Episode Transcript: Professor Squidward - Revision history

Tolbs at 07:11, 5 November 2025

2025-11-05T07:11:53Z

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@@ Line 235: / Line 235: @@
 '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...
 {{Transcripts/Season 6}}
 [[Category:Transcript]]
 [[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 6]]

@@ Line 235: / Line 235: @@
 '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...
-{{Transcripts/Season 6 Ver. 2}}
+{{Transcripts/Season 6}}
 [[Category:Transcript]]
 [[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 6]]

@@ Line 95: / Line 95: @@
 '''Patrick:''' I’ll say!
-'''Squidward:''' Would you two numbskulls mind telling me what you’re  doing in music class anyway?
+'''Squidward:''' Would you two numbskulls mind telling me what you’re doing in music class anyway?
 '''SpongeBob:''' Sure. Patrick’s New Year’s resolution was to learn to play an instrument.
@@ Line 173: / Line 173: @@
 '''Squidward:''' Would you two nincompoops CUT IT OUT, OR AM I GONNA- (a orange-colored version of news anchor Bob comes in with a camera man behind him)
-'''Reporter:''' Hello, we’re  with the local Bikini Bottom News Channel. I’m the reporter. (Squidward gasps and fluffs his wig) We’re  here to conduct an interview with esteemed musical genius, Squilliam Fancyson.
+'''Reporter:''' Hello, we’re with the local Bikini Bottom News Channel. I’m the reporter. (Squidward gasps and fluffs his wig) We’re here to conduct an interview with esteemed musical genius, Squilliam Fancyson.
 '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...
@@ Line 207: / Line 207: @@
 '''SpongeBob:''' Well, I guess if I could say one thing, it’s "We're, sorry, Squidward."
-'''Patrick:''' Yeah, we’re  sorry, Squidward.
+'''Patrick:''' Yeah, we’re sorry, Squidward.
 '''Squidward:''' No, no, no, no, no, no! Sshhhh!
@@ Line 219: / Line 219: @@
 '''Harold:''' Yeah! Me, too! I’m gonna get my tuition back!
-'''Squidward:''' No! Wait! No! (blocks the exit) You’re  not going anywhere! (policefish slam the door open and burst in, bruising Squidward. The cops grab him by the arms) What’s going on here?
+'''Squidward:''' No! Wait! No! (blocks the exit) You’re not going anywhere! (policefish slam the door open and burst in, bruising Squidward. The cops grab him by the arms) What’s going on here?
 '''Policefish:''' Sorry, Professor, your little symphony is over! (Squilliam and the headmistress are in the classroom)
-'''Headmistress:''' It’s true! We’re  on to your little ruse! (Bob and his camerafish are in the classroom as well)
+'''Headmistress:''' It’s true! We’re on to your little ruse! (Bob and his camerafish are in the classroom as well)
 '''Reporter:''' What a hot scoop!

