Episode Transcript: Drive Thru

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The Other Patty	The Hot Shot

Episode Article: Drive Thru

Characters

Dialogue

(episode starts at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob is seeing Mr. Krabs at the wall)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, whatcha doing?

Mr. Krabs: (holding toothpaste) Oh hoy SpongeBob! I was just using some old toothpaste I found to patch up this small hole in the wall. (shows a hole in the wall)

Squidward: (off-screen) Good thing you didn’t hire a professional to do that.

Mr. Krabs: And why is that Mr. Squidward?

Squidward: Because then you only get to repair it once.

SpongeBob: So what flavor is it?

Mr. Krabs: It-it-it’s just a hole in the wall boy, it doesn’t have a flavor.

SpongeBob: No, I mean the toothpaste! (points)

Mr. Krabs: Oh! Well, I think it-- (gets surprised, and the hole in the wall gets bigger)

SpongeBob: Hey, look Mr. Krabs! That small hole in the wall just became a medium-sized hole in the wall!

Squidward: Time to get out the dental floss, ha. (cut to a boat with a fish driving his kids to the Krusty Krab)

Kid 1: Thanks for taking us to the Krusty Krab, dad.

Kid 2: Yeah. Mom never brings us here.

Dad: Heh, Anytime kids. (drives to the side of the Krusty Krab where the hole is) What the? (cut back inside the Krusty Krab with Mr. Krabs trying to put more toothpaste on)

SpongeBob: Careful now.

Dad: (pops in through the hole) Hey, you guys put in a drive thru!

Mr. Krabs: We did?

Dad: Great! I’ll have 3 large Krabby Patties, Krabby fries, A Krabby Kola, and 2 extra large orders of Krabby rings. (smells the toothpaste which is on his hands) Is this toothpaste?

Mr. Krabs: (blinks twice) Boy, I don’t know how I think of this stuff, but I think I got a winner. We are putting in a drive thru!

SpongeBob: (surprised) A drive... (gets surprised) oh!

Squidward: Sounds like a lot of extra work to me.

Mr. Krabs: You mean for you.

Squidward: (slams the cash register) It’ll cost you money.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, nonsense. We’ll build it for free! (bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob outside the Krusty Krab working on the drive-thru)

SpongeBob: (walking up to Mr. Krabs, carrying a bag) Hi, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Ahoy, SpongeBob. (pointing to the bag) What’s with all the booty?

SpongeBob: I got this microphone system so we can hear what the customers order, (takes out a microphone thing) this neat sign with a menu on it, (takes out a menu sign that reads "KRUSTY KRAB MENU", then takes out a ENTER sign) and this colorful arrow so they know where to go. (turns the lights on) It even lights up, see?

Mr. Krabs: Well, that’s great SpongeBob. (turns the lights off) But I already got of stuff that’s better. A menu board made with old napkins... (pulls out three napkins that are taped up together) ...and packing tape, (takes out two cans with them on a string) a microphone with some rusty tin cans I found, (takes out a hooped noodle) and this sign, I made from an old noodle.

SpongeBob: I don’t get it, Mr. Krabs. How is this stuff better than the things I bought?

Mr. Krabs: (shoves the microphone into SpongeBob) I’m sorry, what?

SpongeBob: How is this stuff better?

Mr. Krabs: Because it was... (shakes microphone and shouts, and SpongeBob gets blown away) FREEEEEEEE!!!! (bubble-wipe to a customer at the drive thru)

Customer 1: (through microphone) I’ll have a medium fries, a large Krabby Patty, and a medium drink.

Squidward: (through microphone) Coming right up, sir. (walks over to the order window) SpongeBob, I need a medium fries, large Krabby Patty, and a medium drink.

SpongeBob: I’ll have that ready in 2 shakes of a lamebrain’s tail. (laughs. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob delivering the food on a tray by throwing it out of the window and it misses. Puts a trampoline there) That oughta fix it. (does it again and the food hits the customer) Thank you, come again. (bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs' office, counting his money. Customer 1 walks inside his office)

Mr: Krabs: (sees him) Can I help you? (The customer hands him a bill) A bill? What this for?

