SpongePedia - User contributions [en]

Transcripts

2008-02-05T20:58:48Z

84.160.255.135:

[[de:Mitschriften]]
==Episode Transcripts==

===Season 1===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 1|List of Transscript The Season 1]]

===Season 2===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 2|List of Transscript The Season 2]]

===Season 3===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 3|List of Transscript The Season 3]]

===Season 4===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 4|List of Transscript The Season 4]]

===Season 5===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 5|List of Transscript The Season 5]]

===Season 6===

[[Episode Transscripts/Season 6|List of Transscript The Season 6]]

===Season 7===

==Other Transscripts==
===Turn books===
*[[Anchor arms Commercial]]
*[[Bottom Feeding|BBN News with Gene Scallop: Evaluation the Krusty Krab]]
*[[Fiery Fist O' Pain Commercial]]
*[[Krusty Krab Commercial]]
*[[Transscript: The Mermaidman and Barnacleboy Movie]]
*[[Mr. Magic's Commercial: The Turn Book]]
===Poems===
*[[A Poem]]
===Speechs===
*[[SpongeBob's Speech as Hall Monitor]]
===Movies===
*[[Transscript: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]
===Specials===
*[[Transscript: Foe-Gotten Years: Can't Swim]]
*[[Transscript: Plankton's Holiday Hits]]
*[[Transscript: The Endless Summer]]
===Songs===
[[Songs|List Of Bikini Bottom Songs]]

==Episodes==
[[Category:Transscript]]

Transcripts

2008-02-05T20:56:49Z

84.160.255.135:

[[de:Mitschriften]]
==Episode Transcripts==

===Season 1===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 1|List of Transscript The Season 1]]

===Season 2===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 2|List of Transscript The Season 2]]

===Season 3===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 3|List of Transscript The Season 3]]

===Season 4===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 4|List of Transscript The Season 4]]

===Season 5===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 5|List of Transscript The Season 5]]

===Season 6===

[[Episode Transscripts/Season 6|List of Transscript The Season 6]]

===Season 7===

==Other Transscripts==
===Turn books===
*[[Anchor arms Commercial]]
*[[Bottom Feeding|BBN News with Gene Scallop: Evaluation the Krusty Krab]]
*[[Fiery Fist O' Pain Commercial]]
*[[Krusty Krab Commercial]]
*[[Transscript: The Mermaidman and Barnacleboy Movie]]
*[[Mr. Magic's Commercial: The Turn Book]]
===Poems===
*[[A Poem]]
===Speechs===
*[[SpongeBob's Speech as Hall Monitor]]
===Movies===
*[[Transscript: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie]]
===Specials===
*[[Transscript: The Endless Summer]]
*[[Transscript: Plankton's Holiday Hits]]
===Songs===
[[Songs|List Of Bikini Bottom Songs]]

==Episodes==
[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: Fungus Among Us

2008-02-05T20:39:07Z

84.160.255.135:

[[de:Episodenmitschrift: Juckreiz]]
{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Waiting|Waiting]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Spy Buddies|Spy Buddies]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Fungus Among Us (Episode)|Fungus Among Us]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]

(While SpongeBob sleeps, Gary notices his food bowl is empty. So, he slithers up to the diving board, jumps off, and licks SpongeBob, who giggles and wakes up.)

SpongeBob: Gary! What are you doing!?!

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Oh my gosh! You're bowl is empty! Not to worry, Gare-gare! Food is on the way, faster than you can say "organic"!

Gary: Meow? *Raspberries*

SpongeBob: There you go, Gary!

(Gary sniffs it and rejects the food. He slithers over to a fungus growing on the floor, and eats some.)

SpongeBob: Gary! Shame on you! I realize you're a bottomfeeder, but have some manners! You know you're not supposed to eat goop off the ground! No go on and enjoy your health food!

Gary: (Mocking) Meow, meow meow...

(He attempts to clean it, but to no avail.)

SpongeBob: What is this stuff, anyways? Doesn't seem to be coming off! (The doorbell rings.) Ooh! Company!!!

(He itches his head as he answers the door.)

Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob! Eww!!!

SpongeBob: Is something wrong, Patrick?

Patrick: SpongeBob! What is that?

SpongeBob: What's what?

Patrick: This!

(He bends SpongeBob's head over so he can see the fungus on his head.)

SpongeBob: Ahh!!! Patrick, what should I do?

Patrick: Scratch it like there's no tommorrow!

SpongeBob: Good idea!

(He does so.)

Patrick: Uhh, SpongeBob? I don't know about this!

SpongeBob: What makes you say that?

Patrick: This.

(He takes out a mirror and shows SpongeBob that the fungus has spread.)

SpongeBob: Ahh!!! It's getting bigger! Nothing a little pimple cream can't cure! (He spreads some on.) That's more like it! All better. See, Patrick?

Patrick: Sure do! I gotta go sit in my hole. Catch ya later, pal.

SpongeBob: Bye, Patrick! (Patrick leaves, and SpongeBob goes and takes a shower. He lathers the soap into an anchor shape, and when he rinses, the fungus is in an anchor shape.) Ahh... This feels better! (We now see him doing a crossword.) Let's see. A four-letter word for an uncomfortable sensation on the dermis... (He starts scratching his head.) ITCH!!! (Later, at The Krusty Krab...) Don't worry, SpongeBob. Everyone gets an itchy, swollen skin rash every now and then. Just don't scratch it and it'll go away... (As he says this, a piece of fungus comes down onto his nose. He flings it onto the wall, but another one grows, so he pushes his nose in.) There! Outta sight, outta mind! Huh? (He sees the fungus on the wall, scoops it up, and tries to throw it away, but it sticks.) I won't let this minor setback hinder my frycooking! (He puts on gloves from a first aid kit.) Now nothing can distract me from frying those patties... Except maybe this unbearable itchiness! Must... Stop... scratching!!!

(Squidward comes in.)

Squidward: SpongeBob, I- Ahhh!!!! (He sees SpongeBob scratching the fungus.) SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Huh? Oh, hi, Squidward!

Squidward: SpongeBob? Why are you all puffy?

SpongeBob: All what-y?

Squidward: Your skin, SpongeBob! What's wrong with your skin?

SpongeBob: Oh, that! It's nothing really, Squidward... Just a little blemish, that's all!

(His nose pops out with the fungus, and Squidward screams. He jumps to the top of the cabinet.)

Squidward: That's no blemish!

SpongeBob: Help... Me!!!

Squidward: Oh, I'll help you, alright!

(He takes out a phone. On the other end...)
S.W.A.T. Fish #1: S.W.A.T. Team. (Gibberish on the other end.) We'll be right over!

(The team breaks through the ceiling of the Krusty Krab and slide down ropes from a helicopter.)

S.W.A.T. Fish #2: Hold it right there! Neptune's trident! This is the worst case of Ick I've seen yet.

(He tries to touch SpongeBob.)

S.W.A.T. Fish #3: Stop, you fool! Do you wanna get infected? This is a job for the hazmat physician.

Hazmat Physician: Get back! I say, get back! Get back I say!
(He pushes SpongeBob into a cage, which is promptly lifted by a helicopter.)

SpongeBob: What's going on, Squidward? Help!!!

(As the helicopter flies away, a piece of fungus attaches itself to Squidward. Later, at the cash register...)

Squidward: Here's your change, sir.

(As he hands him the coins, some fungus gets on the old man. He puts them in his pockets, then readjusts his glasses, which leaves fungus all over his nose.)

Old Man<s> Jenkins</s>: Oh, why thank you very much, young man.

Squidward: What was that? Oh, don't fool yourself, Squidward! That can't be the Ick.

(He scratches himself. Meanwhile, we see a SpongeBob completely covered in fungus in a bubble with tubes coming from it.)

SpongeBob: Where am I? Woah! Who are you guys? I wanna go home!

(We see a scientist walk up.)

Scientist: You are home, SpongeBob! You just have to stay in this bubble until the Ick clears up.

SpongeBob: Where's my snail, Gary?

Scientist: We're taking care of your pet.

(We see Gary in a bubble similar to SpongeBob's.)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Gary? Woah!

(He notices someone scanning him.)

Wa2mat: He appears stable, sir.

Scientist: Alright, boys, let's pack it up!

(They leave, and we see SpongeBob's Pineapple, covered in a plastic bag, with police tape and barbed wire around it. It says "Quarantine" on it. Then, we see SpongeBob filter-feeding like in "I Had an Accident". Patrick walks in.)
Patrick: Wow! (He bumps into the bubble.) Huh? What is this?
(Pokes)

SpongeBob: Patrick! Stop! Stop! You're gonna pop it!

Patrick: Really? How about if I squeeze it like this.

(He squeezes it. SpongeBob gasps.)

Patrick: Or this?

(He bites it. SpongeBob gasps again.)

Patrick: Or this?

(He digs cleats into it.)

SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick!!! How many times do I have to tell you? Be careful!!!

Patrick: Sorry. Hey, wanna play a game of pirate wrestling?

SpongeBob: Sure! Let's begin! (They take out hooks and tear up the bubble.) Um... Patrick?

Patrick: I win! I win! I win!

SpongeBob: Patrick?

(He starts dancing around and doing the "Worm".)

Patrick: Go, Patrick! Go, Patrick! Go, Patrick!

SpongeBob: PATRICK!!! What am I gonna do? My bubble's destroyed.

Patrick: I've got an idea!

(He pulls out bubble soap and begins to blow a bubble around SpongeBob.)

SpongeBob: There is no time for games, Pat! Now think, SpongeBob! The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands! (He notices the bubble Patrick, you're a genius! And this one's mobile! Now I can go back to work!

(At The Krusty Krab... Squidward's fungus is spreading. Mr. Krabs pulls him into the kitchen.)

Mr. Krabs: Squidward! Help! Help me flip these patties! We've got growling stomachs out there!

(Squidward shakes his head, and gets Ick all over the patties.)

Squidward: No, no, no, no, no, no!!!

Mr. Krabs: Then would it be too much trouble to ask his high and mightiness to at least take these patties out to the customers? Oh... If only SpongeBob were here...

Squidward: If SpongeBob were here, we'd all be covered in the Ick!

(He scratches, oblivious to the fact that he has Ick all over him, too.)

Squidward: Lunch is served! (Gives Ick Patties to a couple.) Eat up, kids. (The kids bite into their Ick kid's meal, and as everyone bites into their food, Squid scratches all over. He gets some on the wall and sees that he has the fungus.) Why am I so itchy? SpongeBob gave me the Ick! And I gave it to all you people!!! (An angry mob forms around Squidward.) Stay back, you diseased freaks!

Mr. Krabs: What's all the commotion about?

Fish #1: (With accent) The commotion, my dear crab, is regarding the hygiene of your staff of this eating establishment, which would appear to be inadequate.

Mr. Krabs: Inadequate!?! I'll have you know, the staff of the Krusty Krab take a solemn pledge to show up every day of the week clean and disease-free.

SpongeBob: Sorry I'm late, Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob SquarePants, returning to duty, sir.

(All eyes turn to SpongeBob in his bubble, who has swollen up to an enormous green square. He puts on his hat, and squirts green juice inside his bubble. The fish gasp.)

Fish #1: Is that what you consider clean and disease-free, Krabby? I say we ramshack this greasy disease shack! Who's with me?

All: We are!

Mr. Krabs: It wasn't me! It was Squidward! He gave you all the Ick!

Squidward: No! No I didn't! It was SpongeBob! He infected the entire Krusty Krab!!!

Fish #1: Let us apprehend the careless contaminator!!!

(They attack SpongeBob, who starts crying, making a huge puddle in his bubble. Outside the Krusty Krab, Gary slithers into the dumpster and eats a can, which he coughs up. His stomach growls as he slithers out.)

Gary: Meow.

(Some fish body slam SpongeBob's bubble, which make holes that the Ick leaks through.)

SpongeBob: Stop! You're pushing out more of the Ick!!! Nooo!!!

(All the fish slam into it, and it pops, splattering Ick all over the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs starts laughing.)

Mr. Krabs: Stop it! You're tickling me, Squidward!

Squidward: It's not me, Mr. Krabs!

SpongeBob: Gary Snail! Don't you know it's impolite to feed off of other people without permission?

(We see Gary clean the Ick off of Mr. Krabs.)

Mr. Krabs: He's just doing his job, SpongeBob! He's a bottomfeeder, remember? See? The little feller licked me clean! I'm cured! He'll clean the Ick off any surface! Even Squid!

(Gary sucks the fungus off Squidward, next.)

Fish #2: Woah! Me next!

Fish #3: Where are your manners? It's ladies first!

Patrick: I believe the expression is starfish first.

Fish #1: I super-seek all of you. For I have an exotic accent!

Mr. Krabs: Hey, hey, hey! There's no need to fight! Because I have a solution you'll be happy with. (Later...) Step up to be de-Icked! only 5 dollars!

(The first fish steps up, and Gary cleans him.)

Mr. Krabs: Now can I get you a Krabby Patty?

(The guy whacks him with his hat.)

Fish #1: In my old hometown, that motion is brash and offensive. I would like two, please.
M
r. Krabs: Alright!

(SpongeBob is next. He hands Krabs the money.)

SpongeBob: Hello, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Another 5 dollars for another de-Icking!

(Gary cleans SpongeBob off.)

SpongeBob: Look, Gary! You made me all sparkly! You're the best bottomfeeder a sponge could ever have!

Mr. Krabs: Aye, and a great money maker ya are, too. Now, back to work!

(Gary burps.)

[[Category:Transscript]]
[[Category:Episode Transscripts/Season 5]]

Episode Transcript: The Krusty Sponge

2008-02-05T20:38:33Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Slimy Dancing|Slimy Dancing]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Sing a Song of Patrick|Sing a Song of Patrick]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Krusty Sponge]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gene Scallop]]
*[[Judge Horace A. Whopper]]

Squidward: Ok, and would you like any fries with that?
Fish: (turns around to the people behind him) Hey, if I get some Kelp Fries, will you guys share them with me?

Fish #2: Do we know you?

Fish: (turns back around to Squidward) Two orders of fries, please.

Squidward: And two orders of...

Fish: I only said one order.

Squidward: I thought you said "two".

Fish: Ok, I'll have two.

Squidward: Spongebob, order up. (puts ticket inside the kitchen window, which is full of other order tickets. Squidward
sighs) Welcome to the Krusty... (all the orders from the window shoot out. Squidward goes into the kitchen) Spongebob, what in Neptune's... (Spongebob's body is stiff) Spongebob? (Spongebob's hat falls over. Squidward touches his spatula) Well, his spatula's still warm. (pokes his eye) Well, Spongebob, I must admit this is strange behavior...even for you.

Mr Krabs: (enters kitchen) Ahoy, Squidward. (notices Spongebob) Good Neptune. Spongebob, what's happened to you, son?

Squidward: I think he's in some kind of self-induced trance.

Mr Krabs: No, Squidward, this is worse. He's got the thousand-yard stare. I had ito nce me-self, back in me service
days. (shakes Spongebob) What is it, lad? Quick, we're losin' money. It's the boy's tiny calendar. And he's circled today's date. (reads date) "Important Food Critic Visit Krusty Krab."

Squidward: That's what's causing all this? Only a complete moron would worry about what some critic has to say. (both Mr Krabs and Spongebob are quivering. At the Krusty Krab doors, a round, purple fish with an afro, a mustache, and glasses enters. He sniffs the air in the Krusty Krab) Hey, in or out, mister. You're letting out the A.C. (fish stares at Squidward) Weirdo.

Mr Krabs: Why hello. You're the television food critic Gene Scallop, aren't ya? Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Eugene Krabs, owner and proprietor of this fine... (Gene Scallop walks away)

Squidward: Well, do you wanna order something or do you just wanna block my reading light?

Mr Krabs: Squidward, you just drove away Gene Scallop. Don't you know our lives depend on his review?

Squidward: Mr Krabs, the only thing my life depends on is going home at 6:00. (Mr Krabs walks over to Gene Scallop)

Mr Krabs: M...Mr Scallop, wait, please. Before you go, come on, sit down. Try one of our delicious Krabby Patties. (spits while trying to say something) Complimentary. (cut to Spongebob squirting mustard on Mr Scallop's patty then putting on the bun) Ok, Spongebob, that'll be all. (Spongebob lifts up his hat then puts it back down and leaves) He's nobody. (Gene takes the krabby patty and eats it then leaves without saying a word) We're doomed! (cut to news on TV)

Lady Anchor: And there were no survivors.

Man Anchor: Thank you, Barbara.

Squidward: She is so tacky.

Man Anchor: And now it's time for "Bottom Feeding" with Gene Scallop.

Mr Krabs: Turn it up, Squidward. (does so)

Gene Scallop: Thank you, Bob. This week, I visited...

Man Anchor: You're welcome, Gene.

Gene Scallop: (clears throat) This week I reviewed the Krusty Krab restaurant, the local burger joint that's second to none. Or should I say second to "run" since this critic wanted to make like a banana and peel out the minute he saw how drab this Krab really was.

Barbara: That bad, huh, Gene?

Gene Scallop: Barbara, once I stuck my beak through that door, my appetite flew south for the winter. I mean, I'm not "kidding" when I saw this restaurant smells like the rear-end of a goat. (customers smell the aroma)

Bob: And how was the service, Gene?

Gene: You could find livelier help in a graveyard and I'm not just "coffin." (two customers are whispering to each other) The management stunk so bad, I had to get my sweater dry cleaned on the way home with me in it. (customer start murmuring and walking out)

Mr Krabs: Hey, no, wait, wait!

Gene: However, at the end of my visit, I chowed down on a meal that titillated my taste buds and gratified my gullet. That Sponge behind the grill is no square when it comes to cooking! (excited talking as the customers rush to sit down at their tables ready for some food) If Krabs really wanted to soak up the dough, he's Sponge it up. He's Sponge it out, he's over-Sponge it. You can never have too much Sponge. (Mr Krabs' eyes turn into Spongebob)

[[Spongebob]]: Well, back to work.

Mr Krabs: Ay, ay-ay-ay-ay... That's me boy, Spongebob. That's me boy. (Spongebob walks into the kitchen as a dollar sign while register dings keep sounding. Cut to a line of fish lined up outside the Krusty Krab)

Spongebob: La, la, la, la, la, la! Wow. (Mr Krabs is working on putting a new sign called "The Krusty Sponge")

Mr Krabs: Ok, a little lower, lower...that's perfect.

Spongebob: Good morning, sir. What's with the sign?

Mr Krabs: Oh, just making a few cosmetic changes.

Spongebob: Oh. You mean like when Squidward got that mole taken of his...

Mr Krabs: Umm... yeah, a little like that. (cut to inside the Krusty Sponge where Spongebob walks past Squidward, who is dressed in a Spongebob outfit with a sign behind saying "As Seen On TV")

Spongebob: Morning, Squidward. Ooh! Squidward, where did you find those shoes? (Squidward hisses at Spongebob)

Fish #3: Hey, it's him! (walks up to Squidward) Mr SquarePants, can I have an autograph?

Squidward: No.

Fish #3: But, why?

Squidward: Well, the first reason is, I have no use of my arms, see? (shakes his arms but accidently hits the boy)

Fish #3: Hey!

Mr Krabs: Hey, what's going on over here?

Fish #3: He hit me... just 'cause I wanted his autograph.

Mr Krabs: Squidward! I'm sorry, little girl. Of course you can have his autograph...for five bucks.

Fish #3: What a rip. (walks off)

Mr Krabs: Look at these, Squidward! (holds up napkins that has Spongebob's face on it)

Squidward: Looks like some horrific shroud.

Mr Krabs: They're our new Krusty Sponge napkins! Extra absorbant.

Squidward: You really need to see a doctor.

Mr Krabs: Oh, that reminds me, Squidward. I need you to unpack these boxes. (points to a stack of boxes that says "KK" on them)

Squidward: What's in them?

Mr Krabs: (takes out a couple bottles that have Spongebob's face in the middle and red tops) Condiments. We got "Tangy Spongey Sauce" and "Mild Bobby Sauce" for the not-so-daring.

Squidward: Oh, clever. (Spongebob runs up to Mr Krabs)

Spongebob: Captain! My spatula's missing, sir!

Mr Krabs: I got it right here. Here you go, Squidward. (sticks it into the Squidward's costume's forehead)
You're on grill duty now.

Squidward: But that's Spongebob's job!

Mr Krabs: Don't worry, Squidward. I got something else lined up for him. (cut to Spongebob as the engineer in the train that is going around the Krusty Krab) Step right up, folks! Take a ride on the Krusty Sponge Fun Train. Tickets are only $1.98. Seat belts not included. (everyone cheers. Cut to the kitchen, where Squidward is looking at the spatula that is on the grill)
Squidward: Ok, how am I going do this now? Umm... (grunts while trying to get the spatula. Hits it with one of the costume arms and hits himself in the forehead sending him back into pots and pans) Mommy, is that you? (outside, Spongebob is tired riding the train)

Spongebob: Ok, Mr Krabs. I really think I should be getting back to the grill, now.

Mr Krabs: Are you kidding, lad? Just look at these paying customers! (uses the megaphone) Who's ready for another lap? (everyone cheers) Keep on truckin', Spongebob. I've got some important business to see to in me office. (cut to Squidward, still in the Spongebob costume, entering Mr Krabs' office)

Squidward: Mr Krabs? Uh, this is a bad time, isn't it? (Mr Krabs is bathing in his money)

Mr Krabs: No.

Squidward: Well, there are some men out back with a delivery and want you to sign.

Mr Krabs: Ok. Tell them I'll be right out.

Squidward: Got it. (as he turns around, he hits his dead on the top of the door entrance) Ow. (mutters)

Mr Krabs: And let's watch the language, Squidward. (cut to Mr Krabs signing for the packages)

Mr Krabs: My pleasure.

Squidward: What the heck is this stuff?

Mr Krabs: I'm glad you asked. We got Spongebob drinking straws... (a green straw with Spongebob in the middle) coasters, (holds up two coasters with Spongebob faces on them) bibs... (holds up 2 Spongebob bibs that say "I Soiled Myself at the Krusty Sponge") And my personal favorite, Spongebob ice cubes! Aww.

Squidward: Mr Krabs, don't you think you might be taking all this a little bit too far?

Mr Krabs: Get back to work, Spongebob. I'll be in me Spongebob if you Spongebob me. (walks away. Cut to Squidward flipping a patty and laughing) Whoops! (sets three boxes down on the floor) There you go, Squidward.

Squidward: Now what?

Mr Krabs: Oh, you're gonna love this. Spongey Patties. (shows a yellow patty with holes in it)

Squidward: Spongey patties?

Mr Krabs: Yeah. I want you to start using 'em. (tosses one on the grill)

Squidward: Where'd you get them?

Mr Krabs: They were just the boxes of patties we didn't have room for in the freezer. They turned yellow. Gotta keep those Spongebob ice cubes somewhere, you know.

Squidward: You actually expect people to pay $1.98 for a rotten patty?

Mr Krabs: Squidward, you're right! All this instant success must be scrambling my brains! We'll make it $2.98. (shuts the kitchen door. Cut to Spongebob blowing the horn on the Fun Train but really tired)

Spongebob: All aboard.

Fish #4: Hey, we didn't paid $3.00 just to watch you take a nap.

Fish #5: That's the worst Spongebob costume I've ever seen.

All: (chanting) Ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride, ride! (Spongebob sneaks away and takes the statue of himself and puts it in his seat of the Fun Train then squeezes through the doors of the Krusty Krab)
Spongebob: Oh, boy. What a day. What's next? A zombie invasion? (screams after seeing yellow spotted fish walking around like zombies) Mr Krabs, open up! We're being attacked by a bunch of zombies that look like me.

Mr Krabs: Uh, go away, please, I'm busy.

Spongebob: Please, you don't understand! They're all splotchy and yellow with distended bellies. (screams as the zombies walk towards him) Open up, open up, open up, open up. (bangs on the door hard enough to where it collapses on the floor)

Mr Krabs: Who? (Mr Krabs is dresses in a nice shirt with the money in the chair across from him)

Spongebob: Mr Krabs?

Mr Krabs: Spongebob... (gasps) Great Neptune's mother's stockings! Zombies... they're here for me money. (tries to go back into his office but Spongebob grabs him)

Spongebob: Wait! They're not zombies, Mr Krabs. They're your customers... look. (two fish are sitting at the table. One is yellow spotted and the other one is normal looking)

Fish #6: Ohh... I ate this yellow Krabby Patty and now I feel sick.

Fish #7: Krabby Patty? (takes a bite and spits it out then walks up to Mr Krabs) Man, you've got some serious problems. If you're trying to pass that off as a Krabby Patty...

Mr Krabs: It's a... it's a Spongey Patty. (fish turns yellow and spotted)

Spongebob: Mr Krabs, what have you done? You poisoned all these people.

Mr Krabs: No! But... I just-just... I can explain, I... (Mr Krabs looks down at his wrists because they are in handcuffs)

Mr Krabs: What the...?

Fish #8: (shows his police badge) Tell it to the judge, Krabs. (cut to the courtroom)

Guard: Calling the courtroom to attention in the case "People of Bikini Bottom vs. Mr Krabs". The honorable judge Horace A. Whopper presiding.

Horace: Ahem. Has the jury reached a verdict? (jury is all yellow spotted. Gene Scallop stands up and is spotted, too)

Gene Scallop: We have, your honor. We find the defendant, Eugene A. Krabs, guilty of all charges.

Horace: Very well. Does the defendant have anything to say before we send him down the river?

Mr Krabs: No, your honor.

Horace: Very well. (bangs the Spongebob gavel down. When he does, it whines)

Mr Krabs: Eh, hang on a second, there, judge. That wouldn't happen to be a Spongebob gavel you're using?

Horace: Oh, why, yes. It's my prized possession. I am a huge Spongebob fan.

Mr Krabs: Permission to approach the bench, your honor! (cut to a patty being flipped on the grill)

Spongebob: Sure is good to be back behind the grill where I belong, Mr Krabs.

Mr Krabs: It's good to have you back, boy. Let's see how Squidward's enjoying his new position. (outside, Squidward, still in the Spongebob costume, is giving the judge a ride on the Fun Train. The judge has a whip in his hand) Take him around as many times as you like.

Horace: I just might have to take you up on that. (winks and cracks his whip so Squidward goes faster)

Mr Krabs: (laughs) I love a happy ending.

[[Category:Transscript]]
[[Category:Episode Transscripts/Season 5]]

{{Slogan}}

Episode Transcript: Fungus Among Us

2008-02-05T20:35:01Z

84.160.255.135:

[[de:Episodenmitschrift: Juckreiz]]
{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Waiting|Waiting]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Spy Buddies|Spy Buddies]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Waiting (Episode)|Waiting]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]

(While SpongeBob sleeps, Gary notices his food bowl is empty. So, he slithers up to the diving board, jumps off, and licks SpongeBob, who giggles and wakes up.)

SpongeBob: Gary! What are you doing!?!

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Oh my gosh! You're bowl is empty! Not to worry, Gare-gare! Food is on the way, faster than you can say "organic"!