@@ Line 95: / Line 95: @@
 '''Patrick:''' I’ll say!
-'''Squidward:''' Would you two numbskulls mind telling me what you’re doing in music class anyway?
+'''Squidward:''' Would you two numbskulls mind telling me what you’re  doing in music class anyway?
 '''SpongeBob:''' Sure. Patrick’s New Year’s resolution was to learn to play an instrument.
@@ Line 173: / Line 173: @@
 '''Squidward:''' Would you two nincompoops CUT IT OUT, OR AM I GONNA- (a orange-colored version of news anchor Bob comes in with a camera man behind him)
-'''Reporter:''' Hello, we’re with the local Bikini Bottom News Channel. I’m the reporter. (Squidward gasps and fluffs his wig) We’re here to conduct an interview with esteemed musical genius, Squilliam Fancyson.
+'''Reporter:''' Hello, we’re  with the local Bikini Bottom News Channel. I’m the reporter. (Squidward gasps and fluffs his wig) We’re  here to conduct an interview with esteemed musical genius, Squilliam Fancyson.
 '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...
@@ Line 207: / Line 207: @@
 '''SpongeBob:''' Well, I guess if I could say one thing, it’s "We're, sorry, Squidward."
-'''Patrick:''' Yeah, we’re sorry, Squidward.
+'''Patrick:''' Yeah, we’re  sorry, Squidward.
 '''Squidward:''' No, no, no, no, no, no! Sshhhh!
@@ Line 219: / Line 219: @@
 '''Harold:''' Yeah! Me, too! I’m gonna get my tuition back!
-'''Squidward:''' No! Wait! No! (blocks the exit) You’re not going anywhere! (policefish slam the door open and burst in, bruising Squidward. The cops grab him by the arms) What’s going on here?
+'''Squidward:''' No! Wait! No! (blocks the exit) You’re  not going anywhere! (policefish slam the door open and burst in, bruising Squidward. The cops grab him by the arms) What’s going on here?
 '''Policefish:''' Sorry, Professor, your little symphony is over! (Squilliam and the headmistress are in the classroom)
-'''Headmistress:''' It’s true! We’re on to your little ruse! (Bob and his camerafish are in the classroom as well)
+'''Headmistress:''' It’s true! We’re  on to your little ruse! (Bob and his camerafish are in the classroom as well)
 '''Reporter:''' What a hot scoop!

@@ Line 95: / Line 95: @@
 '''Patrick:''' I’ll say!
-'''Squidward:''' Would you two numbskulls mind telling me what you’redoing in music class anyway?
+'''Squidward:''' Would you two numbskulls mind telling me what you’re doing in music class anyway?
 '''SpongeBob:''' Sure. Patrick’s New Year’s resolution was to learn to play an instrument.
@@ Line 173: / Line 173: @@
 '''Squidward:''' Would you two nincompoops CUT IT OUT, OR AM I GONNA- (a orange-colored version of news anchor Bob comes in with a camera man behind him)
-'''Reporter:''' Hello, we’rewith the local Bikini Bottom News Channel. I’m the reporter. (Squidward gasps and fluffs his wig) We’rehere to conduct an interview with esteemed musical genius, Squilliam Fancyson.
+'''Reporter:''' Hello, we’re with the local Bikini Bottom News Channel. I’m the reporter. (Squidward gasps and fluffs his wig) We’re here to conduct an interview with esteemed musical genius, Squilliam Fancyson.
 '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...
@@ Line 207: / Line 207: @@
 '''SpongeBob:''' Well, I guess if I could say one thing, it’s "We're, sorry, Squidward."
-'''Patrick:''' Yeah, we’resorry, Squidward.
+'''Patrick:''' Yeah, we’re sorry, Squidward.
 '''Squidward:''' No, no, no, no, no, no! Sshhhh!
@@ Line 219: / Line 219: @@
 '''Harold:''' Yeah! Me, too! I’m gonna get my tuition back!
-'''Squidward:''' No! Wait! No! (blocks the exit) You’renot going anywhere! (policefish slam the door open and burst in, bruising Squidward. The cops grab him by the arms) What’s going on here?
+'''Squidward:''' No! Wait! No! (blocks the exit) You’re not going anywhere! (policefish slam the door open and burst in, bruising Squidward. The cops grab him by the arms) What’s going on here?
 '''Policefish:''' Sorry, Professor, your little symphony is over! (Squilliam and the headmistress are in the classroom)
-'''Headmistress:''' It’s true! We’reon to your little ruse! (Bob and his camerafish are in the classroom as well)
+'''Headmistress:''' It’s true! We’re on to your little ruse! (Bob and his camerafish are in the classroom as well)
 '''Reporter:''' What a hot scoop!