Customer 1: It’s for my dry cleaning. It seems as though your new drive-thru window was a little on the challenge side. Side wise I mean. (Mr. Krabs busts the window to make it bigger)

Mr. Krabs: There. Problem solved. (time card appears)

French Narrator: Meanwhile...

Squidward: (while hanging a order ticket on a clothespin) SpongeBob: 2 large, 2 medium, I hate my job.

Customer 2: Excuse me, I like to place an order please. (Squidward gets up)

Mr. Krabs: Ahoy Squidward!

Squidward: Mr. Krabs! I am getting really tired of running back and forth. I find it both exhausting, and time consuming. (Mr. Krabs pushes the boat towards the drive-thru window, pushes SpongeBob’s grill into his office, and then his ottoman to SpongeBob’s kitchen) Oh, wonderful peachy. Now how am I supposed to get two SpongeBobs So I can hand him these order tickets here? (holds up two order tickets. Mr. Krabs creates another hole by smashing the wall to his office. As he does this, the screen goes black with red and white stars showing. SpongeBob shows up)

Mr. Krabs: Problem solved.

SpongeBob: Squidward! Hi!

Squidward: Oh, it’s days like this that made me wish I had gone to college. (cut to Plankton driving up to the Krusty Krab in a small car)

Plankton: Now, I’ll be able to get a Krabby Patty the '’simplest way possible: (stops his car) by ordering one! (laughs evilly and clears throat) Uh, I would to order one Krabby Patty please. Uh...extra secret formula. (waits and then sees nobody is around) Hello?! Is this stupid thing on?! (cut back to the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! Any customers?

Squidward: None that I can hear.

Mr. Krabs: (looks out the hole) Oh! Here comes one now!

Plankton: (notices the customer entering the drive-thru) Hey. Hey! Go around! Go around! (screams as he gets run over and squished)

Old Man Jenkins: Large Krabby Patty with fries please.

Squidward: (writes down his order in a notepad and responds via the tin can microphone) With fries. Got it. We’ll have that right out to you sir.

Old Man Jenkins: What? You’reclosed?! Nyuh, now she tells me! (drives off in anger)

Squidward: (comes back with a bag) There ya are sir. The ketchup’s in the b-- (realizes there’s no one there) What? Did somebody order a Krabby Patty? (Plankton struggles to raise his arm) Nobody, huh? Okay, I’ll just toss it in the trash. (walks away to do so off-screen. Plankton’s arm goes down. Another time card appears)

French Narrator: Later...

Pearl: (she and her friends enter the drive-thru in their boat; they laugh. Screeching noises are heard) I sure am in a jovial mood! How 'bout you guys? (laughs again)

Girl 1: You bet, Pearl!

Girl 2: Oh, I’m feeling especially jovial. You know, being a teenager and all!

Squidward: (speaking through the microphone tin cans off-screen) Welcome to the Krusty Krab drive-thru. Can I take your order?

Pearl: Hey, you guys. It sounds like that weird guy Squidward. What do ya say we play a prank on him?

Girl 2: Ooh! Sounds like a great idea to me! Being a teenager and all! (takes out a megaphone and shouts. The screen shakes while she does this) Two large Krabby Patties, please! (pause. Cut to Squidward now enduring the noise) With friiiiiiiies! (giggles. Cut to Squidward with his left ear swollen, shown pounding due to the pain inflicted; he is shown sweating, then holds his ear as he cries a bit)

Squidward: Owwwwwwww! (to the viewers) I’m not fakin’ it, you know. That really hurt. A lot. (bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs and Squidward in the kitchen. Mr. Krabs is shown sitting at his office desk; Squidward’s ear is now bandaged)

Mr. Krabs: (holding a bill from Squidward) A bill?! And what is this for?

