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Episode Transcript: The Smoking Peanut
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==Characters== | ==Characters== | ||
| − | *[[SpongeBob SquarePants | + | *[[SpongeBob SquarePants]] |
| − | *[[Patrick Star | + | *[[Patrick Star]] |
| − | *[[Squidward Tentacles | + | *[[Squidward Tentacles]] |
| − | *[[Gary]] | + | *[[Gary the Snail]] |
| − | *[[Sandy Cheeks | + | *[[Sandy Cheeks]] |
| − | *[[Eugene H | + | *[[Eugene H. Krabs]] |
*[[Joe]] | *[[Joe]] | ||
*[[Clamu]] | *[[Clamu]] | ||
| + | *[[French Narrator]] | ||
==Dialogue== | ==Dialogue== | ||
| − | ( | + | (episode starts at the Bikini Bottom Zoo with Jimmy handing a child a balloon) |
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| − | ''' | + | '''French Narrator:''' ''Ah... The Bikini Bottom Zoo is having its annual [[Free Day|free day]]. Free balloons...'' (Mr. Krabs, disguised in a mustache, runs over to Jimmy who has a whole bunch of balloons, steals them and runs off. Cut to a lemonade stand with a fish using the machine and walks off) ''Free drinks...'' (Mr. Krabs comes by and fills up a huge barrel. Cut to a light pole) ''Free light bulbs?'' (Mr. Krabs unscrews a light bulb from a lamp post and puts it into his pants along with three lollipops and a hotdog just as the police arrive) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' A-ha! Top of the mornin', boys! (laughs nervously) Whew! Next stop: gift shop. (as he runs into the gift shop, SpongeBob and Patrick walk by a lionfish exhibit and tiger shark exhibit while wearing zoo hats) |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' There it is... Oyster Stadium. Not only do they have the largest oyster held in captivity, it also does tricks! (talks like an announcer) He spits a giant pearl 100 feet in the air! Like a cannonball! (crumples up his hat, puts it in his mouth and spits it into the air and into a little fish’s ice cream) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' (excitedly dances) Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation?! Let’s get over there! (the two run into the stadium) |
| − | '''Patrick''' | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' This is the greatest day of our lives! (snoring and gurgling is heard from Clamu) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' (confused) This is the greatest day of our lives? (unimpressed) Boring! |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' You’re right, Patrick. We came to see... (announcer voice) ...pearls 100 feet in the air! (normal voice) Right? I’ll try my oyster call. (makes a strange noise, but seeing no progress, gives up in sorrow) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Well, I’m outta here. Thanks for nothin', SpongeBob. (walks away) |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Come on, come on, wake up already! (gets surprised, pulls out his bag of sea peanuts. Checks to see if there’s anyone around and then throws one at Clamu. She stirs) I think it’s working! (Clamu is moaning anxiously) Hey Patrick, it’s waking up! (Patrick runs back) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Oh boy, did I miss it? |
| − | (Clamu is | + | '''SpongeBob:''' No, the show’s about to begin! (Clamu suddenly starts screaming and crying loudly, shaking the screen, and causes a heavy wind to blow SpongeBob and Patrick. They hold on to the rope, but the wind is too strong and they’re flung back to the stairs. Clamu continues crying. The zoo workers come out) |
| − | '''Zoo Worker #1''' | + | '''Zoo Worker #1:''' What’s wrong with Clamu? (both workers walk over to her) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Joe:''' (to Clamu) Easy, girl, it’s me, Joe! Remember? (tries to comfort her, but Clamu growls. She picks up Joe with her tongue and throws him out of the stadium) |
| − | '''Patrick''' | + | '''Patrick:''' (impressed, nudges SpongeBob twice) Now '''''this''''' is a show! (cut to outside) |
| − | ''' | + | '''P.A. System:''' (outside) ''Attention zoo patrons! Clamu the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles!'' (the crowd compiles) ''Thanks for coming.'' (Clamu is destroying things and bawling) |
| − | ( | + | '''Zoo Worker #1:''' You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There’s nothing more ''dangerous'' than an emotionally disturbed oyster! (points menacingly at SpongeBob) '''''You''''' didn’t do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?! |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Uh... |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' (angrily) No way! Only a '''''jerk''''' would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob? |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Right. (hides the peanut bag in confusion. Cut to Clamu still crying. She chomps on a piece of metal. Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob, as well as other fish leaving the zoo) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Man, if I see the guy who upset Clamu, I’d have a few choice words for him, like "you"... and "are"... and... "a '''''jerk!'''''" (he and SpongeBob have now gotten to Conch Street, where their houses are) Are you sure you didn’t see anything suspicious? |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (angry) I already said I didn’t, Patrick! Sheesh! (runs up his cobblestone path into his pineapple) |