@@ Line 37: / Line 37: @@
 '''Squidward:''' Why?
-'''Headmistress:''' Because I’m head matron at an esteemed musical college in town. I thought if you were Squilliam Fancyson, I'd offer you the high-paying and prestigious opportunity of teaching your own class.
+'''Headmistress:''' Because I’m head matron at an esteemed musical college in town. I thought if you were Squilliam Fancyson, I’d offer you the high-paying and prestigious opportunity of teaching your own class.
 '''Squidward:''' My own music class? Did you say Squilliam Fancyson?
@@ Line 81: / Line 81: @@
 '''Billy:''' OK... I guess...
-'''Squidward:''' Good. Now why don’t you take your seat and stop poking your nose into other people’s business. (there is a pause. Billy sits back down) Now, if we can go another five minutes without any further interruptions, I'd like to... (SpongeBob and Patrick are suddenly there. SpongeBob is interrupting with his laughter)
+'''Squidward:''' Good. Now why don’t you take your seat and stop poking your nose into other people’s business. (there is a pause. Billy sits back down) Now, if we can go another five minutes without any further interruptions, I’d like to... (SpongeBob and Patrick are suddenly there. SpongeBob is interrupting with his laughter)
 '''SpongeBob:''' Hey, look! It’s Squid- (Squidward covers SpongeBob’s mouth)
@@ Line 129: / Line 129: @@
 '''Patrick:''' Actually, that time it really was me. (Squidward is confused and freaked out. Bubble-wipe to later in the day)
-'''Squidward:''' Now, I will draw some notes on the chalkboard. (Patrick whispers something to SpongeBob as Squidward attempts to draw a grand staff on the chalkboard) Excuse me, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class? (Patrick shakes his head no)
+'''Squidward:''' Now, I will draw some notes on the chalkboard. (Patrick whispers something to SpongeBob as Squidward attempts to draw a grand staff on the chalkboard) Excuse me, is there something you’d like to share with the rest of the class? (Patrick shakes his head no)
 '''Patrick:''' Uh-uh.

@@ Line 93: / Line 93: @@
 '''SpongeBob:''' Wow, only 8 minutes in and we've already been given a math quiz! Very advanced music class, huh, Patrick?
-'''Patrick:''' I'll say!
+'''Patrick:''' I’ll say!
 '''Squidward:''' Would you two numbskulls mind telling me what you're doing in music class anyway?

