob appears and joins in the dancing as well)

'''SpongeBob:''' (whispering) You dance divinely. (Squidward freaks out and clings himself to the ceiling with his suction cups. He loses his grip and falls to the floor. Patrick appears, removes the record from the phonograph and places a different record on it. The record begins playing funky, rock music)

'''Patrick:''' Shall we?

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I love this song! (he and Patrick dance to the rock music. Squidward gets really angry and removes the record from the phonograph)

'''Squidward:''' Why are you nitwits in my house?

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' We're bored!

'''Patrick:''' And we don't want to be bored!

'''SpongeBob:''' We want to have fun. (Patrick kicks the pillar holding Squidward's head sculpture. Squidward screams and catches the sculpture before it hits the floor. Squidward sighs in relief and his head shatters. SpongeBob is standing upside down and Patrick eats his pants)

'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Squidward. Give us something fun to do. Please? (Squidward groans and Patrick's stomach grumbles)

'''Patrick:''' Oh, let's play lunch!

'''SpongeBob:''' No problem. I'll whip up some grub. (he and Patrick run over to the kitchen and begin taking stuff out of Squidward's fridge and cabinets)

'''Squidward:''' Leave my kitchen alone!

'''SpongeBob:''' Hmm, there must be something I can scavenge up around here.

'''Squidward:''' (grins evilly and gets an idea) Oh! That's it. How would you two like to go on a... scavenger hunt?

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Scavenger hunt?

'''Patrick:''' What's a scavenger hunt? (SpongeBob takes out a dictionary from his head, turns the pages with his nose, and looks up the words "Scavenger Hunt")

'''SpongeBob:''' (reading) "A party game in which participants work in teams to collect a list of miscellaneous objects!" Scavenger hunt, yeah! What's first on the list, Squidward?

'''Squidward:''' Um, oh, uh, well, let's see. (takes out a roll of toilet paper and pretends to read something on it) Bring back the rare Desert Sandwich. (SpongeBob and Patrick giggle and begin searching all over the place to look for Squidward's "Desert Sandwich." SpongeBob looks for it in the phonograph)

'''SpongeBob:''' Sandwich? (Patrick looks for it under Squidward's picture. Looks for it in Squidward's nose, which causes him to scream) Sandwich? Sandwich? (lets go of Squidward's nose)

'''Squidward:''' (straightens out his nose) Not in here! The sandwich is only found deep in the [[Bikini Badlands]], out there!

'''Patrick:''' (he and SpongeBob stop looking) Oh.

'''Squidward:''' (pushes SpongeBob and Patrick out and shuts the door) Phew. I am a genius. (SpongeBob and Patrick stop at a sign pointing to the [[Bikini Goodlands|Goodlands]] and to the Badlands)

'''SpongeBob:''' Goodlands, half a league. (he and Patrick observe the Goodlands. There, they see jellyfish swimming around, flowers and trees dancing, a sun and rainbow shining down and a sea unicorn skipping along) Badlands, 20,000 leagues? (he and Patrick observe the Badlands. There, they see a dried up wasteland with a volcano, a cactus and a skeleton with sea urchins crawling out. SpongeBob and Patrick are stunned, but they decide to go there anyway. Bubble-wipe to them traveling the Badlands. They become exhausted from the high temperatures and are very thirsty since they had no drinking water with them. SpongeBob and Patrick collapse from exhaustion)

'''Patrick:''' So...thirsty. (rings SpongeBob's sweat and drinks it for water) Oh.

'''SpongeBob:''' (dried up and very weak) It's no use. We'll never find the rare Desert Sandwich. (suddenly, a sandstorm-like tornado appears out of nowhere. SpongeBob and Patrick scream in terror and sand gets into their eyes. The sand tornado lifts them in the air and starts to carry them away. Meanwhile, back at his house, Squidward is in his bathroom, dancing to "The Nutcracker Suite" again. The door opens and Squidward flies backwards. SpongeBob and Patrick arrive) Squidward! We did it! We brought back the first item! (the sand tornado comes through the door and into the living room)

'''Squidward:''' Sand? (sand is blown in Squidward's face. The sand tornado dies down, revealing a witch within it. The witch cackles. Spits out the sand) Witch? (the witch cackles) Oh, good grief! Not that kind of sand witch! The Desert Sandwich has tomatoes and bread and... and... mayo.

'''Sand Witch:''' No worries, I used to work at an evil deli. (creates a sandwich with her magic) Ta-da!

'''Squidward:''' Oh, looks pretty good. (takes a bite and spikes poke out from his cheeks. Screams as the sandwich comes to life and bites his nose) Get it off! Get it off! (gets mauled by the sandwich monster. The sand witch cackles. Bubble-wipe to the sandwich monster being locked in the refrigerator)

'''SpongeBob:''' What's next on our scavenger hunt, Squidward?

'''Squidward:''' Hmm...oh. (sees a picture of a begonia flower) Mm-hmm. Your next item is the [[Boxing Begonia]]! (spins the globe and points to the location) It only grows in the deepest canyon of the [[Mariana Trench]].

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Ooh! (giggle as they run out the door)

'''Squidward:''' Ha. That'll keep them out of my hair. (rubs his head and it glimmers since he has no hair) Oh. (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick looking down at the deepest canyon of the Mariana Trench)

'''Patrick:''' It's so straight-down-y.

'''SpongeBob:''' Don't worry, Patrick. A scavenger is always prepared. (pulls out a rope, ties it to a nearby rock and goes to climb down, but the rope isn't long enough) The rope is too short! We need another one!

'''Patrick:''' (throws down a rope) Here!

'''SpongeBob:''' Thanks, Patrick! Where'd you get another rope?

'''Patrick:''' From that rock! (slips off the edge and falls into the canyon with SpongeBob, crashing into some stalagmites in the process. They both crash to the ground below the canyon)

'''SpongeBob:''' Found it! (bubble-wipe back to Squidward's house where Squidward resumes his dancing. SpongeBob and Patrick swing into his house through the window with the Boxing Begonia they found)

'''SpongeBob:''' We're back!

'''Squidward:''' What? But... but it's not possible! (becomes amazed at the Boxing Begonia's beauty) Boxing Begonia? It's beautiful. (the Boxing Begonia comes to life and starts beating up Squidward with boxing gloves)

'''Patrick:''' The champ takes a swift uppercut to the jaw. (punches himself)

'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward is against the ropes. A left, a right.

'''Patrick:''' How can a man stand it? (Squidward falls flat on the floor, knocking out his dentures)

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, and the champ is down!

'''Patrick:''' (holding up the Boxing Begonia) The winner! (bubble-wipe to a beaten up Squidward pacing back and forth)

'''Squidward:''' How do you keep finding everything?

'''SpongeBob:''' (meditating) You have to keep your skull... numb.

'''Patrick:''' Yeah, we're numbskulls!

'''Squidward:''' (sighs and takes out a book) Your next mission is to find... (points to the picture of the Loch Ness Monster) ...the Loch Ness Monster and bring him back...alive.

'''SpongeBob:''' Ooh, the Loch Ness Monster!

'''Patrick:''' Oh, so good! Oh, so good! (takes out a notebook and a pencil. Sharpens his pencil with his belly button) What color?