Gary: Meow? *Raspberries*

SpongeBob: There you go, Gary!

(Gary sniffs it and rejects the food. He slithers over to a fungus growing on the floor, and eats some.)

SpongeBob: Gary! Shame on you! I realize you're a bottomfeeder, but have some manners! You know you're not supposed to eat goop off the ground! No go on and enjoy your health food!

Gary: (Mocking) Meow, meow meow...

(He attempts to clean it, but to no avail.)

SpongeBob: What is this stuff, anyways? Doesn't seem to be coming off! (The doorbell rings.) Ooh! Company!!!

(He itches his head as he answers the door.)

Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob! Eww!!!

SpongeBob: Is something wrong, Patrick?

Patrick: SpongeBob! What is that?

SpongeBob: What's what?

Patrick: This!

(He bends SpongeBob's head over so he can see the fungus on his head.)

SpongeBob: Ahh!!! Patrick, what should I do?

Patrick: Scratch it like there's no tommorrow!

SpongeBob: Good idea!

(He does so.)

Patrick: Uhh, SpongeBob? I don't know about this!

SpongeBob: What makes you say that?

Patrick: This.

(He takes out a mirror and shows SpongeBob that the fungus has spread.)

SpongeBob: Ahh!!! It's getting bigger! Nothing a little pimple cream can't cure! (He spreads some on.) That's more like it! All better. See, Patrick?

Patrick: Sure do! I gotta go sit in my hole. Catch ya later, pal.

SpongeBob: Bye, Patrick! (Patrick leaves, and SpongeBob goes and takes a shower. He lathers the soap into an anchor shape, and when he rinses, the fungus is in an anchor shape.) Ahh... This feels better! (We now see him doing a crossword.) Let's see. A four-letter word for an uncomfortable sensation on the dermis... (He starts scratching his head.) ITCH!!! (Later, at The Krusty Krab...) Don't worry, SpongeBob. Everyone gets an itchy, swollen skin rash every now and then. Just don't scratch it and it'll go away... (As he says this, a piece of fungus comes down onto his nose. He flings it onto the wall, but another one grows, so he pushes his nose in.) There! Outta sight, outta mind! Huh? (He sees the fungus on the wall, scoops it up, and tries to throw it away, but it sticks.) I won't let this minor setback hinder my frycooking! (He puts on gloves from a first aid kit.) Now nothing can distract me from frying those patties... Except maybe this unbearable itchiness! Must... Stop... scratching!!!

(Squidward comes in.)

Squidward: SpongeBob, I- Ahhh!!!! (He sees SpongeBob scratching the fungus.) SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Huh? Oh, hi, Squidward!

Squidward: SpongeBob? Why are you all puffy?

SpongeBob: All what-y?

Squidward: Your skin, SpongeBob! What's wrong with your skin?

SpongeBob: Oh, that! It's nothing really, Squidward... Just a little blemish, that's all!

(His nose pops out with the fungus, and Squidward screams. He jumps to the top of the cabinet.)

Squidward: That's no blemish!

SpongeBob: Help... Me!!!

Squidward: Oh, I'll help you, alright!

(He takes out a phone. On the other end...)
S.W.A.T. Fish #1: S.W.A.T. Team. (Gibberish on the other end.) We'll be right over!

(The team breaks through the ceiling of the Krusty Krab and slide down ropes from a helicopter.)

S.W.A.T. Fish #2: Hold it right there! Neptune's trident! This is the worst case of Ick I've seen yet.

(He tries to touch SpongeBob.)

S.W.A.T. Fish #3: Stop, you fool! Do you wanna get infected? This is a job for the hazmat physician.

Hazmat Physician: Get back! I say, get back! Get back I say!
(He pushes SpongeBob into a cage, which is promptly lifted by a helicopter.)

SpongeBob: What's going on, Squidward? Help!!!

(As the helicopter flies away, a piece of fungus attaches itself to Squidward. Later, at the cash register...)

Squidward: Here's your change, sir.

(As he hands him the coins, some fungus gets on the old man. He puts them in his pockets, then readjusts his glasses, which leaves fungus all over his nose.)

Old Man<s> Jenkins</s>: Oh, why thank you very much, young man.

Squidward: What was that? Oh, don't fool yourself, Squidward! That can't be the Ick.

(He scratches himself. Meanwhile, we see a SpongeBob completely covered in fungus in a bubble with tubes coming from it.)

SpongeBob: Where am I? Woah! Who are you guys? I wanna go home!

(We see a scientist walk up.)

Scientist: You are home, SpongeBob! You just have to stay in this bubble until the Ick clears up.

SpongeBob: Where's my snail, Gary?

Scientist: We're taking care of your pet.

(We see Gary in a bubble similar to SpongeBob's.)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Gary? Woah!

(He notices someone scanning him.)

Wa2mat: He appears stable, sir.

Scientist: Alright, boys, let's pack it up!

(They leave, and we see SpongeBob's Pineapple, covered in a plastic bag, with police tape and barbed wire around it. It says "Quarantine" on it. Then, we see SpongeBob filter-feeding like in "I Had an Accident". Patrick walks in.)
Patrick: Wow! (He bumps into the bubble.) Huh? What is this?
(Pokes)

SpongeBob: Patrick! Stop! Stop! You're gonna pop it!

Patrick: Really? How about if I squeeze it like this.

(He squeezes it. SpongeBob gasps.)

Patrick: Or this?

(He bites it. SpongeBob gasps again.)

Patrick: Or this?

(He digs cleats into it.)

SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick!!! How many times do I have to tell you? Be careful!!!

Patrick: Sorry. Hey, wanna play a game of pirate wrestling?

SpongeBob: Sure! Let's begin! (They take out hooks and tear up the bubble.) Um... Patrick?

Patrick: I win! I win! I win!

SpongeBob: Patrick?

(He starts dancing around and doing the "Worm".)

Patrick: Go, Patrick! Go, Patrick! Go, Patrick!

SpongeBob: PATRICK!!! What am I gonna do? My bubble's destroyed.

Patrick: I've got an idea!

(He pulls out bubble soap and begins to blow a bubble around SpongeBob.)

SpongeBob: There is no time for games, Pat! Now think, SpongeBob! The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands! (He notices the bubble Patrick, you're a genius! And this one's mobile! Now I can go back to work!

(At The Krusty Krab... Squidward's fungus is spreading. Mr. Krabs pulls him into the kitchen.)

Mr. Krabs: Squidward! Help! Help me flip these patties! We've got growling stomachs out there!

(Squidward shakes his head, and gets Ick all over the patties.)

Squidward: No, no, no, no, no, no!!!

Mr. Krabs: Then would it be too much trouble to ask his high and mightiness to at least take these patties out to the customers? Oh... If only SpongeBob were here...

Squidward: If SpongeBob were here, we'd all be covered in the Ick!

(He scratches, oblivious to the fact that he has Ick all over him, too.)

Squidward: Lunch is served! (Gives Ick Patties to a couple.) Eat up, kids. (The kids bite into their Ick kid's meal, and as everyone bites into their food, Squid scratches all over. He gets some on the wall and sees that he has the fungus.) Why am I so itchy? SpongeBob gave me the Ick! And I gave it to all you people!!! (An angry mob forms around Squidward.) Stay back, you diseased freaks!

Mr. Krabs: What's all the commotion about?

Fish #1: (With accent) The commotion, my dear crab, is regarding the hygiene of your staff of this eating establishment, which would appear to be inadequate.

Mr. Krabs: Inadequate!?! I'll have you know, the staff of the Krusty Krab take a solemn pledge to show up every day of the week clean and disease-free.

SpongeBob: Sorry I'm late, Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob SquarePants, returning to duty, sir.

(All eyes turn to SpongeBob in his bubble, who has swollen up to an enormous green square. He puts on his hat, and squirts green juice inside his bubble. The fish gasp.)

Fish #1: Is that what you consider clean and disease-free, Krabby? I say we ramshack this greasy disease shack! Who's with me?

All: We are!

Mr. Krabs: It wasn't me! It was Squidward! He gave you all the Ick!

Squidward: No! No I didn't! It was SpongeBob! He infected the entire Krusty Krab!!!

Fish #1: Let us apprehend the careless contaminator!!!

(They attack SpongeBob, who starts crying, making a huge puddle in his bubble. Outside the Krusty Krab, Gary slithers into the dumpster and eats a can, which he coughs up. His stomach growls as he slithers out.)

Gary: Meow.

(Some fish body slam SpongeBob's bubble, which make holes that the Ick leaks through.)

SpongeBob: Stop! You're pushing out more of the Ick!!! Nooo!!!

(All the fish slam into it, and it pops, splattering Ick all over the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs starts laughing.)

Mr. Krabs: Stop it! You're tickling me, Squidward!

Squidward: It's not me, Mr. Krabs!

SpongeBob: Gary Snail! Don't you know it's impolite to feed off of other people without permission?

(We see Gary clean the Ick off of Mr. Krabs.)

Mr. Krabs: He's just doing his job, SpongeBob! He's a bottomfeeder, remember? See? The little feller licked me clean! I'm cured! He'll clean the Ick off any surface! Even Squid!

(Gary sucks the fungus off Squidward, next.)

Fish #2: Woah! Me next!

Fish #3: Where are your manners? It's ladies first!

Patrick: I believe the expression is starfish first.

Fish #1: I super-seek all of you. For I have an exotic accent!

Mr. Krabs: Hey, hey, hey! There's no need to fight! Because I have a solution you'll be happy with. (Later...) Step up to be de-Icked! only 5 dollars!

(The first fish steps up, and Gary cleans him.)

Mr. Krabs: Now can I get you a Krabby Patty?

(The guy whacks him with his hat.)

Fish #1: In my old hometown, that motion is brash and offensive. I would like two, please.
M
r. Krabs: Alright!

(SpongeBob is next. He hands Krabs the money.)

SpongeBob: Hello, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Another 5 dollars for another de-Icking!

(Gary cleans SpongeBob off.)

SpongeBob: Look, Gary! You made me all sparkly! You're the best bottomfeeder a sponge could ever have!

Mr. Krabs: Aye, and a great money maker ya are, too. Now, back to work!

(Gary burps.)

[[Category:Transscript]]
[[Category:Episode Transscripts/Season 5]]

Episode Transcript: Fungus Among Us

2008-02-05T20:22:10Z

84.160.255.135:

Episode Transcript: Fungus Among Us

2008-02-05T20:21:17Z

84.160.255.135:

Episode Transcript: Waiting

2008-02-05T20:20:34Z

84.160.255.135:

[[de:Episodenmitschrift: Warten]]
{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Rise and Shine|Rise and Shine]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Fungus Among Us|Fungus Among Us]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Waiting (Episode)|Waiting]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks]]

(at Barg N' Mart, Spongebob is whistling while putting a box of Kelp cereal in his shopping cart) 

Spongebob: What's this? (reads box label) It says free prize! (braying laughter. Takes Gary and his box of cereal home and immediately dumps out all the cereal in the bowl and munches it all down) Huh? Where's my prize? (reads cereal box again) "Free Prize." (gasps) "Offer inside"?! Just send in 99 box tops? (cut to Spongebob eating more cereal with a bunch of cereal boxes all around him) How you doing over there, Gary? 

Gary: Meow. (Spongebob opens up a box and pours the cereal in Gary's bowl) Meow. 

Spongebob: Send in the box tops... (swallows the cereal in his mouth) ...before eating all the cereal? Gary, you are a
genius! (cut to Spongebob stuffing the envelopes with box tops. Cut to Spongebob outside by the mailbox) I'm waiting. I'm
waiting. 

Spongebob & Patrick: I'm waiting. I'm waiting. We're waiting. We're waiting. 
Spongebob: We're waiting. 

Patrick: Spongebob, what are we waiting for? 
Spongebob: We're waiting for the mailman. He's bringing me a free toy. 

Patrick: I love toys! Can I wait for your toy with you? 

Spongebob: Why, sure. 

Spongebob & Patrick: We're waiting. We're waiting. 
Patrick: There's the mailman! 

Mailman: Are you Spongebob Squarepants? 

Spongebob: Yup. (shuddering with excitement. Mailman hands him 3 envelopes) Isn't there anything else? 

Mailman: Nope, sorry kid. (walks off whistling) 

Spongebob: Guess we'll have to keep waiting. (both wait by the mailbox. After a while, both of their stomachs growl and
bark at each other) 

Patrick: Hey, Spongebob, I'm hungry. 

Spongebob: Me, too. 

Patrick: Let's go down to the Krusty Krab for a Krabby Patty. 
Spongebob: Great idea, Patrick. Krusty Krab, here we... wait a minute. What if the mailman comes when I'm gone? (clings
onto the mailbox) 

Patrick: What's wrong Spongebob? 

Spongebob: If I leave, the mailman might come and I might miss him. 

Patrick: Oh, I'm gonna take off then. I don't think my arm can stand much more of this. (Patrick's stomach is biting his
arm) 
Spongebob: (checks mailbox) Got to stay focused. (checks mailbox again. Sandy jumps in) 

Sandy: Hiya! Hey, Spongebob, want to do some kara... (Spongebob grabs her arm and flips her on her back) 

Spongebob: Not now, I'm busy. (Sandy brushes herself off and walks away. Spongebob checks the mailbox again. Gary pushes

his bowl by Spongebob's foot) Oh, Gary, not now. Can't you see that I'm waiting for the mailman? Doesn't anyone understand

this? (checks mailbox again then pants as Gary takes his bowl away) So tired. So hungry. But must wait...for toy. 

Patrick: Hey, buddy. 

Spongebob: What?! What do you want?! Can't you see I'm doing something here?! (checks mailbox) This better be good. 

Patrick: You missed your surprise birthday party, so I just wanted to bring you a present and some cake because you missed it. 

Spongebob: My birthday party? I missed my birthday party? 

Patrick: Yeah, see? (shows present and cake) Here's a present and your cake. 

Spongebob: My birthday cake. 

Patrick: Yeah. Let me just get you a fork so you can eat it. (Spongebob giggles) Uh, let me just hold the cake like this,
(holds the piece of cake between his teeth) so I can get you a fork. (digs in pocket) Huh, I wonder where I put that fork.
(notices he ate the cake) Oops. 

Spongebob: That was my cake. What is the present?
Patrick: Oh, yeah. (opens the box) A fork! (Spongebob sobs) 

Spongebob: Ah!! That stupid toy. I wasted my whole life waiting for it. 

Patrick: Actually, you've only been here 20 minutes. 

Spongebob: I've been mean to Gary and I flipped Sandy. And now you hate me 'cause... I'm a big jerk! 
Patrick: No, I don't. 

Spongebob: Yes, you do. 

Mailman: Spongebob Squarepants? 

Patrick: Could you come back later? He's having a moment. 

Mailman: Yeah. I just need a signature for... 

Patrick: I said he's having a moment! Now leave him alone! 

Spongebob: No, Patrick, people like me don't deserve moments. (signs for the package) I get so caught up in... Oh, here ya
go. (takes package) ...in waiting for...my toy! (laughs. Patrick laughs) Whoo! 

Patrick: Whoo! Yeah! (both riverdance and dance on the ground. Spongebob opens up the package to reveal a green-headed,
purple-colored body toy) 

Spongebob: Patrick, are you thinking what I'm thinking? 

Patrick: Yup. 

Spongebob & Patrick: It's beautiful. (Patrick touches it and its springs pop out) 

Patrick: Spongebob? 

Spongebob: I waited so long. 

Patrick: Spongebob? 

Spongebob: And you broke it. 

Patrick: You okay, buddy? 

Spongebob: Yes, yes I'm okay. 

Patrick: Oh... oh, for a sec, I... 

Spongebob: You! You ruined my free toy! 

Patrick: I'm sorry. Oh, maybe if you just... (pokes it but the springs stretch out. Spongebob screams and Patrick sobs.
Squidward walks down the street while Spongebob and Patrick are rolling around sobbing) 

Squidward: Just keep walking, Squiddy. don't make eye contact. (walks into his house, goes upstairs to look out the window
and see Spongebob & Patrick still crying, then closes his window) Ah, now to soothe my frayed nerves. (screaming and
sobbing resume. Squidward walks out of his house) All right, what's going on? Why are you two crying? 

Spongebob: (crying) I-I ate... box-box-boxtops. And then... I'm waiting. I'm waiting. And then he came and we're waiting.
We're waiting. And then my toy and then you and then snap and then this. (shows toy. Squidward fixes it by pushing its head
down) 

Squidward: There. Now see? (shows how the toy works) It's suppose to do that. 

Spongebob: Hey, my toy's okay. 

Squidward: Good. Now will you two be quiet? 

Spongebob: Look, Patrick, Squidward fixed it. (both run over and hug Squidward) How can we ever thank you? 

Patrick: Yeah, how can we thank you? 

Squidward: Move to another neighborhood.

[[Category:Transscript]]
[[Category:Episode Transscripts/Season 5]]

{{Slogan}}

Episode Transcript: Night Light

2008-02-05T20:16:57Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: The Original Fry Cook|The Original Fry Cook]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Rise and Shine|Rise and Shine]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Night Light (Episode)|Night Light]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Mermaidman]]
*[[Barnacleboy]]

(The episode launches with SpongeBob reading at night in his pineapple home.) 
SpongeBob: (Reading) "And slowly... Ever so slowly... The ancient crypt door creeps open... And from the festering brine of the darkest darkness, cralwed forth monsters of such vile nature, whose appearance was so hideous and threatening, that the author died trying to recount them in this novel!" (Closes the book and shudders.) That story is so scary! But it's only a story, right, Gary? (Gary is literally stiff with fear. He quakes and falls on his side. SpongeBob picks him up and puts him into bed next to him.) Why don't you sleep up here tonight, Gary? (Silence.) Well, I guess I should turn off the light now. (He does so.) Sure is dark. (He then sees a green monster with its brain protruding from his head in the dark. He gasps, screams and turns the light back on to reveal his inflatable raft chair.) Oh, it's just a chair! I guess I'm imagining things in the dark. (He turns off the light and hears a knocking on his window. He turns to it and sees that there's a shriveled green claw knocking.) Woah! Another monster! (He turns on his light to reveal it's a green coral branch floating in the current.) Oh, it's just a coral branch. Nothing to be scared of! (He hears a creaking sound as if his door had opened.) What was that? 
(Turns the light on and off multiple times, seeing monsters over and over. The next day, at the Krusty Krab...) 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, Squidward, have you seen SpongeBob? 
(At that moment, a very drowsy and tired SpongeBob walks in. We see a close-up of his 5 O' clock shadow, bloodshot eyes, and droopy nose.) 
Mr. Krabs: Woah. You don't look so good, laddie. 
SpongeBob: Oh, it's nothing, Mr. Krabs. I just had a rough night. But it's nice and bright today! 
(He walks into the kitchen and we hear a big clatter from outside. Mr. Krabs bursts through the kitchen door.) 
Mr. Krabs: Meandering mermaids! What's all this racket, boy? 
(We see SpongeBob running around in circles with a pot on his head.) 
SpongeBob: Aaahhh!!! The dark! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! 
(Mr. Krabs pulls it off his head.) 
Mr. Krabs: Get a hold of yourself, boy. 
(SpongeBob is silent, but then blinks and screams.) 
SpongeBob: Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!!
(Blinks) 
Mr. Krabs: What is it now, boy? 
(SpongeBob blinks)
SpongeBob: Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!! Whenever I blink, I see nothing but the darkness! 
Mr. Krabs: Then don't blink. 
SpongeBob: Great idea, Mr. Krabs. 
(Puts two french fries between his eyelids to prop them open.) 
SpongeBob: Yes, it's working... (His eyes are unable to function properly, and shut. The french fries snap and go flying.) Ahhhh!!! 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that's enough! We've got 15 orders to fill! Now go in the cooler and get some fresh patties. 
SpongeBob: You want me to go in there? 
(He points to the freezer seen in "[[SB-129]]", "[[Nasty Patty]]" & "[[The Original Fry Cook]]". It is dark, and frost drifts out. We pan in on the darkness, and a live-action human face appears, holding a flashlight up to itself and laughing while making an irritated expression. It seems to swirl around the doorframe. SpongeBob screams and clings to the kitchen ceiling. Mr. Krabs prys him off and pulls him down.) 
Mr. Krabs: Now, look here. Your work is starting to effect me profits. You need to get some shut-eye. Why don't you get yourself a night light? 
SpongeBob: Night light? 
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, boy! It'll keep your room lit, so you won't be scared stiff! 
SpongeBob: Great idea, Mr. Krabs. (That night, SpongeBob browses Barg 'N' Mart wearing his green pajamas and nightcap.) Night light, night light.... Oh! (Sees a whole wall of them in different shapes and colors at the end of an aisle. He sees one that he likes in particular.) Oh, it's beautiful! (He walks up to the cashier, who is a purple, female fish with blonde hair and her employee vest over her pajamas.) Excuse me! Are these night lights guaranteed to keep the creepy creatures of the dark away? 
Cashier: If I answer "Yes", will you leave the store sooner?
(Cut back to SpongeBob's pineapple the same night. He plugs the night light into the outlet, and it illuminates the room slightly with a blue color.) 
SpongeBob: Now that I can see... (Jumps up and floats into bed.) Woo-hoo! I can sleep! (He yawns and pulls over the covers. But suddenly, he screams again.) I wonder what's in my dark, scary-looking bathroom! (Screams again and returns to Barg 'N' Mart.) Ahh!!! Night light! Night light! (We see a shot of the cashier, sipping coffee, as SpongeBob panics and darts to the back of the store. Then, he approaches the camera, night light in hand. He leaves a dollar on the counter.) Oh, thank you, thank you! (At home, he plugs it in and sighs with relief. Then, he screams, seeing that his closet is dark. He runs back to Barg 'N' Mart and we see the same shot as earlier. He runs home and puts a night light in his closet, but notices that his hallway is dark. He runs to and from and to and from Barg 'N' Mart. Then, back at home, we see him plugging in the rest of the night lights.) There, there, there, and there. (Plugs one into an outlet in his medicine cabinet, under his fridge, in his toilet, and the back of Gary's shell.) I've been needing to change your tail light anyways, Gary. (He giggles. We see his whole living room is covered with a wall of millions of night lights.) Now there's not one square inch of dark! 
Gary: Meow. 
SpongeBob: What was that, Gary? 
Gary: Meow. 
(SpongeBob gasps and rolls his eyes in, like he did in Plankton, to see his brain in the back of his head.) 
SpongeBob: You're right, Gary! I've got darkness inside of me! 
(He turns on two flashlights and sticks them in his eye sockets. Outside his pineapple, the whole thing seems to be glowing orange from all the lights. It wakes Patrick up, and he walks outside.) 
Patrick: SpongeBob's having a party without me? (Walks over to SpongeBob's pineapple and knocks on the door.) Hmph! Throw a party without your best friend? Oh, we'll just see about that. 
(SpongeBob opens the door and yanks Patrick inside.) 
SpongeBob: That was close, Patrick! You're safe under these night lights. But you can't go out in the dark, buddy! You don't know what kind of creepy critter could be lurking in those shadows! 
Patrick: Oh! 
(Patrick starts shuddering, and runs out. SpongeBob follows, but gets bounced back be the door, into his chair beside Gary.) 
SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick! (He hear a thundering sound and the ground shakes.) What is that, Gary? (We see Patrick's rock smash through the wall and he slides it into SpongeBob's pineapple. Gary climbs on the armrest of SpongeBob's inflateable chair that he's in as it's pushed into the other wall, where it pops. SpongeBob runs over to Patrick, who is panting and out of breath.) Patrick, what are you doing!?! 
Patrick: Oh! I had to move my rock out of the dark and into the light. 
SpongeBob: You know what that means? (He summersaults into the air and dies a flip. He lands on a neon night light that says "Sleepover". Confetti sprinkles from the roof, and SpongeBob's tongue rolls out like a noisemaker.) Sleepover! (He jumps down, two sleeping bags in hand. He bows and presents one to Patrick.) Your sleeping bag, sir. 
Patrick: Thank you, my good man. 
(Both onroll theirs in a regal manner, hop inside each of theirs, and dance to a sea shanty. When they're done, they laugh.) 
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick! I'm so glad you made that gaping hole in the wall, letting in all t-t-t-t-t-t... 
Both: THE DARK!!! 
(They both scream and jump out of their sleeping bags. They stand on the other side of Patrick's rock, away from the hole, and under the lights. Meanwhile, at Squidward's house, the light relfects off of his picture frame, to his vanity-dresser mirror, to his hand-held mirror, and to his skyroof window, where it shines down on his eyes, covered by a sleeping mask. The light laser burns his eyes to a crisp.) 
Squidward: Aaahhhhh!!! BURNING!!! 
(He cools his eyes with his glass of water on his nightstand. Through his singed, blackened, and charred eyes, he looks out the window to see that it's another one of SpongeBob and Patrick's escapades. Back at the pineapple, SpongeBob and Patrick cling to each other, quivering and shivering.) 
SpongeBob: The darkness, Patrick. I can feel it. Like it's creeping up on us... 
(Squidward darts in front of them.) 
Squidward: What are you two wimpering about? 
(Both scream, and Patrick jumps into SpongeBob's mouth for protection.) 
Squidward: It's me, Squidward, you idiots! 
(Patrick pops out of SpongeBob's mouth.) 
Patrick: Hi, Squidward! 
Squidward: Listen, you guys. I don't care or want to know what you do in your spare time. But could you turn off all these lights? 
SpongeBob: But, Squidward! Without our night lights, the creepy creatures of the dar- 
Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob, there are no creepy creatures of the dark. It's all in your imagination. 
(Squidward starts nearing the exit, when Patrick drags behing him, tugging on the back of his nightgown.) 
Patrick: No, Squidward! Don't go out in the dark! (The back of Squidward's nightgown tears off.) Oh, why won't he listen? 
(Patrick cries over SpongeBob's shoulder, and SpongeBob consoles him by giving him a pat on the back.) 
SpongeBob: Patrick, what if Squidward's right? What if all this is all in our imagination? 
Patrick: Well, in that case, we'll need even more lights! 
SpongeBob: You said it, Pat! 
(They run outside and return with a huge neon sign.) 
Patrick: Quick! Turn it on, SpongeBob! (He does so. The light says "Pinky's Dance Studio" and has mechanical swaying legs with fishnet tights on.) More lights! (They run out and return with a spotlight. Patrick shines it on his face, which causes it to become all nasty and crusty.) Now, SpongeBob! More lights! 
(They run to a lighthouse, and Patrick tips it over onto SpongeBob. Then, they carry it into SpongeBob's house through the hole Patrick made, and slide it onto Patrick's rock. The whole house is elevated because of this, until it snaps in half and the bottom half lands like normal. We see the top helf is lifted by the lighthouse. The light from it shines on the cracks from the brozen house and into the sky, causing it to look like an "M". Cut to Shady Shoals Rest Home, where superheros MermaidMan and BarnacleBoy sit on a couch watching TV. BarnacleBoy has dozed off.) 
Fish #1: (On TV) The battery-operated spoon has saved me so much time. 
Mermaidman: (Sighs) This is what passes for info-tainment these days? (Sees the "M" light in the air and mistakes it for the "MermaSignal". ) Sweet mother of Neptune's mother! Look, BarnacleBoy! A call to action! To the Invisible Boatmobile! 
(Cut to SpongeBob's pineapple home.) 
Patrick: More lights, SpongeBob! More lights! 
(They crash into MermaidMan and BarnacleBoy.) 
SpongeBob: Mermaidman!?! 
Patrick: Barnacleboy!?! 
SpongeBob: Aww... Are you here to protect us from the darkness that surrounds us? 
Mermaidman: We don't have time for your childish games! We're responding to the distress signal that you sent! 
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, MermaidMan. There appears to be a misunderstanding. Patrick and I put up those lights to scare away the creepy creatures of the dark! We weren't trying to summon you. 
Mermaidmn: Oh, fiddlesticks, SpongeBob. Do you know how hard it is in our... advanced age... to move? Don't shine a giant light in the sky unless there's a real emergency. (Cut to a supervillian dressed like a white moth. He cackles, and flutters towards SpongeBob's house.) And another thing: What the-!?! (He sees the moth villian.) Dear Neptune! It's the most dangerous and foreboding of all our arch nemesises-- My mortal enemy whom I have searched 57 years for! Come get some, fiend! (The Moth kicks Mermaidman in the nose, and it throbs and swells.) Come back here, rival! 
(He becomes weary and heroically naps on Patrick's rock.) 
SpongeBob: Oh my gosh! MermaidMan needs assistance! There is no need to fear, AbsorboPants is here! 
(The Moth flies towards the lighthouse, and SpongeBob runs up it, too. The Moth cackles.) 
The Moth: Savory light, come to me! 
SpongeBob: Say, let me help you! (He grabs the Moth and locks him inside of the lighthouse window with the light beacon. The Moth flutters around frantically and screams.) Is that enough light for you? (SpongeBob laughs, then jumps down to the heros and Patrick.) Well, he's all taken care of. 
Mermaidman: Who? 
SpongeBob: The Moth, silly! You'll be happy to know he won't be going anywhere anytime soon! 
(At that moment, the Moth pushes up on the lighthouse and flies away, taking SpongeBob's house with him.) 
The Moth: See you in another 57 years! 
(He laughs wickedly as he flutters away.) 
Mermaidman: Noo!!! 
Barnacleboy: I think it's time to go home, Mermaidman. 
Mermaidman: Why are we here again? 
SpongeBob & Patrick: Bye, Mermaidman & Barnacleboy! 
Mermaidman: Who are those to hideous creatures of the dark? 
Barnacleboy: (Yawning) I'll tell you about it in the morning. Now, drive! 
(Mermaidman and Barnacleboy zoom off in the Invisible Boatmobile.) 
SpongeBob: We're all alone, Patrick. No lights. No shelter. 
(The two cry and hug each other. Then, it is dawn and the sun rises.) 
Patrick: Huh? SpongeBob, there's a really big light! I'll go get it, buddy! 
(He runs up a beam of light to the sun.) 
SpongeBob: Patrick!!! I... 
(He yawns and falls asleep on Patrick's rock. Then, Patrick comes down from the sun, his tail end flaming.) 
Patrick: Ahh!!! Too much light! Too much light! Ahhh!!!