| − | + | '''Patrick:''' Hey, let’s investigate this crime and catch the lowlife who’s responsible! | |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Give it a rest, Patrick! There’s no '''''crime''''' to investigate! Now go home! (Walks inside. Cut to the inside of his house) Stupid Patrick, I didn’t do anything wrong! (walks to the chair) Ah, what am I getting so worked up about? I’m sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory! (giggles and turns on the television. The ''[[Bikini Bottom News]]'' is on) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Realistic Fish Head:''' ''Our top story tonight: giant oyster has its feelings hurt! The only clue that could be found was this lone peanut!'' (the TV shows a peanut, and a Realistic Fish Head is on TV with the crying giant oyster at the stadium. SpongeBob is clearly nervous) And as you can hear, the oyster continues to emit its horrible cry. (a cry sound is heard) ''A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world.'' (as the Realistic Fish Head speaks, we see live action pictures of people running around screaming and holding their ears in Africa, Holland, and India. Then, we are shown the stadium again) ''A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier, it breaks the hearts of our citizens!'' (camera pans to a crying Sadie with her two children. A guilty SpongeBob is looking in horror) What kind of cruel, careless, evil person, (sobs) would deliberately upset one of Neptune’s most gentle creatures? (Hans uses a tissue to wipe a tear off the fish head’s face. The TV turns off) |
| − | '''Gary''' | + | '''Gary:''' Meow? |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (screams and replies to Gary sternly) No, Gary, how would '''''I''''' know anything about the oyster? |
| − | ''' | + | '''Gary:''' Meow. |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Defensive?! I’m not being defensive! Barnacles! What is this, 20 questions or something? (walks to the winder and peers out at the Oyster Stadium, where we hear Clamu’s crying) This is getting a little out of hand. All I did was throw a peanut. I didn’t mean to make the oyster cry. I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts! Aw, everyone’s going to hate me! I, I need some advice! Now let’s see now, who could never hate me no matter what I do? (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob knocking on Squidward’s door) Squidward? Squidward! Oh, Squidward! |
| − | '''Squidward''' | + | '''Squidward:''' (opens the door in annoying) SpongeBob! Do you have to knock so loudly?! |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Sorry, neighbor. |
| − | '''Squidward''' | + | '''Squidward:''' Oh... that overgrown clam is giving me a headache! I can’t even take my afternoon beauty nap! |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (laughs nervously) Funny thing you should mention that old oyster, because I... uh... was kind of wondering, uh... Let’s say I ''know'' this guy who may have something to do with the oyster. |
| − | '''Squidward''' | + | '''Squidward:''' (happily) You mean you know the guy who did it?! (SpongeBob gulps in sadness) Oh, this is great! You and I can go turn him in! And then I’ll get so much sleep, I’ll be gorgeous! |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Uh, actually, I-I’m just talking hypothetically. |
| − | ''' | + | '''Squidward:''' You mean you don’t know who did it? |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Well, uh... I... uh... no. (Squidward slams his door shut) Squidward? (walks back and encounters Patrick in a Sherlock Holmes outfit. Patrick is holding a magnifying glass) |
| − | '''Patrick''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Gotcha! (SpongeBob screams) Where were you on the day of today?! Don’t play games with me, mister! |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Hey, Patrick, what are you doing? |
| − | '''Patrick''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Oh, hi, SpongeBob. I’m just continuing my investigation of the great Clamu Caper! |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Um, have you found out anything? (his eye twitches) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Yes! No wait, uh... no. (holds up sand) But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious, and so does this rock! And I've got a few questions for this little piece of grass! (holds up a piece of grass. SpongeBob runs away) Don’t worry, SpongeBob! Patrick’s on the case! The truth will be revealed! |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I better go see Sandy! She’ll know what to do! (bubble-wipe to [[Sandy’s Treedome|Sandy’s treedome]]. Sandy is covering her ears. Echoing of Clamu’s crying is heard. SpongeBob is with her sitting on a log) |
