Editing Episode Transcript: To Love A Patty

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Episode Article: [[To Love a Patty]]

==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob]]
*[[Squidward]]
*[[Gary]]
*[[Patrick]]
*[[Sandy]]
*[[Mr. Krabs]]

==Dialogue==

SpongeBob: (singing) Someday I'm gonna make you my sweetie. Not overtly, but sur-rep-titious-ly. Drum solo! (uses spatula 
as drum sticks) Dooga, dooga, dooga, dooga, dooga...doo. Doo, doo, doo, doo. Doo. Doo. Hey, looks like you guys and gals 
are done. (flips all the patties into the air then uses one of his special helmet gadgets to squirt ketchup and mustard on  the patties. When the patties fall, they land on a bun that SpongeBob is holding. He then puts the lettuce and tomato and 
cheese on the patties) In all my years of fry cookery, I have never seen such a lovely group of patties. Especially...you. (points to a patty with tomatoes for eyes, a pickle for a nose, and mustard for a smile) Such perfection from your little lettuce hair to your rosy ketchup cheeks right down to your mustard smile. May I call you...Patty?<br>

Squidward: SpongeBob, I need that order of six.<br>

SpongeBob: Here you go, Squidward. One, two, and three, and four, and uh... five and six. (only gave Squidward five 
patties) That's it. That's the whole order, Squidward. There isn't a Krabby Patty behind my back or anything. (laughs)<br>

Squidward: Uh... yeah.<br>

SpongeBob: Oh, Patty, a patty like you comes around once in a lifetime. I can't let them eat you. No, the job must come 
first. I can't let emotions cloud my commitment to the sacred fry cook oath: "That which is fired, must be eaten."<br>
Squidward: SpongeBob, where is that other...oh, there it is. (SpongeBob looks out the kitchen door to see three muscular 
guys sitting at table, in which two of them are eating patties while the other one does not have one)<br>

Customer: Where's my Krabby Patty?<br>
Squidward: Right here, muscleboy.<br>

Customer: It's about time. (before he takes a bite, the patty sheds a tear)<br>

SpongeBob: (screams and grabs the patty) I won't let you do this to Patty.<br>

Squidward: SpongeBob, hand over the Krabby...<br>

SpongeBob: (sitting under the grill) Oh, Patty, I can't let them eat you. Your beauty must be preserved. (opens up the 
patty) Amazing.<br>

Squidward: (snickering) What are you gonna do with it, take it home? Put a little dress on her? Go out for a romantic walk 
with it? (snickers)<br>

SpongeBob: Great idea. (runs off)<br>

Squidward: (sighs) I wonder if it's too late to get a refund from my therapist.<br>
SpongeBob: (gives a krabby patty to the customer) Enjoy, sir.<br>

Customer: Can I eat this one? (lifts the top bun off to reveal a shoe in the burger) Hey, how'd they know? I loved grilled 
shoe. (cut to SpongeBob’s house where Patty is cooking on the grill)<br>

SpongeBob: What's cooking there, Patty? Oh, are you kidding? I love crepes. Oh, Patty, when we're together I feel like 
we're in our own little world like, like...nothing can hurt us. (small explosion) Fire! (alarm bell rings. SpongeBob pants) 
Fire! Fire!<br>

Gary: (by a fire extinguisher) Meow. (puts out the fire. SpongeBob stops panting)<br>

SpongeBob: It's ok, Patty, the fire's gone. You're safe now. (doorbell rings) Oh, I better, uh... get the doorbell. (opens 
up door)

Sandy: Hi-yah! (karate chops door open) Hey, SpongeBob, you didn't forget about our plan to go a-choppin', did ya?<br>

SpongeBob: Sorry, Sandy. No time for karate today. After our walk, I'm going for a rowboat ride with Patty. Just waiting 
for her to put on her makeup. You know how long it takes a Krabby Patty to get ready.<br>

Sandy: Well, that makes as much sense as a snake with no slither. Patties are put in the water for eatin', SpongeBob. Not 
for beboppin' all over Timbuktu.<br>

SpongeBob: (sighs) Patty. Yeah, well, you have fun with that. (walks out) Patty and I have to be on our way.<br>

Patrick:  I've been replaced by a sandwich! (sobbs)
 
SpongeBob. (walks off. Cut to SpongeBob dancing with Patty and singing)

=='''Music:''' "[[Oh Baby]]"==

 Oh, baby
 They may call me a fool
 But I can't help our gravitational pull
 When I stuff you with cotton candy
 It reminds me you're so sweet
 when we go riding, it's dandy
 The way you hang on to that seat
 Ba-ay-ay-by

 When I'm with you our love is stronger than glue, wow oh baby
 There isn't anything
 There's nothing in the world, I wouldn't do for you
 
 Hey let go you patty eaters no get away
 hayah-hayah-watha-haya-haya-ta
 wa-wawatawa-hayayayayaya!!!

 Patty, you ok, sweetums?
 I'm so...sorry
 I'll never let you out of my sight again
 And I'll always keep you out of harm's way...