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: Night Light

2008-02-05T20:16:12Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: The Original Fry Cook|The Original Fry Cook]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Rise and Shine|Rise and Shine]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Night Light (Episode)|Night Light]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Mermaidman]]
*[[Barnacleboy]]

(The episode launches with SpongeBob reading at night in his pineapple home.) 
SpongeBob: (Reading) "And slowly... Ever so slowly... The ancient crypt door creeps open... And from the festering brine of the darkest darkness, cralwed forth monsters of such vile nature, whose appearance was so hideous and threatening, that the author died trying to recount them in this novel!" (Closes the book and shudders.) That story is so scary! But it's only a story, right, Gary? (Gary is literally stiff with fear. He quakes and falls on his side. SpongeBob picks him up and puts him into bed next to him.) Why don't you sleep up here tonight, Gary? (Silence.) Well, I guess I should turn off the light now. (He does so.) Sure is dark. (He then sees a green monster with its brain protruding from his head in the dark. He gasps, screams and turns the light back on to reveal his inflatable raft chair.) Oh, it's just a chair! I guess I'm imagining things in the dark. (He turns off the light and hears a knocking on his window. He turns to it and sees that there's a shriveled green claw knocking.) Woah! Another monster! (He turns on his light to reveal it's a green coral branch floating in the current.) Oh, it's just a coral branch. Nothing to be scared of! (He hears a creaking sound as if his door had opened.) What was that? 
(Turns the light on and off multiple times, seeing monsters over and over. The next day, at the Krusty Krab...) 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, Squidward, have you seen SpongeBob? 
(At that moment, a very drowsy and tired SpongeBob walks in. We see a close-up of his 5 O' clock shadow, bloodshot eyes, and droopy nose.) 
Mr. Krabs: Woah. You don't look so good, laddie. 
SpongeBob: Oh, it's nothing, Mr. Krabs. I just had a rough night. But it's nice and bright today! 
(He walks into the kitchen and we hear a big clatter from outside. Mr. Krabs bursts through the kitchen door.) 
Mr. Krabs: Meandering mermaids! What's all this racket, boy? 
(We see SpongeBob running around in circles with a pot on his head.) 
SpongeBob: Aaahhh!!! The dark! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! 
(Mr. Krabs pulls it off his head.) 
Mr. Krabs: Get a hold of yourself, boy. 
(SpongeBob is silent, but then blinks and screams.) 
SpongeBob: Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!!
(Blinks) 
Mr. Krabs: What is it now, boy? 
(SpongeBob blinks)
SpongeBob: Ahhh!!! (Blinks) Ahhh!!! Whenever I blink, I see nothing but the darkness! 
Mr. Krabs: Then don't blink. 
SpongeBob: Great idea, Mr. Krabs. 
(Puts two french fries between his eyelids to prop them open.) 
SpongeBob: Yes, it's working... (His eyes are unable to function properly, and shut. The french fries snap and go flying.) Ahhhh!!! 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that's enough! We've got 15 orders to fill! Now go in the cooler and get some fresh patties. 
SpongeBob: You want me to go in there? 
(He points to the freezer seen in "[[SB-129]]", "[[Nasty Patty]]" & "[[The Original Fry Cook]]". It is dark, and frost drifts out. We pan in on the darkness, and a live-action human face appears, holding a flashlight up to itself and laughing while making an irritated expression. It seems to swirl around the doorframe. SpongeBob screams and clings to the kitchen ceiling. Mr. Krabs prys him off and pulls him down.) 
Mr. Krabs: Now, look here. Your work is starting to effect me profits. You need to get some shut-eye. Why don't you get yourself a night light? 
SpongeBob: Night light? 
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, boy! It'll keep your room lit, so you won't be scared stiff! 
SpongeBob: Great idea, Mr. Krabs. (That night, SpongeBob browses Barg 'N' Mart wearing his green pajamas and nightcap.) Night light, night light.... Oh! (Sees a whole wall of them in different shapes and colors at the end of an aisle. He sees one that he likes in particular.) Oh, it's beautiful! (He walks up to the cashier, who is a purple, female fish with blonde hair and her employee vest over her pajamas.) Excuse me! Are these night lights guaranteed to keep the creepy creatures of the dark away? 
Cashier: If I answer "Yes", will you leave the store sooner?
(Cut back to SpongeBob's pineapple the same night. He plugs the night light into the outlet, and it illuminates the room slightly with a blue color.) 
SpongeBob: Now that I can see... (Jumps up and floats into bed.) Woo-hoo! I can sleep! (He yawns and pulls over the covers. But suddenly, he screams again.) I wonder what's in my dark, scary-looking bathroom! (Screams again and returns to Barg 'N' Mart.) Ahh!!! Night light! Night light! (We see a shot of the cashier, sipping coffee, as SpongeBob panics and darts to the back of the store. Then, he approaches the camera, night light in hand. He leaves a dollar on the counter.) Oh, thank you, thank you! (At home, he plugs it in and sighs with relief. Then, he screams, seeing that his closet is dark. He runs back to Barg 'N' Mart and we see the same shot as earlier. He runs home and puts a night light in his closet, but notices that his hallway is dark. He runs to and from and to and from Barg 'N' Mart. Then, back at home, we see him plugging in the rest of the night lights.) There, there, there, and there. (Plugs one into an outlet in his medicine cabinet, under his fridge, in his toilet, and the back of Gary's shell.) I've been needing to change your tail light anyways, Gary. (He giggles. We see his whole living room is covered with a wall of millions of night lights.) Now there's not one square inch of dark! 
Gary: Meow. 
SpongeBob: What was that, Gary? 
Gary: Meow. 
(SpongeBob gasps and rolls his eyes in, like he did in Plankton, to see his brain in the back of his head.) 
SpongeBob: You're right, Gary! I've got darkness inside of me! 
(He turns on two flashlights and sticks them in his eye sockets. Outside his pineapple, the whole thing seems to be glowing orange from all the lights. It wakes Patrick up, and he walks outside.) 
Patrick: SpongeBob's having a party without me? (Walks over to SpongeBob's pineapple and knocks on the door.) Hmph! Throw a party without your best friend? Oh, we'll just see about that. 
(SpongeBob opens the door and yanks Patrick inside.) 
SpongeBob: That was close, Patrick! You're safe under these night lights. But you can't go out in the dark, buddy! You don't know what kind of creepy critter could be lurking in those shadows! 
Patrick: Oh! 
(Patrick starts shuddering, and runs out. SpongeBob follows, but gets bounced back be the door, into his chair beside Gary.) 
SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick! (He hear a thundering sound and the ground shakes.) What is that, Gary? (We see Patrick's rock smash through the wall and he slides it into SpongeBob's pineapple. Gary climbs on the armrest of SpongeBob's inflateable chair that he's in as it's pushed into the other wall, where it pops. SpongeBob runs over to Patrick, who is panting and out of breath.) Patrick, what are you doing!?! 
Patrick: Oh! I had to move my rock out of the dark and into the light. 
SpongeBob: You know what that means? (He summersaults into the air and dies a flip. He lands on a neon night light that says "Sleepover". Confetti sprinkles from the roof, and SpongeBob's tongue rolls out like a noisemaker.) Sleepover! (He jumps down, two sleeping bags in hand. He bows and presents one to Patrick.) Your sleeping bag, sir. 
Patrick: Thank you, my good man. 
(Both onroll theirs in a regal manner, hop inside each of theirs, and dance to a sea shanty. When they're done, they laugh.) 
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick! I'm so glad you made that gaping hole in the wall, letting in all t-t-t-t-t-t... 
Both: THE DARK!!! 
(They both scream and jump out of their sleeping bags. They stand on the other side of Patrick's rock, away from the hole, and under the lights. Meanwhile, at Squidward's house, the light relfects off of his picture frame, to his vanity-dresser mirror, to his hand-held mirror, and to his skyroof window, where it shines down on his eyes, covered by a sleeping mask. The light laser burns his eyes to a crisp.) 
Squidward: Aaahhhhh!!! BURNING!!! 
(He cools his eyes with his glass of water on his nightstand. Through his singed, blackened, and charred eyes, he looks out the window to see that it's another one of SpongeBob and Patrick's escapades. Back at the pineapple, SpongeBob and Patrick cling to each other, quivering and shivering.) 
SpongeBob: The darkness, Patrick. I can feel it. Like it's creeping up on us... 
(Squidward darts in front of them.) 
Squidward: What are you two wimpering about? 
(Both scream, and Patrick jumps into SpongeBob's mouth for protection.) 
Squidward: It's me, Squidward, you idiots! 
(Patrick pops out of SpongeBob's mouth.) 
Patrick: Hi, Squidward! 
Squidward: Listen, you guys. I don't care or want to know what you do in your spare time. But could you turn off all these lights? 
SpongeBob: But, Squidward! Without our night lights, the creepy creatures of the dar- 
Squidward: Oh, SpongeBob, there are no creepy creatures of the dark. It's all in your imagination. 
(Squidward starts nearing the exit, when Patrick drags behing him, tugging on the back of his nightgown.) 
Patrick: No, Squidward! Don't go out in the dark! (The back of Squidward's nightgown tears off.) Oh, why won't he listen? 
(Patrick cries over SpongeBob's shoulder, and SpongeBob consoles him by giving him a pat on the back.) 
SpongeBob: Patrick, what if Squidward's right? What if all this is all in our imagination? 
Patrick: Well, in that case, we'll need even more lights! 
SpongeBob: You said it, Pat! 
(They run outside and return with a huge neon sign.) 
Patrick: Quick! Turn it on, SpongeBob! (He does so. The light says "Pinky's Dance Studio" and has mechanical swaying legs with fishnet tights on.) More lights! (They run out and return with a spotlight. Patrick shines it on his face, which causes it to become all nasty and crusty.) Now, SpongeBob! More lights! 
(They run to a lighthouse, and Patrick tips it over onto SpongeBob. Then, they carry it into SpongeBob's house through the hole Patrick made, and slide it onto Patrick's rock. The whole house is elevated because of this, until it snaps in half and the bottom half lands like normal. We see the top helf is lifted by the lighthouse. The light from it shines on the cracks from the brozen house and into the sky, causing it to look like an "M". Cut to Shady Shoals Rest Home, where superheros MermaidMan and BarnacleBoy sit on a couch watching TV. BarnacleBoy has dozed off.) 
Fish #1: (On TV) The battery-operated spoon has saved me so much time. 
Mermaidman: (Sighs) This is what passes for info-tainment these days? (Sees the "M" light in the air and mistakes it for the "MermaSignal". ) Sweet mother of Neptune's mother! Look, BarnacleBoy! A call to action! To the Invisible Boatmobile! 
(Cut to SpongeBob's pineapple home.) 
Patrick: More lights, SpongeBob! More lights! 
(They crash into MermaidMan and BarnacleBoy.) 
SpongeBob: Mermaidman!?! 
Patrick: Barnacleboy!?! 
SpongeBob: Aww... Are you here to protect us from the darkness that surrounds us? 
Mermaidman: We don't have time for your childish games! We're responding to the distress signal that you sent! 
SpongeBob: I'm sorry, MermaidMan. There appears to be a misunderstanding. Patrick and I put up those lights to scare away the creepy creatures of the dark! We weren't trying to summon you. 
Mermaidmn: Oh, fiddlesticks, SpongeBob. Do you know how hard it is in our... advanced age... to move? Don't shine a giant light in the sky unless there's a real emergency. (Cut to a supervillian dressed like a white moth. He cackles, and flutters towards SpongeBob's house.) And another thing: What the-!?! (He sees the moth villian.) Dear Neptune! It's the most dangerous and foreboding of all our arch nemesises-- My mortal enemy whom I have searched 57 years for! Come get some, fiend! (The Moth kicks Mermaidman in the nose, and it throbs and swells.) Come back here, rival! 
(He becomes weary and heroically naps on Patrick's rock.) 
SpongeBob: Oh my gosh! MermaidMan needs assistance! There is no need to fear, AbsorboPants is here! 
(The Moth flies towards the lighthouse, and SpongeBob runs up it, too. The Moth cackles.) 
The Moth: Savory light, come to me! 
SpongeBob: Say, let me help you! (He grabs the Moth and locks him inside of the lighthouse window with the light beacon. The Moth flutters around frantically and screams.) Is that enough light for you? (SpongeBob laughs, then jumps down to the heros and Patrick.) Well, he's all taken care of. 
Mermaidman: Who? 
SpongeBob: The Moth, silly! You'll be happy to know he won't be going anywhere anytime soon! 
(At that moment, the Moth pushes up on the lighthouse and flies away, taking SpongeBob's house with him.) 
The Moth: See you in another 57 years! 
(He laughs wickedly as he flutters away.) 
Mermaidman: Noo!!! 
Barnacleboy: I think it's time to go home, Mermaidman. 
Mermaidman: Why are we here again? 
SpongeBob & Patrick: Bye, Mermaidman & Barnacleboy! 
Mermaidman: Who are those to hideous creatures of the dark? 
Barnacleboy: (Yawning) I'll tell you about it in the morning. Now, drive! 
(Mermaidman and Barnacleboy zoom off in the Invisible Boatmobile.) 
SpongeBob: We're all alone, Patrick. No lights. No shelter. 
(The two cry and hug each other. Then, it is dawn and the sun rises.) 
Patrick: Huh? SpongeBob, there's a really big light! I'll go get it, buddy! 
(He runs up a beam of light to the sun.) 
SpongeBob: Patrick!!! I... 
(He yawns and falls asleep on Patrick's rock. Then, Patrick comes down from the sun, his tail end flaming.) 
Patrick: Ahh!!! Too much light! Too much light! Ahhh!!!

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:53:24Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Friend or Foe?|Friend or Foe?]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Night Light|Night Light]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Original Fry Cook (Episode)|The Original Fry Cook]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Jim]]

(At the Krusty Krab...) 
Old Fish: I just can't decide what to order. 
Squidward: You already ordered. 
Old Man<s> Jenkins</s>: Don't rush me, young lady! 
Squidward: Hurry up, SpongeBob! 
(Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is filling in a ketchup heart on a Krabby Patty.) 
Squidward: What is taking you so long? 
SpongeBob: I'm adding the love! 
Squidward: You're not getting paid to love. 
SpongeBob: Well, I'm not here for the money. (Puts the top bun on and walks out. SpongeBob talks to the Krabby Patty on his way to the customer's table.) I'll always treasure these moments we had together. 
Squidward: Look!!! 
(He points to outside, where a solid gold limosine pulls up to the Krusty Krab. Everyone gasps, then runs out to the limo, knocking over and walking over SpongeBob. When SpongeBob lifts his head, to his great disappointement, he sees his burger is trampled with a big footprint in the middle.) 
SpongeBob: Awww... 
(Back outside, a security guard opens the limo door for someone.) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be cooked in butter! It's Jim, the Original Fry Cook! 
(Out of the limo steps a bald, overweight, blue fish wearing a fast food cap, and a yellow shirt. He walks into The Krusty Krab.) 
Jim: Krabs! 
SpongeBob: The Jim!?! He who flipped patties in the before times? 
Mr. Krabs: You're doin' well, Jim. Is that limo solid gold? 
Jim: It sure is. I was on my way to my solid gold mansion next to my solid gold lake, when I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane. 
Squidward: Good ol' Jim! When you worked here, the place had class. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. When this place had class... (We see a flashback of Mr. Krabs the same old outfit, except he has a blue sweater like his current blue shirt and a medalion that has a "$" on it. He also has sideburns, and is dancing in a Krusty Krab that looks like the same from the outside, but looks like a ballroom from the inside with white floors and pink wallpaper. Squidward comes out from the boat in front of the ordering window, which is brown and has a painted wooden mermaid on the front. He lifts off his Krusty Krab hat to reveal long, blonde hair that goes all the way to his thighs. He walks over to Krabs, who points to the kitchen door. Out comes Jim, holding a "Jim Patty", with his named signed on the side in ketchup. The only difference with Jim is that he has curly brown hair and a zit beneath his lip. When Krabs and Squidward see the Jim patty, the clutch each other in amazement, then take baskets and skip around Jim, sprinkling flower petals on him as he holds up the Jim Patty. End flashback, and the whole Krusty Krew is laughing, including SpongeBob. They stop and stare at him until he stops also.) Well, we've had some good times, too. Right, Squidward? 
Squidward: No. 
(Jim walks up to the "Employee of the Month" wall.) 
Jim: Hey, that's new. "Employee of the Month", huh? 
SpongeBob: That's me! 
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Jim. No one could ever replace you. The original is still underneath! 
(He punches the wall and all of SpongeBob's pictures fall on him and break. Underneath is a giant photo of Jim.) 
Mr. Krabs: Your "Best Employee Ever" award! SpongeBob! Sweep up this mess while Jim and I catch up. 
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. 
(Mr. Krabs and Jim sit at a table and talk about their lives.) 
Jim: After I left The Krusty Krab I worked at some of the finest restaurants around the world, and I got so successful that I was able to retire in luxury. 
SpongeBob: Will you sign my Krabby Patty? 
(Shows him the smashed patty from earlier.) 
Jim: Oh, I... Don't sign what I didn't make. 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, bigshot! Why don't you stand behind the frier for old time's sake? 
Jim: You're on, Krabs! But I'll have to charge you! 
(Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically while Jim grins and sips his soda.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, you alway know how to make me laugh. You just don't find employees like that anymore. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Not unless you look RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! 
Mr. Krabs: (Gasps) You're right, boy. I appreciate you, Squidward! 
(We see Squidward walking by, a wet toilet plunger in hand.) 
Squidward: Now I feel complete! 
Mr. Krabs: Now how's about that patty? 
Jim: Everyone, watch and learn! 
(Everyone gathers at the kitchen doorway as Jim enters, but the door closes and Jim's bodyguards block it.) 
Bodyguard #1: No one watches Jim. 
(Jim rings the bell and holds out a burger through the ordering window.) 
Jim: One patty! The right way. 
Mr. Krabs: It's a thing of beauty! 
SpongeBob: What's so great about a Jim Patty anyways? (Takes a bite out of it.) Meh, it's OK. (His eyes widen and he is transported to a mystical world, full of stars and patties. He rides on one, but it disappears, and he falls. But suddenly he becomes one and slides on a rainbow down into SpongeBob's mouth at the Krusty Krab.) Wow! That was... amazing! (SpongeBob walks up to Jim, who is at a table flirting with girls.) Uh, Mr. Jim, sir? 
Jim: Oh, hey! You... You're the guy... who sweeps up, right? 
SpongeBob: I'm the new fry cook, sir. 
Jim: Oh! You made that... stepped-on thing I saw earlier. 
SpongeBob: Do you have any tips you can pass on to a rookie? 
Jim: Besides don't step on the food? 
SpongeBob: Please critique my work! I wish to learn at the feet of the master! 
Jim: Now that's the way to grovel. I'll do it! (Later, we see SpongeBob and Jim in the kitchen, training. SpongeBob hands a completed patty to Jim, and Jim weighs it. SpongeBob is very excited, until he follows Jim into the bathroom and watches him flush the patty down the toilet.) The pickle slices were too thick. 
(SpongeBob grills another one, and flips it into the air, and struggles to somehow make it levitate untill Jim says to stop.) 
Jim: Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... And... stop. 
(Later, as SpongeBob is finished crafting the Krabby Patty, Jim steps on it and lifts his foot, covered in mustard.) 
Jim: Now, too much mustard, see? 
(SpongeBob takes is finger and licks some off. Cut to SpongeBob making more patties, Jim taste-testing them, and then flushing them. Eventually, the toilet gets so full, that it backs up. SpongeBob runs out of the stall, crying. A fish approaching the stall sees this.) 
Fish #1: Oh, man! 
SpongeBob: Am I a fraud? 
(He cries, and Squidward knocks on the door.) 
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in there? 
SpongeBob: Crying my eyes out. 
Squidward: Well, hurry it up. I gotta cry, too. 
SpongeBob: Why, Squidward? 
Squidward: Because when Jim leaves, I'll be stuck with you again! 
SpongeBob: Jim won't be leaving, Squidward. He's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving! 
(SpongeBob bursts into tears.) 
Squidward: Really? (Mexican Feista music starts to play.) Yes! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hee, hee, Ha! Ha! 
(SpongeBob walks into the bathroom and sits on a pile of waterlogged patties.) 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab desreves better than my meager skills. I should be proffessional. I must... resign. (He clicks his spatula like a pen, and starts writing on a roll of toilet paper.) "Dear Mr. Krabs,"... 
(Later, he walks out of the bathroom to see a crowd towards the front of the Krusty Krab.) 
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the world's greatest fry cook! SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Huh? Me!?! 
Mr. Krabs: Come here, help us cheer for Jim! 
All But SpongeBob & Jim: Hip, hip, Hooray! 
(SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and leaves the resignation notice under a patty bun on the grill with a flag in the top saying "Mr. Krabs" on it.) 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, grill. Goodbye, pot. Goodbye, pan. So long, fry vats. Goodbye, grease stain. (Walks into the freezer.) Goodbye, frozen patty #1. Goodbye, frozen patty #2. 
Narrator: 298 frozen patties later... 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, freezer. 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob hides in the freezer as Mr. Krabs walks in.) SpongeBob? (Smells something in the air.) That smells like a resignation note. (He reads it.) SpongeBob's resignation? Oh, this is terrible! No one's making patties! And that mean I'm not making money! 
(Jim walks in.) 
Jim: Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours? 
Mr. Krabs: He's run off. He thinks you're taking his job! 
Jim: Hey, that's a great idea! And you can give me a raise! 
(They laugh over their own little joke, and SpongeBob watches from the freezer window.) 
SpongeBob: Look at them. I bet Mr. Krabs is offering Jim my job right now. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I better go find him. 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my duties as fry cook. 
Jim: What're you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job. 
SpongeBob: But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me. 
Jim: Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, and Squidward and I were having one of our famous pull sessions. (Flashback to Jim and Squidward, both with hair, talking at the Krusty Krab.) We should open our own restaurant and stop lining Old Man K's pockets. 
Squidward: No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off. 
Jim: What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on? 
Squidward: Ha! Yeah! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet! 
(His hair disintegrates and falls out of his head instantly.) 
Jim: Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. (Walks into Mr. Krabs' office.) Hey, Mr. Krabs, gotta second? 
Mr. Krabs: Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Have a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wind, Jim. 
Jim: Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: you better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel. 
Mr. Krabs: What now? 
Jim: You know, lay a patch. 
Mr. Krabs: 'Scuse me? 
Jim: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting. 
Mr. Krabs: That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack. 
Jim: Stop talking like that. 
Mr. Krabs: These sideburns aren't real. 
(Mr. Krabs rips them off.) 
Jim: I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week, kapeish? 
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing uncontrollably. When he doesn't stop, Jim leaves, not stopping to listen to Squidward's complaints about his hair. End flashback, and we are back to the modern-day Krusty Krab, where Krabs is still laughing.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. 
(We see Squidward crying over his bald head.) 
Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, you have one quality that Jim would never have: he's cheap! 
SpongeBob: Wow! I never thought about it like that, Mr. Krabs! 
Mr. Krabs: So, you'll stay? 
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. 
Jim: Well, Eugene, looks like you've got yourself another sucker. The kid's a good fry cook, but he'll only be a great fry cook when he gets the guts to quit this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You'll need it. 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab isn't a dump. 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump, alright. But she's my dump. 
SpongeBob: Oh.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:53:04Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Friend or Foe?|Friend or Foe?]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Night Light|Night Light]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Original Fry Cook (Episode)|The Original Fry Cook]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Jim]]