'''Squidward:''' (pushes the sofa) Doesn't matter! Good luck! (throws them out and grins evilly) They'll never find it. And if they do, it'll eat them. (laughs) It's a win-win. (yelps as the sofa falls on top of him. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick rowing their boat upside-down in the rivers of Scotland)

'''SpongeBob:''' Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!

'''Patrick:''' How are we gonna find a monster in the dark? I can't see anything.

'''SpongeBob:''' We don't have to find it. It'll find us. (pulls out some bagpipes and plays music with it. As SpongeBob plays music with his bagpipes, a shadowy creature swims around and looms over them. SpongeBob and Patrick wail in fright. Meanwhile, back at Squidward's house, Squidward resumes his dancing and is playing with his clarinet while wearing a beautiful, purple hat)

'''Squidward:''' (sighs) I'm the greatest. (hears a knock at the door) And here comes the worst. (takes off his hat)

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' (they enter) We're back! (the Loch Ness Monster smashes through the wall above the front door with its' head)

'''Squidward:''' (shuddering) The Lo-- Lo-- The Loch Ness Monster! How did you find it?

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, simple. (takes out his bagpipe) Bagpipes.

'''Squidward:''' (grabs the bagpipe) It likes bagpipe music? (the bagpipes blow air out)

'''Patrick:''' No, it hates it. (the Loch Ness Monster roars, grabs Squidward with its mouth, and swallows him whole with the bagpipes)

'''Loch Ness Monster:''' Ahh...

'''SpongeBob:''' But it sure loves to eat 'em!

'''French Narrator:''' ''One very long digestive tract later...'' (Squidward is completely worn out from nearly being digested from the Loch Ness Monster. SpongeBob and Patrick bounce on the sofa while Squidward sits in agony)

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Give us another one! Give us another one! Give us another one!

'''Squidward:''' Oh, brother! (grins evilly and comes up with another idea) Brother...

'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, just one more.

'''Squidward:''' (pretends to act nervous) Well, all right, it's—it's impossible, but... (sniffles as he pretends to cry) ...if only you could find my long lost brother.

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' (holding Squidward's hands) Brother?

'''Squidward:''' (chuckles wickedly as he grabs his picture and draws a moustache on it; he turns around and pretends to be heartbroken) I haven't seen him since he was a baby.

'''SpongeBob:''' Aww...

'''Patrick:''' Baby with a mustache.

'''Squidward:''' (rubs his head) He was an early bloomer.

'''SpongeBob:''' What was his name?

'''Squidward:''' Name, huh? Um...

'''SpongeBob:''' "Um?" Aw, what a pretty name.

'''Squidward:''' (pretends to be heartbroken) If I could just see him again... (pretends to cry) No. (SpongeBob and Patrick fall for Squidward's cruel lies and they sob hysterically)

'''SpongeBob''': (hugs Patrick) That's so sad.

'''Patrick:''' Even my armpits are crying. (his armpits shed blue tears and he uses a piece of toast to blow his nose)

'''SpongeBob:''' Come on, Patrick, we've got some extreme scavenging to do.

'''Patrick:''' Yeah!

'''Squidward:''' (carries them out the door) Oh, thank you. (throws them down and slams the door) I'm free! (laughs. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick finding Squidward's "brother" in the streets of Bikini Bottom)

'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward's brother! (looks for Squidward's "brother" in Jellyfish Fields. Climbs up a tree with Patrick) Squidward's brother! (peeks into a jellyfish hive) Squidward's brother? (he and Patrick get stung by jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick pop out of an bathtub when an old lady was taking a bath)

'''Patrick:''' Squidward's brother? (he and SpongeBob get whacked in the heads by the old lady. SpongeBob and Patrick go to look for Squidward's "brother" at Squidward's house. SpongeBob knocks on the door and Squidward answers it)

'''SpongeBob:''' (gasps with Patrick) He's right here! Squidward's brother!

'''Patrick:''' The rascal shaved his moustache!

'''Squidward:''' (sighs) Good grief. (slams the door on SpongeBob and Patrick)

'''French Narrator:''' ''Six months later...'' (SpongeBob and Patrick are completely tired and their voices have grown weak from looking for Squidward's "brother")

'''SpongeBob:''' (weakly) Um, Squidward's brother!

'''Patrick:''' (weakly) Squidward's brother! (SpongeBob and Patrick bump into a mailbox and it reads "Mrs. Tentacles" on it)

'''SpongeBob:''' Mrs. Tentacles? (he and Patrick run up to Mrs. Tentacles' house and SpongeBob knocks on the door with his nose. Mama Tentacles answers) Mrs. Tentacles, you're Squidward's mother. You must know where Squidward's brother is.

'''Mama Tentacles:''' Brother? Squidward never had a brother. One of him was enough. (shuts the door)

'''SpongeBob:''' Aww, that's so sad. Squidward wanted a baby brother so badly he imagined one.

'''Patrick:''' Oh, man. Now it'll take even longer to find him.

'''SpongeBob:''' Hmm? (a rain cloud forms above his head) Oh, I'm getting a brainstorm!

'''Patrick:''' I've got you, buddy. (takes out an umbrella and puts it over SpongeBob's head)

'''SpongeBob:''' No, Patrick, let it flow. (his body absorbs the raindrops from his rain cloud) Ooh, I have a plan. (bubble-wipe to Squidward playing his song "I Hate People" on his clarinet while dancing around and destroying everything inside SpongeBob's house. He enters SpongeBob's room and spins Gary around)

'''Gary:''' (groans as he is annoyed with Squidward. Goes into his shell and puts earmuffs on) Meow! (Squidward jumps outside and hops on top of Patrick's rock. It is revealed that while SpongeBob and Patrick had been gone for six months, he attached their houses onto his own house and made it into his own playground. He slides back into his house through the window)

'''Squidward:''' Oh, I love my two new homes. And best of all, I haven't heard from those idiots in months! (laughs until SpongeBob and Patrick squish him with the front door as they enter)

'''SpongeBob:''' Squidward. We found your brother.

'''Squidward:''' (pulls himself off to door and cruelly laughs at them) You urchin brains! I never had a brother!

'''SpongeBob:''' You do now!

'''Patrick:''' Two brothers! Us!

'''Squidward:''' What are you morons talking about?

'''SpongeBob:''' (takes Mama Tentacles by the hand and leads her in) Come on in, Mama.

'''Squidward:''' (stammering as he is shocked to see his mother) Ma—Mama?

'''Mama Tentacles:''' Isn't it lovely, dear? I've adopted your two little friends.

'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' (they hold up their adoption papers) Brothers. (Squidward begins to lose his sanity as he panics like crazy. He rubs his head until it explodes. Bubble-wipe to a camera man preparing to take a picture of Mama Tentacles, Squidward, SpongeBob and Patrick)

'''Camera Man:''' Oh, what a beautiful family—yeee. Smile! (Mama Tentacles, SpongeBob and Patrick smile for the camera while Squidward groans in defeat. The camera snaps a picture of the "family")

{{Transcripts/Season 11}}
[[Category:Transcript]]
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 11]]

Episode Transcript: Escape from Beneath Glove World

2025-05-16T22:56:25Z

68.10.108.57: Created page with "Act 1 [The episode begins with a speakerphone shown up close.] Man on speaker: What a beautiful day for a ball game, eh, sports fans? [a butterfly flies to the speaker] Play b..."