| − | '''Sandy''' | + | '''Sandy:''' Oh, I can’t stand it anymore! That poor, poor critter! What kind of inconsiderate person would upset such a gentle creature? |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Uh, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, Sandy. |
| − | '''Sandy''' | + | '''Sandy:''' (in an angry tone) Why, when I find out who caused that oyster ''''’so''''' much pain, no more jiggery-pokery! (holds up a issue of the ''[[Bikini Bottom Yellow Pages]]'' and rips it in half in front of SpongeBob. Cut to her talking happily now) Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, SpongeBob? (SpongeBob tries to speak, but cannot, and his eyes begin to twitch. Sandy is confused by this) Hey SpongeBob, how come you’re all twitchy like that? |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (uneasy) Twitchy? Twitchy? Who’s twitchy? I’m not twitchy! Sorry Sandy, I have to, uh... uh... uhhh... go get my hair cut! (runs out) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Sandy:''' SpongeBob doesn’t have hair... or does he? (SpongeBob runs down the block panting. He runs to the house and tries to open the door. Patrick approaches him to talk) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Hey, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob is startled and he falls apart. His limbs and facial features all reattach in different places) This is it! All of the clues are coming together. (cut to Patrick tracking footprints) I followed these footprints right to this exact spot and then, right where you’re standing, I found this bag of peanuts! (holds out a bag of peanuts) Ha! Oh, I’m so close to solving this crime, (cut to a close-up of Patrick’s mouth next to SpongeBob’s head) I can almost taste it. (Patrick licks SpongeBob’s head. Cut to reveal that he’s actually licking a yellow ice cream popsicle that has ridges and green spots similar to SpongeBob’s) Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry and this yellow popsicle hits the spot! |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Okay, uh, good luck with all that Patrick, and, uh, I guess I’ll see you later! (shuts the door and whimpers) |
| − | ( | + | '''Fish:''' (echo) Open up! This is the police! (SpongeBob’s eyes pop out of his head) |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob''': Uh, I-- Just a second! (two policefish enter) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Policefish #1:''' Are you SpongeBob SquarePants? |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (uneasy) Y-y-ye-yes. |
| − | '''Policefish # | + | '''Policefish #1:''' Put those eyeballs back in your head, son! We've got a few questions for you. (SpongeBob does so) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Policefish #2:''' Were you at the zoo on the day of the oyster incident? |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (stammers) Yes! (hides in his pants) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Policefish #2:''' Did you, or did you ''not'' take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment? |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (very uneasy) Yes... (sinks even lower into his pants) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Policefish #2:''' And are you familiar with this peanut?! (holds up a zip-locked peanut with "Exhibit A" written on it) |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Yes! (his eyes peer out over the top of his pants. The bottom of his pants rip, and his body falls through) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Policefish #2:''' Just one more question... (SpongeBob shakes in fear) Is it true that ''you'' were at the oyster’s lair with a Mr. Patrick Star? (SpongeBob begins to cry) |
| − | ''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Yes! Yes! It’s true! It’s all true! The merriment, the peanut, the Patrick! |
| − | ''' | + | '''Policefish #2:''' That’s all we need to know, son. Let’s book him! (we see stubby, pink hands being handcuffed) |
| − | ''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Wow, you guys are good. I’m the ''last'' person I would have suspected, but I was looking for ''me'' all the time! It’s the perfect crime! |
| − | ''' | + | '''Policefish #2:''' Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, Pinky! (he and Policefish #1 walk out with Patrick handcuffed) |