Squidward: (points to his bandaged ear) It’s for my ear-replacement surgery! We need a real microphone and speaker!

Mr. Krabs: (angry) You have any idea how much a real microphone and speaker cost?!

Squidward: How much?

Mr. Krabs: Well, (holds up a sticky note) they cost as much as... (now confused) as uh... as a... real microphone and... speaker. (a third time card appears)

French Narrator: Just then... (cut to Larry driving a large S.U.B ["Sports Utility Boat"]. He hits the tin can)

Larry: Whoa, whoa. Woopsie!

Mr. Krabs: (notices the tin can falling off. Glares at Larry) Hey! You delinquent! (goes back inside)

Squidward: (while holding a book) Now you’ll have to replace it.

Mr. Krabs: Replace what?

Squidward: The microphone!

Mr. Krabs: What do I look like, I’m made out of tin cans?

Squidward: No, but that pile of tin cans over there is. (points to a pile of tin cans on the floor)

Mr. Krabs: Good thing we got you around to always point out the obvious.

Squidward: Good thing you're around to never notice the obvious!

Larry: (watches Mr. Krabs fix the microphone. The tin can is now tied onto a knot) Sorry about that, dude.

Mr. Krabs: Well, that’s nice. (goes back inside but then comes back briefly to warn him) I’m still billin’ ya for the damages!

SpongeBob: (walks to the hole holding a Krabby Patty meal on a tray) One Krabby Meal! To go!

Larry: Hand it on up here!

SpongeBob: Sure thing, Larry! (tries to hand the Krabby Meal up to Larry, but struggles accompanied with grunts)

Larry: Come on, bro. You can do it! (SpongeBob continues to struggle until he falls out of the hole and onto the ground, dropping the meal in the process, which splatters onto himself) Or maybe not.

SpongeBob: (walks to Mr. Krabs while he is covered in food) Mr. Krabs, I’m concerned.

Mr. Krabs: Oh? Why, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Because I can’t reach the window of Larry the Lobster’s S.U.B.!

Mr. Krabs: Yeah... Well, there’s a solution to every problem! (smashes another hole above the first one, revealing Larry’s face) There! Problem solved! (laughs, then hears honking noises) Hey! What’s all the ruck-our-ous about?! Whoa... (notices the long line of cars outside with customers angry)

Female Fish: Hey! What’s the hold up?!

Man 1: How long you gonna make us wait?! (cuts to a neighborhood with congestion)

Man 2: We were waitin’ here for hours!

Harold: We’restill waiting... in our driveway!

Mr. Krabs: (surprised) Squidward! There’s a line of customers out there a million miles long!

Squidward: (sarcastically) Thaaaat’s nice. (shifts his attention to a red book he is reading) Thaaaaat’s interesting.

Mr. Krabs: (walking inside the restaurant) I guess I’ll be retirin’ early after all! (laughs and then spots a policeman in the middle of where the boat register used to be)

Policeman: Mr. Eugene Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Yes? (the policeman hands him a ticket) What? Is this a-a-a ticket?!

Policeman: A ticket. (laughs) Now why would I write you a ticket? Huh? Oh, I know! How about for... (shouts in anger) turning the whole town into a parking lot?!

Mr. Krabs: Ah! But, officer! I a... I a... Listen!

Policeman: Relax, man, that’s just my order. I want two Krabby Patties and Kelp Fries to go! (shows his badge) I don’t wait in lines!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, sure! Right! Woow! (laughs) SpongeBob, can you get the kind officer two-

SpongeBob: (appears with the bag of Krabby Patties and Kelp Fries) ...Krabby Patties and Kelp Fries to go, sir? Anything for our boys in blue!

Mr. Krabs: (hands him the bag) There ya go, officer! And thanks for bein’ so understanding! If you know what I mean? No charge.