Act 1
[The episode begins with a speakerphone shown up close.]
Man on speaker: What a beautiful day for a ball game, eh, sports fans? [a butterfly flies to the speaker] Play ball! [the butterfly flies away] Here's the pitch! [A robotic arm is shown with a baseball. The arm throws the ball. The camera turns around, revealing SpongeBob and Patrick. They are on a ride of Glove World! An invisible person with gloves swings the bat and hits the ball which sends SpongeBob and Patrick away.] They're going, they're going!
SpongeBob and Patrick: We're gone!
[SpongeBob and Patrick are pressed into the seats as the ride accelerates. The ball lands on a glove and an animatronic coach comes to the scene.]
Animatronic Coach: You're outta there!
[SpongeBob and Patrick exit out of the baseball and leave the ride. The scene cuts to outside the ride, which is called "Catch Me!", as SpongeBob and Patrick exit the ride.]
SpongeBob: Boy, do I love the two-fisted fun at Glove World! [laughs]
Patrick: [hands out a fist on a stick] And the Ham Fists aren't bad either! [starts chewing on it]
SpongeBob: Wow, that ride was so fun! I could do it a million, zillion, jillion, dillion, cotillion times! [breathes]
Patrick: [nudges SpongeBob with his elbow] I got you covered!
[Patrick squeezes out a bunch of tickets out of his belly button and they pile up on him and SpongeBob.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, yeah!
[They run back inside the ride with the tickets around them.]
French Narrator: One million, zillion, jillion, dillion, cotillion times later...
[SpongeBob and Patrick are shown on the Catch Me! ride again. The animatronic coach appears again as the ride ends.]
Animatronic Coach: You're outta there! Eh, whatever.
[SpongeBob and Patrick exit the ride with their faces frozen after riding it a lot of times. They walk up to a woman. Her baby screams in terror at SpongeBob and Patrick.]
Woman Fish: Oh, my baby's eyes! [runs away]
SpongeBob: [face frozen] Patrick?
Patrick: [face frozen] Yes?
SpongeBob: [face frozen] I think we overdid it. [he and Patrick lean back up. A child approaches them, carrying popcorn. Upon seeing them, he starts screaming, throws his popcorn at them and runs away.]
Patrick: [face frozen] Hmm, debatable.
SpongeBob: [face frozen] Oh, I have an idea! [French accent] Let us take a break in the theater. [cut to the outside of Glove World Theater.]
[Cut back to SpongeBob and Patrick. SpongeBob takes out a glove and slaps Patrick to get his face back to normal. Patrick takes the glove, adjusts it and slaps SpongeBob to get his face back to normal. They merrily walk into the theater.]
Patrick: Snack bar break!
[Cut to inside the theater, where SpongeBob and Patrick are eating fries out of their hats. After finishing their fries, they put their hats back on and use their eyes to rip out eye holes in the hats. The curtains open, revealing an animatronic. The audience begins to cheer.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: It's him! It's really him! [their hats point at the animatronic]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Right! It's me, Hieronymus Glove! I'm the bloomin' creator and spokes-mate of Glove World!
[An animatronic glove appears.]
Animatronic Glove: Glove World is a subsidiary of Finger Fun Industries. All rights reserved. [SpongeBob and Patrick cheer and headbutt each other as the show begins.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Welcome to the wonderfully whimsical and wickedly woven world of the glove! [Music begins playing and a giant glove-shaped screen appears. The screen powers on and displays two floating gloves and the words "Glove World Presents." SpongeBob and Patrick's pupils turn into gloves as Animatronic Hieronymus begins singing.] ♪If you want where something on your hand or fist, there's really nothing quite like gloves!♪
[The screen shows a mountain-climbing fish with frostbitten hands. Two gloves pass the screen, and he is now wearing them, displaying them to the screen and smiling.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪And if you don't want to leave fingerprints, I've got a pair that you're just gonna love!♪
[A burglar steals a diamond off a pillow, then leans out the window and gives a thumbs up to the camera.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪If you want complete knuckle protection when you stick your hand inside a block of cheese!♪
[A gloved fish holds up his hand, then sticks it into some cheese, where mice attempt to gnaw on it.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪A glove's a thing you want, a glove's a thing you need!♪
[Images of real-life doctors wearing gloves appear on the screen.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪So wear a glove if you please!♪ [Animatronic gloves appear and start singing backup.]
Animatronic Gloves: [singing] ♪Get yourself some fourchettes, gussets, tranks, and quirks! Slap a pair of thumbs on that and you've got a look that works!♪
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: ♪Queen Elizafish the First wore her gloves every day to preserve and protect her lovely mitts.♪
[A queen takes off her gloves, revealing a gross-looking hand underneath.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪Hats protect your head!♪
[A fish standing at a construction site has a concrete brick dropped on his head, but does not react.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪And shoes protect your feet!♪
[A safari fish is standing in the mouth of a crocodile. As it eats him, his legs stick out sideways.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪But gloves protect you from getting sick from everyone you meet!♪
[A female fish shakes hands with someone outside of the hospital, who sneezes. She gives the OK hand sign to the camera.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪So if you want to build, or drive, or cook, or clean the loo, we've got a special glove made just for you!♪
[The characters from the video hold their hands out.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪A glove is beyond compare, as essential as underwear!♪
[A glove with a face falls onto a scale, balancing it out with some underwear.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪If I were you, I'd buy two!♪
Animatronic Gloves: [singing] ♪Gloves!♪
[The show ends and the audience starts cheering. SpongeBob and Patrick headbutt each other again. The audience begins leaving.]
SpongeBob: [sighs] That song reminds me of putting on a glove for the very first time. It was warm, and cozy... and sweaty.
Patrick: I wanna meet the glove guy!
SpongeBob: Ooh! [pulls out a bunch of gloves wadded into a ball] Maybe he'll sign my gloves.
[Patrick makes his way to the stage, hopping over the seats. SpongeBob follows him and accidentally drops his gloves on the floor. While SpongeBob picks up his gloves, Patrick peeks through the curtains and sees the animatronic. He runs towards it and gives it a handshake.]
Patrick: [giggles excitedly] Oh, Mr. Glove, Mr. Glove! Oh, I'm your biggest fan! I've been all your rides, ask anyone! I-I'm here every weekend! And throwing up! [Patrick breaks the animatronic's hand.] I just-- Huh?
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [eyes flash red] I need repair! I need repair!
Patrick: Oh! I'm sorry! It was an accident! [shushes the robot and puts his hand in his mouth] Please be quiet or I'll get in trouble!
[Animatronic Hieronymus Glove keeps saying "I need repair!" The hand drops from the robot's mouth and rolls away. Patrick grabs Animatronic Hieronymus in a headlock and shushes him again.] Stupid! [shushes the animatronic once more] Shut up, shut up, shut up! [rips off Animatronic Hieronymus's head]
[SpongeBob comes in and sees Patrick destroying the animatronic.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing with our childhood hero? [accidentally press a button labeled "Run."]
Patrick: He wouldn't be quiet.