| − | (crowd | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Oh, no! Patrick’s too sensitive for the big house! (follows the police boat to the zoo in the distance) Wait! Stop! I’m the one you want! '''''I''''' am the criminal! (bubble-wipe to the crowd booing and yelling as they stand around the stadium with Patrick handcuffed to a stand and Clamu calming down her crying) |
| − | '''Sandals''' | + | '''Sandals:''' (angry) Hey, everybody, let’s throw peanuts at him and see how he likes it! (crowd yells and throws peanuts at Patrick) |
| − | '''Patrick''' | + | '''Patrick:''' I get what I deserve! (yelling continues as he gobbles up some peanuts thrown at him) Ouch. |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Waaaaaaaait! Hold your peanuts! Patrick Star is innocent! I have come here to reveal the truth! They say that truth and honesty will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness... |
| − | '''Patrick''' | + | '''Patrick:''' Dum, dum, dum dum, de, dum... |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I’m here to lay my cards on the table, to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life, to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face of truth! I-- |
| − | '''Sandals''' | + | '''Sandals:''' (angrily interrupts SpongeBob) Oh! Just get on with it! (Patrick continues humming) |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I am the one who threw the peanut! I know now that what I have done is wrong. And so I say, I am sorry, giant performing oyster. (walks to Clamu and pats her) I am sorry, Patrick. I am sorry, citizens of [[Bikini Bottom]]. |
| − | '''Sandals''' | + | '''Sandals:''' Hey! Let’s throw peanuts at '''''both''''' of them! (crowd yells) |
| − | '''Zoo Worker #1''' | + | '''Zoo Worker #1:''' (angrily) Wait! Here’s the '''''real''''' criminal! (pulls out Mr. Krabs in a room with his stolen zoo supplies) |
| − | '''Mr. Krabs''' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Uh, top of the mornin'...? (fake mustache falls off) |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs! (crowd gasps in shock) |
| − | '''Patrick''' | + | '''Patrick:''' I knew it! |
| − | '''Zoo Worker #1''' | + | '''Zoo Worker #1:''' Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. Behold! (rips off Krabs' clothes, to the crowd’s disgust) Wait a minute... Behold! (grabs out a pearl) The oyster’s pearl! (crowd gasps) Here you go, girl. (Clamu sniffs the pearl in delight. The crowd cheers, then the pearl starts to crack. The crowd gasps) |
| − | '''Baby Oyster''' | + | '''Baby Oyster:''' Mama! Mama! |
| − | '''SpongeBob''' | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Mother of pearl! The oyster’s a mother! And that pearl’s no pearl, it’s an egg! (Baby Oyster jumps on top of Clamu and they happily grunt. A tiny heart appears) |
| − | '''All''' | + | '''All:''' Awww... (they smile at the scene before turning to glare at Mr. Krabs) |
| − | '''Mr. Krabs''' | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' (puzzled) But it’s... free day! (crowd yells as they bury Mr. Krabs in a pile of peanuts; episode ends) |
{{Timeline}} | {{Timeline}} | ||
{{Transcripts/Season 2}} | {{Transcripts/Season 2}} | ||
[[Category:Transcript]] | [[Category:Transcript]] | ||
Latest revision as of 18:38, 28 May 2025
| Previous Episode Transcript | Next Episode Transcript |
|---|---|
| Pressure | Shanghaied |
Episode Article: The Smoking Peanut
[edit] Characters
- SpongeBob SquarePants
- Patrick Star
- Squidward Tentacles
- Gary the Snail
- Sandy Cheeks
- Eugene H. Krabs
- Joe
- Clamu
- French Narrator
[edit] Dialogue
(episode starts at the Bikini Bottom Zoo with Jimmy handing a child a balloon)
French Narrator: Ah... The Bikini Bottom Zoo is having its annual free day. Free balloons... (Mr. Krabs, disguised in a mustache, runs over to Jimmy who has a whole bunch of balloons, steals them and runs off. Cut to a lemonade stand with a fish using the machine and walks off) Free drinks... (Mr. Krabs comes by and fills up a huge barrel. Cut to a light pole) Free light bulbs? (Mr. Krabs unscrews a light bulb from a lamp post and puts it into his pants along with three lollipops and a hotdog just as the police arrive)
Mr. Krabs: A-ha! Top of the mornin', boys! (laughs nervously) Whew! Next stop: gift shop. (as he runs into the gift shop, SpongeBob and Patrick walk by a lionfish exhibit and tiger shark exhibit while wearing zoo hats)
SpongeBob: There it is... Oyster Stadium. Not only do they have the largest oyster held in captivity, it also does tricks! (talks like an announcer) He spits a giant pearl 100 feet in the air! Like a cannonball! (crumples up his hat, puts it in his mouth and spits it into the air and into a little fish’s ice cream)
Patrick: (excitedly dances) Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation?! Let’s get over there! (the two run into the stadium)
SpongeBob and Patrick: This is the greatest day of our lives! (snoring and gurgling is heard from Clamu)
Patrick: (confused) This is the greatest day of our lives? (unimpressed) Boring!