Policeman: (takes the bag) You’rewelcome. Just hope the mayor doesn’t find out about this mess. He’s the one you need to worry about! (holds the door open, letting the mayor in) Mayor. (leaves)

Mayor: Eugene Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: (screams in agony) Mr. Mayor?!

Mayor: The whole town is in a stand-still because your drive thru is so '’slow!

Mr. Krabs: Well... don’t you worry, Mr. Mayor! There’s an answer for that too! (smashes another hole on the other side of the Krusty Krab) There ya go! See, now we got two drive thrus, two lines, and I’ll make money twice as fast! (laughs)

Mayor: Hmm! That should work perfectly! (bubble-wipe to a bunch of boatmobiles surrounding the outside of the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob trying to deliver the numerous orders. Cut to him delivering food to three angry customers)

SpongeBob: Okay! Who had the Double Krabby Patty with fries and extra chee--? (the crowd angrily yells and tries to grab the food, but it falls to the ground. Cut to Squidward with a fish glaring at him)

Squidward: SpongeBob, order up!

SpongeBob: I’m on it! (dashes over, takes the order ticket, and then starts grilling many Krabby Patties at the same time)

Squidward: Hurry, SpongeBob! I got 26 more orders!

SpongeBob: (grows a bunch of arms, flips the patties, and comes out carrying a bunch of trays with orders on them) 26 orders up!

Squidward: (running past SpongeBob) No-no-no! Not that window! The other one!

SpongeBob: Squidward, are you sure?! These customers over here look really, really hungry! (spots a bunch of people in the window yelling)

Squidward: (two customers are biting his head and arm) And these ones don’t?! (cut to outside where angry fish are waiting in line)

Male Fish #3: (honks and suddenly gets rammed from behind) Hey-hey-hey, watch it, will ya?! I just had this thing repainted!

Frank (as a lifeguard): And I just had this repainted! (takes out a pipe-like object)

Male Fish #3: (scared) I see you used the extra-glossy...

Plankton: (walks around holding chum) Chum nuggets here! Goin’ fast! Get 'em while they’recold! Get 'em while they’rerunny! Looks like Krabs' drive thru is really payin’ off... (takes out some cash) for me! (laughs evilly, then spots something) Oh no... not again. (screams and gets run over by the same old man from earlier)

Old Man Jenkins: Oh, darn it! Now there’s a line!

Plankton: (gets up) Watch where you’regoin', old man! This is the second time!

Old Man Jenkins: I’m too old to wait in lines! (squashes Plankton a third time by backing up to leave)

Plankton: (takes out a chum nugget) Chum Nuggets... get 'em before... (his arm breaks and the chum he is holding lands in his eye) my arm falls off.

Mr. Krabs: (gasps as he notices the enormous line of customers outside) They’reeverywhere! (SpongeBob and Squidward walk to Mr. Krabs)

Squidward: Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Stay back! Take Squidward, not me! (opens eyes and spots Squidward) Oh. Hi, Squidward.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! We gotta do something! The customers are mad with hunger! They’rebeginning to riot!

Squidward: For once, he’s right!

Mr. Krabs: Easy, boys! Easy! Don’t you think you’reboth gettin’ a little carried away? I mean, I hardly call this a riot, right? (laughs) Like- (The Krusty Krab sign suddenly crashes through the window) Oh... kay... Don’t worry, (takes out a sledgehammer) I can solve this! (runs over to the wall) More drive-thrus! More money! (smashes another hole in the Krusty Krab, causing it to suddenly crack. All of the customers drive away screaming)

Mr. Krabs: (hears a cracking noise as the Krusty Krab begins to disintegrate) Hey, is somebody eatin’ potato chips? (the Krusty Krab finally breaks apart, and he and SpongeBob emerge from the rubble)

SpongeBob: Don’t worry, Mr. Krabs! (takes out the tube of toothpaste from earlier) We can fix it! (squirts the rubble with the toothpaste. The tube soon runs out) We might need to buy some more toothpaste, though. (Mr. Krabs cries; episode ends)

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