[Suddenly, the robot starts moving to the stage, pushing Patrick along with him. The curtains open to reveal Patrick holding Animatronic Hieronymus's head. As Patrick fumbles with the head, he notices everyone looking at him in shock. An old fish's glasses crack, and everyone screams. Patrick tries to put the head back on, but drops it. The audience members run out of the theater. Patrick trips over himself and brings down the curtains, and three Glove World officers enter from backstage.]
Officer #1: Freeze, vandals!
Patrick: [comes out of the curtains and uses the head to fight the officers off] Keep away! Keep away, no! No! Get away!
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, just calm down a second. Take a deep breath and hand me the head. [walks towards Patrick]
Officer #1: Better do what your friend says, son.
[Patrick calmly gives SpongeBob the head and starts crying]
SpongeBob: Oh, officers, he didn't mean to kill Hieronymus Glove! He just doesn't know his own strength. Or his own reflection. I don't know how he shaves.
[Close-up on Patrick's chin with rips, a bandage, stitches, and little hairs. SpongeBob begins to cry and uses the animatronic's head to blow his nose.]
Officer #1: He didn't kill anyone, kid. This is not a real head; it's an animatronomical dummy head.
Patrick: [angrily] Hey, who are calling a dummy head?! [confused] Wait, what did you say?
Officer #1: The real Hieronymus Glove has been frozen in ice for decades now. [shows SpongeBob and Patrick his hat which shows a picture of Hieronymus Glove frozen in an ice cube]
SpongeBob: [realizing] Oh, Patrick, it was only a robot head. Phew, for a minute there, I thought we were in trouble!
[As SpongeBob and Patrick are preparing to leave Officer #1 grabs them]
Officer #1: You are in trouble! And you're going to Glove World Jail!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [gasps, excitedly] Glove World Jail?
SpongeBob: I thought that was an urban myth!
Patrick: You mean an urban truth.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Glove me! [The officer puts SpongeBob and Patrick in handcuffs. An elevator emerges from beneath the stage. SpongeBob, Patrick, and the three officers enter the elevator.] Jailtime jackpot! [they high-five]
Officer #1: Please don't do that.
[SpongeBob and Patrick giggle as the elevator closes and descends into an underground jail. The elevator door opens to reveal that SpongeBob and Patrick have tangled Officer #1 in their handcuffs.]
SpongeBob: Sorry.
Patrick: Yeah, he's sorry.
[The officer takes SpongeBob and Patrick into Glove World Jail and throws them in a cell. They hit the wall, breaking their handcuffs, and fall into a ball pit filled with gloves.]
Officer #1: Alright, close number five!
[A small opening appears in the wall and three little gloves come out. SpongeBob and Patrick emerge from the ball pit to watch as the gloves do a little dance, then hop on top of each other and close the cell door. SpongeBob and Patrick cheer for them.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, this is exactly how I always thought Glove Jail would look!
Patrick: [pointing] Look!
[SpongeBob and Patrick lean against the bars and see three animatronic prisoners a nearby cell trying to get a key from an animatronic worm. They then look in the other direction and see two animatronic glove guards pacing back and forth, greeting each other repeatedly. Then they look behind them and see a barrel in the corner. They walk to the barrel and an animatronic old man pops out.]
Animatronic Old Man: Breaking the rules, eh? [laughs] Good for you, matey!
Patrick: Well, I didn't break the rules. I broke a dummy head.
Animatronic Old Man: Breaking the rules, eh? [laughs] Good for you, matey!
Patrick: I just told you! [leans into the barrel] Stop saying that!
Animatronic Old Man: [rams into Patrick as he pops back up] Breaking the rules, eh? [laughs]
Patrick: [grabs the animatronic old man in a choke hold] Shut up, shut up, shut up!
SpongeBob: Oh, not again, Patrick. He's just a robot! They're all robots. We're the only ones here. [A toddler pops out of the ball pit. While SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing, the toddler climbs up onto SpongeBob's head and pulls on his eyelashes.] Aww, hello there! What's a little guy like you doing in jail?
Patrick: Pooping without a license? [he and SpongeBob start laughing] You heard that, right?
SpongeBob: Pooping! License!
[As SpongeBob and Patrick continue to laugh, some other kids rise up from the ball pit. SpongeBob and Patrick notice them and scream in surprise.]
Patrick: Uh, hello?
SpongeBob: Oh, eh... Hello.
Prison Kid #1: Hey, man, what you in for?
SpongeBob: Defacing Glove World property.
Patrick: [making air quotes] Allegedly!
SpongeBob: What are you all in for?
Prison Kid #2: [without any arms or legs] I didn't keep my arms and legs inside the ride at all times. [grows back his limbs]
Prison Kid #3: [with a "Don't Stand Up" sign stuck on his head] I stood up at the top of the roller coaster.
Helen: [breaks the leg off of a doll she's holding] Murder one! [bites the doll's leg and growls. The other kids take a step back] I'm kidding, I'm just here 'cause I bit the lemonade guy.
Prison Kid #3: That guy hates kids!
Helen: That's why I bit him. High-five! [they high-five.]
[A kid comes up with cotton candy shaped like rats.]
Prison Kid #4: Let's celebrate! Cotton candy rats for everyone!
[The kids start cheering along with SpongeBob and Patrick as the cotton candy falls into Patrick's mouth. Patrick becomes hyper after eating the cotton candy. He jumps into the air.]
SpongeBob: Oh-oh, I think I smell a...
Patrick: Cannonball!
[Patrick jumps into the ball pit as the kids cheer and SpongeBob laughs. He then notices the toddler escaping through the bars and stops laughing.]
SpongeBob: Uh, hey, little guy, come back! You're too little to be on your own! [the toddler walks past an animatronic glove guard] Hey, Patrick, we've gotta...
[SpongeBob looks back and notices the kids playing with Patrick by spinning him around. SpongeBob then stretches his arm to try and grab the key from the animatronic worm, but winds up squeezing through the bars.]
Helen: [notices SpongeBob out of the cell.] Hey, you mugs, it's a jail break! Let's amscray!
[All the kids escape through the bars, and one of them jumps on SpongeBob's head as he leaves. Patrick, still spinning, runs into the bars and gets tangled in them. He then frees himself and SpongeBob stops him from spinning.]
Patrick: I think I stood up too quick.
SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, we have to go after that escaped little boy!
Patrick: Looks like we all escaped.
SpongeBob: [walks towards a lever] I'll pull the escape alarm. We don't wanna break the law twice. [SpongeBob pulls the lever and the alarm goes off.] Huh?
Patrick: Hey! Is that the kid?
SpongeBob: Ah! That's him! Little boy, come back! [holding cotton candy rat] I saved you a rat!
[Two repairmen walk by, carrying the pieces of Animatronic Hieronymus.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: I need repair! I need repair! [The repairmen enter a robotics lab. They place Animatronic Hieronymus's body on a chair and set his head down on a table.] I need repair! I need repair! I need repair! I need repair! [One of the repairmen browses his toolbox, pulls out a wrench, and whacks Animatronic Hieronymus's head with it.] Reboot, reboot. [closes his eyes, then opens them and looks around angrily]
Repairman #1: Alright, break time! [tosses his wrench aside]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Hey, you grease monkeys! No tea breaks! Put my head back on my body this bloomin' instant!
Repairman #2: Yeah, we'll get right on that... [mockingly] Gov'nor!
[both repairmen laugh and walk away while Animatronic Hieronymus growls at them. After they leave, the door slams and Animatronic Hieronymus's head falls into a bucket of nuts and bolts.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Whoa! [Animatronic Hieronymus Glove shines a beam of light from his eye, projecting a memory of Patrick ripping off his head.] If I ever see that pink dimwitted doughboy again, I'll take his bloomin' head off! [turns himself around] Hmph! [Act 1 ends.]
Act 2
[The episode continues with the toddler climbing a ladder. SpongeBob follows the toddler, stretches his arms, and grabs the toddler.]