 Oh baby
 Our love is so strong
 That's why I'm singing this song
 Ba-ay-ay-by

 Your looks are sweeter than honey
 From your pickles to your buns
 It ain't even funny


 I'm coming for you
 Oh No.
 Don't worry Patty!
 I'll take care of this!
 There you go
 All better
 Oh baby

==After the song==

SpongeBob: Oh, Patty. Do you realize what this signifies? Mm-hmm. That's right. It's our six-hour anniversary. And do you know what that means? Are you all right, Patty? You don't seem so hot. Don't worry, I know what'll make you feel better. A dinner at the finest restaurant in Bikini Bottom. (cut to Krusty Krab at night)<br>
Mr. Krabs: Squidward! Where the barnacles is our fry cook? He's been gone all day. That boy's never been a work shirker. We got a crowd of hungry customers waiting.<br>

Squidward: How should I know? Do I look like my idiot's keeper?<br>

Mr. Krabs: Well... actually... (doors open to SpongeBob in a tux)<br>

SpongeBob: Good day, sir.<br>

Squidward: As if on cue.<br>

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what's with the fancy getup?<br>

SpongeBob: Oh, I just got gussied up for my special dinner date.<br>

Mr. Krabs: A dinner date? Well, blow me down, boy. I didn't know you had it in you. so when do we get to meet the little 
lady? (quietly) By the way, is she rich?<br>

SpongeBob: She's rich...-'''in taste'''.<br>

Squidward: How could you possibly date anyone? I mean look at you. She must be blind.<br>

Mr. Krabs: Ooh, a limousine.<br>

SpongeBob: There she is.<br>

Mr. Krabs: Oh, I can just smell the money already.<br>

SpongeBob: (carrying in Patty) Here we are, darling. The best eatery in town. (walks by a couple eating and they sniff the 
odor in the air)<br>

Martha: Harold, again?<br>

Harold: Martha, I know what you're thinking. It's not me this time.<br>

Martha: Well, whatever it is, it's disgusting.<br>

Harold: Let's get out of here.<br>

Martha: Yuck.<br>

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, Squidward... allow me to introduce my date... Patty.<br>

Mr. Krabs: Your date's a Krabby Patty? Me thinks the boy's really lost it.<br>

Squidward: (sniffs the odor in the air) What's that putrid odor?<br>

Mr. Krabs: (sniffs) Oh, it's the Krabby Patty. What are you doin' with that rotten piece o' meat, boy?<br>

SpongeBob: This isn't a piece o' meat, Mr. Krabs. She's Patty. (quietly) And we're on a special date tonight so you don't 
mind if we get the "manager's treatment," do you?<br>

Mr. Krabs: Sorry, boy, no can do.<br>

SpongeBob: Oh, really? Mr. Fiver says different. (shows a five dollar bill)<br>

Mr. Krabs: What was that? I couldn't hear ya.<br>

SpongeBob: (gets out more money) How about now?<br>

Mr. Krabs: All right, take a seat.<br>

SpongeBob: (gets out a tiny throne seat for Patty) Here you go, my dear. A throne befitting a queen. Oh, good evening, monsieur. What might we have on the menu at this fine establishment?<br>

Squidward: Well, you should know considering the fact that you work here, sod for brains. Speaking of sods... why don't you 
get rid of this garbage? It's starting to stink up the joint.<br>

SpongeBob: Don't say such a thing, Squidward. Patty's just a little sick, is all. Wight, Lubbie-Wubbie?<br>

Squidward: I'll show you sick. (grabs patty)<br>

SpongeBob: Squidward, what are you doing with my beautiful patty?<br>

Squidward: Beautiful, huh? How beautiful do you think this is? (patty has worms in it and is gross)<br>

SpongeBob: Stop it, Squidward. Maybe you can't see Patty's beauty but to me she's the most gorgeous creature in the sea.<br>

Squidward: Well, I definitely see I can't help the mentally atrophied. (puts Patty over a garbage can) Good-bye, Creature.<br>

SpongeBob: Pay you no mind to that, wubbie-wubbie. I will always love you... (sniffs) Yeah, what is that smell? (gasps) 
Patty? (drops the krabby patty on the table) What happened to you?<br>

Mr. Krabs: I think I can explain, boy. There was a time when I was in love, too. She was a Krabby Patty that looked a lot 
like yours does. (rotten tomatoes fall out of the patty) Well, maybe not right now, but you know what I mean. She was a 
firm, juicy, a warm patty. And attractive- oh, she looked good enough to eat. So...I did. do you hear what I'm sayin' to 
you, boy?<br>

SpongeBob: Um, not quite, Mr. Krabs.<br>

Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patties are meant to be loved and eaten. That's what they're put in the ocean for. And it looks like yours is way past due.<br>

SpongeBob: I see now. I see what I must do. (jumps up on the table) Oh, Patty, my darling. Before I do this, I want you to know that I only do it out of love. (chews it)<br>

Mr. Krabs: Well done, boy. As a reward for your valiant effort, I'll only charge you 25 cents for the patty. Employee discount.<br>

SpongeBob: Can I get a doggy bag with that?

[[Category:Transcript]]

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