SpongeBob: You’re right, Patrick. We came to see... (announcer voice) ...pearls 100 feet in the air! (normal voice) Right? I’ll try my oyster call. (makes a strange noise, but seeing no progress, gives up in sorrow)
Patrick: Well, I’m outta here. Thanks for nothin', SpongeBob. (walks away)
SpongeBob: Come on, come on, wake up already! (gets surprised, pulls out his bag of sea peanuts. Checks to see if there’s anyone around and then throws one at Clamu. She stirs) I think it’s working! (Clamu is moaning anxiously) Hey Patrick, it’s waking up! (Patrick runs back)
Patrick: Oh boy, did I miss it?
SpongeBob: No, the show’s about to begin! (Clamu suddenly starts screaming and crying loudly, shaking the screen, and causes a heavy wind to blow SpongeBob and Patrick. They hold on to the rope, but the wind is too strong and they’re flung back to the stairs. Clamu continues crying. The zoo workers come out)
Zoo Worker #1: What’s wrong with Clamu? (both workers walk over to her)
Joe: (to Clamu) Easy, girl, it’s me, Joe! Remember? (tries to comfort her, but Clamu growls. She picks up Joe with her tongue and throws him out of the stadium)
Patrick: (impressed, nudges SpongeBob twice) Now this is a show! (cut to outside)
P.A. System: (outside) Attention zoo patrons! Clamu the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles! (the crowd compiles) Thanks for coming. (Clamu is destroying things and bawling)
Zoo Worker #1: You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There’s nothing more dangerous than an emotionally disturbed oyster! (points menacingly at SpongeBob) You didn’t do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?!
SpongeBob: Uh...
Patrick: (angrily) No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Right. (hides the peanut bag in confusion. Cut to Clamu still crying. She chomps on a piece of metal. Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob, as well as other fish leaving the zoo)
Patrick: Man, if I see the guy who upset Clamu, I’d have a few choice words for him, like "you"... and "are"... and... "a jerk!" (he and SpongeBob have now gotten to Conch Street, where their houses are) Are you sure you didn’t see anything suspicious?
SpongeBob: (angry) I already said I didn’t, Patrick! Sheesh! (runs up his cobblestone path into his pineapple)
Patrick: Hey, let’s investigate this crime and catch the lowlife who’s responsible!
SpongeBob: Give it a rest, Patrick! There’s no crime to investigate! Now go home! (Walks inside. Cut to the inside of his house) Stupid Patrick, I didn’t do anything wrong! (walks to the chair) Ah, what am I getting so worked up about? I’m sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory! (giggles and turns on the television. The Bikini Bottom News is on)
Realistic Fish Head: Our top story tonight: giant oyster has its feelings hurt! The only clue that could be found was this lone peanut! (the TV shows a peanut, and a Realistic Fish Head is on TV with the crying giant oyster at the stadium. SpongeBob is clearly nervous) And as you can hear, the oyster continues to emit its horrible cry. (a cry sound is heard) A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world. (as the Realistic Fish Head speaks, we see live action pictures of people running around screaming and holding their ears in Africa, Holland, and India. Then, we are shown the stadium again) A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier, it breaks the hearts of our citizens! (camera pans to a crying Sadie with her two children. A guilty SpongeBob is looking in horror) What kind of cruel, careless, evil person, (sobs) would deliberately upset one of Neptune’s most gentle creatures? (Hans uses a tissue to wipe a tear off the fish head’s face. The TV turns off)
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: (screams and replies to Gary sternly) No, Gary, how would I know anything about the oyster?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Defensive?! I’m not being defensive! Barnacles! What is this, 20 questions or something? (walks to the winder and peers out at the Oyster Stadium, where we hear Clamu’s crying) This is getting a little out of hand. All I did was throw a peanut. I didn’t mean to make the oyster cry. I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts! Aw, everyone’s going to hate me! I, I need some advice! Now let’s see now, who could never hate me no matter what I do? (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob knocking on Squidward’s door) Squidward? Squidward! Oh, Squidward!