@@ Line 37: / Line 37: @@
 '''Squidward:''' Why?
-'''Headmistress:''' Because I'm head matron at an esteemed musical college in town. I thought if you were Squilliam Fancyson, I'd offer you the high-paying and prestigious opportunity of teaching your own class.
+'''Headmistress:''' Because I’m head matron at an esteemed musical college in town. I thought if you were Squilliam Fancyson, I'd offer you the high-paying and prestigious opportunity of teaching your own class.
 '''Squidward:''' My own music class? Did you say Squilliam Fancyson?
@@ Line 43: / Line 43: @@
 '''Headmistress:''' Yes.
-'''Squidward:''' I'm Squilliam Fancyson.
+'''Squidward:''' I’m Squilliam Fancyson.
 '''Headmistress:''' But didn’t you just say a minute ago that your name was Squidward Q. Tentacles?
@@ Line 107: / Line 107: @@
 '''Squidward:''' Wow, those are impressive results. (bubble-wipe to later. Clears his throat to begin a lesson) As you may not be aware, music is... (gets interrupted by SpongeBob’s laugh) ...Music is a... (gets interrupted again) ...Music is a complicated series of...(SpongeBob laughs once more and Squidward turns around to face him. Stares for a second) ...is a complicated series of notes that when played in...(SpongeBob laughs again really loudly) SpongeBob, do you mind? There are other people here besides you, you know! And I don’t think they appreciate you depriving them of my wisdom!
-'''SpongeBob:''' I'm sorry, Professor Squilliam. (winks) Patrick here keeps tickling my foot. (points to Patrick, who tries to act innocent)
+'''SpongeBob:''' I’m sorry, Professor Squilliam. (winks) Patrick here keeps tickling my foot. (points to Patrick, who tries to act innocent)
 '''Patrick:''' No way! He’s making that up! See! It was him! (points back at SpongeBob)
@@ Line 173: / Line 173: @@
 '''Squidward:''' Would you two nincompoops CUT IT OUT, OR AM I GONNA- (a orange-colored version of news anchor Bob comes in with a camera man behind him)
-'''Reporter:''' Hello, we're with the local Bikini Bottom News Channel. I'm the reporter. (Squidward gasps and fluffs his wig) We're here to conduct an interview with esteemed musical genius, Squilliam Fancyson.
+'''Reporter:''' Hello, we're with the local Bikini Bottom News Channel. I’m the reporter. (Squidward gasps and fluffs his wig) We're here to conduct an interview with esteemed musical genius, Squilliam Fancyson.
 '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...
@@ Line 215: / Line 215: @@
 '''Squidward:''' No, no, no, no, no, no! They said, "Squilliam"!
-'''Student #2:''' I knew that this guy was a phony from minute one! I'm getting out of here.
+'''Student #2:''' I knew that this guy was a phony from minute one! I’m getting out of here.
-'''Harold:''' Yeah! Me, too! I'm gonna get my tuition back!
+'''Harold:''' Yeah! Me, too! I’m gonna get my tuition back!
 '''Squidward:''' No! Wait! No! (blocks the exit) You're not going anywhere! (policefish slam the door open and burst in, bruising Squidward. The cops grab him by the arms) What’s going on here?
@@ Line 231: / Line 231: @@
 '''Squidward:''' But... (policefish remove Squidward’s wig)
-'''Policefish #2:''' No unibrow. Squidward Q. Tentacles, I'm placing you under arrest for impersonating a genius. (they cuff him and lead him out. SpongeBob places another metronome on his desk and sets it in motion)
+'''Policefish #2:''' No unibrow. Squidward Q. Tentacles, I’m placing you under arrest for impersonating a genius. (they cuff him and lead him out. SpongeBob places another metronome on his desk and sets it in motion)
 '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick...