(At the Krusty Krab...) 
Old Fish: I just can't decide what to order. 
Squidward: You already ordered. 
[[Old Man<s> Jenkins</s>]]: Don't rush me, young lady! 
Squidward: Hurry up, SpongeBob! 
(Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is filling in a ketchup heart on a Krabby Patty.) 
Squidward: What is taking you so long? 
SpongeBob: I'm adding the love! 
Squidward: You're not getting paid to love. 
SpongeBob: Well, I'm not here for the money. (Puts the top bun on and walks out. SpongeBob talks to the Krabby Patty on his way to the customer's table.) I'll always treasure these moments we had together. 
Squidward: Look!!! 
(He points to outside, where a solid gold limosine pulls up to the Krusty Krab. Everyone gasps, then runs out to the limo, knocking over and walking over SpongeBob. When SpongeBob lifts his head, to his great disappointement, he sees his burger is trampled with a big footprint in the middle.) 
SpongeBob: Awww... 
(Back outside, a security guard opens the limo door for someone.) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be cooked in butter! It's Jim, the Original Fry Cook! 
(Out of the limo steps a bald, overweight, blue fish wearing a fast food cap, and a yellow shirt. He walks into The Krusty Krab.) 
Jim: Krabs! 
SpongeBob: The Jim!?! He who flipped patties in the before times? 
Mr. Krabs: You're doin' well, Jim. Is that limo solid gold? 
Jim: It sure is. I was on my way to my solid gold mansion next to my solid gold lake, when I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane. 
Squidward: Good ol' Jim! When you worked here, the place had class. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. When this place had class... (We see a flashback of Mr. Krabs the same old outfit, except he has a blue sweater like his current blue shirt and a medalion that has a "$" on it. He also has sideburns, and is dancing in a Krusty Krab that looks like the same from the outside, but looks like a ballroom from the inside with white floors and pink wallpaper. Squidward comes out from the boat in front of the ordering window, which is brown and has a painted wooden mermaid on the front. He lifts off his Krusty Krab hat to reveal long, blonde hair that goes all the way to his thighs. He walks over to Krabs, who points to the kitchen door. Out comes Jim, holding a "Jim Patty", with his named signed on the side in ketchup. The only difference with Jim is that he has curly brown hair and a zit beneath his lip. When Krabs and Squidward see the Jim patty, the clutch each other in amazement, then take baskets and skip around Jim, sprinkling flower petals on him as he holds up the Jim Patty. End flashback, and the whole Krusty Krew is laughing, including SpongeBob. They stop and stare at him until he stops also.) Well, we've had some good times, too. Right, Squidward? 
Squidward: No. 
(Jim walks up to the "Employee of the Month" wall.) 
Jim: Hey, that's new. "Employee of the Month", huh? 
SpongeBob: That's me! 
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Jim. No one could ever replace you. The original is still underneath! 
(He punches the wall and all of SpongeBob's pictures fall on him and break. Underneath is a giant photo of Jim.) 
Mr. Krabs: Your "Best Employee Ever" award! SpongeBob! Sweep up this mess while Jim and I catch up. 
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. 
(Mr. Krabs and Jim sit at a table and talk about their lives.) 
Jim: After I left The Krusty Krab I worked at some of the finest restaurants around the world, and I got so successful that I was able to retire in luxury. 
SpongeBob: Will you sign my Krabby Patty? 
(Shows him the smashed patty from earlier.) 
Jim: Oh, I... Don't sign what I didn't make. 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, bigshot! Why don't you stand behind the frier for old time's sake? 
Jim: You're on, Krabs! But I'll have to charge you! 
(Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically while Jim grins and sips his soda.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, you alway know how to make me laugh. You just don't find employees like that anymore. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Not unless you look RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! 
Mr. Krabs: (Gasps) You're right, boy. I appreciate you, Squidward! 
(We see Squidward walking by, a wet toilet plunger in hand.) 
Squidward: Now I feel complete! 
Mr. Krabs: Now how's about that patty? 
Jim: Everyone, watch and learn! 
(Everyone gathers at the kitchen doorway as Jim enters, but the door closes and Jim's bodyguards block it.) 
Bodyguard #1: No one watches Jim. 
(Jim rings the bell and holds out a burger through the ordering window.) 
Jim: One patty! The right way. 
Mr. Krabs: It's a thing of beauty! 
SpongeBob: What's so great about a Jim Patty anyways? (Takes a bite out of it.) Meh, it's OK. (His eyes widen and he is transported to a mystical world, full of stars and patties. He rides on one, but it disappears, and he falls. But suddenly he becomes one and slides on a rainbow down into SpongeBob's mouth at the Krusty Krab.) Wow! That was... amazing! (SpongeBob walks up to Jim, who is at a table flirting with girls.) Uh, Mr. Jim, sir? 
Jim: Oh, hey! You... You're the guy... who sweeps up, right? 
SpongeBob: I'm the new fry cook, sir. 
Jim: Oh! You made that... stepped-on thing I saw earlier. 
SpongeBob: Do you have any tips you can pass on to a rookie? 
Jim: Besides don't step on the food? 
SpongeBob: Please critique my work! I wish to learn at the feet of the master! 
Jim: Now that's the way to grovel. I'll do it! (Later, we see SpongeBob and Jim in the kitchen, training. SpongeBob hands a completed patty to Jim, and Jim weighs it. SpongeBob is very excited, until he follows Jim into the bathroom and watches him flush the patty down the toilet.) The pickle slices were too thick. 
(SpongeBob grills another one, and flips it into the air, and struggles to somehow make it levitate untill Jim says to stop.) 
Jim: Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... And... stop. 
(Later, as SpongeBob is finished crafting the Krabby Patty, Jim steps on it and lifts his foot, covered in mustard.) 
Jim: Now, too much mustard, see? 
(SpongeBob takes is finger and licks some off. Cut to SpongeBob making more patties, Jim taste-testing them, and then flushing them. Eventually, the toilet gets so full, that it backs up. SpongeBob runs out of the stall, crying. A fish approaching the stall sees this.) 
Fish #1: Oh, man! 
SpongeBob: Am I a fraud? 
(He cries, and Squidward knocks on the door.) 
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in there? 
SpongeBob: Crying my eyes out. 
Squidward: Well, hurry it up. I gotta cry, too. 
SpongeBob: Why, Squidward? 
Squidward: Because when Jim leaves, I'll be stuck with you again! 
SpongeBob: Jim won't be leaving, Squidward. He's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving! 
(SpongeBob bursts into tears.) 
Squidward: Really? (Mexican Feista music starts to play.) Yes! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hee, hee, Ha! Ha! 
(SpongeBob walks into the bathroom and sits on a pile of waterlogged patties.) 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab desreves better than my meager skills. I should be proffessional. I must... resign. (He clicks his spatula like a pen, and starts writing on a roll of toilet paper.) "Dear Mr. Krabs,"... 
(Later, he walks out of the bathroom to see a crowd towards the front of the Krusty Krab.) 
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the world's greatest fry cook! SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Huh? Me!?! 
Mr. Krabs: Come here, help us cheer for Jim! 
All But SpongeBob & Jim: Hip, hip, Hooray! 
(SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and leaves the resignation notice under a patty bun on the grill with a flag in the top saying "Mr. Krabs" on it.) 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, grill. Goodbye, pot. Goodbye, pan. So long, fry vats. Goodbye, grease stain. (Walks into the freezer.) Goodbye, frozen patty #1. Goodbye, frozen patty #2. 
Narrator: 298 frozen patties later... 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, freezer. 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob hides in the freezer as Mr. Krabs walks in.) SpongeBob? (Smells something in the air.) That smells like a resignation note. (He reads it.) SpongeBob's resignation? Oh, this is terrible! No one's making patties! And that mean I'm not making money! 
(Jim walks in.) 
Jim: Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours? 
Mr. Krabs: He's run off. He thinks you're taking his job! 
Jim: Hey, that's a great idea! And you can give me a raise! 
(They laugh over their own little joke, and SpongeBob watches from the freezer window.) 
SpongeBob: Look at them. I bet Mr. Krabs is offering Jim my job right now. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I better go find him. 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my duties as fry cook. 
Jim: What're you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job. 
SpongeBob: But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me. 
Jim: Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, and Squidward and I were having one of our famous pull sessions. (Flashback to Jim and Squidward, both with hair, talking at the Krusty Krab.) We should open our own restaurant and stop lining Old Man K's pockets. 
Squidward: No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off. 
Jim: What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on? 
Squidward: Ha! Yeah! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet! 
(His hair disintegrates and falls out of his head instantly.) 
Jim: Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. (Walks into Mr. Krabs' office.) Hey, Mr. Krabs, gotta second? 
Mr. Krabs: Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Have a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wind, Jim. 
Jim: Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: you better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel. 
Mr. Krabs: What now? 
Jim: You know, lay a patch. 
Mr. Krabs: 'Scuse me? 
Jim: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting. 
Mr. Krabs: That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack. 
Jim: Stop talking like that. 
Mr. Krabs: These sideburns aren't real. 
(Mr. Krabs rips them off.) 
Jim: I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week, kapeish? 
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing uncontrollably. When he doesn't stop, Jim leaves, not stopping to listen to Squidward's complaints about his hair. End flashback, and we are back to the modern-day Krusty Krab, where Krabs is still laughing.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. 
(We see Squidward crying over his bald head.) 
Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, you have one quality that Jim would never have: he's cheap! 
SpongeBob: Wow! I never thought about it like that, Mr. Krabs! 
Mr. Krabs: So, you'll stay? 
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. 
Jim: Well, Eugene, looks like you've got yourself another sucker. The kid's a good fry cook, but he'll only be a great fry cook when he gets the guts to quit this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You'll need it. 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab isn't a dump. 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump, alright. But she's my dump. 
SpongeBob: Oh.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:52:38Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Friend or Foe?|Friend or Foe?]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Night Light|Night Light]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Original Fry Cook (Episode)|The Original Fry Cook]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Jim]]

(At the Krusty Krab...) 
Old Fish: I just can't decide what to order. 
Squidward: You already ordered. 
[[Old Man<s> Jenkins]]</s>: Don't rush me, young lady! 
Squidward: Hurry up, SpongeBob! 
(Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is filling in a ketchup heart on a Krabby Patty.) 
Squidward: What is taking you so long? 
SpongeBob: I'm adding the love! 
Squidward: You're not getting paid to love. 
SpongeBob: Well, I'm not here for the money. (Puts the top bun on and walks out. SpongeBob talks to the Krabby Patty on his way to the customer's table.) I'll always treasure these moments we had together. 
Squidward: Look!!! 
(He points to outside, where a solid gold limosine pulls up to the Krusty Krab. Everyone gasps, then runs out to the limo, knocking over and walking over SpongeBob. When SpongeBob lifts his head, to his great disappointement, he sees his burger is trampled with a big footprint in the middle.) 
SpongeBob: Awww... 
(Back outside, a security guard opens the limo door for someone.) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be cooked in butter! It's Jim, the Original Fry Cook! 
(Out of the limo steps a bald, overweight, blue fish wearing a fast food cap, and a yellow shirt. He walks into The Krusty Krab.) 
Jim: Krabs! 
SpongeBob: The Jim!?! He who flipped patties in the before times? 
Mr. Krabs: You're doin' well, Jim. Is that limo solid gold? 
Jim: It sure is. I was on my way to my solid gold mansion next to my solid gold lake, when I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane. 
Squidward: Good ol' Jim! When you worked here, the place had class. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. When this place had class... (We see a flashback of Mr. Krabs the same old outfit, except he has a blue sweater like his current blue shirt and a medalion that has a "$" on it. He also has sideburns, and is dancing in a Krusty Krab that looks like the same from the outside, but looks like a ballroom from the inside with white floors and pink wallpaper. Squidward comes out from the boat in front of the ordering window, which is brown and has a painted wooden mermaid on the front. He lifts off his Krusty Krab hat to reveal long, blonde hair that goes all the way to his thighs. He walks over to Krabs, who points to the kitchen door. Out comes Jim, holding a "Jim Patty", with his named signed on the side in ketchup. The only difference with Jim is that he has curly brown hair and a zit beneath his lip. When Krabs and Squidward see the Jim patty, the clutch each other in amazement, then take baskets and skip around Jim, sprinkling flower petals on him as he holds up the Jim Patty. End flashback, and the whole Krusty Krew is laughing, including SpongeBob. They stop and stare at him until he stops also.) Well, we've had some good times, too. Right, Squidward? 
Squidward: No. 
(Jim walks up to the "Employee of the Month" wall.) 
Jim: Hey, that's new. "Employee of the Month", huh? 
SpongeBob: That's me! 
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Jim. No one could ever replace you. The original is still underneath! 
(He punches the wall and all of SpongeBob's pictures fall on him and break. Underneath is a giant photo of Jim.) 
Mr. Krabs: Your "Best Employee Ever" award! SpongeBob! Sweep up this mess while Jim and I catch up. 
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. 
(Mr. Krabs and Jim sit at a table and talk about their lives.) 
Jim: After I left The Krusty Krab I worked at some of the finest restaurants around the world, and I got so successful that I was able to retire in luxury. 
SpongeBob: Will you sign my Krabby Patty? 
(Shows him the smashed patty from earlier.) 
Jim: Oh, I... Don't sign what I didn't make. 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, bigshot! Why don't you stand behind the frier for old time's sake? 
Jim: You're on, Krabs! But I'll have to charge you! 
(Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically while Jim grins and sips his soda.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, you alway know how to make me laugh. You just don't find employees like that anymore. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Not unless you look RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! 
Mr. Krabs: (Gasps) You're right, boy. I appreciate you, Squidward! 
(We see Squidward walking by, a wet toilet plunger in hand.) 
Squidward: Now I feel complete! 
Mr. Krabs: Now how's about that patty? 
Jim: Everyone, watch and learn! 
(Everyone gathers at the kitchen doorway as Jim enters, but the door closes and Jim's bodyguards block it.) 
Bodyguard #1: No one watches Jim. 
(Jim rings the bell and holds out a burger through the ordering window.) 
Jim: One patty! The right way. 
Mr. Krabs: It's a thing of beauty! 
SpongeBob: What's so great about a Jim Patty anyways? (Takes a bite out of it.) Meh, it's OK. (His eyes widen and he is transported to a mystical world, full of stars and patties. He rides on one, but it disappears, and he falls. But suddenly he becomes one and slides on a rainbow down into SpongeBob's mouth at the Krusty Krab.) Wow! That was... amazing! (SpongeBob walks up to Jim, who is at a table flirting with girls.) Uh, Mr. Jim, sir? 
Jim: Oh, hey! You... You're the guy... who sweeps up, right? 
SpongeBob: I'm the new fry cook, sir. 
Jim: Oh! You made that... stepped-on thing I saw earlier. 
SpongeBob: Do you have any tips you can pass on to a rookie? 
Jim: Besides don't step on the food? 
SpongeBob: Please critique my work! I wish to learn at the feet of the master! 
Jim: Now that's the way to grovel. I'll do it! (Later, we see SpongeBob and Jim in the kitchen, training. SpongeBob hands a completed patty to Jim, and Jim weighs it. SpongeBob is very excited, until he follows Jim into the bathroom and watches him flush the patty down the toilet.) The pickle slices were too thick. 
(SpongeBob grills another one, and flips it into the air, and struggles to somehow make it levitate untill Jim says to stop.) 
Jim: Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... And... stop. 
(Later, as SpongeBob is finished crafting the Krabby Patty, Jim steps on it and lifts his foot, covered in mustard.) 
Jim: Now, too much mustard, see? 
(SpongeBob takes is finger and licks some off. Cut to SpongeBob making more patties, Jim taste-testing them, and then flushing them. Eventually, the toilet gets so full, that it backs up. SpongeBob runs out of the stall, crying. A fish approaching the stall sees this.) 
Fish #1: Oh, man! 
SpongeBob: Am I a fraud? 
(He cries, and Squidward knocks on the door.) 
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in there? 
SpongeBob: Crying my eyes out. 
Squidward: Well, hurry it up. I gotta cry, too. 
SpongeBob: Why, Squidward? 
Squidward: Because when Jim leaves, I'll be stuck with you again! 
SpongeBob: Jim won't be leaving, Squidward. He's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving! 
(SpongeBob bursts into tears.) 
Squidward: Really? (Mexican Feista music starts to play.) Yes! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hee, hee, Ha! Ha! 
(SpongeBob walks into the bathroom and sits on a pile of waterlogged patties.) 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab desreves better than my meager skills. I should be proffessional. I must... resign. (He clicks his spatula like a pen, and starts writing on a roll of toilet paper.) "Dear Mr. Krabs,"... 
(Later, he walks out of the bathroom to see a crowd towards the front of the Krusty Krab.) 
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the world's greatest fry cook! SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Huh? Me!?! 
Mr. Krabs: Come here, help us cheer for Jim! 
All But SpongeBob & Jim: Hip, hip, Hooray! 
(SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and leaves the resignation notice under a patty bun on the grill with a flag in the top saying "Mr. Krabs" on it.) 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, grill. Goodbye, pot. Goodbye, pan. So long, fry vats. Goodbye, grease stain. (Walks into the freezer.) Goodbye, frozen patty #1. Goodbye, frozen patty #2. 
Narrator: 298 frozen patties later... 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, freezer. 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob hides in the freezer as Mr. Krabs walks in.) SpongeBob? (Smells something in the air.) That smells like a resignation note. (He reads it.) SpongeBob's resignation? Oh, this is terrible! No one's making patties! And that mean I'm not making money! 
(Jim walks in.) 
Jim: Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours? 
Mr. Krabs: He's run off. He thinks you're taking his job! 
Jim: Hey, that's a great idea! And you can give me a raise! 
(They laugh over their own little joke, and SpongeBob watches from the freezer window.) 
SpongeBob: Look at them. I bet Mr. Krabs is offering Jim my job right now. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I better go find him. 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my duties as fry cook. 
Jim: What're you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job. 
SpongeBob: But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me. 
Jim: Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, and Squidward and I were having one of our famous pull sessions. (Flashback to Jim and Squidward, both with hair, talking at the Krusty Krab.) We should open our own restaurant and stop lining Old Man K's pockets. 
Squidward: No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off. 
Jim: What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on? 
Squidward: Ha! Yeah! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet! 
(His hair disintegrates and falls out of his head instantly.) 
Jim: Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. (Walks into Mr. Krabs' office.) Hey, Mr. Krabs, gotta second? 
Mr. Krabs: Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Have a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wind, Jim. 
Jim: Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: you better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel. 
Mr. Krabs: What now? 
Jim: You know, lay a patch. 
Mr. Krabs: 'Scuse me? 
Jim: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting. 
Mr. Krabs: That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack. 
Jim: Stop talking like that. 
Mr. Krabs: These sideburns aren't real. 
(Mr. Krabs rips them off.) 
Jim: I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week, kapeish? 
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing uncontrollably. When he doesn't stop, Jim leaves, not stopping to listen to Squidward's complaints about his hair. End flashback, and we are back to the modern-day Krusty Krab, where Krabs is still laughing.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. 
(We see Squidward crying over his bald head.) 
Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, you have one quality that Jim would never have: he's cheap! 
SpongeBob: Wow! I never thought about it like that, Mr. Krabs! 
Mr. Krabs: So, you'll stay? 
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. 
Jim: Well, Eugene, looks like you've got yourself another sucker. The kid's a good fry cook, but he'll only be a great fry cook when he gets the guts to quit this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You'll need it. 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab isn't a dump. 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump, alright. But she's my dump. 
SpongeBob: Oh.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:51:56Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Friend or Foe?|Friend or Foe?]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Night Light|Night Light]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Original Fry Cook (Episode)|The Original Fry Cook]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Jim]]

(At the Krusty Krab...) 
Old Fish: I just can't decide what to order. 
Squidward: You already ordered. 
Old Man<s> Jenkins</s>: Don't rush me, young lady! 
Squidward: Hurry up, SpongeBob! 
(Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is filling in a ketchup heart on a Krabby Patty.) 
Squidward: What is taking you so long? 
SpongeBob: I'm adding the love! 
Squidward: You're not getting paid to love. 
SpongeBob: Well, I'm not here for the money. (Puts the top bun on and walks out. SpongeBob talks to the Krabby Patty on his way to the customer's table.) I'll always treasure these moments we had together. 
Squidward: Look!!! 
(He points to outside, where a solid gold limosine pulls up to the Krusty Krab. Everyone gasps, then runs out to the limo, knocking over and walking over SpongeBob. When SpongeBob lifts his head, to his great disappointement, he sees his burger is trampled with a big footprint in the middle.) 
SpongeBob: Awww... 
(Back outside, a security guard opens the limo door for someone.) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be cooked in butter! It's Jim, the Original Fry Cook! 
(Out of the limo steps a bald, overweight, blue fish wearing a fast food cap, and a yellow shirt. He walks into The Krusty Krab.) 
Jim: Krabs! 
SpongeBob: The Jim!?! He who flipped patties in the before times? 
Mr. Krabs: You're doin' well, Jim. Is that limo solid gold? 
Jim: It sure is. I was on my way to my solid gold mansion next to my solid gold lake, when I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane. 
Squidward: Good ol' Jim! When you worked here, the place had class. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. When this place had class... (We see a flashback of Mr. Krabs the same old outfit, except he has a blue sweater like his current blue shirt and a medalion that has a "$" on it. He also has sideburns, and is dancing in a Krusty Krab that looks like the same from the outside, but looks like a ballroom from the inside with white floors and pink wallpaper. Squidward comes out from the boat in front of the ordering window, which is brown and has a painted wooden mermaid on the front. He lifts off his Krusty Krab hat to reveal long, blonde hair that goes all the way to his thighs. He walks over to Krabs, who points to the kitchen door. Out comes Jim, holding a "Jim Patty", with his named signed on the side in ketchup. The only difference with Jim is that he has curly brown hair and a zit beneath his lip. When Krabs and Squidward see the Jim patty, the clutch each other in amazement, then take baskets and skip around Jim, sprinkling flower petals on him as he holds up the Jim Patty. End flashback, and the whole Krusty Krew is laughing, including SpongeBob. They stop and stare at him until he stops also.) Well, we've had some good times, too. Right, Squidward? 
Squidward: No. 
(Jim walks up to the "Employee of the Month" wall.) 
Jim: Hey, that's new. "Employee of the Month", huh? 
SpongeBob: That's me! 
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Jim. No one could ever replace you. The original is still underneath! 
(He punches the wall and all of SpongeBob's pictures fall on him and break. Underneath is a giant photo of Jim.) 
Mr. Krabs: Your "Best Employee Ever" award! SpongeBob! Sweep up this mess while Jim and I catch up. 
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. 
(Mr. Krabs and Jim sit at a table and talk about their lives.) 
Jim: After I left The Krusty Krab I worked at some of the finest restaurants around the world, and I got so successful that I was able to retire in luxury. 
SpongeBob: Will you sign my Krabby Patty? 
(Shows him the smashed patty from earlier.) 
Jim: Oh, I... Don't sign what I didn't make. 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, bigshot! Why don't you stand behind the frier for old time's sake? 
Jim: You're on, Krabs! But I'll have to charge you! 
(Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically while Jim grins and sips his soda.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, you alway know how to make me laugh. You just don't find employees like that anymore. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Not unless you look RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! 
Mr. Krabs: (Gasps) You're right, boy. I appreciate you, Squidward! 
(We see Squidward walking by, a wet toilet plunger in hand.) 
Squidward: Now I feel complete! 
Mr. Krabs: Now how's about that patty? 
Jim: Everyone, watch and learn! 
(Everyone gathers at the kitchen doorway as Jim enters, but the door closes and Jim's bodyguards block it.) 
Bodyguard #1: No one watches Jim. 
(Jim rings the bell and holds out a burger through the ordering window.) 
Jim: One patty! The right way. 
Mr. Krabs: It's a thing of beauty! 
SpongeBob: What's so great about a Jim Patty anyways? (Takes a bite out of it.) Meh, it's OK. (His eyes widen and he is transported to a mystical world, full of stars and patties. He rides on one, but it disappears, and he falls. But suddenly he becomes one and slides on a rainbow down into SpongeBob's mouth at the Krusty Krab.) Wow! That was... amazing! (SpongeBob walks up to Jim, who is at a table flirting with girls.) Uh, Mr. Jim, sir? 
Jim: Oh, hey! You... You're the guy... who sweeps up, right? 
SpongeBob: I'm the new fry cook, sir. 
Jim: Oh! You made that... stepped-on thing I saw earlier. 
SpongeBob: Do you have any tips you can pass on to a rookie? 
Jim: Besides don't step on the food? 
SpongeBob: Please critique my work! I wish to learn at the feet of the master! 
Jim: Now that's the way to grovel. I'll do it! (Later, we see SpongeBob and Jim in the kitchen, training. SpongeBob hands a completed patty to Jim, and Jim weighs it. SpongeBob is very excited, until he follows Jim into the bathroom and watches him flush the patty down the toilet.) The pickle slices were too thick. 
(SpongeBob grills another one, and flips it into the air, and struggles to somehow make it levitate untill Jim says to stop.) 
Jim: Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... And... stop. 
(Later, as SpongeBob is finished crafting the Krabby Patty, Jim steps on it and lifts his foot, covered in mustard.) 
Jim: Now, too much mustard, see? 
(SpongeBob takes is finger and licks some off. Cut to SpongeBob making more patties, Jim taste-testing them, and then flushing them. Eventually, the toilet gets so full, that it backs up. SpongeBob runs out of the stall, crying. A fish approaching the stall sees this.) 
Fish #1: Oh, man! 
SpongeBob: Am I a fraud? 
(He cries, and Squidward knocks on the door.) 
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in there? 
SpongeBob: Crying my eyes out. 
Squidward: Well, hurry it up. I gotta cry, too. 
SpongeBob: Why, Squidward? 
Squidward: Because when Jim leaves, I'll be stuck with you again! 
SpongeBob: Jim won't be leaving, Squidward. He's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving! 
(SpongeBob bursts into tears.) 
Squidward: Really? (Mexican Feista music starts to play.) Yes! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hee, hee, Ha! Ha! 
(SpongeBob walks into the bathroom and sits on a pile of waterlogged patties.) 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab desreves better than my meager skills. I should be proffessional. I must... resign. (He clicks his spatula like a pen, and starts writing on a roll of toilet paper.) "Dear Mr. Krabs,"... 
(Later, he walks out of the bathroom to see a crowd towards the front of the Krusty Krab.) 
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the world's greatest fry cook! SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Huh? Me!?! 
Mr. Krabs: Come here, help us cheer for Jim! 
All But SpongeBob & Jim: Hip, hip, Hooray! 
(SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and leaves the resignation notice under a patty bun on the grill with a flag in the top saying "Mr. Krabs" on it.) 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, grill. Goodbye, pot. Goodbye, pan. So long, fry vats. Goodbye, grease stain. (Walks into the freezer.) Goodbye, frozen patty #1. Goodbye, frozen patty #2. 
Narrator: 298 frozen patties later... 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, freezer. 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob hides in the freezer as Mr. Krabs walks in.) SpongeBob? (Smells something in the air.) That smells like a resignation note. (He reads it.) SpongeBob's resignation? Oh, this is terrible! No one's making patties! And that mean I'm not making money! 
(Jim walks in.) 
Jim: Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours? 
Mr. Krabs: He's run off. He thinks you're taking his job! 
Jim: Hey, that's a great idea! And you can give me a raise! 
(They laugh over their own little joke, and SpongeBob watches from the freezer window.) 
SpongeBob: Look at them. I bet Mr. Krabs is offering Jim my job right now. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I better go find him. 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my duties as fry cook. 
Jim: What're you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job. 
SpongeBob: But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me. 
Jim: Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, and Squidward and I were having one of our famous pull sessions. (Flashback to Jim and Squidward, both with hair, talking at the Krusty Krab.) We should open our own restaurant and stop lining Old Man K's pockets. 
Squidward: No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off. 
Jim: What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on? 
Squidward: Ha! Yeah! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet! 
(His hair disintegrates and falls out of his head instantly.) 
Jim: Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. (Walks into Mr. Krabs' office.) Hey, Mr. Krabs, gotta second? 
Mr. Krabs: Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Have a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wind, Jim. 
Jim: Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: you better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel. 
Mr. Krabs: What now? 
Jim: You know, lay a patch. 
Mr. Krabs: 'Scuse me? 
Jim: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting. 
Mr. Krabs: That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack. 
Jim: Stop talking like that. 
Mr. Krabs: These sideburns aren't real. 
(Mr. Krabs rips them off.) 
Jim: I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week, kapeish? 
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing uncontrollably. When he doesn't stop, Jim leaves, not stopping to listen to Squidward's complaints about his hair. End flashback, and we are back to the modern-day Krusty Krab, where Krabs is still laughing.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. 
(We see Squidward crying over his bald head.) 
Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, you have one quality that Jim would never have: he's cheap! 
SpongeBob: Wow! I never thought about it like that, Mr. Krabs! 
Mr. Krabs: So, you'll stay? 
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. 
Jim: Well, Eugene, looks like you've got yourself another sucker. The kid's a good fry cook, but he'll only be a great fry cook when he gets the guts to quit this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You'll need it. 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab isn't a dump. 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump, alright. But she's my dump. 
SpongeBob: Oh.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:51:46Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Friend or Foe?|Friend or Foe?]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Night Light|Night Light]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Original Fry Cook (Episode)|The Original Fry Cook]]