SpongeBob: Gotcha! [SpongeBob jumps down and lands on the ground as Patrick runs to the ladder.] Better hold his hand. That way he won't wonder off. [They both hold the toddler's hand and continue down the hall. They enter a section with many doors.] Hmm, so many doors. [shifts his eyes around his body, twists himself, and spins] Which way should we go? [Two construction workers drive past them and four glove testers walk by. The glove testers step onto a conveyor belt, and Patrick follows closely behind.]
Glove testers: [muttering indistinctly] Research, research, research...
Patrick: I wanna ride the slide walk! [steps onto the conveyor belt, yanking SpongeBob and the toddler along with him.]
SpongeBob: Whoa! [his legs wobble as he tries to keep balance.]
Patrick: [lifts his arms up] This is crazy!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [reading a sign] "Danger? Glove Testing"? [excited] Ooooooooh-hoo-hoo-hoo! [Robotic arms descend from the ceiling and strap goggles on SpongeBob and Patrick. Another arm tries to put a pair of goggles on the toddler, but they're too big so the arm places the goggles around his shoulders like an oversized necklace. The group is brought to a window looking in on a room with a guy chained to two poles by his wrists. A ray gun and a flamethrower appear; the guy chuckles and gives a thumbs-up, and they zap him. SpongeBob covers the toddler's eyes. After the machines are done zapping the guy, robotic arms remove the gloves he was wearing, revealing that his hands are completely unscathed. The entire group claps and cheers.]
Patrick: A success. [The conveyor belt starts moving again. Two robotic arms flatten the glove testers, covering them in metal armor. They do the same to SpongeBob, Patrick, and the toddler. They approach a room labeled "Guard Glove Training."]
SpongeBob and Patrick: "Guard Glove Training"? [The group is brought into the room and the conveyor belt stops moving.]
Man on Speaker: Release the gloves. [A bell rings and some doors open, letting several guard gloves, glove-like dogs, run up to the group. Three of them run up to SpongeBob, Patrick, and the toddler, trying to bite through the armor.]
SpongeBob: Aww, they must smell Gary. [The camera zooms out, revealing two other guard gloves attacking the four glove testers. One of the glove testers has been knocked over and gets dragged off as a bell rings, signaling for the guard gloves to return to their kennels.]
Glove Tester: Help! Tell Mom I love her! [The armor on SpongeBob, Patrick, and the toddler crumbles and breaks off. The conveyor belt starts moving again and they approach a room labeled "Sock World Prototype."]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh-oh-oh! "Sock World Prototype"? [They enter the room and see a sign that reads "Sock World."]
Man on Speaker: Yes, Sock World! The eighth wonder of the seven seas! The experimental prototype smelly city... of the future! Please keep your nose pins on at all times [Two robot arms put nose pins on SpongeBob and Patrick. Another one puts a nose pin on the toddler.] 'Cause seriously, the stink is like... wow!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Stinky sock coasters are like... wow!
SpongeBob: Don't you love it, little guy? [SpongeBob and Patrick notice the little kid is gone.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Little guy!? [they look behind them, and then back at each other.]
Patrick: Oh! Maybe he's hiding in my mouth! [opens his mouth] Is he in there?
SpongeBob: [hears the toddler laughing and points in the distance] There he is!
Patrick: Ahhh, get him out of there! Ah! I'm not hungry yet! [The toddler pops up from a pile of gloves near some barrels, and runs off.]
SpongeBob: Let's go! [grabs Patrick's hand and runs after the toddler, pulling Patrick along.] [The toddler enters the robotic lab. He hops into Animatronic Hieronymus Glove's body, then grabs his broken hand. He tries to put the hand back in place, but gives up and tosses it aside. Animatronic Hieronymus Glove pops out of the bucket and gets hit by his own hand. The little kid stands up with the body and tries to keep his balance, crashing into many things. He then gains his balance with the body and walks out of the lab. Animatronic Hieronymus Glove pops out of the bucket and notices the kid with his body.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Gah, thief! That's Glove World's bloomin' property! [falls back into the bucket] [SpongeBob and Patrick enter the lab and run into the toddler but don't recognize him.]
SpongeBob: Oh, uh, after you, sir. [the toddler leaves the lab.] Oh, I don't see the kid, Patrick.
Patrick: Pardon me, gents. Did anyone seen a little kid come through? [They look around the room and see robot parts everywhere.]
SpongeBob: Oh!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Robot morgue? Cool! [SpongeBob and Patrick pretend to be robots.]
SpongeBob: Beep boop! Beep beep boop! Beep! Beep! Beep! Boop!
Patrick: Errr, eeeh! Beeeep, beep! Beep, boop, beep! [They walk over to some hanging robots and shake hands with them, but they get electrocuted.] Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [Water is sprayed on them, and they turn around.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Huh? [They see the toddler holding a bucket. The toddler giggles and runs off.]
Patrick: Hey, did that kid eat a robot? Or did that robot eat a kid?
SpongeBob: Either way, it's probably against the rules. Let's get him! [They run after the kid as Animatronic Hieronymus Glove pops out of the bucket.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: It's the blinking bloke that broke off me melon! Whoaaa! [the bucket falls over and he picks himself up. He notices his hand on the floor and jumps on it to attach it to the bottom of his head] Aha! Nobody breaks off my bloomin' head and gets away with it! [wires come out of his mouth] I'm Hieronymus Glove! [An animatronic glove appears and speaks to the viewers.]
Animatronic Glove: This robot head does not reflect the views of Finger Fun Industries. [The animatronic glove disappears and Animatronic Hieronymus exits the lab, chuckling evilly. Back down the hall, SpongeBob and Patrick are chasing after the toddler.]
Patrick: Ahhhhhhh!
SpongeBob: Come here, little guy! That's a good boy! [the toddler opens a door and runs inside, with SpongeBob and Patrick following closely behind him. Animatronic Hieronymus arrives, headbutts a panel, and uses his wires to tamper with some circuitry, setting off an alarm.] D'ah! Wait up, little guy! [The floor tilts downward and they all fall, landing on a slide that takes them to a giant dryer-themed ride.] D'oh... gotcha! [he and Patrick grab the toddler's hands]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Let's see if these bloomin' bozos like this blinking blimey ride! [hits himself with his own hand, turns himself into a coin, and puts himself in the ride's giant coin slot. The ride starts, spinning SpongeBob, Patrick, and the toddler so fast they get pinned to the wall.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahhh! Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoaaaaaaaaa! Whoa-whoa-whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [the ride stops and they all fall to the floor, landing in a pile of clean socks.] [tired] Woo-hoo! [the floor bottoms out, dropping them all down, Animatronic Hieronymus goes down after them.] Aaaaaaaaaah!
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Hahaha!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Aaah-- huh? Woo-hoo!
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! [they all land in a much larger pile of clean socks.]
SpongeBob: Mmmm, warm socks just out of the dryer... [they all sink into the socks, and then SpongeBob and Patrick resurface.]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oooh! [Patrick, wearing a sock over his head, uses his eyes to rip out eye holes in the sock. The scene cuts to a view of Sock World.] Huhhhhhhhh? Ahhhhhhhh! There really is a Sock World! [they grin excitedly, but then a strong stench approaches and they shrivel up.] And it really does stink! Oooh-hoo-hoo! [the toddler comes out from the sock pile and is disgusted by the smell. SpongeBob walks up and grabs his hand.]