@@ Line 33: / Line 33: @@
 '''Squidward:''' No, I am not, nor would I ever want to be! I am quite content being Squidward Q. Tentacles.
-'''Headmistress:''' Oh, dear. Well, that's too bad.
+'''Headmistress:''' Oh, dear. Well, that’s too bad.
 '''Squidward:''' Why?
@@ Line 49: / Line 49: @@
 '''Squidward:''' It is. I mean, wha-? No, it isn’t!
-'''Headmistress:''' Oh, that's a relief. I mean, what kind of a moron would go to their worst enemy's music concert?
+'''Headmistress:''' Oh, that’s a relief. I mean, what kind of a moron would go to their worst enemy’s music concert?
-'''Fish #3:''' A very pathetic one, that's who! (the two chuckle. Squidward joins in insincerely, overdoing it)
+'''Fish #3:''' A very pathetic one, that’s who! (the two chuckle. Squidward joins in insincerely, overdoing it)
 '''Headmistress:''' Well, good evening, Professor Squilliam.
@@ Line 81: / Line 81: @@
 '''Billy:''' OK... I guess...
-'''Squidward:''' Good. Now why don’t you take your seat and stop poking your nose into other people's business. (there is a pause. Billy sits back down) Now, if we can go another five minutes without any further interruptions, I'd like to... (SpongeBob and Patrick are suddenly there. SpongeBob is interrupting with his laughter)
+'''Squidward:''' Good. Now why don’t you take your seat and stop poking your nose into other people’s business. (there is a pause. Billy sits back down) Now, if we can go another five minutes without any further interruptions, I'd like to... (SpongeBob and Patrick are suddenly there. SpongeBob is interrupting with his laughter)
-'''SpongeBob:''' Hey, look! It's Squid- (Squidward covers SpongeBob's mouth)
+'''SpongeBob:''' Hey, look! It’s Squid- (Squidward covers SpongeBob’s mouth)
 '''Squidward:''' Squilliam, everyone! He was about to say, "Squilliam"!
-'''Patrick:''' Oh, uh, actually, I think he was about to say, "Squi-" (Squidward covers Patrick's mouth too)
+'''Patrick:''' Oh, uh, actually, I think he was about to say, "Squi-" (Squidward covers Patrick’s mouth too)
 '''Squidward:''' Didn’t you two nincompoops know, I had my name legally changed to "Squilliam Fancyson", and you are only to refer to me as Professor Squilliam from now until the very end of time. Now blink twice so I humbly know you understand me! (they do so, and Squidward uncovers their mouths) OK, good. (Patrick blinks a third time) Wait... He blinked 3 times!
@@ Line 97: / Line 97: @@
 '''Squidward:''' Would you two numbskulls mind telling me what you're doing in music class anyway?
-'''SpongeBob:''' Sure. Patrick's New Year's resolution was to learn to play an instrument.
+'''SpongeBob:''' Sure. Patrick’s New Year’s resolution was to learn to play an instrument.
-'''Squidward:''' You clearly told me your New Year's resolution was to sign up for a slimming, toning and increased muscle mass program.
+'''Squidward:''' You clearly told me your New Year’s resolution was to sign up for a slimming, toning and increased muscle mass program.
 '''Patrick:''' It was. I traded with SpongeBob.
@@ Line 105: / Line 105: @@
 '''SpongeBob:''' I have been really happy with the results... See? (shows a slim, muscular leg)
-'''Squidward:''' Wow, those are impressive results. (bubble-wipe to later. Clears his throat to begin a lesson) As you may not be aware, music is... (gets interrupted by SpongeBob's laugh) ...Music is a... (gets interrupted again) ...Music is a complicated series of...(SpongeBob laughs once more and Squidward turns around to face him. Stares for a second) ...is a complicated series of notes that when played in...(SpongeBob laughs again really loudly) SpongeBob, do you mind? There are other people here besides you, you know! And I don’t think they appreciate you depriving them of my wisdom!
+'''Squidward:''' Wow, those are impressive results. (bubble-wipe to later. Clears his throat to begin a lesson) As you may not be aware, music is... (gets interrupted by SpongeBob’s laugh) ...Music is a... (gets interrupted again) ...Music is a complicated series of...(SpongeBob laughs once more and Squidward turns around to face him. Stares for a second) ...is a complicated series of notes that when played in...(SpongeBob laughs again really loudly) SpongeBob, do you mind? There are other people here besides you, you know! And I don’t think they appreciate you depriving them of my wisdom!
 '''SpongeBob:''' I'm sorry, Professor Squilliam. (winks) Patrick here keeps tickling my foot. (points to Patrick, who tries to act innocent)
-'''Patrick:''' No way! He's making that up! See! It was him! (points back at SpongeBob)
+'''Patrick:''' No way! He’s making that up! See! It was him! (points back at SpongeBob)
 '''Squidward:''' You think you expect me to believe he was tickling himself?
@@ Line 125: / Line 125: @@