==Characters==
<s>- -</s>
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Jim]]

(At the Krusty Krab...) 
Old Fish: I just can't decide what to order. 
Squidward: You already ordered. 
Old Man<s> Jenkins</s>: Don't rush me, young lady! 
Squidward: Hurry up, SpongeBob! 
(Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is filling in a ketchup heart on a Krabby Patty.) 
Squidward: What is taking you so long? 
SpongeBob: I'm adding the love! 
Squidward: You're not getting paid to love. 
SpongeBob: Well, I'm not here for the money. (Puts the top bun on and walks out. SpongeBob talks to the Krabby Patty on his way to the customer's table.) I'll always treasure these moments we had together. 
Squidward: Look!!! 
(He points to outside, where a solid gold limosine pulls up to the Krusty Krab. Everyone gasps, then runs out to the limo, knocking over and walking over SpongeBob. When SpongeBob lifts his head, to his great disappointement, he sees his burger is trampled with a big footprint in the middle.) 
SpongeBob: Awww... 
(Back outside, a security guard opens the limo door for someone.) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be cooked in butter! It's Jim, the Original Fry Cook! 
(Out of the limo steps a bald, overweight, blue fish wearing a fast food cap, and a yellow shirt. He walks into The Krusty Krab.) 
Jim: Krabs! 
SpongeBob: The Jim!?! He who flipped patties in the before times? 
Mr. Krabs: You're doin' well, Jim. Is that limo solid gold? 
Jim: It sure is. I was on my way to my solid gold mansion next to my solid gold lake, when I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane. 
Squidward: Good ol' Jim! When you worked here, the place had class. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. When this place had class... (We see a flashback of Mr. Krabs the same old outfit, except he has a blue sweater like his current blue shirt and a medalion that has a "$" on it. He also has sideburns, and is dancing in a Krusty Krab that looks like the same from the outside, but looks like a ballroom from the inside with white floors and pink wallpaper. Squidward comes out from the boat in front of the ordering window, which is brown and has a painted wooden mermaid on the front. He lifts off his Krusty Krab hat to reveal long, blonde hair that goes all the way to his thighs. He walks over to Krabs, who points to the kitchen door. Out comes Jim, holding a "Jim Patty", with his named signed on the side in ketchup. The only difference with Jim is that he has curly brown hair and a zit beneath his lip. When Krabs and Squidward see the Jim patty, the clutch each other in amazement, then take baskets and skip around Jim, sprinkling flower petals on him as he holds up the Jim Patty. End flashback, and the whole Krusty Krew is laughing, including SpongeBob. They stop and stare at him until he stops also.) Well, we've had some good times, too. Right, Squidward? 
Squidward: No. 
(Jim walks up to the "Employee of the Month" wall.) 
Jim: Hey, that's new. "Employee of the Month", huh? 
SpongeBob: That's me! 
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Jim. No one could ever replace you. The original is still underneath! 
(He punches the wall and all of SpongeBob's pictures fall on him and break. Underneath is a giant photo of Jim.) 
Mr. Krabs: Your "Best Employee Ever" award! SpongeBob! Sweep up this mess while Jim and I catch up. 
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. 
(Mr. Krabs and Jim sit at a table and talk about their lives.) 
Jim: After I left The Krusty Krab I worked at some of the finest restaurants around the world, and I got so successful that I was able to retire in luxury. 
SpongeBob: Will you sign my Krabby Patty? 
(Shows him the smashed patty from earlier.) 
Jim: Oh, I... Don't sign what I didn't make. 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, bigshot! Why don't you stand behind the frier for old time's sake? 
Jim: You're on, Krabs! But I'll have to charge you! 
(Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically while Jim grins and sips his soda.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, you alway know how to make me laugh. You just don't find employees like that anymore. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Not unless you look RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! 
Mr. Krabs: (Gasps) You're right, boy. I appreciate you, Squidward! 
(We see Squidward walking by, a wet toilet plunger in hand.) 
Squidward: Now I feel complete! 
Mr. Krabs: Now how's about that patty? 
Jim: Everyone, watch and learn! 
(Everyone gathers at the kitchen doorway as Jim enters, but the door closes and Jim's bodyguards block it.) 
Bodyguard #1: No one watches Jim. 
(Jim rings the bell and holds out a burger through the ordering window.) 
Jim: One patty! The right way. 
Mr. Krabs: It's a thing of beauty! 
SpongeBob: What's so great about a Jim Patty anyways? (Takes a bite out of it.) Meh, it's OK. (His eyes widen and he is transported to a mystical world, full of stars and patties. He rides on one, but it disappears, and he falls. But suddenly he becomes one and slides on a rainbow down into SpongeBob's mouth at the Krusty Krab.) Wow! That was... amazing! (SpongeBob walks up to Jim, who is at a table flirting with girls.) Uh, Mr. Jim, sir? 
Jim: Oh, hey! You... You're the guy... who sweeps up, right? 
SpongeBob: I'm the new fry cook, sir. 
Jim: Oh! You made that... stepped-on thing I saw earlier. 
SpongeBob: Do you have any tips you can pass on to a rookie? 
Jim: Besides don't step on the food? 
SpongeBob: Please critique my work! I wish to learn at the feet of the master! 
Jim: Now that's the way to grovel. I'll do it! (Later, we see SpongeBob and Jim in the kitchen, training. SpongeBob hands a completed patty to Jim, and Jim weighs it. SpongeBob is very excited, until he follows Jim into the bathroom and watches him flush the patty down the toilet.) The pickle slices were too thick. 
(SpongeBob grills another one, and flips it into the air, and struggles to somehow make it levitate untill Jim says to stop.) 
Jim: Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... And... stop. 
(Later, as SpongeBob is finished crafting the Krabby Patty, Jim steps on it and lifts his foot, covered in mustard.) 
Jim: Now, too much mustard, see? 
(SpongeBob takes is finger and licks some off. Cut to SpongeBob making more patties, Jim taste-testing them, and then flushing them. Eventually, the toilet gets so full, that it backs up. SpongeBob runs out of the stall, crying. A fish approaching the stall sees this.) 
Fish #1: Oh, man! 
SpongeBob: Am I a fraud? 
(He cries, and Squidward knocks on the door.) 
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in there? 
SpongeBob: Crying my eyes out. 
Squidward: Well, hurry it up. I gotta cry, too. 
SpongeBob: Why, Squidward? 
Squidward: Because when Jim leaves, I'll be stuck with you again! 
SpongeBob: Jim won't be leaving, Squidward. He's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving! 
(SpongeBob bursts into tears.) 
Squidward: Really? (Mexican Feista music starts to play.) Yes! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hee, hee, Ha! Ha! 
(SpongeBob walks into the bathroom and sits on a pile of waterlogged patties.) 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab desreves better than my meager skills. I should be proffessional. I must... resign. (He clicks his spatula like a pen, and starts writing on a roll of toilet paper.) "Dear Mr. Krabs,"... 
(Later, he walks out of the bathroom to see a crowd towards the front of the Krusty Krab.) 
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the world's greatest fry cook! SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Huh? Me!?! 
Mr. Krabs: Come here, help us cheer for Jim! 
All But SpongeBob & Jim: Hip, hip, Hooray! 
(SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and leaves the resignation notice under a patty bun on the grill with a flag in the top saying "Mr. Krabs" on it.) 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, grill. Goodbye, pot. Goodbye, pan. So long, fry vats. Goodbye, grease stain. (Walks into the freezer.) Goodbye, frozen patty #1. Goodbye, frozen patty #2. 
Narrator: 298 frozen patties later... 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, freezer. 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob hides in the freezer as Mr. Krabs walks in.) SpongeBob? (Smells something in the air.) That smells like a resignation note. (He reads it.) SpongeBob's resignation? Oh, this is terrible! No one's making patties! And that mean I'm not making money! 
(Jim walks in.) 
Jim: Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours? 
Mr. Krabs: He's run off. He thinks you're taking his job! 
Jim: Hey, that's a great idea! And you can give me a raise! 
(They laugh over their own little joke, and SpongeBob watches from the freezer window.) 
SpongeBob: Look at them. I bet Mr. Krabs is offering Jim my job right now. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I better go find him. 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my duties as fry cook. 
Jim: What're you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job. 
SpongeBob: But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me. 
Jim: Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, and Squidward and I were having one of our famous pull sessions. (Flashback to Jim and Squidward, both with hair, talking at the Krusty Krab.) We should open our own restaurant and stop lining Old Man K's pockets. 
Squidward: No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off. 
Jim: What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on? 
Squidward: Ha! Yeah! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet! 
(His hair disintegrates and falls out of his head instantly.) 
Jim: Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. (Walks into Mr. Krabs' office.) Hey, Mr. Krabs, gotta second? 
Mr. Krabs: Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Have a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wind, Jim. 
Jim: Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: you better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel. 
Mr. Krabs: What now? 
Jim: You know, lay a patch. 
Mr. Krabs: 'Scuse me? 
Jim: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting. 
Mr. Krabs: That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack. 
Jim: Stop talking like that. 
Mr. Krabs: These sideburns aren't real. 
(Mr. Krabs rips them off.) 
Jim: I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week, kapeish? 
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing uncontrollably. When he doesn't stop, Jim leaves, not stopping to listen to Squidward's complaints about his hair. End flashback, and we are back to the modern-day Krusty Krab, where Krabs is still laughing.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. 
(We see Squidward crying over his bald head.) 
Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, you have one quality that Jim would never have: he's cheap! 
SpongeBob: Wow! I never thought about it like that, Mr. Krabs! 
Mr. Krabs: So, you'll stay? 
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. 
Jim: Well, Eugene, looks like you've got yourself another sucker. The kid's a good fry cook, but he'll only be a great fry cook when he gets the guts to quit this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You'll need it. 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab isn't a dump. 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump, alright. But she's my dump. 
SpongeBob: Oh.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:51:19Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Friend or Foe?|Friend or Foe?]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Night Light|Night Light]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Original Fry Cook (Episode)|The Original Fry Cook]]

==Characters==
<s> -</s>
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Jim]]

(At the Krusty Krab...) 
Old Fish: I just can't decide what to order. 
Squidward: You already ordered. 
Old Man<s> Jenkins</s>: Don't rush me, young lady! 
Squidward: Hurry up, SpongeBob! 
(Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is filling in a ketchup heart on a Krabby Patty.) 
Squidward: What is taking you so long? 
SpongeBob: I'm adding the love! 
Squidward: You're not getting paid to love. 
SpongeBob: Well, I'm not here for the money. (Puts the top bun on and walks out. SpongeBob talks to the Krabby Patty on his way to the customer's table.) I'll always treasure these moments we had together. 
Squidward: Look!!! 
(He points to outside, where a solid gold limosine pulls up to the Krusty Krab. Everyone gasps, then runs out to the limo, knocking over and walking over SpongeBob. When SpongeBob lifts his head, to his great disappointement, he sees his burger is trampled with a big footprint in the middle.) 
SpongeBob: Awww... 
(Back outside, a security guard opens the limo door for someone.) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be cooked in butter! It's Jim, the Original Fry Cook! 
(Out of the limo steps a bald, overweight, blue fish wearing a fast food cap, and a yellow shirt. He walks into The Krusty Krab.) 
Jim: Krabs! 
SpongeBob: The Jim!?! He who flipped patties in the before times? 
Mr. Krabs: You're doin' well, Jim. Is that limo solid gold? 
Jim: It sure is. I was on my way to my solid gold mansion next to my solid gold lake, when I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane. 
Squidward: Good ol' Jim! When you worked here, the place had class. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. When this place had class... (We see a flashback of Mr. Krabs the same old outfit, except he has a blue sweater like his current blue shirt and a medalion that has a "$" on it. He also has sideburns, and is dancing in a Krusty Krab that looks like the same from the outside, but looks like a ballroom from the inside with white floors and pink wallpaper. Squidward comes out from the boat in front of the ordering window, which is brown and has a painted wooden mermaid on the front. He lifts off his Krusty Krab hat to reveal long, blonde hair that goes all the way to his thighs. He walks over to Krabs, who points to the kitchen door. Out comes Jim, holding a "Jim Patty", with his named signed on the side in ketchup. The only difference with Jim is that he has curly brown hair and a zit beneath his lip. When Krabs and Squidward see the Jim patty, the clutch each other in amazement, then take baskets and skip around Jim, sprinkling flower petals on him as he holds up the Jim Patty. End flashback, and the whole Krusty Krew is laughing, including SpongeBob. They stop and stare at him until he stops also.) Well, we've had some good times, too. Right, Squidward? 
Squidward: No. 
(Jim walks up to the "Employee of the Month" wall.) 
Jim: Hey, that's new. "Employee of the Month", huh? 
SpongeBob: That's me! 
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Jim. No one could ever replace you. The original is still underneath! 
(He punches the wall and all of SpongeBob's pictures fall on him and break. Underneath is a giant photo of Jim.) 
Mr. Krabs: Your "Best Employee Ever" award! SpongeBob! Sweep up this mess while Jim and I catch up. 
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. 
(Mr. Krabs and Jim sit at a table and talk about their lives.) 
Jim: After I left The Krusty Krab I worked at some of the finest restaurants around the world, and I got so successful that I was able to retire in luxury. 
SpongeBob: Will you sign my Krabby Patty? 
(Shows him the smashed patty from earlier.) 
Jim: Oh, I... Don't sign what I didn't make. 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, bigshot! Why don't you stand behind the frier for old time's sake? 
Jim: You're on, Krabs! But I'll have to charge you! 
(Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically while Jim grins and sips his soda.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, you alway know how to make me laugh. You just don't find employees like that anymore. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Not unless you look RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! 
Mr. Krabs: (Gasps) You're right, boy. I appreciate you, Squidward! 
(We see Squidward walking by, a wet toilet plunger in hand.) 
Squidward: Now I feel complete! 
Mr. Krabs: Now how's about that patty? 
Jim: Everyone, watch and learn! 
(Everyone gathers at the kitchen doorway as Jim enters, but the door closes and Jim's bodyguards block it.) 
Bodyguard #1: No one watches Jim. 
(Jim rings the bell and holds out a burger through the ordering window.) 
Jim: One patty! The right way. 
Mr. Krabs: It's a thing of beauty! 
SpongeBob: What's so great about a Jim Patty anyways? (Takes a bite out of it.) Meh, it's OK. (His eyes widen and he is transported to a mystical world, full of stars and patties. He rides on one, but it disappears, and he falls. But suddenly he becomes one and slides on a rainbow down into SpongeBob's mouth at the Krusty Krab.) Wow! That was... amazing! (SpongeBob walks up to Jim, who is at a table flirting with girls.) Uh, Mr. Jim, sir? 
Jim: Oh, hey! You... You're the guy... who sweeps up, right? 
SpongeBob: I'm the new fry cook, sir. 
Jim: Oh! You made that... stepped-on thing I saw earlier. 
SpongeBob: Do you have any tips you can pass on to a rookie? 
Jim: Besides don't step on the food? 
SpongeBob: Please critique my work! I wish to learn at the feet of the master! 
Jim: Now that's the way to grovel. I'll do it! (Later, we see SpongeBob and Jim in the kitchen, training. SpongeBob hands a completed patty to Jim, and Jim weighs it. SpongeBob is very excited, until he follows Jim into the bathroom and watches him flush the patty down the toilet.) The pickle slices were too thick. 
(SpongeBob grills another one, and flips it into the air, and struggles to somehow make it levitate untill Jim says to stop.) 
Jim: Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... And... stop. 
(Later, as SpongeBob is finished crafting the Krabby Patty, Jim steps on it and lifts his foot, covered in mustard.) 
Jim: Now, too much mustard, see? 
(SpongeBob takes is finger and licks some off. Cut to SpongeBob making more patties, Jim taste-testing them, and then flushing them. Eventually, the toilet gets so full, that it backs up. SpongeBob runs out of the stall, crying. A fish approaching the stall sees this.) 
Fish #1: Oh, man! 
SpongeBob: Am I a fraud? 
(He cries, and Squidward knocks on the door.) 
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in there? 
SpongeBob: Crying my eyes out. 
Squidward: Well, hurry it up. I gotta cry, too. 
SpongeBob: Why, Squidward? 
Squidward: Because when Jim leaves, I'll be stuck with you again! 
SpongeBob: Jim won't be leaving, Squidward. He's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving! 
(SpongeBob bursts into tears.) 
Squidward: Really? (Mexican Feista music starts to play.) Yes! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hee, hee, Ha! Ha! 
(SpongeBob walks into the bathroom and sits on a pile of waterlogged patties.) 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab desreves better than my meager skills. I should be proffessional. I must... resign. (He clicks his spatula like a pen, and starts writing on a roll of toilet paper.) "Dear Mr. Krabs,"... 
(Later, he walks out of the bathroom to see a crowd towards the front of the Krusty Krab.) 
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the world's greatest fry cook! SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Huh? Me!?! 
Mr. Krabs: Come here, help us cheer for Jim! 
All But SpongeBob & Jim: Hip, hip, Hooray! 
(SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and leaves the resignation notice under a patty bun on the grill with a flag in the top saying "Mr. Krabs" on it.) 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, grill. Goodbye, pot. Goodbye, pan. So long, fry vats. Goodbye, grease stain. (Walks into the freezer.) Goodbye, frozen patty #1. Goodbye, frozen patty #2. 
Narrator: 298 frozen patties later... 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, freezer. 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob hides in the freezer as Mr. Krabs walks in.) SpongeBob? (Smells something in the air.) That smells like a resignation note. (He reads it.) SpongeBob's resignation? Oh, this is terrible! No one's making patties! And that mean I'm not making money! 
(Jim walks in.) 
Jim: Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours? 
Mr. Krabs: He's run off. He thinks you're taking his job! 
Jim: Hey, that's a great idea! And you can give me a raise! 
(They laugh over their own little joke, and SpongeBob watches from the freezer window.) 
SpongeBob: Look at them. I bet Mr. Krabs is offering Jim my job right now. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I better go find him. 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my duties as fry cook. 
Jim: What're you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job. 
SpongeBob: But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me. 
Jim: Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, and Squidward and I were having one of our famous pull sessions. (Flashback to Jim and Squidward, both with hair, talking at the Krusty Krab.) We should open our own restaurant and stop lining Old Man K's pockets. 
Squidward: No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off. 
Jim: What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on? 
Squidward: Ha! Yeah! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet! 
(His hair disintegrates and falls out of his head instantly.) 
Jim: Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. (Walks into Mr. Krabs' office.) Hey, Mr. Krabs, gotta second? 
Mr. Krabs: Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Have a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wind, Jim. 
Jim: Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: you better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel. 
Mr. Krabs: What now? 
Jim: You know, lay a patch. 
Mr. Krabs: 'Scuse me? 
Jim: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting. 
Mr. Krabs: That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack. 
Jim: Stop talking like that. 
Mr. Krabs: These sideburns aren't real. 
(Mr. Krabs rips them off.) 
Jim: I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week, kapeish? 
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing uncontrollably. When he doesn't stop, Jim leaves, not stopping to listen to Squidward's complaints about his hair. End flashback, and we are back to the modern-day Krusty Krab, where Krabs is still laughing.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. 
(We see Squidward crying over his bald head.) 
Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, you have one quality that Jim would never have: he's cheap! 
SpongeBob: Wow! I never thought about it like that, Mr. Krabs! 
Mr. Krabs: So, you'll stay? 
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. 
Jim: Well, Eugene, looks like you've got yourself another sucker. The kid's a good fry cook, but he'll only be a great fry cook when he gets the guts to quit this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You'll need it. 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab isn't a dump. 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump, alright. But she's my dump. 
SpongeBob: Oh.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:50:53Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Friend or Foe?|Friend or Foe?]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Night Light|Night Light]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Original Fry Cook (Episode)|The Original Fry Cook]]

==Characters==
<s> </s>
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Jim]]

(At the Krusty Krab...) 
Old Fish: I just can't decide what to order. 
Squidward: You already ordered. 
Old Man<s> Jenkins</s>: Don't rush me, young lady! 
Squidward: Hurry up, SpongeBob! 
(Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is filling in a ketchup heart on a Krabby Patty.) 
Squidward: What is taking you so long? 
SpongeBob: I'm adding the love! 
Squidward: You're not getting paid to love. 
SpongeBob: Well, I'm not here for the money. (Puts the top bun on and walks out. SpongeBob talks to the Krabby Patty on his way to the customer's table.) I'll always treasure these moments we had together. 
Squidward: Look!!! 
(He points to outside, where a solid gold limosine pulls up to the Krusty Krab. Everyone gasps, then runs out to the limo, knocking over and walking over SpongeBob. When SpongeBob lifts his head, to his great disappointement, he sees his burger is trampled with a big footprint in the middle.) 
SpongeBob: Awww... 
(Back outside, a security guard opens the limo door for someone.) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be cooked in butter! It's Jim, the Original Fry Cook! 
(Out of the limo steps a bald, overweight, blue fish wearing a fast food cap, and a yellow shirt. He walks into The Krusty Krab.) 
Jim: Krabs! 
SpongeBob: The Jim!?! He who flipped patties in the before times? 
Mr. Krabs: You're doin' well, Jim. Is that limo solid gold? 
Jim: It sure is. I was on my way to my solid gold mansion next to my solid gold lake, when I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane. 
Squidward: Good ol' Jim! When you worked here, the place had class. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. When this place had class... (We see a flashback of Mr. Krabs the same old outfit, except he has a blue sweater like his current blue shirt and a medalion that has a "$" on it. He also has sideburns, and is dancing in a Krusty Krab that looks like the same from the outside, but looks like a ballroom from the inside with white floors and pink wallpaper. Squidward comes out from the boat in front of the ordering window, which is brown and has a painted wooden mermaid on the front. He lifts off his Krusty Krab hat to reveal long, blonde hair that goes all the way to his thighs. He walks over to Krabs, who points to the kitchen door. Out comes Jim, holding a "Jim Patty", with his named signed on the side in ketchup. The only difference with Jim is that he has curly brown hair and a zit beneath his lip. When Krabs and Squidward see the Jim patty, the clutch each other in amazement, then take baskets and skip around Jim, sprinkling flower petals on him as he holds up the Jim Patty. End flashback, and the whole Krusty Krew is laughing, including SpongeBob. They stop and stare at him until he stops also.) Well, we've had some good times, too. Right, Squidward? 
Squidward: No. 
(Jim walks up to the "Employee of the Month" wall.) 
Jim: Hey, that's new. "Employee of the Month", huh? 
SpongeBob: That's me! 
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Jim. No one could ever replace you. The original is still underneath! 
(He punches the wall and all of SpongeBob's pictures fall on him and break. Underneath is a giant photo of Jim.) 
Mr. Krabs: Your "Best Employee Ever" award! SpongeBob! Sweep up this mess while Jim and I catch up. 
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. 
(Mr. Krabs and Jim sit at a table and talk about their lives.) 
Jim: After I left The Krusty Krab I worked at some of the finest restaurants around the world, and I got so successful that I was able to retire in luxury. 
SpongeBob: Will you sign my Krabby Patty? 
(Shows him the smashed patty from earlier.) 
Jim: Oh, I... Don't sign what I didn't make. 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, bigshot! Why don't you stand behind the frier for old time's sake? 
Jim: You're on, Krabs! But I'll have to charge you! 
(Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically while Jim grins and sips his soda.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, you alway know how to make me laugh. You just don't find employees like that anymore. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Not unless you look RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! 
Mr. Krabs: (Gasps) You're right, boy. I appreciate you, Squidward! 
(We see Squidward walking by, a wet toilet plunger in hand.) 
Squidward: Now I feel complete! 
Mr. Krabs: Now how's about that patty? 
Jim: Everyone, watch and learn! 
(Everyone gathers at the kitchen doorway as Jim enters, but the door closes and Jim's bodyguards block it.) 
Bodyguard #1: No one watches Jim. 
(Jim rings the bell and holds out a burger through the ordering window.) 
Jim: One patty! The right way. 
Mr. Krabs: It's a thing of beauty! 
SpongeBob: What's so great about a Jim Patty anyways? (Takes a bite out of it.) Meh, it's OK. (His eyes widen and he is transported to a mystical world, full of stars and patties. He rides on one, but it disappears, and he falls. But suddenly he becomes one and slides on a rainbow down into SpongeBob's mouth at the Krusty Krab.) Wow! That was... amazing! (SpongeBob walks up to Jim, who is at a table flirting with girls.) Uh, Mr. Jim, sir? 
Jim: Oh, hey! You... You're the guy... who sweeps up, right? 
SpongeBob: I'm the new fry cook, sir. 
Jim: Oh! You made that... stepped-on thing I saw earlier. 
SpongeBob: Do you have any tips you can pass on to a rookie? 
Jim: Besides don't step on the food? 
SpongeBob: Please critique my work! I wish to learn at the feet of the master! 
Jim: Now that's the way to grovel. I'll do it! (Later, we see SpongeBob and Jim in the kitchen, training. SpongeBob hands a completed patty to Jim, and Jim weighs it. SpongeBob is very excited, until he follows Jim into the bathroom and watches him flush the patty down the toilet.) The pickle slices were too thick. 
(SpongeBob grills another one, and flips it into the air, and struggles to somehow make it levitate untill Jim says to stop.) 
Jim: Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... And... stop. 
(Later, as SpongeBob is finished crafting the Krabby Patty, Jim steps on it and lifts his foot, covered in mustard.) 
Jim: Now, too much mustard, see? 
(SpongeBob takes is finger and licks some off. Cut to SpongeBob making more patties, Jim taste-testing them, and then flushing them. Eventually, the toilet gets so full, that it backs up. SpongeBob runs out of the stall, crying. A fish approaching the stall sees this.) 
Fish #1: Oh, man! 
SpongeBob: Am I a fraud? 
(He cries, and Squidward knocks on the door.) 
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in there? 
SpongeBob: Crying my eyes out. 
Squidward: Well, hurry it up. I gotta cry, too. 
SpongeBob: Why, Squidward? 
Squidward: Because when Jim leaves, I'll be stuck with you again! 
SpongeBob: Jim won't be leaving, Squidward. He's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving! 
(SpongeBob bursts into tears.) 
Squidward: Really? (Mexican Feista music starts to play.) Yes! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hee, hee, Ha! Ha! 
(SpongeBob walks into the bathroom and sits on a pile of waterlogged patties.) 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab desreves better than my meager skills. I should be proffessional. I must... resign. (He clicks his spatula like a pen, and starts writing on a roll of toilet paper.) "Dear Mr. Krabs,"... 
(Later, he walks out of the bathroom to see a crowd towards the front of the Krusty Krab.) 
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the world's greatest fry cook! SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Huh? Me!?! 
Mr. Krabs: Come here, help us cheer for Jim! 
All But SpongeBob & Jim: Hip, hip, Hooray! 
(SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and leaves the resignation notice under a patty bun on the grill with a flag in the top saying "Mr. Krabs" on it.) 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, grill. Goodbye, pot. Goodbye, pan. So long, fry vats. Goodbye, grease stain. (Walks into the freezer.) Goodbye, frozen patty #1. Goodbye, frozen patty #2. 
Narrator: 298 frozen patties later... 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, freezer. 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob hides in the freezer as Mr. Krabs walks in.) SpongeBob? (Smells something in the air.) That smells like a resignation note. (He reads it.) SpongeBob's resignation? Oh, this is terrible! No one's making patties! And that mean I'm not making money! 
(Jim walks in.) 
Jim: Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours? 
Mr. Krabs: He's run off. He thinks you're taking his job! 
Jim: Hey, that's a great idea! And you can give me a raise! 
(They laugh over their own little joke, and SpongeBob watches from the freezer window.) 
SpongeBob: Look at them. I bet Mr. Krabs is offering Jim my job right now. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I better go find him. 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my duties as fry cook. 
Jim: What're you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job. 
SpongeBob: But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me. 
Jim: Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, and Squidward and I were having one of our famous pull sessions. (Flashback to Jim and Squidward, both with hair, talking at the Krusty Krab.) We should open our own restaurant and stop lining Old Man K's pockets. 
Squidward: No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off. 
Jim: What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on? 
Squidward: Ha! Yeah! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet! 
(His hair disintegrates and falls out of his head instantly.) 
Jim: Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. (Walks into Mr. Krabs' office.) Hey, Mr. Krabs, gotta second? 
Mr. Krabs: Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Have a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wind, Jim. 
Jim: Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: you better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel. 
Mr. Krabs: What now? 
Jim: You know, lay a patch. 
Mr. Krabs: 'Scuse me? 
Jim: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting. 
Mr. Krabs: That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack. 
Jim: Stop talking like that. 
Mr. Krabs: These sideburns aren't real. 
(Mr. Krabs rips them off.) 
Jim: I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week, kapeish? 
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing uncontrollably. When he doesn't stop, Jim leaves, not stopping to listen to Squidward's complaints about his hair. End flashback, and we are back to the modern-day Krusty Krab, where Krabs is still laughing.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. 
(We see Squidward crying over his bald head.) 
Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, you have one quality that Jim would never have: he's cheap! 
SpongeBob: Wow! I never thought about it like that, Mr. Krabs! 
Mr. Krabs: So, you'll stay? 
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. 
Jim: Well, Eugene, looks like you've got yourself another sucker. The kid's a good fry cook, but he'll only be a great fry cook when he gets the guts to quit this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You'll need it. 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab isn't a dump. 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump, alright. But she's my dump. 
SpongeBob: Oh.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:48:28Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Friend or Foe?|Friend or Foe?]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Night Light|Night Light]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Original Fry Cook (Episode)|The Original Fry Cook]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Jim]]