Squidward: (opens the door in annoying) SpongeBob! Do you have to knock so loudly?!
SpongeBob: Sorry, neighbor.
Squidward: Oh... that overgrown clam is giving me a headache! I can’t even take my afternoon beauty nap!
SpongeBob: (laughs nervously) Funny thing you should mention that old oyster, because I... uh... was kind of wondering, uh... Let’s say I know this guy who may have something to do with the oyster.
Squidward: (happily) You mean you know the guy who did it?! (SpongeBob gulps in sadness) Oh, this is great! You and I can go turn him in! And then I’ll get so much sleep, I’ll be gorgeous!
SpongeBob: Uh, actually, I-I’m just talking hypothetically.
Squidward: You mean you don’t know who did it?
SpongeBob: Well, uh... I... uh... no. (Squidward slams his door shut) Squidward? (walks back and encounters Patrick in a Sherlock Holmes outfit. Patrick is holding a magnifying glass)
Patrick: Gotcha! (SpongeBob screams) Where were you on the day of today?! Don’t play games with me, mister!
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?
Patrick: Oh, hi, SpongeBob. I’m just continuing my investigation of the great Clamu Caper!
SpongeBob: Um, have you found out anything? (his eye twitches)
Patrick: Yes! No wait, uh... no. (holds up sand) But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious, and so does this rock! And I've got a few questions for this little piece of grass! (holds up a piece of grass. SpongeBob runs away) Don’t worry, SpongeBob! Patrick’s on the case! The truth will be revealed!
SpongeBob: I better go see Sandy! She’ll know what to do! (bubble-wipe to Sandy’s treedome. Sandy is covering her ears. Echoing of Clamu’s crying is heard. SpongeBob is with her sitting on a log)
Sandy: Oh, I can’t stand it anymore! That poor, poor critter! What kind of inconsiderate person would upset such a gentle creature?
SpongeBob: Uh, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, Sandy.
Sandy: (in an angry tone) Why, when I find out who caused that oyster '’so much pain, no more jiggery-pokery! (holds up a issue of the Bikini Bottom Yellow Pages and rips it in half in front of SpongeBob. Cut to her talking happily now) Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, SpongeBob? (SpongeBob tries to speak, but cannot, and his eyes begin to twitch. Sandy is confused by this) Hey SpongeBob, how come you’re all twitchy like that?
SpongeBob: (uneasy) Twitchy? Twitchy? Who’s twitchy? I’m not twitchy! Sorry Sandy, I have to, uh... uh... uhhh... go get my hair cut! (runs out)
Sandy: SpongeBob doesn’t have hair... or does he? (SpongeBob runs down the block panting. He runs to the house and tries to open the door. Patrick approaches him to talk)
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob is startled and he falls apart. His limbs and facial features all reattach in different places) This is it! All of the clues are coming together. (cut to Patrick tracking footprints) I followed these footprints right to this exact spot and then, right where you’re standing, I found this bag of peanuts! (holds out a bag of peanuts) Ha! Oh, I’m so close to solving this crime, (cut to a close-up of Patrick’s mouth next to SpongeBob’s head) I can almost taste it. (Patrick licks SpongeBob’s head. Cut to reveal that he’s actually licking a yellow ice cream popsicle that has ridges and green spots similar to SpongeBob’s) Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry and this yellow popsicle hits the spot!