SpongeBob: Ewww! This place is the greatest, but I wish I could turn the smell down a scotch.
Patrick: Hey, I found the stink switch! [he pulls a nose-shaped lever and the stench goes away.]
SpongeBob: Yay, Patrick! See, little guy? Everything is gonna be just... [he notices that the toddler is gone, and he is only holding a disembodied animatronic hand] Fine! [he tosses the hand aside and frantically looks for the toddler. Upbeat banjo music plays as the toddler runs playfully around Sock World, with the handless arms of Animatronic Hieronymus's body flailing behind him. The sparks coming out of the arms set fire to three animatronic socks, and the banjo music dies down as the animatronics melt. SpongeBob whistles.] Patrick! [Patrick runs up and SpongeBob jumps on his back.] Follow that kid!
Patrick: Vroom-oom-oom-oom! [runs off with SpongeBob on his back. Animatronic Hieronymus pops out of the sock pile. His two disembodied hands fist-bump each other and attach themselves to the bottom of his head, and he chases after SpongeBob and Patrick.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Hoohahaha!
[the toddler runs up to a water ride and boards one of the cars.]
SpongeBob: He's headed for the Soggy Sock Flume!
Patrick: The first time you called me your best friend... was on the Glove Flume!
SpongeBob: Awww! [hugs Patrick.] Awww! Stop, best friend! Stop! [Patrick tries to stop running but rams into the side of the Soggy Sock Flume, sending them both flying. They land upside-down in one of the cars.]
SpongeBob: Ah! Whoa!
Patrick: whoa! whoa?! Huh? Wahoo!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [they adjust themselves and notice that the toddler is in the car in front of them.] There he is!
SpongeBob: Don't worry, kid, we're right behind you! [the toddler looks back at them and giggles. Animatronic Hieronymus appears in the water and swims up to SpongeBob and Patrick's car.] Stay right there! We're coming!
Patrick: Don't stand up or they'll put you in Sock Jail!
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Baaaaaaaaaah! [bites off the back of the car]
Patrick: Do you feel a draft, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: I was gonna ask you the same thing... [Animatronic Hieronymus bites Patrick's butt]
Patrick: Aaaaaaaaah! Do you feel a pain in your butt?
SpongeBob: No. [Animatronic Hieronymus bites SpongeBob's butt] Ayyyyyye! Now I do! Gaaaaaah!
Patrick: Oooo-ooow!
[the cars reach the top of the ride and start sliding down. SpongeBob and Patrick scream while the toddler squeals in delight. The toddler gets sucked out of Animatronic Hieronymus's body due to the sheer speed, but pulls himself back in. The cars reach the bottom of the ride and the toddler uses it to hop out of the water and jump around Sock World with it. SpongeBob and Patrick follow suit and try to catch him.]
SpongeBob: Patrick, no more playing footsies! We gotta save that kid! [they take a huge jump and land in front of the toddler.] Now we gotcha!
Toddler: Huh?
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [reattaches his hand to his body] Come here, you little whippersnapper! [grabs the toddler and reattaches his head and other hand to his body] Now I've got you!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Hieronymus Glove's robot!
SpongeBob: Hey, you found the kid! Thanks, we'll take him off your hands now!
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Sure, you can have him. [points at Patrick] Right after I take off his bloomin' head!
SpongeBob: [gasps and steps in front of Patrick] Nooooo! [Patrick brushes him aside and pulls his own head off.]
Patrick: [offering his head to the surprised Animatronic Hieronymus] Here you go, I did it for you.
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [Disappointed and angry] Awww, I wanted to do it! That's the whole point, you pink plonker! [slaps Patrick's head away]
SpongeBob: [catches Patrick's head] Hot potato! [tosses it to Patrick]
Patrick: [fumbles with his head] Huh? Ha! Huh? Whoa! [tosses it back to SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: [fumbles with the head] Heads up! [tosses it to Animatronic Hieronymus. He catches it and throws the toddler to SpongeBob. SpongeBob makes a kid-sized pouch with his body and puts the toddler in it.] I should've done this hours ago! Oh, that's a good boy! [pats the toddler's head]
Patrick: I don't know what a pink plonker is, but I don't like it! [punches Animatronic Hieronymus with his tongue, knocking his head off.]
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Aaaaaaaaah!
Patrick: [attaches himself to Animatronic Hieronymus's body] Ooh! Hey! I like this body better than mine... it comes with pockets!
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: I like my new body too! [walks up using Patrick's body which he struggles to control ] But I still want that head! [tries to fight Patrick]
Patrick: I said I was sorry, you weirdo! [they continue fighting, and knock each other's heads off. The heads keep fighting on the ground and SpongeBob jumps to avoid them while the toddler laughs and claps.]
Hieronymus Glove: Enough! [the heads stop fighting, and the real Hieronymus Glove, stuck in a block of ice, rolls up to them while a pair of servants sweep the ground in front of him.] No, no, this won't do at all! Put those heads back on their bodies post-haste! [the servants toss their brooms aside and walk towards the group] Splendid!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Wow! [the servants put Patrick's head back on his body] Are you the real Hieronymus Glove?
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [the servants put Animatronic Hieronymus's head back on his body] No, he's not, I'm the real Hieronymus Glove!
Hieronymus Glove: Hahahaha, splendid! Do wipe that one's memory bank before he does more damage to my park. Thank you! [one of the servants whacks Patrick's head with a giant wrench] Not him, the other one!
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: Hmm? [the servant whacks Animatronic Hieronymus's head with the wrench] Ow! Re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-re-- and that's why we wear gloves on our hands and not our knees! Haha... [he powers down and falls over. The servants catch him and carry him away.]
Hieronymus Glove: Splendid! I'm afraid I'm the real Hieronymus Glove, and I'm at your service.
SpongeBob and Patrick: We love your gloves!
Hieronymus Glove: Splendid! And since being terrorized by our robots has never been Glove World policy, you are all hereby released from Glove Jail!
SpongeBob and Patrick: We've been pardoned! Splendid!
Hieronymus Glove: Splendid! And for proving yourselves to be unselfish and kind, I'm going to give all of Glove World to the both of you!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahhhhhh! [the servants weld crowns to SpongeBob and Patrick's heads] Really?
Hieronymus Glove: Of course not! Hahahahaha! I may be cryogenically frozen, but I'm not a loony! [they all laugh, and the floor rises up to take them back to Glove World as Hieronymus begins singing]
Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪Well, that concludes our show and as you can see, there still is nothing quite like gloves!♪ ♪Until we meet again for a shopping spree, where I hope you buy all kinds of gloves to love!♪ ♪With the handy help of SpongeBob and Patrick, we defeated my crazy robot head!♪ ♪Now that the twit is gone...♪
Animatronic Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪Glove World can carry on!♪
Hieronymus Glove: [singing] ♪And the toddler can go to bed. Goodnight!♪
[SpongeBob and Patrick fall asleep as the curtains go down. The toddler jumps out of their arms and runs off, waking them up.]
Patrick: Hey! [they go running after him]
SpongeBob: Come back here, little guy!
Patrick: I saved you a Ham Fist!
[The second act, and the entire episode, ends with a cut to black.]