(At the Krusty Krab...) 
Old Fish: I just can't decide what to order. 
Squidward: You already ordered. 
Old Man<s> Jenkins</s>: Don't rush me, young lady! 
Squidward: Hurry up, SpongeBob! 
(Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is filling in a ketchup heart on a Krabby Patty.) 
Squidward: What is taking you so long? 
SpongeBob: I'm adding the love! 
Squidward: You're not getting paid to love. 
SpongeBob: Well, I'm not here for the money. (Puts the top bun on and walks out. SpongeBob talks to the Krabby Patty on his way to the customer's table.) I'll always treasure these moments we had together. 
Squidward: Look!!! 
(He points to outside, where a solid gold limosine pulls up to the Krusty Krab. Everyone gasps, then runs out to the limo, knocking over and walking over SpongeBob. When SpongeBob lifts his head, to his great disappointement, he sees his burger is trampled with a big footprint in the middle.) 
SpongeBob: Awww... 
(Back outside, a security guard opens the limo door for someone.) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be cooked in butter! It's Jim, the Original Fry Cook! 
(Out of the limo steps a bald, overweight, blue fish wearing a fast food cap, and a yellow shirt. He walks into The Krusty Krab.) 
Jim: Krabs! 
SpongeBob: The Jim!?! He who flipped patties in the before times? 
Mr. Krabs: You're doin' well, Jim. Is that limo solid gold? 
Jim: It sure is. I was on my way to my solid gold mansion next to my solid gold lake, when I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane. 
Squidward: Good ol' Jim! When you worked here, the place had class. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. When this place had class... (We see a flashback of Mr. Krabs the same old outfit, except he has a blue sweater like his current blue shirt and a medalion that has a "$" on it. He also has sideburns, and is dancing in a Krusty Krab that looks like the same from the outside, but looks like a ballroom from the inside with white floors and pink wallpaper. Squidward comes out from the boat in front of the ordering window, which is brown and has a painted wooden mermaid on the front. He lifts off his Krusty Krab hat to reveal long, blonde hair that goes all the way to his thighs. He walks over to Krabs, who points to the kitchen door. Out comes Jim, holding a "Jim Patty", with his named signed on the side in ketchup. The only difference with Jim is that he has curly brown hair and a zit beneath his lip. When Krabs and Squidward see the Jim patty, the clutch each other in amazement, then take baskets and skip around Jim, sprinkling flower petals on him as he holds up the Jim Patty. End flashback, and the whole Krusty Krew is laughing, including SpongeBob. They stop and stare at him until he stops also.) Well, we've had some good times, too. Right, Squidward? 
Squidward: No. 
(Jim walks up to the "Employee of the Month" wall.) 
Jim: Hey, that's new. "Employee of the Month", huh? 
SpongeBob: That's me! 
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Jim. No one could ever replace you. The original is still underneath! 
(He punches the wall and all of SpongeBob's pictures fall on him and break. Underneath is a giant photo of Jim.) 
Mr. Krabs: Your "Best Employee Ever" award! SpongeBob! Sweep up this mess while Jim and I catch up. 
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. 
(Mr. Krabs and Jim sit at a table and talk about their lives.) 
Jim: After I left The Krusty Krab I worked at some of the finest restaurants around the world, and I got so successful that I was able to retire in luxury. 
SpongeBob: Will you sign my Krabby Patty? 
(Shows him the smashed patty from earlier.) 
Jim: Oh, I... Don't sign what I didn't make. 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, bigshot! Why don't you stand behind the frier for old time's sake? 
Jim: You're on, Krabs! But I'll have to charge you! 
(Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically while Jim grins and sips his soda.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, you alway know how to make me laugh. You just don't find employees like that anymore. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Not unless you look RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! 
Mr. Krabs: (Gasps) You're right, boy. I appreciate you, Squidward! 
(We see Squidward walking by, a wet toilet plunger in hand.) 
Squidward: Now I feel complete! 
Mr. Krabs: Now how's about that patty? 
Jim: Everyone, watch and learn! 
(Everyone gathers at the kitchen doorway as Jim enters, but the door closes and Jim's bodyguards block it.) 
Bodyguard #1: No one watches Jim. 
(Jim rings the bell and holds out a burger through the ordering window.) 
Jim: One patty! The right way. 
Mr. Krabs: It's a thing of beauty! 
SpongeBob: What's so great about a Jim Patty anyways? (Takes a bite out of it.) Meh, it's OK. (His eyes widen and he is transported to a mystical world, full of stars and patties. He rides on one, but it disappears, and he falls. But suddenly he becomes one and slides on a rainbow down into SpongeBob's mouth at the Krusty Krab.) Wow! That was... amazing! (SpongeBob walks up to Jim, who is at a table flirting with girls.) Uh, Mr. Jim, sir? 
Jim: Oh, hey! You... You're the guy... who sweeps up, right? 
SpongeBob: I'm the new fry cook, sir. 
Jim: Oh! You made that... stepped-on thing I saw earlier. 
SpongeBob: Do you have any tips you can pass on to a rookie? 
Jim: Besides don't step on the food? 
SpongeBob: Please critique my work! I wish to learn at the feet of the master! 
Jim: Now that's the way to grovel. I'll do it! (Later, we see SpongeBob and Jim in the kitchen, training. SpongeBob hands a completed patty to Jim, and Jim weighs it. SpongeBob is very excited, until he follows Jim into the bathroom and watches him flush the patty down the toilet.) The pickle slices were too thick. 
(SpongeBob grills another one, and flips it into the air, and struggles to somehow make it levitate untill Jim says to stop.) 
Jim: Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... And... stop. 
(Later, as SpongeBob is finished crafting the Krabby Patty, Jim steps on it and lifts his foot, covered in mustard.) 
Jim: Now, too much mustard, see? 
(SpongeBob takes is finger and licks some off. Cut to SpongeBob making more patties, Jim taste-testing them, and then flushing them. Eventually, the toilet gets so full, that it backs up. SpongeBob runs out of the stall, crying. A fish approaching the stall sees this.) 
Fish #1: Oh, man! 
SpongeBob: Am I a fraud? 
(He cries, and Squidward knocks on the door.) 
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in there? 
SpongeBob: Crying my eyes out. 
Squidward: Well, hurry it up. I gotta cry, too. 
SpongeBob: Why, Squidward? 
Squidward: Because when Jim leaves, I'll be stuck with you again! 
SpongeBob: Jim won't be leaving, Squidward. He's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving! 
(SpongeBob bursts into tears.) 
Squidward: Really? (Mexican Feista music starts to play.) Yes! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hee, hee, Ha! Ha! 
(SpongeBob walks into the bathroom and sits on a pile of waterlogged patties.) 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab desreves better than my meager skills. I should be proffessional. I must... resign. (He clicks his spatula like a pen, and starts writing on a roll of toilet paper.) "Dear Mr. Krabs,"... 
(Later, he walks out of the bathroom to see a crowd towards the front of the Krusty Krab.) 
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the world's greatest fry cook! SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Huh? Me!?! 
Mr. Krabs: Come here, help us cheer for Jim! 
All But SpongeBob & Jim: Hip, hip, Hooray! 
(SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and leaves the resignation notice under a patty bun on the grill with a flag in the top saying "Mr. Krabs" on it.) 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, grill. Goodbye, pot. Goodbye, pan. So long, fry vats. Goodbye, grease stain. (Walks into the freezer.) Goodbye, frozen patty #1. Goodbye, frozen patty #2. 
Narrator: 298 frozen patties later... 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, freezer. 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob hides in the freezer as Mr. Krabs walks in.) SpongeBob? (Smells something in the air.) That smells like a resignation note. (He reads it.) SpongeBob's resignation? Oh, this is terrible! No one's making patties! And that mean I'm not making money! 
(Jim walks in.) 
Jim: Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours? 
Mr. Krabs: He's run off. He thinks you're taking his job! 
Jim: Hey, that's a great idea! And you can give me a raise! 
(They laugh over their own little joke, and SpongeBob watches from the freezer window.) 
SpongeBob: Look at them. I bet Mr. Krabs is offering Jim my job right now. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I better go find him. 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my duties as fry cook. 
Jim: What're you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job. 
SpongeBob: But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me. 
Jim: Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, and Squidward and I were having one of our famous pull sessions. (Flashback to Jim and Squidward, both with hair, talking at the Krusty Krab.) We should open our own restaurant and stop lining Old Man K's pockets. 
Squidward: No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off. 
Jim: What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on? 
Squidward: Ha! Yeah! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet! 
(His hair disintegrates and falls out of his head instantly.) 
Jim: Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. (Walks into Mr. Krabs' office.) Hey, Mr. Krabs, gotta second? 
Mr. Krabs: Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Have a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wind, Jim. 
Jim: Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: you better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel. 
Mr. Krabs: What now? 
Jim: You know, lay a patch. 
Mr. Krabs: 'Scuse me? 
Jim: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting. 
Mr. Krabs: That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack. 
Jim: Stop talking like that. 
Mr. Krabs: These sideburns aren't real. 
(Mr. Krabs rips them off.) 
Jim: I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week, kapeish? 
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing uncontrollably. When he doesn't stop, Jim leaves, not stopping to listen to Squidward's complaints about his hair. End flashback, and we are back to the modern-day Krusty Krab, where Krabs is still laughing.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. 
(We see Squidward crying over his bald head.) 
Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, you have one quality that Jim would never have: he's cheap! 
SpongeBob: Wow! I never thought about it like that, Mr. Krabs! 
Mr. Krabs: So, you'll stay? 
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. 
Jim: Well, Eugene, looks like you've got yourself another sucker. The kid's a good fry cook, but he'll only be a great fry cook when he gets the guts to quit this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You'll need it. 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab isn't a dump. 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump, alright. But she's my dump. 
SpongeBob: Oh.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:47:37Z

84.160.255.135:

Episode Transcript: The Original Fry Cook

2008-02-05T19:46:32Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Friend or Foe?|Friend or Foe?]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Night Light|Night Light]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Original Fry Cook (Episode)|The Original Fry Cook]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]
*[[Jim]]

(At the Krusty Krab...) 
Old Fish: I just can't decide what to order. 
Squidward: You already ordered. 
Old Man <s>Jenkins</s>: Don't rush me, young lady! 
Squidward: Hurry up, SpongeBob! 
(Back in the kitchen, SpongeBob is filling in a ketchup heart on a Krabby Patty.) 
Squidward: What is taking you so long? 
SpongeBob: I'm adding the love! 
Squidward: You're not getting paid to love. 
SpongeBob: Well, I'm not here for the money. (Puts the top bun on and walks out. SpongeBob talks to the Krabby Patty on his way to the customer's table.) I'll always treasure these moments we had together. 
Squidward: Look!!! 
(He points to outside, where a solid gold limosine pulls up to the Krusty Krab. Everyone gasps, then runs out to the limo, knocking over and walking over SpongeBob. When SpongeBob lifts his head, to his great disappointement, he sees his burger is trampled with a big footprint in the middle.) 
SpongeBob: Awww... 
(Back outside, a security guard opens the limo door for someone.) 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be cooked in butter! It's Jim, the Original Fry Cook! 
(Out of the limo steps a bald, overweight, blue fish wearing a fast food cap, and a yellow shirt. He walks into The Krusty Krab.) 
Jim: Krabs! 
SpongeBob: The Jim!?! He who flipped patties in the before times? 
Mr. Krabs: You're doin' well, Jim. Is that limo solid gold? 
Jim: It sure is. I was on my way to my solid gold mansion next to my solid gold lake, when I thought I'd take a trip down memory lane. 
Squidward: Good ol' Jim! When you worked here, the place had class. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. When this place had class... (We see a flashback of Mr. Krabs the same old outfit, except he has a blue sweater like his current blue shirt and a medalion that has a "$" on it. He also has sideburns, and is dancing in a Krusty Krab that looks like the same from the outside, but looks like a ballroom from the inside with white floors and pink wallpaper. Squidward comes out from the boat in front of the ordering window, which is brown and has a painted wooden mermaid on the front. He lifts off his Krusty Krab hat to reveal long, blonde hair that goes all the way to his thighs. He walks over to Krabs, who points to the kitchen door. Out comes Jim, holding a "Jim Patty", with his named signed on the side in ketchup. The only difference with Jim is that he has curly brown hair and a zit beneath his lip. When Krabs and Squidward see the Jim patty, the clutch each other in amazement, then take baskets and skip around Jim, sprinkling flower petals on him as he holds up the Jim Patty. End flashback, and the whole Krusty Krew is laughing, including SpongeBob. They stop and stare at him until he stops also.) Well, we've had some good times, too. Right, Squidward? 
Squidward: No. 
(Jim walks up to the "Employee of the Month" wall.) 
Jim: Hey, that's new. "Employee of the Month", huh? 
SpongeBob: That's me! 
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Jim. No one could ever replace you. The original is still underneath! 
(He punches the wall and all of SpongeBob's pictures fall on him and break. Underneath is a giant photo of Jim.) 
Mr. Krabs: Your "Best Employee Ever" award! SpongeBob! Sweep up this mess while Jim and I catch up. 
SpongeBob: Yes, sir. 
(Mr. Krabs and Jim sit at a table and talk about their lives.) 
Jim: After I left The Krusty Krab I worked at some of the finest restaurants around the world, and I got so successful that I was able to retire in luxury. 
SpongeBob: Will you sign my Krabby Patty? 
(Shows him the smashed patty from earlier.) 
Jim: Oh, I... Don't sign what I didn't make. 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, bigshot! Why don't you stand behind the frier for old time's sake? 
Jim: You're on, Krabs! But I'll have to charge you! 
(Mr. Krabs laughs hysterically while Jim grins and sips his soda.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, you alway know how to make me laugh. You just don't find employees like that anymore. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. Not unless you look RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!! 
Mr. Krabs: (Gasps) You're right, boy. I appreciate you, Squidward! 
(We see Squidward walking by, a wet toilet plunger in hand.) 
Squidward: Now I feel complete! 
Mr. Krabs: Now how's about that patty? 
Jim: Everyone, watch and learn! 
(Everyone gathers at the kitchen doorway as Jim enters, but the door closes and Jim's bodyguards block it.) 
Bodyguard #1: No one watches Jim. 
(Jim rings the bell and holds out a burger through the ordering window.) 
Jim: One patty! The right way. 
Mr. Krabs: It's a thing of beauty! 
SpongeBob: What's so great about a Jim Patty anyways? (Takes a bite out of it.) Meh, it's OK. (His eyes widen and he is transported to a mystical world, full of stars and patties. He rides on one, but it disappears, and he falls. But suddenly he becomes one and slides on a rainbow down into SpongeBob's mouth at the Krusty Krab.) Wow! That was... amazing! (SpongeBob walks up to Jim, who is at a table flirting with girls.) Uh, Mr. Jim, sir? 
Jim: Oh, hey! You... You're the guy... who sweeps up, right? 
SpongeBob: I'm the new fry cook, sir. 
Jim: Oh! You made that... stepped-on thing I saw earlier. 
SpongeBob: Do you have any tips you can pass on to a rookie? 
Jim: Besides don't step on the food? 
SpongeBob: Please critique my work! I wish to learn at the feet of the master! 
Jim: Now that's the way to grovel. I'll do it! (Later, we see SpongeBob and Jim in the kitchen, training. SpongeBob hands a completed patty to Jim, and Jim weighs it. SpongeBob is very excited, until he follows Jim into the bathroom and watches him flush the patty down the toilet.) The pickle slices were too thick. 
(SpongeBob grills another one, and flips it into the air, and struggles to somehow make it levitate untill Jim says to stop.) 
Jim: Hold it... Hold it... Hold it... And... stop. 
(Later, as SpongeBob is finished crafting the Krabby Patty, Jim steps on it and lifts his foot, covered in mustard.) 
Jim: Now, too much mustard, see? 
(SpongeBob takes is finger and licks some off. Cut to SpongeBob making more patties, Jim taste-testing them, and then flushing them. Eventually, the toilet gets so full, that it backs up. SpongeBob runs out of the stall, crying. A fish approaching the stall sees this.) 
Fish #1: Oh, man! 
SpongeBob: Am I a fraud? 
(He cries, and Squidward knocks on the door.) 
Squidward: SpongeBob, what are you doing in there? 
SpongeBob: Crying my eyes out. 
Squidward: Well, hurry it up. I gotta cry, too. 
SpongeBob: Why, Squidward? 
Squidward: Because when Jim leaves, I'll be stuck with you again! 
SpongeBob: Jim won't be leaving, Squidward. He's taking my job. I'm the one who's leaving! 
(SpongeBob bursts into tears.) 
Squidward: Really? (Mexican Feista music starts to play.) Yes! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Ha, cha-cha! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Hee, hee, Ha! Ha! 
(SpongeBob walks into the bathroom and sits on a pile of waterlogged patties.) 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab desreves better than my meager skills. I should be proffessional. I must... resign. (He clicks his spatula like a pen, and starts writing on a roll of toilet paper.) "Dear Mr. Krabs,"... 
(Later, he walks out of the bathroom to see a crowd towards the front of the Krusty Krab.) 
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the world's greatest fry cook! SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Huh? Me!?! 
Mr. Krabs: Come here, help us cheer for Jim! 
All But SpongeBob & Jim: Hip, hip, Hooray! 
(SpongeBob walks into the kitchen and leaves the resignation notice under a patty bun on the grill with a flag in the top saying "Mr. Krabs" on it.) 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, grill. Goodbye, pot. Goodbye, pan. So long, fry vats. Goodbye, grease stain. (Walks into the freezer.) Goodbye, frozen patty #1. Goodbye, frozen patty #2. 
Narrator: 298 frozen patties later... 
SpongeBob: Goodbye, freezer. 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob hides in the freezer as Mr. Krabs walks in.) SpongeBob? (Smells something in the air.) That smells like a resignation note. (He reads it.) SpongeBob's resignation? Oh, this is terrible! No one's making patties! And that mean I'm not making money! 
(Jim walks in.) 
Jim: Hey, Eugene, where's that little fry cook of yours? 
Mr. Krabs: He's run off. He thinks you're taking his job! 
Jim: Hey, that's a great idea! And you can give me a raise! 
(They laugh over their own little joke, and SpongeBob watches from the freezer window.) 
SpongeBob: Look at them. I bet Mr. Krabs is offering Jim my job right now. 
Mr. Krabs: Well, I better go find him. 
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I was just leaving. I'm not fit to inhabit the same kitchen as Jim. So it is with a heavy heart that I relinquish my duties as fry cook. 
Jim: What're you thinking, SpongeBob? I'm not taking your job. 
SpongeBob: But you're the greatest fry cook in the world! The Krusty Krab deserves better than me. 
Jim: Both those statements are true, SpongeBob, but there's a reason I left the Krusty Krab. It all started on a warm summer evening. Business was slow, and Squidward and I were having one of our famous pull sessions. (Flashback to Jim and Squidward, both with hair, talking at the Krusty Krab.) We should open our own restaurant and stop lining Old Man K's pockets. 
Squidward: No, thanks. I'm just doing this until my clarinet career takes off. 
Jim: What if it never does? Don't you wanna have something to fall back on? 
Squidward: Ha! Yeah! I could lose my beautiful, flowing hair, too, but I'm not buying a wig yet! 
(His hair disintegrates and falls out of his head instantly.) 
Jim: Well, while you go wig shopping, I'm gonna go talk to Mr. Krabs. (Walks into Mr. Krabs' office.) Hey, Mr. Krabs, gotta second? 
Mr. Krabs: Anything for you, Jimmy, me boy. Have a squat and lay your wreck and tell me what's on your wind, Jim. 
Jim: Cut the gas, Krabs, and dig this: you better lay on some extra gravy, or I'm going to agitate the gravel. 
Mr. Krabs: What now? 
Jim: You know, lay a patch. 
Mr. Krabs: 'Scuse me? 
Jim: Give me a raise, or I'm quitting. 
Mr. Krabs: That's not in my "Hiptionary". Help me get with it, Jack. 
Jim: Stop talking like that. 
Mr. Krabs: These sideburns aren't real. 
(Mr. Krabs rips them off.) 
Jim: I need more money in my paycheck at the end of every week, kapeish? 
(Mr. Krabs starts laughing uncontrollably. When he doesn't stop, Jim leaves, not stopping to listen to Squidward's complaints about his hair. End flashback, and we are back to the modern-day Krusty Krab, where Krabs is still laughing.) 
Mr. Krabs: Aye, it's still as funny today as it was then. 
(We see Squidward crying over his bald head.) 
Mr. Krabs: You see, SpongeBob, you have one quality that Jim would never have: he's cheap! 
SpongeBob: Wow! I never thought about it like that, Mr. Krabs! 
Mr. Krabs: So, you'll stay? 
SpongeBob: Aye, aye, sir. 
Jim: Well, Eugene, looks like you've got yourself another sucker. The kid's a good fry cook, but he'll only be a great fry cook when he gets the guts to quit this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You'll need it. 
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab isn't a dump. 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump, alright. But she's my dump. 
SpongeBob: Oh.