SpongeBob: Okay, uh, good luck with all that Patrick, and, uh, I guess I’ll see you later! (shuts the door and whimpers)
Fish: (echo) Open up! This is the police! (SpongeBob’s eyes pop out of his head)
SpongeBob: Uh, I-- Just a second! (two policefish enter)
Policefish #1: Are you SpongeBob SquarePants?
SpongeBob: (uneasy) Y-y-ye-yes.
Policefish #1: Put those eyeballs back in your head, son! We've got a few questions for you. (SpongeBob does so)
Policefish #2: Were you at the zoo on the day of the oyster incident?
SpongeBob: (stammers) Yes! (hides in his pants)
Policefish #2: Did you, or did you not take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment?
SpongeBob: (very uneasy) Yes... (sinks even lower into his pants)
Policefish #2: And are you familiar with this peanut?! (holds up a zip-locked peanut with "Exhibit A" written on it)
SpongeBob: Yes! (his eyes peer out over the top of his pants. The bottom of his pants rip, and his body falls through)
Policefish #2: Just one more question... (SpongeBob shakes in fear) Is it true that you were at the oyster’s lair with a Mr. Patrick Star? (SpongeBob begins to cry)
SpongeBob: Yes! Yes! It’s true! It’s all true! The merriment, the peanut, the Patrick!
Policefish #2: That’s all we need to know, son. Let’s book him! (we see stubby, pink hands being handcuffed)
Patrick: Wow, you guys are good. I’m the last person I would have suspected, but I was looking for me all the time! It’s the perfect crime!
Policefish #2: Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, Pinky! (he and Policefish #1 walk out with Patrick handcuffed)
SpongeBob: Oh, no! Patrick’s too sensitive for the big house! (follows the police boat to the zoo in the distance) Wait! Stop! I’m the one you want! I am the criminal! (bubble-wipe to the crowd booing and yelling as they stand around the stadium with Patrick handcuffed to a stand and Clamu calming down her crying)
Sandals: (angry) Hey, everybody, let’s throw peanuts at him and see how he likes it! (crowd yells and throws peanuts at Patrick)
Patrick: I get what I deserve! (yelling continues as he gobbles up some peanuts thrown at him) Ouch.
SpongeBob: Waaaaaaaait! Hold your peanuts! Patrick Star is innocent! I have come here to reveal the truth! They say that truth and honesty will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness...
Patrick: Dum, dum, dum dum, de, dum...
SpongeBob: I’m here to lay my cards on the table, to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life, to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face of truth! I--
Sandals: (angrily interrupts SpongeBob) Oh! Just get on with it! (Patrick continues humming)
SpongeBob: I am the one who threw the peanut! I know now that what I have done is wrong. And so I say, I am sorry, giant performing oyster. (walks to Clamu and pats her) I am sorry, Patrick. I am sorry, citizens of Bikini Bottom.
Sandals: Hey! Let’s throw peanuts at both of them! (crowd yells)
Zoo Worker #1: (angrily) Wait! Here’s the real criminal! (pulls out Mr. Krabs in a room with his stolen zoo supplies)
Mr. Krabs: Uh, top of the mornin'...? (fake mustache falls off)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! (crowd gasps in shock)
Patrick: I knew it!
Zoo Worker #1: Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. Behold! (rips off Krabs' clothes, to the crowd’s disgust) Wait a minute... Behold! (grabs out a pearl) The oyster’s pearl! (crowd gasps) Here you go, girl. (Clamu sniffs the pearl in delight. The crowd cheers, then the pearl starts to crack. The crowd gasps)
Baby Oyster: Mama! Mama!
SpongeBob: Mother of pearl! The oyster’s a mother! And that pearl’s no pearl, it’s an egg! (Baby Oyster jumps on top of Clamu and they happily grunt. A tiny heart appears)
All: Awww... (they smile at the scene before turning to glare at Mr. Krabs)
Mr. Krabs: (puzzled) But it’s... free day! (crowd yells as they bury Mr. Krabs in a pile of peanuts; episode ends)