Episode Transcript: No Hat for Pat

2025-05-16T15:12:52Z

68.10.108.57: /* Dialogue */

{{Transcript|No Hat for Pat|Overbooked|Toy Store of Doom}}

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]] (The Falling Fool)
*[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
*[[Nat Peterson]]
*[[Harold]]
*[[Shubie]]
*[[Billy (Teenager)]]
*[[Fred]] (Blue version)
*[[The Pink Fish]]
*[[Tom]]
*[[Tourists]]

==Dialogue==
(SpongeBob is trying to open the door, but Patrick is sleeping outside and blocking his door. SpongeBob tries to push the door, opening the door slightly. Then he looks at Patrick)

'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick! (closes the door. Patrick's head falls down, which makes Patrick wake up) What are you doing out here, silly?

'''Patrick:''' I'm waiting for you, so we can play the day away. (notices SpongeBob's hat and grumbles) Barnacles! You're wearing that dumb hat, again! Every time you wear that stupid thing, you're gone for the whole day!

'''SpongeBob:''' That's because this is my work hat, Patrick. I have to wear it when I go to work.

'''Patrick:''' Why don't you just take it off?

'''SpongeBob:''' (laughs) I'm afraid it doesn't work that way, buddy.

'''Patrick:''' Ugh! I hate that hat! (throws SpongeBob's hat, but it flies back onto SpongeBob's head) Fine, have it your way, hat! (Squidward walks out) Hmph. Looks like Squidward has time to play. Hey, Squidward!

'''Squidward:''' What? (puts on hat)

'''Patrick:''' Oh no! He's got the hat, too!

'''SpongeBob:''' Don't worry, Patrick. I'll be back from work at six. We can play then.

'''Patrick:''' I'll show you, SpongeBob! I'll get a job and a hat! (bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab, where a kid is adding ketchup to his fries)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Whoa, whoa, that's enough, lad. What do ya think, I'm made of ketchup? Now run along, boy. (notices a group of tourists) That sounds like... a band of roaming tourists. (runs out of the Krusty Krab) Wait, come back! Don't ya wanna give me your money?! They're a slippery bunch. What do I have to do to catch 'em, stand around out here all day? (notices Patrick) What are you doing there, Patrick?

'''Patrick:''' Standin' around out here all day.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' (gets an idea) How would you like a job, Patrick?

'''Patrick:''' Oh boy, gimme my hat!

'''Mr. Krabs:''' You'll get your hat, but first you have to entice people into the restaurant by standin' right here and holdin' this sign. (hands Patrick an arrow-shaped sign saying "The Krusty Krab") That's not too tough for ya, is it boy?

'''Patrick:''' Sounds complicated, but if it gets me a work hat. (holds up the sign) How's this?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Perfect. You'll be wearin' that hat in no time at all. (walks into the Krusty Krab, watching Patrick) Hee hee hee.

'''SpongeBob:''' What's shakin', Mr. K?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Your buddy Patrick. I hired him to stand out there and hold that sign.

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, he is good.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' And look. He's about reel in his first customer.

'''Harold:''' Can you direct me to the Krusty Krab please? (Patrick holds the sign so it's pointing at the Chum Bucket. Harold runs into the Chum Bucket)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' What does he think he's doing?! (multiple fish walk past Patrick) They're walkin' right past him. (runs outside to Patrick) Patrick, you need to get their attention, boy.

'''Patrick:''' Okay. (hits a fish in the head with the sign)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' That ain't the kind of attention we need! Why don't you show a little razzle-dazzle, maybe give the sign a little twirl or something. (spins the sign, causing it to fly out of Patrick's hands. Hands the sign back to Patrick) Just keep workin' on that one, eh boy? Listen, if any tourists come by, why don't you blow them away with a little extra twirl.

'''Patrick:''' Anything for my new hat. (sees tourists approaching, so he spins the sign very fast, causing the tourists and Mr. Krabs to be blown away)

'''Patrick:''' Do I get my hat now, Mr. Krabs?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Ehhh... what the heck? It pays to advertise. (gives Patrick a Krusty Krab hat)

'''Patrick:''' Yeah! Wheeee! (falls on his face, gets back up and falls down again)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' SpongeBob, what's the matter with Patrick?

'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick, what's the matter?

'''Patrick:''' Sometimes when I'm nervous, I forget how to stand!

'''SpongeBob:''' He's nervous.

'''Blue Fish:''' Ha ha! Look at that guy! He can't even stand on his own two feet!

'''Pink Fish:''' Now that's something I'd pay for to watch! (Mr. Krabs looks at them, then his neck stretches out over to them)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' You mean, CASH money?!

'''Pink Fish:''' Well, heck, yeah!

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Five dollars, please! (gets money) All right! (Patrick falls) There's that sound again! (tourists appear and laugh at Patrick) They're loving it! Patrick, you've captured the attention of all these tourists with your ridiculous flap-doodle!

'''Patrick:''' (dizzy) I did?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' That's right! I think we've finally found a job you're good at: Being a absolute buffoon! (walks to tourists) If it's falling you crave, then it can be found exclusively at the Krusty Krab! For just $5. (five fingers appear on Mr. Krabs' claws. The tourists hand him money. Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab. Patrick falls and everybody is laughing and cheering)

'''Squidward:''' It's official. (everyone is still laughing) I hate everyone. (Patrick walks into the kitchen and falls down. Everyone laughs, but Squidward isn't) You call that entertainment? Well, brace yourselves for some ''true'' entertainment! (plays his clarinet)

'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick, you alright?

'''Patrick:''' I'm fine. (in the dining area, Squidward is playing his clarinet and "dancing," for lack of a better term. The customers are heard "booing" at him)

'''Pink Fish:''' Oh, what is that horrible noise?! (customers begin to leave) Let's get out of here! (Squidward keeps dancing but then bumps into Mr. Krabs)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' What do you think you're doing, Squidward?

'''Squidward:''' I'm entertaining those heathens.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' We've got all the entertainment we need, thank you very much! (points to Patrick, but he's not there) Hey, where'd he go?

'''SpongeBob:''' (guiding Patrick, who has a tissue in his nose) That's it, buddy. Come on.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' What's with him?