[[Category:Transscript]]

Bottom Feeding

2008-02-05T13:45:55Z

84.160.255.135:

#redirect [[Transscript: Bottom Feeding]]

Transcript: Bottom Feeding

2008-02-05T13:45:37Z

84.160.255.135:

[[Image: gene scallop.jpg|thumb|right|Gene]]

==Meal Evaluation the [[Krusty Krab]]==
*[[Barbara]]
*[[Bob]]
*[[Gene Scallop]]
==BBN News==
Lady Anchor: And there were no survivors. 
Man Anchor: Thank you, Barbara. 
Squidward: She is so tacky. 
Man Anchor: And now it's time for "Bottom Feeding" with Gene Scallop. 
Mr Krabs: Turn it up, Squidward. (does so) 
Gene Scallop: Thank you, Bob. This week, I visited... 
Man Anchor: You're welcome, Gene. 
Gene Scallop: (clears throat) This week I reviewed the Krusty Krab restaurant, the local burger joint that's second to none. Or should I say second to "run" since this critic wanted to make like a banana and peel out the minute he saw how drab this Krab really was. 
Barbara: That bad, huh, Gene? 
Gene Scallop: Barbara, once I stuck my beak through that door, my appetite flew south for the winter. I mean, I'm not "kidding" when I saw this restaurant smells like the rear-end of a goat. (customers smell the aroma) 
Bob: And how was the service, Gene? 
Gene: You could find livelier help in a graveyard and I'm not just "coffin." (two customers are whispering to each other) The management stunk so bad, I had to get my sweater dry cleaned on the way home with me in it. (customer start murmuring and walking out) 
Mr Krabs: Hey, no, wait, wait! 
Gene: However, at the end of my visit, I chowed down on a meal that titillated my taste buds and gratified my gullet. That Sponge behind the grill is no square when it comes to cooking! (excited talking as the customers rush to sit down at their tables ready for some food) If Krabs really wanted to soak up the dough, he's Sponge it up. He's Sponge it out, he's over-Sponge it. You can never have too much Sponge. (Mr Krabs' eyes turn into Spongebob)

==Trivia==
N/A

{{slogan}}

[[Category:Transscript]]

Transcripts

2008-02-05T13:44:59Z

84.160.255.135:

[[de:Mitschriften]]
==Episode Transcripts==

===Season 1===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 1|List of Transscript The Season 1]]

===Season 2===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 2|List of Transscript The Season 2]]

===Season 3===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 3|List of Transscript The Season 3]]

===Season 4===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 4|List of Transscript The Season 4]]

===Season 5===
[[Episode Transscripts/Season 5|List of Transscript The Season 5]]

===Season 6===

[[Episode Transscripts/Season 6|List of Transscript The Season 6]]

===Season 7===

==Other Transscripts==
===Turn books===
*[[Anchor arms Commercial]]
*[[Bottom Feeding|BBN News with Gene Scallop: Evaluation the Krusty Krab]]
*[[Fiery Fist O' Pain Commercial]]
*[[Krusty Krab Commercial]]
*[[Transscript: The Mermaidman and Barnacleboy Movie]]
*[[Mr. Magic's Commercial: The Turn Book]]
===Poems===
*[[A Poem]]
===Speechs===
*[[SpongeBob's Speech as Hall Monitor]]
===Specials===
*[[Transscript: Plankton's Holiday Hits]]
===Songs===
[[Songs|List Of Bikini Bottom Songs]]

==Episodes==
[[Category:Transscript]]

Ugh (Episode)

2008-02-05T13:42:55Z

84.160.255.135:

An episode.
==Transcripts and Songs==
[[Episode Transscript: Ugh!]] 
[[When Worlds Collide]]

{{Slogan}}

[[Category:Episode]]
[[Category:Season 3]]

Ugh (Episode)

2008-02-05T13:42:21Z

84.160.255.135:

An episode.
==Songs/Transcripts==
[[Episode Transscript: Ugh!]]
[[When Worlds Collide]]

{{Slogan}}

[[Category:Episode]]
[[Category:Season 3]]

Episode Transcript: Ugh

2008-02-05T13:39:01Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Clams|Clams]]
|[[Episode Transscript: The Great Snail Race|The Great Snail Race]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Ugh! (Episode)|UGH]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeGar]]
*[[Pattar]]
*[[Squogg]]
*[[Prehistoric Gray]]
*[[Money Krabbs]]

(We see the Bikini Attoll Island as we often do at the beginnings of episodes. But this time, it is a prehistoric island with murky water and foggy skies. A pterodactyl flies over the island.) 
Narrator: Ah, dawn breaks over the primordial sea. (We submerge into the prehistoric Pacific ocean to see a muddy swamp.) It's here that thousands of years ago, life began taking its first clumsy steps out of the darkness, opening its newly-formed eyeballs to stare into the blinding light of intelligence, in order to- Umm... never mind. This happened a long time ago. 
(We pan over to prehistiric Conch street, where three houses similar to SpongeBob's pineapple, Patrick's rock, and Squidward's Easter Island Head, except SpongeBob's house has a fern growing out of the top, Squidward's is more like a monkey-shaped head, and Patrick's has no bamboo weathervane. These are prehistoric homes to the three's cavemen ancestors. In caveman SpongeBob's house, it is one large, empty room with cave drawings of him jellyfishing on the walls and rocks and bones on a shelf above his blanket, which he sleeps under. Back outside, a giant purple dinosaur fish wakes up under a beam of sunlight to gurgle out a call similar to SpongeBob's foghorn alarm clock. The sound waves cause the rock to rattle off a shelf and it falls on the prehistoric sponge’s head. Alarmed, Sponge shrieks, but calms down when he notices the rock. He laughs and shoves the rock back on the shelf. He then takes his hide blanket from on the floor and puts it on as a pair of caveman pants. He puts on arm through a sleeve and walks outside of his pineapple, dragging a vine behind him.) 
SpongeGar: Banooga ready! Tabonga, Gary! 
Gary: Meow. 
SpongeGar: Gary! Tabonga! 
(SpongeGar walks into the clearing with the vine, and we that it's a leash and he’s walking a dinosnail Gary.) 
Gary: Meow. 
(Leaves behind a long trail of slime. SpongeGar and Gary walk past the primitive tiki lair that holds prehistoric Squidward, who looks out the window to see a path of blue slime on his path.) 
Squogg: Huh? Grrr... 
(He is about to walk outside, but stops.) 
Squogg: Wait a minute... 
(He imagines himself babbling in anger at Gary, and Gary smashing him into a splattered squid with an eyestalk.) 
Squogg: Hmm... 
(He runs over and picks up two clubs. He debates with himself over which one to use. He takes the bigger one and walks out chuckeling. The club left behind cries. Squogg approaches SpongeGar and Gary, who are out in the clearing.) 
Squogg: SpongeGar! SpongeGar! Manaka! No tabonga Gary pooka! (Dino Gary rolls his eyes and slithers away as Squogg displays a small pile of snail slime and points to his front walkway, covered in the snail goop.) Tabonga as a go kielo saila! Tabonga doo, tabonga doo! 
SpongeGar: Tabonga doo? Hmm... Tabonga doo... 
(Squogg fumes and stamps off, but slips on the snail slime, sliding as if on a "Slip 'n' Slide", screaming for SpongeGar's help. But SpongeGar is too busy pondering the meaning of Squogg’s demand. Squogg slams into caveman Patrick’s rock, which opens, revealing Patrick's ancestor sticking to the underside of it as Patrick often does.) 
Pattar: Pattar! 
(He walks over to Squogg, who is covered in snail slime, but not sliding any longer.) 
Pattar: Hmm... Yuk! (He sniffs his slime coating.) Blecch! (He tastes some of the slime cautiously.) Blecch! (He then takes out a salt shaker and adds some salt to the slime and tastes it again. This time it appears to be somewhat palatable, and he is satisfied, giving two thumbs up.) Mowonga! 
(Squogg, gets angry and shakes the slime off himself.) 
Squogg: Pattar! Grrr... 
Pattar: Squog! (He laughs and hugs him.) Pattar unga Squogg! 
(He squeezes him so tightly, that the veins in his arms pop out, and Squogg is slightly strangled.) 
Pattar: Squogg... Squogg! 
(SpongeGar notices Pattar.) 
SpongeGar: Pattar! 
(Pattar sees him and lets go of Squogg, and Squogg passes out onto the ground. The two run up to each other.) 
Pattar: SpongeGar! (SpongeGar smiles and hits himself on the head. Pattar smiles and punches himself in the face a couple times. SpongeGar pulls out his nose and lets it go, slamming it back into his face. He screams, then stops suddenly and smiles. Pattar pulls his lower lip over his head, and it tears off. He screams, then smiles.) SpongeGar! 
SpongeGar: Pattar! 
Squogg: Pfffffttt! 
(Pattar and SpongeGar hug.) 
Squogg: SpongeGar and Pattar no got malonka palinka. Heh, heh. Palinka... (He is about to walk home again, when he slips on the slime trail again, and slides for a moment longer before sliding into his clay monkey head house and crashing into the back wall, where cave paintings of huters with arrows point at his exposed rear.) Ohh... (Back in the sand field accross from the row of homes, SpongeGar reaches into his pants and pulls out half of a coconut shell with juice inside. He howls in glee. Pattar sniffs it. SpongeGar gets a log and pours the liquid into it and blows into a hollow branch sticking out of the top of it, producing a bubble in a hole on the other side of the log. Pattar tries to take cover from the bubble, but then sees it pop and realizes it's harmless and that there is no need to protect himself from it. So he claps and howls in delight. Then, clouds appear and it begins to rain. Pattar then claps again and the rain stops, and the clouds relocate themselves. Pattar smiles. SpongeGar tries his hand at it, but the rain stall. A few moments later, the clouds re-appear and it rains. Both cheer. Pattar claps, and the rain ceases once more. The two get excited, and clap excessively. The rain begins, but won't stop. Next, thunder sounds, and the two stop their howling. Pattar claps again, but nothing happens. Squogg watches them from the second story window in his house.) Pattar an SpongeGar bawannagog. No pooka Squogg. Squogg paint tayla foo. 
(Squogg starts to paint when thunder sounds, and lightning strike. Squogg looks out his window and gasps to see that the bubble-blowing log has been ignited in flames, and Pattar and SpongeGar have been injured by the lightning.) 
Squogg: Pattar? SpongeGar? 
(Both get up and run behind a rock, startled. They peek out from behind it to see the fire. SpongeGar, Squogg, and Pattar slowly approach it, quaking. Squogg sniffs it and sticks his hand into it. His hand burns and he takes it out and screams in pain. SpongeGar and Pattar put their hands in.) 
Both: Huh? Hmmm... Uh-huh, Uh-huh... Ahhh... 
(Suddenly, both scream, and all three suck their hands. Then, Patrick sniffs his, and turns away from it. Then, he adds salt and gnaws on his hand, and crawls away, thinking that SpongeGar and Squogg will eat it. They don't want it, but they do get hungry. SpongeGar sees two plants.) 
SpongeGar: Fongar! 
(As he runs over to get them, Squogg calls him a protozoa.) 
Squogg: Monga. 
(SpongeGar is walking back when he trips and the plants fly into the fire.) 
Squogg: SpongeGar! 
(He angrilly speaks gibberish. When he's done, he turns to see that Pattar is salting his burnt hand. When Pattar goes to bite Squoggs hand, Squogg smashes his head in with a stick.) 
Squogg: Pattar! Chonga! 
(Pattar crawls away dissappointedly. SpongeGar stares at Squogg’s stick, the two plants in the fire, then the stick again, then the plants, back and forth. We hear mystical music as he looks at the two faster and faster. Then, we see the four live-action singers in barber-shop garb with grey mustaches. Suddenly, SpongeGar gets an idea.) 
SpongeGar: Aha! Squogg! Squogg! (Motions towards the stick.) Tooka SpongeGar? Hmm? (Squogg nods happily and hits SpongeGar on the head with the stick.) Nah! Nah! Nah! 
(He slowly impales one of the plants with with the stick. He sniffs it and then eats it. He then begins jumping up and down in delight, hooting. Apparently, it tasted good. Squogg watches him. Then, SpongeGar offers the other plant to Squogg, who hesitantly takes it and eats it. But he ents up liking it, and hoots and jumps up and down as SpongeGar watches. He and SpongeGar then shake hands.) 
Squogg: Taila foo, SpongeGar! Taila foo, SpongeGar! Naw dumbo! 
(A speech balloon appears from Squogg's mouth with Albert Einstein in it. Later, SpongeGar, Pattar, and Squogg have a cookout. SpongeGar sticks a marshmallow-like egg through the stick, and roasts it in the fire and eats it. Squogg does the same with a piece of coral. Pattar toasts a stick and eats it, puncturing his lips.) 
SpongeGar: Pattar! Uh-uh. Wath SpongeGar! 
(Mr. Krabs' ancestor scuttles by.) 
Krabbs: Money! Money! Ooga booga! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Ooga boo... 
(SpongeGar steps on him and stabs him with Pattar's stick. Pattar takes the stick, puts it in the fire, and eats the crab. The three cheer before they all run off. SpongeGar impales some seaweed, toasts it, and eats them. Squogg takes some more plants, and roasts them. Pattar roats his own green and purple hide and eats it. He burps up a charred strip of cloth and uses it as a napkin. SpongeGar twirls up some vines on the stick, roasts it, and slurps it like spaghetti. Squogg puts some popcorn it a pan and eats it. Pattar lifts up a rock, and a bunch of little Krabs scatter from it. Pattar's mouth waters. SpongeGar creates a sand Krabby Patty and eats it. He toasts it. They all continue to scavenge food, take it to the fire to toast it, and eat it. Later, they are lying on their backs, surrounding the fire. They have all become fat, but are satisfied and not hungry. They yawn and get up.) 
Squogg: Ganoga, Pattar. Ganoga, SpongeGar. 
Pattar: Ganoga, Squogg. Ganoga, SpongeGar. 
SpongeGar: Ganoga, Pattar. Ganoga, Squogg. 
(The three walk back to their houses, but then halt. The three turn and look at the fire. Squogg runs over and picks up the fire.) 
SpongeGar: No Squogg fwee fwee! SpongeGar fwee fwee! 
Squogg: SpongeGar fagonda! 
(SpongeGar shoves Squogg. Squogg is shocked and sets the log down and shoves him back for revenge. SpongeGar shoves Squogg, and Squogg whacks him with his club. SpongeGar hits Squogg with his own club. The two continue to whack each other with clubs, while Pattar retrieves the fire. He hoots excitedly as he runs back to his rock. Pattar looks behind him to see if Squogg and Gar have caught up, and turns to see SpongeGar and Squogg in front of him.) 
Both: Pattar! 
(Pattar screams, throwing the log into the air, where it stays. Squogg is about to catch it when SpongeGar jumps on Squogg’s head and takes it instead.) 
Squogg: Grrr... (SpongeGar runs off with it, but Pattar takes it, then Squogg. Then, SpongeGar takes Squogg mistake and chuckles nervously. Pattar takes the log, then Squogg again. It is then taken by SpongeGar. He falls into trap Pattar made and Pattar grabs it instead. He then is scared off by a picture held up by Squogg.) Dumba Patar. Fwee fwee Squogg! (He picks up the log, runs back to his house and searches for the key in his pocket. He gets it, but then realizes that the log is gone.) Grrr... 
(He sees SpongeGar running away with it but he falls victim of another Pattar trap and drops the log. Pattar grabs it and runs off happily.) 
SpongeGar: Pattar! Bawana, Pattar! Bawana! 
Pattar: Pattar fwee fwee! 
(He is tripped by Squogg, and the log flies off. Squog chuckles and runs after the log as it rolls away. Pattar joins Squogg, all chasing the log again.) 
Squogg: Fwee fwee Squogg! Fwee fwee Squogg! 
Pattar: Pattar fwee fwee! 
SpongeGar: SpongeGar fwee fwee! 
(The three chase it up a cliff, but it rolls back down and the chases them.) 
All: Fwee fwee go bonga! 
(The chase is again reversed as the three follow the log. When it stops rolling, they all tug on it.) 
SpongeGar: SpongeGar fwee fwee! 
Squogg: Squogg fwee fwee! 
Pattar: Pattar fwee fwee! 
(The fire is suddenly extinguished by more rain) 
SpongeGar: Oh, Pattar... 
Pattar: Oh, SpongeGar... 
(SpongeGar and Pattar cry.)
SpongeGar: Oh, Pattar... 
Pattar: Oh, SpongeGar... 
Squogg: Sutaka jakasa! (He pulls out his club, but is struck by lightning. He falls to the ground, charred.) ...Tabonga nu. 
(SpongeGar and Pattar roast marshmallows over Squogg.) 
Narrator: Perhaps certain events in history are better left untold. 
Patchy: Yes What? 

Song: "[[When Worlds Collide]]"
When worlds collide
You can run
But no can hide

When worlds collide
You'll laugh so hard
You'll swear you've died

When worlds collide
Hold my hand
I'll be your guide

When worlds collide
Buckle...buckle...buckle up for the sweetest ride
And prepare to have your mind blown wide
When worlds collide

When worlds collide, it's a curious thing
Bet you never heard a robot and a caveman sing
In his metal chest are some working parts
How is that different from my beating heart?

I'm from the future, and I'm from the past
But that don't mean this friendship wasn't built to last
He was made in a lab, and I was born in a cave
So let me hear you holler for this inter-era rave

You, you, you, you can run
But no can hide
When worlds collide

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: Ugh

2008-02-05T13:38:02Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Clams|Clams]]
|[[Episode Transscript: The Great Snail Race|The Great Snail Race]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Ugh! (Episode)|UGH]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeGar]]
*[[Pattar]]
*[[Squogg]]
*[[Prehistoric Gray]]
*[[Money Krabbs]]

(We see the Bikini Attoll Island as we often do at the beginnings of episodes. But this time, it is a prehistoric island with murky water and foggy skies. A pterodactyl flies over the island.) 
Narrator: Ah, dawn breaks over the primordial sea. (We submerge into the prehistoric Pacific ocean to see a muddy swamp.) It's here that thousands of years ago, life began taking its first clumsy steps out of the darkness, opening its newly-formed eyeballs to stare into the blinding light of intelligence, in order to- Umm... never mind. This happened a long time ago. 
(We pan over to prehistiric Conch street, where three houses similar to SpongeBob's pineapple, Patrick's rock, and Squidward's Easter Island Head, except SpongeBob's house has a fern growing out of the top, Squidward's is more like a monkey-shaped head, and Patrick's has no bamboo weathervane. These are prehistoric homes to the three's cavemen ancestors. In caveman SpongeBob's house, it is one large, empty room with cave drawings of him jellyfishing on the walls and rocks and bones on a shelf above his blanket, which he sleeps under. Back outside, a giant purple dinosaur fish wakes up under a beam of sunlight to gurgle out a call similar to SpongeBob's foghorn alarm clock. The sound waves cause the rock to rattle off a shelf and it falls on the prehistoric sponge’s head. Alarmed, Sponge shrieks, but calms down when he notices the rock. He laughs and shoves the rock back on the shelf. He then takes his hide blanket from on the floor and puts it on as a pair of caveman pants. He puts on arm through a sleeve and walks outside of his pineapple, dragging a vine behind him.) 
SpongeGar: Banooga ready! Tabonga, Gary! 
Gary: Meow. 
SpongeGar: Gary! Tabonga! 
(SpongeGar walks into the clearing with the vine, and we that it's a leash and he’s walking a dinosnail Gary.) 
Gary: Meow. 
(Leaves behind a long trail of slime. SpongeGar and Gary walk past the primitive tiki lair that holds prehistoric Squidward, who looks out the window to see a path of blue slime on his path.) 
Squogg: Huh? Grrr... 
(He is about to walk outside, but stops.) 
Squogg: Wait a minute... 
(He imagines himself babbling in anger at Gary, and Gary smashing him into a splattered squid with an eyestalk.) 
Squogg: Hmm... 
(He runs over and picks up two clubs. He debates with himself over which one to use. He takes the bigger one and walks out chuckeling. The club left behind cries. Squogg approaches SpongeGar and Gary, who are out in the clearing.) 
Squogg: SpongeGar! SpongeGar! Manaka! No tabonga Gary pooka! (Dino Gary rolls his eyes and slithers away as Squogg displays a small pile of snail slime and points to his front walkway, covered in the snail goop.) Tabonga as a go kielo saila! Tabonga doo, tabonga doo! 
SpongeGar: Tabonga doo? Hmm... Tabonga doo... 
(Squogg fumes and stamps off, but slips on the snail slime, sliding as if on a "Slip 'n' Slide", screaming for SpongeGar's help. But SpongeGar is too busy pondering the meaning of Squogg’s demand. Squogg slams into caveman Patrick’s rock, which opens, revealing Patrick's ancestor sticking to the underside of it as Patrick often does.) 
Pattar: Pattar! 
(He walks over to Squogg, who is covered in snail slime, but not sliding any longer.) 
Pattar: Hmm... Yuk! (He sniffs his slime coating.) Blecch! (He tastes some of the slime cautiously.) Blecch! (He then takes out a salt shaker and adds some salt to the slime and tastes it again. This time it appears to be somewhat palatable, and he is satisfied, giving two thumbs up.) Mowonga! 
(Squogg, gets angry and shakes the slime off himself.) 
Squogg: Pattar! Grrr... 
Pattar: Squog! (He laughs and hugs him.) Pattar unga Squogg! 
(He squeezes him so tightly, that the veins in his arms pop out, and Squogg is slightly strangled.) 
Pattar: Squogg... Squogg! 
(SpongeGar notices Pattar.) 
SpongeGar: Pattar! 
(Pattar sees him and lets go of Squogg, and Squogg passes out onto the ground. The two run up to each other.) 
Pattar: SpongeGar! (SpongeGar smiles and hits himself on the head. Pattar smiles and punches himself in the face a couple times. SpongeGar pulls out his nose and lets it go, slamming it back into his face. He screams, then stops suddenly and smiles. Pattar pulls his lower lip over his head, and it tears off. He screams, then smiles.) SpongeGar! 
SpongeGar: Pattar! 
Squogg: Pfffffttt! 
(Pattar and SpongeGar hug.) 
Squogg: SpongeGar and Pattar no got malonka palinka. Heh, heh. Palinka... (He is about to walk home again, when he slips on the slime trail again, and slides for a moment longer before sliding into his clay monkey head house and crashing into the back wall, where cave paintings of huters with arrows point at his exposed rear.) Ohh... (Back in the sand field accross from the row of homes, SpongeGar reaches into his pants and pulls out half of a coconut shell with juice inside. He howls in glee. Pattar sniffs it. SpongeGar gets a log and pours the liquid into it and blows into a hollow branch sticking out of the top of it, producing a bubble in a hole on the other side of the log. Pattar tries to take cover from the bubble, but then sees it pop and realizes it's harmless and that there is no need to protect himself from it. So he claps and howls in delight. Then, clouds appear and it begins to rain. Pattar then claps again and the rain stops, and the clouds relocate themselves. Pattar smiles. SpongeGar tries his hand at it, but the rain stall. A few moments later, the clouds re-appear and it rains. Both cheer. Pattar claps, and the rain ceases once more. The two get excited, and clap excessively. The rain begins, but won't stop. Next, thunder sounds, and the two stop their howling. Pattar claps again, but nothing happens. Squogg watches them from the second story window in his house.) Pattar an SpongeGar bawannagog. No pooka Squogg. Squogg paint tayla foo. 
(Squogg starts to paint when thunder sounds, and lightning strike. Squogg looks out his window and gasps to see that the bubble-blowing log has been ignited in flames, and Pattar and SpongeGar have been injured by the lightning.) 
Squogg: Pattar? SpongeGar? 
(Both get up and run behind a rock, startled. They peek out from behind it to see the fire. SpongeGar, Squogg, and Pattar slowly approach it, quaking. Squogg sniffs it and sticks his hand into it. His hand burns and he takes it out and screams in pain. SpongeGar and Pattar put their hands in.) 
Both: Huh? Hmmm... Uh-huh, Uh-huh... Ahhh... 
(Suddenly, both scream, and all three suck their hands. Then, Patrick sniffs his, and turns away from it. Then, he adds salt and gnaws on his hand, and crawls away, thinking that SpongeGar and Squogg will eat it. They don't want it, but they do get hungry. SpongeGar sees two plants.) 
SpongeGar: Fongar! 
(As he runs over to get them, Squogg calls him a protozoa.) 
Squogg: Monga. 
(SpongeGar is walking back when he trips and the plants fly into the fire.) 
Squogg: SpongeGar! 
(He angrilly speaks gibberish. When he's done, he turns to see that Pattar is salting his burnt hand. When Pattar goes to bite Squoggs hand, Squogg smashes his head in with a stick.) 
Squogg: Pattar! Chonga! 
(Pattar crawls away dissappointedly. SpongeGar stares at Squogg’s stick, the two plants in the fire, then the stick again, then the plants, back and forth. We hear mystical music as he looks at the two faster and faster. Then, we see the four live-action singers in barber-shop garb with grey mustaches. Suddenly, SpongeGar gets an idea.) 
SpongeGar: Aha! Squogg! Squogg! (Motions towards the stick.) Tooka SpongeGar? Hmm? (Squogg nods happily and hits SpongeGar on the head with the stick.) Nah! Nah! Nah! 
(He slowly impales one of the plants with with the stick. He sniffs it and then eats it. He then begins jumping up and down in delight, hooting. Apparently, it tasted good. Squogg watches him. Then, SpongeGar offers the other plant to Squogg, who hesitantly takes it and eats it. But he ents up liking it, and hoots and jumps up and down as SpongeGar watches. He and SpongeGar then shake hands.) 
Squogg: Taila foo, SpongeGar! Taila foo, SpongeGar! Naw dumbo! 
(A speech balloon appears from Squogg's mouth with Albert Einstein in it. Later, SpongeGar, Pattar, and Squogg have a cookout. SpongeGar sticks a marshmallow-like egg through the stick, and roasts it in the fire and eats it. Squogg does the same with a piece of coral. Pattar toasts a stick and eats it, puncturing his lips.) 
SpongeGar: Pattar! Uh-uh. Wath SpongeGar! 
(Mr. Krabs' ancestor scuttles by.) 
Krabbs: Money! Money! Ooga booga! Money! Money! Money! Money! Money! Ooga boo... 
(SpongeGar steps on him and stabs him with Pattar's stick. Pattar takes the stick, puts it in the fire, and eats the crab. The three cheer before they all run off. SpongeGar impales some seaweed, toasts it, and eats them. Squogg takes some more plants, and roasts them. Pattar roats his own green and purple hide and eats it. He burps up a charred strip of cloth and uses it as a napkin. SpongeGar twirls up some vines on the stick, roasts it, and slurps it like spaghetti. Squogg puts some popcorn it a pan and eats it. Pattar lifts up a rock, and a bunch of little Krabs scatter from it. Pattar's mouth waters. SpongeGar creates a sand Krabby Patty and eats it. He toasts it. They all continue to scavenge food, take it to the fire to toast it, and eat it. Later, they are lying on their backs, surrounding the fire. They have all become fat, but are satisfied and not hungry. They yawn and get up.) 
Squogg: Ganoga, Pattar. Ganoga, SpongeGar. 
Pattar: Ganoga, Squogg. Ganoga, SpongeGar. 
SpongeGar: Ganoga, Pattar. Ganoga, Squogg. 
(The three walk back to their houses, but then halt. The three turn and look at the fire. Squogg runs over and picks up the fire.) 
SpongeGar: No Squogg fwee fwee! SpongeGar fwee fwee! 
Squogg: SpongeGar fagonda! 
(SpongeGar shoves Squogg. Squogg is shocked and sets the log down and shoves him back for revenge. SpongeGar shoves Squogg, and Squogg whacks him with his club. SpongeGar hits Squogg with his own club. The two continue to whack each other with clubs, while Pattar retrieves the fire. He hoots excitedly as he runs back to his rock. Pattar looks behind him to see if Squogg and Gar have caught up, and turns to see SpongeGar and Squogg in front of him.) 
Both: Pattar! 
(Pattar screams, throwing the log into the air, where it stays. Squogg is about to catch it when SpongeGar jumps on Squogg’s head and takes it instead.) 
Squogg: Grrr... (SpongeGar runs off with it, but Pattar takes it, then Squogg. Then, SpongeGar takes Squogg mistake and chuckles nervously. Pattar takes the log, then Squogg again. It is then taken by SpongeGar. He falls into trap Pattar made and Pattar grabs it instead. He then is scared off by a picture held up by Squogg.) Dumba Patar. Fwee fwee Squogg! (He picks up the log, runs back to his house and searches for the key in his pocket. He gets it, but then realizes that the log is gone.) Grrr... 
(He sees SpongeGar running away with it but he falls victim of another Pattar trap and drops the log. Pattar grabs it and runs off happily.) 
SpongeGar: Pattar! Bawana, Pattar! Bawana! 
Pattar: Pattar fwee fwee! 
(He is tripped by Squogg, and the log flies off. Squog chuckles and runs after the log as it rolls away. Pattar joins Squogg, all chasing the log again.) 
Squogg: Fwee fwee Squogg! Fwee fwee Squogg! 
Pattar: Pattar fwee fwee! 
SpongeGar: SpongeGar fwee fwee! 
(The three chase it up a cliff, but it rolls back down and the chases them.) 
All: Fwee fwee go bonga! 
(The chase is again reversed as the three follow the log. When it stops rolling, they all tug on it.) 
SpongeGar: SpongeGar fwee fwee! 
Squogg: Squogg fwee fwee! 
Pattar: Pattar fwee fwee! 
(The fire is suddenly extinguished by more rain) 
SpongeGar: Oh, Pattar... 
Pattar: Oh, SpongeGar... 
(SpongeGar and Pattar cry.)
SpongeGar: Oh, Pattar... 
Pattar: Oh, SpongeGar... 
Squogg: Sutaka jakasa! (He pulls out his club, but is struck by lightning. He falls to the ground, charred.) ...Tabonga nu. 
(SpongeGar and Pattar roast marshmallows over Squogg.) 
Narrator: Perhaps certain events in history are better left untold. 
Patchy: Yes What? 