 '''SpongeBob:''' Like this... (tickles his shoes and laughs. Keeps on tickling his shoes)
-'''Squidward:''' Alright, that's enough! (bubble-wipe to later. The entire class is in one row of desks, SpongeBob and Patrick separated on either side) There. Now as I was saying, music is a series of complex... (SpongeBob is laughing yet again) SpongeBob, I thought I told you to stop tickling yourself!
+'''Squidward:''' Alright, that’s enough! (bubble-wipe to later. The entire class is in one row of desks, SpongeBob and Patrick separated on either side) There. Now as I was saying, music is a series of complex... (SpongeBob is laughing yet again) SpongeBob, I thought I told you to stop tickling yourself!
 '''Patrick:''' Actually, that time it really was me. (Squidward is confused and freaked out. Bubble-wipe to later in the day)
@@ Line 139: / Line 139: @@
 '''Squidward:''' I've never heard anything more insipid, insane, uninteresting or irrelevant!
-'''Patrick:''' Well, actually there was a railroad convention in town last week and I bought myself this nifty conductor's hat. (puts on a blue-and-white striped railway hat)
+'''Patrick:''' Well, actually there was a railroad convention in town last week and I bought myself this nifty conductor’s hat. (puts on a blue-and-white striped railway hat)
-'''Squidward:''' I have never seen a more ridiculous object on top of anyone's head anywhere!
+'''Squidward:''' I have never seen a more ridiculous object on top of anyone’s head anywhere!
 '''Patrick:''' Well, I dunno. It suits my needs.
@@ Line 149: / Line 149: @@
 '''Patrick:''' Yes. (takes one out. It looks like a steam-powered electric train set)
-'''Squidward:''' What the...?! (Patrick, suddenly about half his size, gets in the model train and rides around the classroom, and into a trash can, which Squidward promptly shuts him in, and puts it out back. Returns to the classroom, dusting his hands off) Now where were... (sees Patrick back in his desk) ...we...? (Bubble-wipe to later in the day. Squidward pulls out a metronome) This is what's called a metronome.
+'''Squidward:''' What the...?! (Patrick, suddenly about half his size, gets in the model train and rides around the classroom, and into a trash can, which Squidward promptly shuts him in, and puts it out back. Returns to the classroom, dusting his hands off) Now where were... (sees Patrick back in his desk) ...we...? (Bubble-wipe to later in the day. Squidward pulls out a metronome) This is what’s called a metronome.
 '''SpongeBob:''' Hey, my mom has one of those in her garden!
@@ Line 169: / Line 169: @@
 '''SpongeBob:''' My whole life has been pointing me in one direction.
-'''Patrick:''' I see it now... There's never been any choice for me...
+'''Patrick:''' I see it now... There’s never been any choice for me...
 '''Squidward:''' Would you two nincompoops CUT IT OUT, OR AM I GONNA- (a orange-colored version of news anchor Bob comes in with a camera man behind him)
@@ Line 205: / Line 205: @@
 '''Squidward:''' Now, do you two have anything to say for yourselves?
-'''SpongeBob:''' Well, I guess if I could say one thing, it's "We're, sorry, Squidward."
+'''SpongeBob:''' Well, I guess if I could say one thing, it’s "We're, sorry, Squidward."
 '''Patrick:''' Yeah, we're sorry, Squidward.
@@ Line 219: / Line 219: @@
 '''Harold:''' Yeah! Me, too! I'm gonna get my tuition back!
-'''Squidward:''' No! Wait! No! (blocks the exit) You're not going anywhere! (policefish slam the door open and burst in, bruising Squidward. The cops grab him by the arms) What's going on here?
+'''Squidward:''' No! Wait! No! (blocks the exit) You're not going anywhere! (policefish slam the door open and burst in, bruising Squidward. The cops grab him by the arms) What’s going on here?
 '''Policefish:''' Sorry, Professor, your little symphony is over! (Squilliam and the headmistress are in the classroom)
-'''Headmistress:''' It's true! We're on to your little ruse! (Bob and his camerafish are in the classroom as well)
+'''Headmistress:''' It’s true! We're on to your little ruse! (Bob and his camerafish are in the classroom as well)
 '''Reporter:''' What a hot scoop!
-'''Headmistress:''' The real Squilliam, as we all know, has a large, bushy unibrow just at the base of his forehead. (points to Squilliam's)
+'''Headmistress:''' The real Squilliam, as we all know, has a large, bushy unibrow just at the base of his forehead. (points to Squilliam’s)
-'''Squidward:''' But... (policefish remove Squidward's wig)
+'''Squidward:''' But... (policefish remove Squidward’s wig)
 '''Policefish #2:''' No unibrow. Squidward Q. Tentacles, I'm placing you under arrest for impersonating a genius. (they cuff him and lead him out. SpongeBob places another metronome on his desk and sets it in motion)