'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick had a bloody nose, so I was going to walk him home.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' A bloody nose, eh? Do ya think I was born yesterday, boy? He doesn't even have a nose. Now everybody, get back to work! I'm not running a happy factory here! (SpongeBob, Squidward and Patrick get back into their positions; to Patrick) Keep up the good work!

'''Patrick:''' Aye, aye, captain! (time card appears)

'''French Narrator:''' ''Six hours later...'' (Patrick is still falling and three customers are watching as Billy passes by)

'''Billy:''' Hey, is that guy still flopping?

'''Customer:''' Yeah! Amazing, isn't it?

'''Billy:''' Doesn't that get old?

'''Customer:''' He's got a point. Let's get out of here.

'''Billy:''' Me too, I'm out. (everyone begins to leave)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Hey! What's going on?

'''Harold:''' This guy's act is stale! We crave excitement!

'''Mr. Krabs:''' You want excitement? Well, what if I added a box? (puts Patrick on a box and he falls from it)

'''Billy:''' Sort of the same thing, really.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, what if he fell from two boxes... (adds another box, but the customers are still bored) ...into cream pie? (puts cream pie in place)

'''Patrick:''' I like pie.

'''Billy:''' Say, that sounds great! (crowd becomes excited)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Okay, let 'er rip! (Patrick falls headfirst into the pie; to Squidward) If the crowd gets bored, add more boxes!

'''Squidward:''' Whatever. (bubble-wipe to that night. SpongeBob and Patrick are walking home. Patrick looks morbidly disheveled)

'''SpongeBob:''' Hey, Patrick... How are you feeling after your first day on the job?

'''Patrick:''' I feel like a million BUCKS... (falls over)

'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick? Patrick, are you all right? Say something! (Patrick mumbles incoherently) OK, that's it! No best friend of mine is going to suffer permanent brain trauma just so Mr. Krabs can make a quick buck. I'm going to go have a talk with him right--

'''Patrick:''' (grabs SpongeBob) No! P-please, don't tell Mr Krabs! You don't understand. For years, people have been telling me, "You're no good!" Now I'm good! I have a hat to prove it! I don't wanna go back to being No Hat Patrick! (cries)

'''SpongeBob:''' OK, buddy, I understand. Just promise me one thing.

'''Patrick:''' What's that, pal?

'''SpongeBob:''' Just be careful, hmm?

'''Patrick:''' (hugs him) Thanks, pal. (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob walking to work)

'''SpongeBob:''' I'm worried about Patrick. I'm not sure his new job is good for him. (enters the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs is dressed in a suit and speaking through a megaphone. Above him is a diving board-like platform, and a bucket of spiked sea urchins is next to him)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Step right up! See the part time minimum wage employee fall atop this tower into this bucket of spiny sea urchins!

'''Sandals:''' This should be good.

'''SpongeBob:''' PATRICK!

'''Patrick:''' (he is being hauled to the top of the platform) Hey, SpongeBob.

'''SpongeBob:''' Mr Krabs, you can't let him do this! He might get hurt!

'''Mr. Krabs:''' It's OK, boy. He signed a waiver. (shows the waiver to him) Is he ready, Mr. Squidward?

'''Squidward:''' Ready!

'''Mr. Krabs:''' OK! Get back, boy, you wouldn't want to stain your uniform.

'''Patrick:''' Hey, good idea. Hey, Squidward, could you hold me hat so it won't get hurt? (gives hat to Squidward) Thanks, buddy.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Ready, Patrick?

'''Patrick:''' Ready! (prepares to dive from the platform)

'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I can't watch!! (cries and uses Harold's fin to blow his nose)

'''Harold:''' Hey! Ew. (Patrick tries to fall several times, but fails)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Come on, Patrick! We've got a perfectly good bucket of spiny sea urchins down here!

'''Patrick:''' I'm trying! (tries to fall several times again, still without success) Argh, I think I'm stuck!

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Stuck? Well if that don't... (mumbles angrily and climbs a ladder to the platform) What's the hold up, Mr. Squidward?

'''Squidward:''' Don't look at me, I'm just here to hold his hat.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Patrick, why have you stopped falling?

'''Patrick:''' I dunno, Mr. Krabs.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well you'd better figure it out. These people paid good money for a floor show full of pain and humiliation. Now make with the cods-wallop, pal, understand?

'''Patrick:''' Uh huh.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Don't make me come back here.

'''Patrick:''' Hey, Squidward, do you think you could, uh, you know...? (mimes pushing)

'''Squidward:''' You want me to push you off your precarious perch into a bucket of spiny sea urchins? Oh, if only you were SpongeBob. OK, I'll do it! (charges at Patrick, but misses and falls. Screams. The hat is spinning in the air)

'''Patrick:''' Thanks, Squidward! (Squidward is shown falling, the background panning up as he falls. Patrick is shown again) Oh, my hat. Gotcha! (grabs his hat and puts it on) All right, back where you beloooong! (falls and screams. Squidward is shown falling again. Then the bucket of sea urchins is shown, with the camera zooming in. A close-up of Squidward is shown)

'''Harold:''' Great, we get to see two for the price of one!

'''Mr. Krabs:''' I don't think so.

'''Harold:''' Fine. (pays Mr. Krabs)

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Thank you. (Squidward is shown, still falling. Patrick appears)

'''Patrick:''' Look, Squidward, I'm falling!

'''Squidward:''' Oh, I'm so happy for you!

'''Patrick:''' I figured it out; it's the hat that makes me fall, it makes me top heavy! (cut to the urchin bucket, with the crowd watching. Squidward crashes into the urchin bucket. Patrick lands on top of him)

'''SpongeBob:''' So it was your hat that was making you fall the whole time!

'''Nat:''' I paid to see two guys get maimed.

'''Harold:''' Yeah, I want a refund.

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Sorry, absolutely no refunds. (customers grumble) Hold on there, what's the big idea? (customers tear up his clothes and money flies in the air. A fight cloud forms) Grandma, help! (the fight cloud clears out to reveal Mr. Krabs, who is now in his underwear, spinning like a bottle before stopping. Rushes to Patrick) All right, you leave me no choice.

'''Patrick:''' You're giving me a raise?

'''Mr. Krabs:''' Not even close, you're fired. (removes the hat from Patrick, who becomes teary-eyed) As long as I'm still standing, you will never wear this hat again! (walks away with the hat. Patrick cries)

'''SpongeBob:''' (walks up to Patrick) Patrick, are you OK?

'''Patrick:''' Well, I guess it's back to being No Hat Pat! (sadly walks out of the Krusty Krab. A epilogue card appears)

'''French Narrator:''' ''Epilogue.''

'''SpongeBob:''' (walking home with Patrick) It's okay, Patrick. Not everyone is equipped to bear the awesome weight of responsibility that a uniform hat represents. But you can wear mine any time you want.

'''Patrick:''' Really?

'''SpongeBob:''' Sure thing, pal. (gives Patrick his hat)

'''Patrick:''' (puts the hat on and falls over) Thanks, SpongeBob! You're the best!

'''SpongeBob:''' Anytime, pal! Anytime!

{{Transcripts/Season 6 Ver. 2}}
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