Song: "[[When Wrolds Collide]]"
When worlds collide
You can run
But no can hide

When worlds collide
You'll laugh so hard
You'll swear you've died

When worlds collide
Hold my hand
I'll be your guide

When worlds collide
Buckle...buckle...buckle up for the sweetest ride
And prepare to have your mind blown wide
When worlds collide

When worlds collide, it's a curious thing
Bet you never heard a robot and a caveman sing
In his metal chest are some working parts
How is that different from my beating heart?

I'm from the future, and I'm from the past
But that don't mean this friendship wasn't built to last
He was made in a lab, and I was born in a cave
So let me hear you holler for this inter-era rave

You, you, you, you can run
But no can hide
When worlds collide

[[Category:Transscript]]

Episode Transcript: The Great Snail Race

2008-02-05T12:39:30Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: Ugh!|UGH]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Mid-Life Crustacean|Mid-Life Crustacean]]
|}

Episode Article: [[The Great Snail Race]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Snellie]]
*[[Sandy Cheeks]]

Spongebob: Good morning, pineapple! (plays the bugle to wake Gary up) Good morning, Gary! (pats Gary’s shell) 
Gary: Meow. 
Spongebob: (opens his front door) Good morning, world! I’m ready! World? (scene screens over to Squidward's front door where a delivery man with a pet cage walks over and knocks on his door) 
Squidward: Talk to me. 
Delivery Man: Package, sir. 
Squidward: A-ha! (Squidward signs a clipboard) I can’t believe it’s finally here! (delivery man hands him the cage) 
Delivery Man: Here ya go! 
Squidward: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. (hands him the clipboard) 
Delivery Man: Thank you, Mr...Tennis Balls. 
Squidward: That’s Tentacles! (slams the door shut) 
Spongebob: Squidward’s last name is Tentacles? 
Patrick: Poor guy. (Squidward walks out with a new snail) Hey, check out Squidward’s new snail. 
Spongebob: (whistles) Fancy. So that’s what came in the mail. Looks like Gary has a new little playmate. 
Squidward: Pfft, dream on, Spongebob. (holding his snail) I wouldn’t let Snellie here play with that mongrel mutt. She’s a purebred. 
Patrick: Wow, a snail made out of bread. 
Squidward: No! Purebred means she’s of the highest pedigree. See? (holds up a certificate) She even has her own papers. So if you’ll excuse us, Snellie has to start her training. 
Spongebob: Training? 
Squidward: For Bikini Bottom’s snail race. Snellie will be winning this Sunday. 
Patrick: Sunday? 
Spongebob: Well, I guess I can’t enter Gary in that. Sunday’s laundry day! 
Squidward: No, Spongebob. You can’t enter Gary because Gary’s a mutt. (Gary is shown looking like a hillbilly) 
Spongebob: Boy, you got that right. Gary’s no...hey! What makes you so sure Gary couldn’t win that race? (Squidward shows the certificate again) 
Squidward: Papers. (Patrick walks up and reads it) 
Patrick: Hmmm, 'Property of Squidward Tentpoles'. 
Squidward: That’s Tennisball...err, Tentacles! Come on, Snellie. (walks off) 
Spongebob: You know what? I’m starting to get the idea that Squidward thinks his snail is better than mine. 
Patrick: No! 
Spongebob: Patrick, are you thinking what I’m thinking? 
Patrick: Yeah, I should get a snail and enter it in that race and beat Squidward! (Patrick runs off) 
Spongebob: Are you thinking what I’m thinking? (Gary imagines himself watching TV) No, no, no! I’m thinking about entering you in that race and beating Squidward’s snail! (Spongebob runs off then returns wearing a coache's outfit) Looks like we’re going to start our training now, ladies. (laughs) I call you a lady to humiliate and demean you. It’s a motivational tool we coaches use. (scene cuts to Sandy walking down the street) 
Sandy: Hmm, I don’t know why, but I think I’ll kick Spongebob’s butt tomorrow. (scene cuts to Spongebob opening a can) 
Spongebob: Kelp powder for muscle mass. (drops the food in a blender as Gary looks on with disgust) Raw eggs ‘cause they’re cliché. (drops the eggs in the blender) And nails for toughness. (drops the nails in the blender. Turns on the blender) 
Gary: Meow. 
Spongebob: Of course, I expect you to eat this. (Spongebob pours some of the blended food into a glass) It’s scientifically designed to help you win tomorrow. Gary? (Gary is already out of the room through his snail door. Spongebob stops his stopwatch) Wow, pretty good time. 
Patrick: (holding a rock) Hey Spongebob, check out my new snail. 
Spongebob: Patrick, your snail is a rock. 
Patrick: Yeah, thanks, I know. He’s got nerves of steel. See you at the big race. (walks off) 
Spongebob: Boy, the competition’s getting tough. (walks over to Gary watching TV) That’s it, Gary. (takes out a leash) We are going to start some serious training right now. 
Gary: Meow. 
Spongebob: (puts the leash on Gary. Gary tries to stretch his eyes to watching the tv as long as he can before he's pulled out of the room) Alright Gary, let’s start with some sprints. (holds up a stopwatch) On your mark. Get set. Go! Go Gary, go! Com on, go, Gary! It's all yours, Gary! (Spongebob notices Gary is not there) Gary? (Spongebob walks up to Gary, who is watching more TV) Come on Gary, the big race is tomorrow. You got to start training if you want to win. 
Squidward: (pops his head in Spongebob's lower window) Don’t waste your breath, Spongebob. That mongrel of yours doesn’t have a chance against Snellie. 
Patrick: (pops his head in Spongebob's upper window) Excuse me, but you two seem to be forgetting who the real winner will be...my snail. (shows his rock) 
Squidward: Patrick, that’s a rock. 
Patrick: Yeah, thanks. I know. He’s got nerves of steel. 
Squidward: Hey, what are you standing on, anyway? (scene shows Patrick standing on Squidward's shoulders) Like I said, don’t even bother showing up tomorrow. (Squidward walks off as Patrick pops his head back in one of the windows) 
Patrick: My snail’s really got Squidward scared, huh, Spongebob? 
Spongebob: Sorry Patrick, Gary and I’ve got some serious work to do. (picks up Gary and walks off) 
Patrick: You can run, but you can’t hide, Squarepants! >(scene cuts to Spongebob and Gary outside) 
Spongebob: Alright Gary, no more fooling around. Time to get serious. (scene cuts to Spongebob blowing on a whistl) Come on, Gary, move it! (scene cuts to Gary crawling up and down a wall) Up, up, up, up! Down, down, down, down! (scene cuts to Gary punching a punching bag with his eyes) Faster, faster, faster! Go, go, go! (scene cuts to Spongebob following Gary on his bike) Come on, push it, Gary, push it! (scene cuts to Gary on the toilet) Move that shell! (scene cuts to Gary in the bathtub with Spongebob looking through the curtains) Come on, Gary, move it! (scene cuts to Gary eating) Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! Faster! (scene cuts to nighttime. Gary is on an exercise wheel while Spongebob is sleeping but giving orders at the same time) Let’s go, let’s go! Speed it up, speed it up, speed it up! Move it, Gary! Move it, move it, move it, move it... (scene cuts to morning where Gary is tired and out of breath and on a leash) Stroke, stroke, stroke, stroke. (Gary is pulling Spongebob in a wagon) Come on, Gary, we’re gonna be late for the big race! (scene cuts to an announcer) 
Fish: Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our live coverage of this year’s annual spring classic, the 102nd Running of The Snail. And what a beautiful day for this sport of kings, of which I am a huge fan. Seriously, I’m just a fan. I was on my way to my seat, the door was open. 
Announcer: Hey, what are you doing? (fish runs away as the announcer comes and sits down) Heh, sorry about that, folks. Let’s go down to the field to join the mayor for the pre-game ceremony. (scene cuts to a large fish standing by a microphone) 
Mayor: And now for the lighting of the Torch of Good Sportsmanship, please join me in welcoming snail racing’s first-ever champion, Lightning Larry Luciano! (crowd cheers as the band plays. Larry comes crawling out every so slowly with a flame attached on his back) 
Announcer: Would you look at that, folks? Lightning Larry Luciano, a living legend, slowly making his way center stage. And what a proud moment for this sport. The crowd is going absolutely nuts... (crowd is cheering) ...for Larry. (Larry is still crawling to the torch) He’s almost there. Uhh, yes, siree, any minute now. 
Narrator: Two hours later. (band is not playing as loud) 
Announcer: He’s almost a quarter of the way there. (Larry is still crawling up to the torch. The mayor checks his watch then runs over and grabs Larry and lights the torch) 
Mayor: The torch is lit! Let the race begin! (the crowd cheers. Cut to the playing field, where Sponge and Squid are standing at the starting line. The snails have markers: Snellie is #6, and a very worn out Gary is #7) 
Squidward: Well Spongebob, I must admit, I didn’t think that mongrel mutt of yours would even find the starting line. Congratulations. (laughs) 
Spongebob: Save it for the loser’s circle, Squidward. Gary happens to be in the best shape of his life. (Gary is coughing) 
Squidward: I’ll alert the paramedics. 
Patrick: (laughs) Good one, Squidward. 
Official: (walks up to the contestants) You guys ready? 
Patrick: (screams) A burglar! 
Spongebob: No, Patrick, that’s the official. 
Official: We’re ready to start here, folks. 
Squidward: Ok, Snellie, let’s show these common, garden-variety snails what superior breeding is all about. 
Snellie: Meow. 
Spongebob: Alright Gary, listen up, the competition is going to be fierce. You’re the undersnail. Everybody’s already counting you out. Now get out there and win so we can rub Squidward’s big fat nose in it. 
Gary: Meow. 
Patrick: This is what you’ve been training for, Rocky. This is why we’re here. (official raises the flag) 
Official: On your mark. Get set. (lowers the flag) Slither! (Snellie runs out first) 
Announcer: And they’re off! Number six, Snellie, rockets out of the starting blocks, leaving the other two competitors in the dust! 
Spongebob: What! (runs over to Gary) 
Squidward: Go, Snellie, you got it, baby! 
Spongebob: What are you doing, Gary? The race has started! You let Snellie take the lead! Let’s go, Gary. start moving! You’re blowing everything we trained for! Blowing it! 
Patrick: It’s ok, Rocky. You go when you feel like it. 
Spongebob: Gary, are you listening to me?! Get the anchors out of your pants right now! (Gary is trying to move fast) Don’t give me that look! I said now, mister! Get going, Gary! (Spongebob jumps up and down while Gary is moving slowly) Go, go, go, go, go! 
Announcer: And there goes number 7 out of the starting gate. Oh, hang on, folks. He doesn’t look so good. 
Spongebob: Not good enough, Gary, not good enough! Faster! (Gary tries to go faster) 
Announcer: I do not like the look of this. 
Spongebob: Come on, Gary, it’s a race! A race! Have you heard of 'em? (Gary eyes are now really small) 
Announcer: That couch is pushing that snail too hard. 
Spongebob: Faster, Gary, faster, faster, faster, faster! (Gary’s left eye explodes) Huh? (crowd gasps) 
Announcer: Oh, looks like number 7 has a blowout! (Gary’s other eye explodes) Oops, make that 2, folks. 
Spongebob: Uhh, Gary? (Gary’s shell breaks showing a machine inside) 
Announcer: Plus, a blown head gasket! Oh, and the poor creature’s still going for it. 
Spongebob: (getting worried) Umm, Gary, you can stop now. (Gary is leaving skid marks on the track) 
Announcer: And he’s losing control! (Gary is running into walls and making a bunch of sparks) 
Spongebob: You can take a breath now if you want to, Gary. (Gary is spinning on the track) 
Announcer: He’s spinning out of control! (crowd gasps) He’s heading straight for the wall! (Gary runs into a wall of tires and explodes. The crowd gasps again then they cheer) 
Spongebob: No! (two firemen come up and extinguish the smoke. Squidward laughs) Hold on, Gary, I’m coming! (runs onto the track) 
Announcer: Whoa. One of the coaches seems to have raced onto the track. That is an automatic disqualification. Looks like number six has this race all wrapped up, ladies and gentlemen. (Snellie is coming up on the finish line) 
Squidward: Come on, Snellie, it’s all you, baby! 
Spongebob: (runs up to Gary, crying) Oh, Gary, I’m sorry! Why didn’t you just say I was pushing it too hard? 
Gary: Meow. 
Spongebob: You did? (cries more) Oh, Gary, why didn’t you tell me I wasn’t listening? 
Gary: Meow. 
Spongebob: You did? (cries some more) Oh, Gary! Oh, Gary! (Snellie turns around and heads straight to Gary) 
Squidward: What? (Gary notices Snellie racing towards him and he is back to normal now) 
Spongebob: Gary? (Gary and Snellie start purring at each other) Oh... 
Crowd: Aww... 
Announcer: My, oh, my. Folks, I have never seen anything quite like this. It seems Snellie, the leader, just went back to comfort Gary. (Squidward walks up to where the snails are at) 
Spongebob: Looks like you and I are in-laws, eh, Squidward? 
Squidward: But that’s impossible. If Snellie didn’t win, then... (rocky is at the finish line) 
Announcer: And the winner is Rocky! (crowd cheers. Gary and Snellie crawl away) 
Squidward: I can’t believe it. My purebred, which cost me $1700, lost to a rock. (Patrick walks over with the trophy he won) 
Patrick: Don’t worry, Squidward, I know how much you wanted to win, so I had the trophy engraved to you. 
Squidward: Gosh, Patrick, thanks. (reads the engraving) 'The 1st Place Snail Racing Cup Presented to Squidward...Tortellini'? Will I ever win? (everyone laughs. Sandy comes on-screen and kicks Spongebob in the air) 
Sandy: That’s for yesterday, Squarepants!

[[Category:Transscript]]
[[Category:Episode Transscripts/Season 3]]

{{Slogan}}

Episode Transcript: Clams

2008-02-05T12:39:04Z

84.160.255.135:

{| border="1"
|-bgcolor="#CCCCCC"
!Back Episode Transscript
!Next Episode Transscript
|-
|align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transscript: New Student Starfish|New Student Starfish]]
|[[Episode Transscript: Ugh!|UGH]]
|}

Episode Article: [[Clams (Episode)|Clams]]

==Characters==

*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]

Customer: Uhh, what do you like better? The coral bits or the nacho oyster skins? 
Squidward: I like neither. Can I take your order? 
Customer: What about the barnacle rings, are they any good? 
Squidward: No. What will you have? 
Customer: Well, uhh, what’s your vote on the kelp... 
Squidward: Sir, let’s just get this out of the way, I hate everything on the menu! So what do you want? 
Spongebob: (pokes his head out from behind the kitchen window) Psst, try the coral bits. 
Customer: Uhh, I’ll try the coral bits. 
Squidward: That will be one dollar. (rings up one dollar then a siren goes off) 
Customer: What’s going on? 
Squidward: Something stupid, I’m sure. (alarm stops as a curtain opens up to show a real band in the background playing music. Mr Krabs comes out from his office) 
Mr Krabs: Yippee! (kisses the customer and Squidward. Takes the dollar and rubs it all over himself) Whoo-ha! Whoo-ha! 
Squidward: See? I told you. 
Spongebob: What’s wrong with Mr Krabs? 
Mr Krabs: (runs over to the counter) Nothing, lad! Do you know what this is? 
Squidward: A very dirty dollar? 
Mr Krabs: No, this is my one millionth dollar earned! Every crab’s goal in life is to make a million dollars, and now I got mine! Congratulations, sir! You have just given me my one millionth dollar! 
Customer: Ha, great! Uhh, what do I win? 
Mr Krabs: Nothing, now get out! 
Customer: Uhh, what? 
Mr Krabs: Out! Everybody get out, you’re spoiling me moment! (pushes everyone out the door) Me millionth dollar! 
Spongebob: Congratulations, Mr Krabs! 
Mr Krabs: Congratulate yourselves, lad! A captain’s nothing without his loyal crew! I mean, a crew like you comes around maybe once in a lifetime! And to reward you for making me millionth dollar, I’m taking you on a trip. 
Spongebob: Wow, a trip! 
Squidward: I can’t believe it, Mr Krabs! Where we going, Fancy Springs? (scene cuts to the three of them in a pool) 
Mr Krabs: No. 
Squidward: Pamper Island? (scene cuts to the three of them laying on towels at a beach) 
Mr Krabs: Try again. 
Squidward: Ooh, ooh, ooh, Bikini Bottom Folk Village? (scene cuts to the three of them in 18th century clothing) 
Mr Krabs: Better than that! (scene cuts to them wearing raincoats on a boat) 
Squidward: Clam fishing? This is the reward we get for all our hard work? Fishing for stinky clams on a smelly old boat on a filthy lagoon? You call this fun? 
Mr Krabs: Aww, come on now, Squidward. Three fellas at sea with nothing to do but throw their lines in the water, catch a few clams then throw them back. Don’t you think that’s fun? 
Squidward: No. (takes off his raincoat and sits on his chair) And to think I could be wearing a powdered wig right now. 
Spongebob: Hey Squidward, you want me to cast out over here so you can watch me? 
Squidward: How about you cast out over there so I can ignore you? 
Spongebob: Ok! (Spongebob casts his line behind him which catches on Squidwards magazine. Spongebob brins his line forward and casts it in the lagoon. Spongebob casts Squidward's chair) Hey, watch where you're swinging that... (Spongebob casts Squidward's shirt out in the lagoon) Spongebob, be careful with... (Spongebob casts Squidward's nose into the lagoon. Squidward screams then walks up to Mr Krabs) 
Squidward: Ok, I’ve had enough. 
Mr Krabs: (laughs) Oh Squidward, you got to lighten up. (Spongebob is still casting out items while Mr Krabs talks to Squidward) Sure the lad’s a bit over eager, but you've got to learn to roll with the punches, go with the flow. And don’t bring anything on a boat that you ain’t prepared to lose? (laughs. Spongebob casts Mr Krabs millionth dollar into the lagoon) Me millionth dollar! Spongebob, wait! Spongebob, you hooked me millionth dollar on the back swing! Reel it in before I keelhaul you! (music plays) Oh no. Spongebob, quick, reel it in! Can’t you hear the music? That’s a 4/4 string ostinato in D minor! Every sailor knows that means death! Reel it in before it’s too late! Hurry, Spongebob. the music’s getting faster! (Spongebob reels it in as fast as he can. Mr Krabs opens the doors to the orchestra) There you are ya stinkin' bilge rats. Stop playing that music! Stop it, please! I'm begging ya! Come on, honey, you can make it. Swim faster! Come to me, baby! Come on back! Hurry, Spongebob. 
Spongebob: She made it! 
Mr Krabs: (holds up the dollar and cheers) For a second or two, I thought she was a goner! (ominous orchestra music plays again. A giant clam jumps up and takes Mr Krabs dollar) 
Squidward: So, some trip, eh, Mr Krabs? 
Mr Krabs: Oh, Squidward, you’re never gonna believe it! A giant blue-lipped clam ate me millionth dollar! (bawling) I lost me dollar and I’ll never get it back! Never, never, never, never, never... 
Spongebob: I’ve never seen Mr Krabs so broken up. (Mr Krabs is in pieces, crying) 
Squidward: Oh, please, he's such a drama queen. C'mon, Mr Krabs, drop the act. (Mr Krabs is blubbering) Mr Krabs, it's just a stupid dollar. (continues blubbering. Mr Krabs pours tears into his mouth) For pete's sake, Mr Krabs, suck it up! (Mr Krabs's eyes fill up then leak out tears like water faucets) Mr Krabs... (Mr Krabs is stil wailing) Ok, ok, Mr Krabs, we’ll help you get your dollar back! (Mr Krabs throws his thumb away that he was sucking on) 
Mr Krabs: You will? Great! Wait right here. (runs off to get some items. Comes back with a bunch of fishing gear on) Here’s where clam fishing gets serious! (scene cuts to later in the day where Mr Krabs is on top of the boat and Spongebob and Squidward are on the lower deck) Ok, you boys man the fishing poles and I’ll keep me eyes peeled for Old Blue Lip. 
Spongebob: (salutes) Aye aye, captain! 
Mr Krabs: And remember, we don’t leave until we catch that clam and rescue me dollar. (Mr Krabs scouts the area. Scene cuts to later where Mr Krabs has a beard on from scouting for too long. Squidward and Spongebob looks the same as Mr Krabs) 
Squidward: That’s it, I’m finished! We’ve been here for three days and haven’t gotten a nibble. This is hopeless! 
Spongebob: Yeah, and I’ve got to get home to feed Gary. (scene cuts to Gary chewing the couch at home) 
Squidward: We’re gonna die out here just because a clam ate Mr Krabs' stupid dollar. (takes a dollar out of his wallet) Well, if he wants his dollar back, I say we give it to him. Know what I mean? Huh? Huh? Huh? 
Spongebob: Oh, I get you. (jabbers. Scene cuts to later in the day where Mr Krabs is still scouting the area)
Spongebob & Squidward: Mr Krabs! Mr Krabs! (Mr Krabs steers his eyes toward the other two to see them waving a dollar) Look what we’ve got. 
Mr Krabs: (jumps down and gasps) Could it be? (takes the dollar) Me millionth dollar? (starts cheering again as well as Spongebob and Squidward) Whoo-hoo! (stops dancing) Wait a minute... (rubs the dollar back and forth) This isn't me millionth dollar. (Spongebob and Squidward look at each other) This is an ordinary dollar that’s been crumpled up, torn slightly, soaked in the lagoon, and kissed with Coral Blue #2 Semi-Gloss Lipstick. (shows dollar bill just like described) 
Spongebob: Actually, it’s Coral Blue number t... (Squidward hits him with a stick) 
Mr Krabs: I trusted you, and you gave me this? I can’t believe me own crew would betray me like this. (sobs)
Squidward: No. Uh-uh. No, we will not be swayed by tears anymore.
Mr Krabs: I see. Then I guess I have no choice but to offer a reward. 
Squidward: You’re kidding? 
Spongebob: Woo! Is it another fishing trip? 
Mr Krabs: No, it’s this sandwich. (nails the sandwich to a pole) 
Squidward: A sandwich? You expect me to break my back over a sandwich? 
Mr Krabs: Not a sandwich. (throws the other sandwiches into the water) The sandwich. 
Squidward: Whatever. We’ve got plenty more to... (Mr Krabs throws the refrigerator into the water) ...eat. 
Mr Krabs: Now, I think we understand each other. Nobody eats until I get my millionth dollar back. 
Squidward: Uhh, Spongebob, can I have a word with you? Have you noticed that Mr Krabs has gone completely insane?! 
Spongebob: What do you mean? 
Squidward: Just look at him. (pointing to Mr Krabs, who is dressed like he is at a funeral crying at a tombstone with the words 'R.I.P. Me Millionth Dollar' on it. He then hugs it)
Spongebob: Squidward, he’s lost something near and dear to him. Haven’t you... 
Squidward: Look again. (Mr Krabs uses his eyes as a jump rope) 
Spongebob: You’re right. How do we get out of here? 
Squidward: If we’re real quiet, we can sneak over to the lifeboat. 
Spongebob: Ok. (both scream over to the boat. They jump into it but then come back onto the boat tied up) 
Mr Krabs: So, you thought you’d skip out on old Krabs, did ya? Even after you promised to help me. I know what you’re thinking. "It’s just a dump old dollar. Let’s just leave the old man. He won’t notice." (sobs) Well, it’s not going down like that. There’s only one use for a backstabbing crew like you: (scene cuts to Mr Krabs hanging his line over the boat. Spongebob and Squidward are attached to the line) live bait. 
Squidward: You’re crazy. If that clam didn’t come before, what makes you think he’ll come now? 
Mr Krabs: (dressed up as a conductor) Oh, he’ll come. (opens up the doors to the orchestra and begins to play the ominous music) 
Squidward: Mr Krabs, listen, I work with Spongebob all day long, so I know what I’m talking about when I say...you are completely out of your mind! (Mr Krabs giggles. The giant clam emerges above water coming closer to the two on the line) Get us out of here! 
Mr Krabs: Come on, fresh meat! (Spongebob and Squidward scream as they try to wiggle back and forth to avoid the giant clam) Keep thrashing! He likes it! (both continue to scream and bounce up and down really fast) Come on, boy! Closer. Closer. Almost there. (giant clam shows the dollar on its tongue) That’s it! (closes the doors to cause the music to stop. The giant clam stops in mid-air and Mr Krabs jumps inside it to take the dollar) Aha! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Look, boys, I finally got it! (rubs his dollar on himself) I finally got me millionth dollar. (cabin doors open to play the ominous music again. The giant clam closes its mouth, with Mr Krabs inside, and goes underwater. Cabin doors close as the conductor takes a bow) 
Spongebob: Oh, poor Mr Krabs. Gone forever out of our lives. Why couldn’t it have been me? 
Squidward: Yes, why couldn’t it have been you? (both cry) 
Spongebob: Why did he have to go like this? Why? 
Squidward: Why did he have to go like this and leave me tied to this idiot? (both sob) 
Mr Krabs: Hello, boys! 
Spongebob & Squidward: Mr Krabs? (Mr Krabs' head is above the water) 
Mr Krabs: Have you boys met... (holds his millionth dollar up) ...me millionth dollar? (chuckles) 
Spongebob: Wow, how did you get it back? 
Mr Krabs: It wasn’t easy. Old Blue Lips is quite the fighter. So, eventually, we settled on a trade. 
Spongebob: What did you give him? (Mr Krabs jumps up on the boat, revealing himself as only having a head and an arm) 
Mr Krabs: Nothing important. (laughs)

[[Category:Transscript]]
[[Category:Episode Transscripts/Season 3]]

{{Slogan}}